Tell Us How You Stroke The Male Ego

I notice that men do to you what they like done to them. Whether it be sexually, affectionately, verbally, visually, et cetera. So, I mirror the man I am with, with my own Lucie twist. My dude is not one for words though I do spoil him with compliments I notice my actions are everything.

For instance he is very time conscious. If he says 8, I know to be be ready at 7:50. In reading more on sensuality I check my face when he delves into his sexual past or family history. There are some things he told me that made me want to be like WTH but I kept my poker face on, without any visual judgment and he told me more and has opened up to me more. I only let him tell me something 1 time.

For instance he asked me why I never discuss sex with him after we had it, and I realized he wanted feedback, so I give it to him and notice he appreciates it greatly. In my mind I thought actions were enough since he is so action focused, LOL! Men will tell you what they like. But you need to catch it. It takes a lot for them to tell you something just once, so be attentive.

Remember details. If he tells you he has to go to the accountant next week, wish him luck the night before or the morning of. I've used my phone to set reminders. It may sound stupid but they also think we do not listen or remember the little things.
 
Italiano said:
OK so I feel like you're saying "act dumb" in most situation to make them feel good. :lol: Are you? :look:
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No lovie. You are not "acting dumb" you are genuinely accepting their help. Doesn't it make you feel good when someone allows you to help them, rather than them constantly refusing you? Doesn't it sting a bit to be rejected? When you refuse a person's help sometimes you block their blessing and discourage them from continuing with anyone else. Does this make sense love?

I remember I tried to help a blind lady down the Lexington Avenue escalator. NYC ladies know those are over 100 steps! She cursed me, pushed me and hit me with her cane. Guess what? I KIM but my face burned with embarrassment for just trying to help. Another helpful man tried the same and she did the same thing. Third person. Same thing. Now she got to the beginning of the escalator and screamed, "NO ONE WANTS TO HELP ME!" :rolleyes: :lachen: We just rolled our eyes as loudly (yes loudly, since she is blind) as we could and exhaled huge sighs. I am not saying you are rude like that but that memory just popped into my head. :lachen: :lachen:
 
Lucie said:
No lovie. You are not "acting dumb" you are genuinely accepting their help. Doesn't it make you feel good when someone allows you to help them, rather than them constantly refusing you? Doesn't it sting a bit to be rejected? When you refuse a person's help sometimes you block their blessing and discourage them from continuing with anyone else. Does this make sense love?

I remember I tried to help a blind lady down the Lexington Avenue escalator. NYC ladies know those are over 100 steps! She cursed me, pushed me and hit me with her cane. Guess what? I KIM but my face burned with embarrassment for just trying to help. Another helpful man tried the same and she did the same thing. Third person. Same thing. Now she got to the beginning of the escalator and screamed, "NO ONE WANTS TO HELP ME!" :rolleyes: :lachen: We just rolled our eyes as loudly (yes loudly, since she is blind) as we could and exhaled huge sighs. I am not saying you are rude like that but that memory just popped into my head. :lachen: :lachen:
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OK, the bolded made me get it :yep:. I guess that goes back to me being so independent, that is why it is so hard for me. Now, I have a friend that is totally DEpendent on guys for everything and it IRKS me watching it but guess what, the men EAT that up. I"m not sure if she's doing it on purpose or she is really that helpless :look: but I guess that is besides the point, huh? OK, I get it now. :yep:
 
Coming from a former "too independent woman" I had to learn to let men do things for me. I never trusted them because they always seemed to *** things up. But once I met a reliable man I learned I could actually trust them. But so what if they do mess it up, just cpnvince them to do it over the right way.

I usually don't ask but I'll give them a chance to volunteer after I've given out obvious hints LOL.

At work: I'll pretend to struggle when lifting something. I can easily lift it but why should I? Let them do it. Men love to help.

At home: I would mention that I'm stuck watching DVD's on my new TV because I haven't learned to program the cable box or something. Sure enough, they'll volunteer to set everything up.

Mention how you are waiting to hear back from a handyman to do something around the house that most men can do. Believe me, they'll tell you to cancel the call because they can do it for you.
 
My dude must have known about this conversation and called me. I mentioned, "Honey since you're at your mechanic can you have him do a wheel alignment for Camryn (my car). He was like, "He doesn't do that. We'll go to Pep Boys and I'll drive her. Let me do the talking. They'll take advantage of you thinking you're just another pretty face." I squealed. LOL!

In my mind, that is what I wanted all along! He's like honey, "I always got you."

Car getting serviced. CHECK! He feels like he is taking care of me. CHECK! :D
 
No, it's not acting dumb...it's "fluttering". I liken it to throwing on the guise of a 50's woman...pretty, polite, womanly, a tad flustered, an in need of assistance. Do they need to know that I can do it myself, and probably better than they can...no, not really. Because, why do work,or pay for things, that you don't have to?! It's manipulation dipped in honey, and served with a smile. :yep:
 
Im going to come back and reply later Italiano,

I understand what you mean though. Your not giving up control, when you generally respect your spouse for who he is its really easy to do these things. Its a lot easier to me to do these things for my Dh because he was proven himself worthy of my admiration of him. I will elaborate more later.
 
Looking flustered works and I don’t have a man. :cry: I have never changed in my flat. Never used Triple AAA either. Just got out of my car and acted all upset and within 5 min someone has always stopped.

My Camry is very low and I got stuck in snow in the driveway turning into work. Had no shovel and within 5 min 2 guys in SUVs stopped, shoveled and drove my car into the parking lot. Had a slow puncture, drove into the tire shop got out looking upset and 4 employees asked if they could help. 2 reached down to look at the tire. Who knows maybe it was the shorts I had on in the summertime.

Works on siblings too. My brothers always come running when I call about my car. To them I’m a total dunce when it comes to my car. Works for me. I get hook ups from their friends all the time.
 
ItsMeFre said:
1. My husband likes when he figures things out that I couldn't figure out so when that happens I'm always sure to hype it up like wow how did you figure that out... Then he goes on and on about how he did it lol...he loves it.

2. SHOW him how much I appreciate him by doing little things I don't normally do and explaining why for example having bath water ready and saying I've notice you been dealing with the kids so much you seem tired. I think you need a night off from daddy duties (we have 3 1/2 kids). It makes him feel like his work doesn't go unnoticed and he feels good about his role in our family/lives.
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ItsMeFre

:lachen:

Where is the other half of that last kid?
 
perfect28 said:
ego stroking is the key to men--from my boss to dh to any many--gotta make'em feel good..wanted..appreciated...and adored...respected..etc etc..putty in your hands after that
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I have my male bosses eating out of my hands...too easy to butter up a male boss ego. All they want is to be buttered up! :lol:
 
This dude is really on fire today. He called me again and as he was talking to me I heard my dog barking in the background. I was stunned. He is getting his car worked on so how did he get from Queens Village to Laurelton? He borrowed a car. He said he didn't want the dog to wait too long before I could take him out to pee! I melted. I know it's the ego stroking. :D

It works!
 
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Ego stroking is the only thing I do well just because :look:I'm not very touchy feel/affectionate, I over do with the ego stroking to make up for my lack of affection. I actually :scratchch probably ego stroke most men that I know and they respond accordingly I notice.


WORDS: Men love words, words of admiration. It sounds crazy to you but most men like the "you're so awesome, you're so wonderful". When you use words of admiration, throw some respectful statements in there, because remember..ding..ding...they want to feel respected as MEN. I thank DH for the simplest of things. "I love how hard you work for us, I know you hate working such long hours. I have so much respect for you being such a leader in your family. I have so much respect for how hard you work. I have so much respect for what a great provider you are. I have so much respect for__, whatever just use that word. When you keep using respect,wonderful, grateful and how appreciative you are, they will like build you a mountain:yep:


AFFECTION: I don't think men want affection in the way we do. I don't give affection as in just sitting around holding hands or touching and all that, I give it in other ways if that makes sense. I give DH pedicures/manicures, bubble baths where I "bathe him" but not really like in a sexual way, just more I'I'm doing this for you to help you relax". I leave DH lots of notes and cards, again with words of thanks. I show affection through nurturing so I get up and cook hot breakfast for him most mornings, I'm pretty nurturing and 'catering'. Put the kids to bed ON time and use that time to just sort of cater to your DH

TREAT HIM LIKE A MAN: Let him 'feel' like the leader. Now you plant the idea, but let him lead with it. e.g. "you make the best decisions about things, what do you think about x,y,z". "I need your opinion/advice/etc". Remember men like to "solve and handle". That's why they don't understand when we vent, we need a ear and not a resolution, that's why they get frustrated. Treat him like a man but act like a lady also, like be SOFT when talking to him. Any time we try to "explain' ourselves, the reason men tune us out is because we sound shrill and argumentative. Don't overly criticize or use words like you don't, you never, you should, it hurts their lil egos :giggle: Like more than we ever realize. Don't belittle him and never in public obviously.

Like for a deserving man, there is nothing wrong with treating him like a kang:lol: and stroking his ego and if he's worth it, why not? We wannna be treated like queens but I find that sometimes women miss this, we want and then balk at giving and doing, like 'he aint my daddy', etc.
 
Lucie said:
No lovie. You are not "acting dumb" you are genuinely accepting their help. Doesn't it make you feel good when someone allows you to help them, rather than them constantly refusing you? Doesn't it sting a bit to be rejected? When you refuse a person's help sometimes you block their blessing and discourage them from continuing with anyone else. Does this make sense love?

I remember I tried to help a blind lady down the Lexington Avenue escalator. NYC ladies know those are over 100 steps! She cursed me, pushed me and hit me with her cane. Guess what? I KIM but my face burned with embarrassment for just trying to help. Another helpful man tried the same and she did the same thing. Third person. Same thing. Now she got to the beginning of the escalator and screamed, "NO ONE WANTS TO HELP ME!" :rolleyes: :lachen: We just rolled our eyes as loudly (yes loudly, since she is blind) as we could and exhaled huge sighs. I am not saying you are rude like that but that memory just popped into my head. :lachen: :lachen:
Click to expand...

The bolded made me think about something that occured with one of my guy friends that I was close to that did something chivalrous of which I was oblivious to :look:.

We went out to a restaurant and I placed my purse down on the table. Without question, he took it up and placed it by him. Also after we were done, I was holding my leftovers and he took it out of my hands and held it for me! :giggle: He wanted to feel as though he was protecting me or making sure that I remained the delicate flower, unblemished by having to hold "big and heavy" things :look: After the night was done, I thanked him and tried to take the food out of his hand to leave and he wouldn't let go! He actually wanted to walk me to the train platform to make sure I at least got unto the train safe before we said goodbye.

I was so used to doing things on my own that those type of things that guys like to do to stroke their ego was foregn to me. Now that I'm more aware, I allow them to "take care of me" and they gravitate towards me even more :yep:
 
sunnieb said:
Put some effort into your appearance when you go out together - even if you're just running errands.

I always wear full make-up, a nice blouse, and hairstyle when hanging out with dh.

They love to show off what they "have".
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Yes! My dh is typically impervious to ego stroking but this does it every time. He embarrassed me so bad one night at an event but I kept smiling because I knew it made him feel good.:lol: (Long story short, he was on the microphone, pointed me out, and said he just wanted it to be known that I'm his wife so don't try anything). :rolleyes:

I've come to accept that I'm arm candy sometimes so I play my position and ALWAYS look good when I'm with him.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
 
Oh my gosh, I am learning sooooo much from you ladies.
I wish I had known these things last year, I put my ex down a lot for the things he did wrong and when he did something right I underplayed it as if it was what he was supposed to be doing anyway.

I want to learn the art you ladies seem to have down to Da Vin Ci
 
Something else dh loves...I stroke the back of his head and neck while he's driving. I can almost feel him falling in love with me all over again when I do it.

Also, if we're out somewhere waiting like at a restaurant, I lean into him, put my head on his chest, etc. Other couples are standing apart or seem bored with each other, meanwhile dh is feeling like the man because his woman can't stand to not touch him.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
 
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nadaa16, here's another tip. Do not use ABSOLUTES: never, always, every, just, none, et cetera. That is the fastest way to pi$$ a man off. If you like to go dancing and you say, "Honey, we NEVER go dancing. You ALWAYS fall asleep before our plans to go out." He will think, "We went dancing last month and the month before that. And I fell asleep ONE time because I took Nyquil for my cold." He will write you off, for not knowing what the he11 you are talking about and see you as unappreciative of all of the times he did do right by you. This will make him unresponsive to any constructive criticism that might follow.

Southernbella. you are so right. We went to see Temptation last week and I was holding his right hand as he drove. His work phone went off and I immediately dropped his hand. He looked at me like you didn't have to stop holding my hand. He responded when we got out of the car. They love affection. The sitting close. A warm stroke of the hand. Especially the back of it. :look: :lol:
 
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Southernbella. said:
Something else dh loves...I stroke the back of his head and neck while he's driving. I can almost feel him falling in love with me all over again when I do it.

Also, if we're out somewhere waiting like at a restaurant, I lean into him, put my head on his chest, etc. Other couples are standing apart or seem bored with each other, meanwhile dh is feeling like the man because his woman can't stand to not touch him.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
Click to expand...

SO loves when I do this...it is an instant stress reliever for him. :yep:
 
okange76 said:
Looking flustered works and I don’t have a man. :cry: I have never changed in my flat. Never used Triple AAA either. Just got out of my car and acted all upset and within 5 min someone has always stopped.

My Camry is very low and I got stuck in snow in the driveway turning into work. Had no shovel and within 5 min 2 guys in SUVs stopped, shoveled and drove my car into the parking lot. Had a slow puncture, drove into the tire shop got out looking upset and 4 employees asked if they could help. 2 reached down to look at the tire. Who knows maybe it was the shorts I had on in the summertime.

Works on siblings too. My brothers always come running when I call about my car. To them I’m a total dunce when it comes to my car. Works for me. I get hook ups from their friends all the time.
Click to expand...


Yes, I find that ego stroking works particularly well when dealing with traditionally male stuff, like cars.

Back in VA, I used to get my car serviced and repaired for free. The garage I went to was owned by these 3 or 4 Asian brothers, and they did everything for free - changing oil, filters, headlights :lachen:. I went there at least every 3 months or so for one thing or another.

Another situation was when a cop pulled me over for a busted headlight at night. I did the "Oh officer, I'm sooo sorry. I'm lost in this neighborhood and I didn't realize my light was out until an hour ago. This is the 3rd time the bulb went out this month and I don't know what to do. [*bat lashes*]. That cop had a frown when he made me pull down my window, but by then, he was smiling and giving me advice on brands I should consider, garages I should go to, etc. When he was done, he told me to follow his car so he'd lead me to the highway. Ticket my *** :lachen:

Another time, again with a cop, was getting one to give me a ride from the mall to my house after I'd missed the last bus. I started tearing up and told him I was new to the town and didn't know anybody and could he please help me? He drove me all the way home along with my shopping bags :lachen:
 
Southernbella. said:
Something else dh loves...I stroke the back of his head and neck while he's driving. I can almost feel him falling in love with me all over again when I do it.

Also, if we're out somewhere waiting like at a restaurant, I lean into him, put my head on his chest, etc. Other couples are standing apart or seem bored with each other, meanwhile dh is feeling like the man because his woman can't stand to not touch him.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
Click to expand...

Constantly touching -- not in a gross way :lol: -- is so important to a marriage.
 
Ok here's a really easy one.
So when DH comes home, he will come to me, wherever part of the house that I am and we hug and kiss our hellos. Well sometimes I'll purposely switch it up and when I hear him pull into the garage, I position myself so that as soon as I see him walk in to the house, I'll run to him... kind of like in the movie The Body Guard where Whitney Houston runs to Kevin Costner immediately after getting off the plane, yeah I do that kind of excited type of half sprint run to him, sometimes to the point of almost knocking him over, wrap my arms around his neck as I say "Hi honey, I'm so glad you'll home, I've missed you,( kisses kisses kisses all over his face) " lol man, he really loves that one lol
 
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