How do YOU stroke a man's EGO?

[envybeauty]

I understand what you are saying. Don't be a doormat. But I think there's more to it than just being respectful. "Respectful" sounds so...hmm...like treating him with the common dignities you would treat everyone else with. It sounds so watered down and boring. Yes, respect should be there but as your man I think most men want more than just respect. Even if they won't admit it, I think they want touching, attention, catering, gifts (on occasion), thoughtfulness, etc. just like we want at times. If you have a truly "good" man, your relationship (imo) would be good enough that you wouldn't think that showering him with affection/attenion/or whatever his needs are would somehow take away from the fact that you are "that" girl.

Does that make sense?

Yup. I agree. If you have a good man (one that you never have to second guess about anything), this kind of stroking would come natural to a woman too.

 

[CandiceC]

I am a serious independent woman and I'm not big on affection or emotions but I manage to do this and do it well.

I cook dh's favorite meals. I send him little text messages and emails during the day.

I'm always thanking him for little things he does even if its oh thanks for stopping and getting me a diet coke.

I'm VERY smart, I pride myself on being smarter than dhbut I will ask him to 'help' me with things that I know I know the answer to or quite frankly don't need his help with at all.

I do these things as well.

 

[MissScarlett]

Does he send you texts/emails back?

Or is it that you send most of them just to show that you are thinking of him and if he doesn't respond, you think nothing of it...

Yep, I might just send him a message saying "hey thinking about you or love you" he always responds right back. he does sweet things like that for me, sometimes I get in my truck and the first thing I do (vain) is pull my visor down, there might be a card or a post-it or note from him, so I try and return the favor.

I'm the kind of girl guys complained about (when I was single )that showed little emotionserplexedso its been a true struggle for me. The great thing is, it always got me chased

Not that I didn't/don't care, its just hard to release my feelings to a person, I have major control issues. Luckily dh is the super affectionate one and was so early on so that helped me express my feelings easier with him.

 

[Ms Red]

This is like the truest thing I've heard all day!!! Yesterday I listened to my bf drone on and on about that Michael Vick mess, the democratic debate and the Phillies winning in the 14th inning. He was so happy to just talk till his head almost exploded!!

LISTEN - most men love to TALK, so just listen and as a related question every now and then so he reaizes that you were paying attention!

 

[envybeauty]

Yep, I might just send him a message saying "hey thinking about you or love you" he always responds right back. he does sweet things like that for me, sometimes I get in my truck and the first thing I do (vain) is pull my visor down, there might be a card or a post-it or note from him, so I try and return the favor.

I'm the kind of girl guys complained about (when I was single )that showed little emotionserplexedso its been a true struggle for me. The great thing is, it always got me chased

Not that I didn't/don't care, its just hard to release my feelings to a person, I have major control issues. Luckily dh is the super affectionate one and was so early on so that helped me express my feelings easier with him.

I am the same way! I'm learning.....thanks!

 

[Ms Red]

Wow, you sound just like my bf, who is also a Capricorn. He keeps his emotions close to his vest.

Yep, I might just send him a message saying "hey thinking about you or love you" he always responds right back. he does sweet things like that for me, sometimes I get in my truck and the first thing I do (vain) is pull my visor down, there might be a card or a post-it or note from him, so I try and return the favor.

I'm the kind of girl guys complained about (when I was single )that showed little emotionserplexedso its been a true struggle for me. The great thing is, it always got me chased

Not that I didn't/don't care, its just hard to release my feelings to a person, I have major control issues. Luckily dh is the super affectionate one and was so early on so that helped me express my feelings easier with him.

 

[BAP28]

i too can do alot on my own so i make sure my SO is needed...

i laugh at corny jokes...some of them are corny...

i listen to stories about things i dont give a rats bleep about...

i sometimes let him win at games i know damn well i could win with one move...

always thank him for things big/small he does...


text messages of how I'm still thinking about that move he did last night..but then again i do...lol...

always compliment on how intelligent, eloquent whatever comment he just made was...

and the list goes on ladies...etcccccccc

 

[MissScarlett]

Wow, you sound just like my bf, who is also a Capricorn. He keeps his emotions close to his vest.

Its funny because its not that I dON't Want to share my feelings/emotions its just always been hard. I have had the tendency to come off ICEY to some men.

 

[Sashaa08]

I love reading this thread....lots of good ideas!!

I am not married, but I have been with my SO for awhile. He likes it when I sexually harrass him. I will walk through the kitchen while he was cooking and pinch his butt or "can I get your number?" It is so cheesy, but he eats it up! He grins and blushes like a two year old.

Sometimes when he walks out of the shower in the morning I will start throwing dollar bills at him and start singing "Uh oh! Work it, work it! Uh oh! Come to Mama!!" He always smiles and says "You are so stupid!" Warning-you may end up being late to work if you try this on a work day..............

 

[SoniT]

i listen to stories about things i dont give a rats bleep about...

I do this too. My husband loves to tell stories. A lot of them I don't not give a bleep about but I'll sit there and listen anyway.

 

[**Tasha*Love**]

See I think we are alike when it comes to not being big on affections or emotions. Maybe it's the Capricorn in us. This thread has some really good advice in it.


(I am loving the smilies)

I am a serious independent woman and I'm not big on affection or emotions but I manage to do this and do it well.

I cook dh's favorite meals. I send him little text messages and emails during the day.

I'm always thanking him for little things he does even if its oh thanks for stopping and getting me a diet coke.

I'm VERY smart, I pride myself on being smarter than dhbut I will ask him to 'help' me with things that I know I know the answer to or quite frankly don't need his help with at all.

 

[foxxymami]

See I think we are alike when it comes to not being big on affections or emotions. Maybe it's the Capricorn in us. This thread has some really good advice in it.


(I am loving the smilies)

Really? That's so interesting :scratchch

Both me AND my SO are Caps and we are suuuuper affectionate with one another. Go figure

 

[**Tasha*Love**]

Girl I have such a hard time with being affectionate. I love the attention and going thru the motions feels good to me but opening up to my man is my hardest problem. For example, he may want to stroke my hair and I'll say "stop" but I am really enjoying it. Or he may try to hold my hand and I'll pull away instead of enjoying the moment. I don't know. Maybe I'm a different type of Cap or something. Or maybe it has to do with my Ascendent J/K
I need to work on being more affectionate
**Sorry I got off-topic**

Really? That's so interesting :scratchch

Both me AND my SO are Caps and we are suuuuper affectionate with one another. Go figure

 

[blaqbarb]

I don't at the moment. I'm super frustrated with him right now. Talking about can he bring a pillow over (I just moved and he's trying to move his stuff in on the sly). I told him I already have enough pillows. LOL. I know I can be mean, but I do (the ones that I sleep on, plus the ones for decorations).

 

[foxxymami]

Girl I have such a hard time with being affectionate. I love the attention and going thru the motions feels good to me but opening up to my man is my hardest problem. For example, he may want to stroke my hair and I'll say "stop" but I am really enjoying it. Or he may try to hold my hand and I'll pull away instead of enjoying the moment. I don't know. Maybe I'm a different type of Cap or something. Or maybe it has to do with my Ascendent J/K
I need to work on being more affectionate
**Sorry I got off-topic**

Hey wait a minute....now that you put it like that, I do that EXACT SAME thing too . That's typically my initial reaction, but I always always check myself immediately and am able to relish the moments . LOL, that's funny!

 

[bimbabe]

LISTEN - most men love to TALK, so just listen and as a related question every now and then so he reaizes that you were paying attention!

Actually pay attention and ask questions!!!

Just express how you feel about him. How you enjoy having him in your life. You like how he puts it on you...the list is infinite...you develop about 10 of these and recycle.

 

[bimbabe]

i too can do alot on my own so i make sure my SO is needed...

i laugh at corny jokes...some of them are corny...

i listen to stories about things i dont give a rats bleep about...

i sometimes let him win at games i know damn well i could win with one move...

always thank him for things big/small he does...


text messages of how I'm still thinking about that move he did last night..but then again i do...lol...

always compliment on how intelligent, eloquent whatever comment he just made was...

and the list goes on ladies...etcccccccc

This board has some pro ego strokers!!!
I love your advice BAP28

 

[gone_fishing]

One man's answer:

In a simple word; Respect him.

You know... I just realized that some women have never been told that, or even worse, shown how to treat a good man before - where would they learn it now a days? From their single mothers with bad attitudes? Somebody needs to teach them!

So here it is... and I know what a man likes, I am a man

Well first of all... after you pick a good one - just be nice to him.

Smile. Show a kind gentle demeanor toward him.

Enjoy simple pleasures with him - not just events!

Tell him how important he is in your life, and how lucky you are to have him.

Let him know that you appreciate him and know that he is different from most other men.

Touch him a lot.

Don't argue and disagree with each and every word that comes out of his mouth!

Don't share your problems with friends and family members they will not be able to forgive him (Cause they won't be a part of the make-up sex - at least they shouldn't be!

)

Listen to him.

Praise him as a good man - especially in the presence of others (whenever it is appropriate of course

)

Cater to his needs and hold them as a highest priority.

Don't deny his simple request for no reason.

Honor him, and uphold the standards for the relationship.

Love him and love the fact that he loves you.

Make him the focus of your life and don't put everything else before him.

Don't give him unnecessary attitude because of your bad day or problems.

Don't always assume the worst.

Complement and thank him for the little things he does.

Look for opportunities to please him.

Support him and stand by him no matter what happens -
AS LONG AS HE IS DOING WHAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING AS A MAN! (If not leave him!)

Respect him.

Love him.

And appreciate him, the same way you want him to do you.

Then after all of that; love him, love him, love him; and find every opportunity you can to show him - especially in the smallest of ways.

And if you have a good man - he will do the same, just appreciate it.

For those of you that say no man will treat you like that; not true. Maybe you haven't seen it or been in a relationship were the man was like that - or maybe you have been and did not appreciate it at the time - but yes, we exist. And when you do find one of us, follow the list above so you can keep us and not make us tired - again.

And men [should] do the same for the good woman in your life.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

Rubbing my face next to mines. Especially where my lips lightly touches his cheeks.

Rubbing his scalp.

Playing with his chin hair.

Giving him a massage after a good game of basketball.

Bathing him while yall are in the shower/tub.

Of course when he is right, let him know. They LOVE that lol.

Ask him to do stupid stuff like check the door when you hear a noise. Makes them feel manly lol!

 

[LocksOfLuV]

LISTEN - most men love to TALK, so just listen and as a related question every now and then so he reaizes that you were paying attention!

This is good too. And if it is HIS subject (for example if you man is a ball player and yall are tlaking about ball) ask questions and relate it to him. Like "Is his foot supposed to be doing that in that play, your foot never does it and you always do the play right..." etc. lol

 

[Mom23]

I love reading this thread....lots of good ideas!!

I am not married, but I have been with my SO for awhile. He likes it when I sexually harrass him. I will walk through the kitchen while he was cooking and pinch his butt or "can I get your number?" It is so cheesy, but he eats it up! He grins and blushes like a two year old.

Sometimes when he walks out of the shower in the morning I will start throwing dollar bills at him and start singing "Uh oh! Work it, work it! Uh oh! Come to Mama!!" He always smiles and says "You are so stupid!" Warning-you may end up being late to work if you try this on a work day..............

I've been married for 12 years this year and I do this to my hubby. He loves it.

I also tell him I appreciate him and I LISTEN to him. When he talks to me I tend to stop what I am doing so he knows I am paying attention.

I put notes in his work bag or lunch if he takes it, leave notes in his car.

Buy his favorite snacks and drinks and always have them in the house.

 

[Sashaa08]

Mom23,

I have never put any notes in his lunch bag or left little notes for him, but that sounds like a great idea. If he gets to "DH" status, I might have to try your strategy. I bet your hubby can't wait to get home to you when he sees the surprises that you left for him!!

 

[deltagyrl]

Wow, great thread. You guys covered just about everything.

Like some of you I struggled with the whole 'damsel in distress' thing. Dh loves it when I need him so I've learned how to fallback and let him rescue me...alot.
I also let him see me be vulnerable. I let him see me cry (even if it's just because we're watching a sappy movie) and he EATS it up.
The massages always end in the horizontal (or vertical) mambo so be careful with that one.

 

[envybeauty]

Wow!

Great tips ladies....i'm trying to remember so many of them so that they will come naturally to me when the moment arises. whew! so many great pointers

 

[SW2011]

This is a great thread!

My SO is a special education teacher in a middle school, and it seems like EVERY day is a rough day with the kids. So, I make it a point to ask him about his day every day.

He also coaches basketball, so I try to make it out to all of their games. And if I know I can't make the game, I'll make it to some of their practices during the week. I know he loves it because even if there are 500 people in the gym, I see him scanning the crowd for me.

We don't live together, so I still "dress up" when I see him.

I leave him little notes inside his car while he's at work.

I put a magnetic message board on his fridge, so if I stop by his house when he's not there, I can leave him a message about how much I love him and how much he means to me.

I make it a point to celebrate everything with him. Even if it seems small to other people. If he completes a class, or gets an award, if his kids win a basketball game, anything we can celebrate, we will.

And he does tons to stroke my ego as well.

 

[imstush]

One man's answer:

In a simple word; Respect him.

You know... I just realized that some women have never been told that, or even worse, shown how to treat a good man before - where would they learn it now a days? From their single mothers with bad attitudes? Somebody needs to teach them!

So here it is... and I know what a man likes, I am a man

Well first of all... after you pick a good one - just be nice to him.

Smile. Show a kind gentle demeanor toward him.

Enjoy simple pleasures with him - not just events!

Tell him how important he is in your life, and how lucky you are to have him.

Let him know that you appreciate him and know that he is different from most other men.

Touch him a lot.

Don't argue and disagree with each and every word that comes out of his mouth!

Don't share your problems with friends and family members they will not be able to forgive him (Cause they won't be a part of the make-up sex - at least they shouldn't be!

)

Listen to him.

Praise him as a good man - especially in the presence of others (whenever it is appropriate of course

)

Cater to his needs and hold them as a highest priority.

Don't deny his simple request for no reason.

Honor him, and uphold the standards for the relationship.

Love him and love the fact that he loves you.

Make him the focus of your life and don't put everything else before him.

Don't give him unnecessary attitude because of your bad day or problems.

Don't always assume the worst.

Complement and thank him for the little things he does.

Look for opportunities to please him.

Support him and stand by him no matter what happens -
AS LONG AS HE IS DOING WHAT HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING AS A MAN! (If not leave him!)

Respect him.

Love him.

And appreciate him, the same way you want him to do you.

Then after all of that; love him, love him, love him; and find every opportunity you can to show him - especially in the smallest of ways.

And if you have a good man - he will do the same, just appreciate it.

For those of you that say no man will treat you like that; not true. Maybe you haven't seen it or been in a relationship were the man was like that - or maybe you have been and did not appreciate it at the time - but yes, we exist. And when you do find one of us, follow the list above so you can keep us and not make us tired - again.

And men [should] do the same for the good woman in your life.

Love the above advice!

 

[Shayla]

Yep, I might just send him a message saying "hey thinking about you or love you" he always responds right back. he does sweet things like that for me, sometimes I get in my truck and the first thing I do (vain) is pull my visor down, there might be a card or a post-it or note from him, so I try and return the favor.

I'm the kind of girl guys complained about (when I was single )that showed little emotionserplexedso its been a true struggle for me. The great thing is, it always got me chased

Not that I didn't/don't care, its just hard to release my feelings to a person, I have major control issues. Luckily dh is the super affectionate one and was so early on so that helped me express my feelings easier with him.

that's me ALL the way...i swear i've been trying to change for the longest...it's sooooooooooo hard though...*sigh*

 

[audacious1]

Among other things- I have a .com Web site dedicated to him that I update each week adding to the list something that I love about him. I started it the first week of January and it'll go for a year. I'm trying to think of what else I can do with the site once the year is over. :scratchch

ETA: He really looks forward to checking it each Sunday. He'll ask me about the update if I forget.

I this idea. I may have to use it one day. I may also ask you for some direction

 

[gone_fishing]

Here's another man's answer:

He's killing me with the under the desk thing...

For different men, it means different things...
Let me take a crack at it..
I want her to take care of her Body
I want her to show affection.. It could be a simple kiss... It could simply be her coming behind me and giving me a shoulder massage After a long day of work... It could simply be her going underneath my desk while I'm doing work and giving me head..
I want her to be agreeable, respectful and polite....
I want Her SUPPORT and ENCOURAGEMENT.. If I'm having a bad day or need a kind word, a motivating word, I hope she wouldnt hesitate to offer it....
I want her Loyalty
I want her to have Vision..
I would want her to Value Me in the utmost..
I want her to Look Sexy.. But not tacky...
I want her to Carry herself with Grace and Respect.. Loud, boorish attitude is a BIG NO-NO, so is (cursing and acting out in public.. that doesnt cut it, for me)
I want her to be able to take care of Business, should something happen to me...
I want her to Fight Fair and Stick to the Subject when we fight and not attack my Manhood, whether with words or actions...
I want her to Cook for me..
I want her not just supporting me But Fighting with me during the Bad times...
I want her to Have Mother Qualities..
I want her to Stand For something and Have Values...
(Not too long ago, I had to leave this girl because She thought Gay/Lesbianism was Ok and nothing wrong with that lifestyle) Sorry no woman is gonna raise my kids to think this way....
I want her and I to be a team and tackle life that way....
I want her to Believe in Family.. Believe in the Nuclear Family as well as Extended Family...
lol.. that's all I can think to write right now...

 

[mzcris]

Well...men like compliments, touches, plenty of sex, cook their favorite meals, gifts, massages & etc...damn they are work...huh?! But...girl if he's a good man; then he is worth it!!!