Tell Us How You Stroke The Male Ego

[SilverSurfer]

Ok so went out recent to a bar lounge, so I'm looking at the mixed drink menu trying to decide which drink I want, I ask the waiter how a specific drink tastes, he says "well do you know how it's made" I bat my eyes and said no, although I do actually know how it's made as its my favorite drink to order, but I said "no", so he half way kneels down next to me and proceeds to explain to me how it's made and told me they make them in various flavors. So I'm like "oh wow, I didn't know that, I wonder how those flavors tastes" so he responds, "how about I mix up a couple nice flavors of the drink for you to try out?" I say, "oh really, cool, thank you" he comes and gives me 3 different flavors of the mixed drink, I sip sip away at them all and he only charged our table for my one drink which I didn't even have to pay for. LoL

 

[danysedai]

He always pays in restaurants (no prob, we have a joint account). Even in our home country, when I used to make waaayy more than he did and it's all cash, credit cards do not exist, I would give him the money beforehand.

I listen to him talk about science, his work, golf,politics etc. I mean, I pretend to listen while my mind is elsewhere but he is aware of that trick now and can't use it anymore,lol.

I make him his favourite meals. He loooves to see me cooking, setting the table, fixing his plate, bringing him a beer. He does the same thing for me when I don't want to cook and I show him that I appreciate that.

I never embarrass him in public or fly off my handle (even when I really really want to). I give him a look, keep on smiling and let him have it at home. I have seen so many friends do that, we even went camping with another couple once, and my friend was awful to her boyfriend, yelling, arguing,nagging, etc. Well, Dh was very loving that trip after seeing her behaviour and comparing it to mine.

 

[ItsMeFre]

vani I'm pregnant with our last baby so I just said 3 1/2 kids

 

[vani]

vani I'm pregnant with our last baby so I just said 3 1/2 kids

Lol, of course!

 

[Zaynab]

Honestly...if a man doesn't give me what I want after I flutter, I know he ain't ish. Real talk.

Yep. This.

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[IrrationalThoughts]

so.much.to.learn. Was just told Wednesday night that I could say things in a nicer way. I told him to grow up. I also told him day 1 that I cannot stroke egos. Kakhs, yeah, but egos are difficult. Need to work on that.

 

[yardyspice]

so.much.to.learn. Was just told Wednesday night that I could say things in a nicer way. I told him to grow up. I also told him day 1 that I cannot stroke egos. Kakhs, yeah, but egos are difficult. Need to work on that.

Girl, you might as well have kicked him the nuts

 

[fitnessmommy]

This thread reminds me of when I got my first apartment after I moved out of the area where I grew up (22 years old).
I bought a couch at Ikea and drove a Jeep Liberty with no clue how I was getting that thing home. I walked up to the 2 cops who were working security at the door and batted my eyelashes and played stupid. I laughed and asked them if they could teach me to tie it to my car since they are "public servants right?" Then I told them how I didn't really understand what/how to do any of that stuff. They tripped all over themselves to go and tie that couch to my car, lol.
Playing the dumb little girl role gets men into a protective mode - they will do whatever to help you as long as you stroke their ego and act in awe of their smarts and their strength. Lol

 

[Evolving78]

Thanks for this thread. I have been a nut crusher for so long. Despite this my DH loves me. I would like to be a kinder, more loving person. Only because i think he deserves better and i notice our relatioonship flourishes when i am a nicer person. I like this thread

just think before you speak and act and be more appreciative. you ain't always have to prove you can do things on your own, you don't always have to be right, or prove him wrong, and realize that he is human and has feelings. and don't take that he loves me anyway stuff for granted.

 

[Saga]

I know this is a hair forum and all, but threads like this make me really appreciate this website and you ladies. I feel like no one would have ever sat me down and taught me any of this. I would've gone into my next relationship repeating the same mistakes from the past. I really want to be well equipped so tat wen I find someone worth making time for, who's willing to make time for me, they can truly see me as a pearl and treasure me. It seems like the trick to having a man feel as tough he still wants you is to show that you still want and appreciate him. Also, just because men don't show their feelings doesn't mean they aren't present.


I could never figure out why my ex wouldn't respond to me nearing the end of our relationship. I honestly don't like nagging, but it always seemed like if I did't then things would never get done. I thought I was this picture-perfect partner, and then he dropped a bomb on me and let me know that I put him down a lot and made him feel like he was always in a job interview or being tested. I didn't know I was doing this but once I found out it was already too late, no fixing could be done and the relationship had already ended for numerous reasons on both sides.

As much as I would like to redo the past I can't, but I learned a lot about myself from that relationship the hard way. I'm tired of learning things the hard way. I've always been a bit defensive and aggressive because that's the kind of home environment I grew up in, but I'm slowly applying knowledge from this and other threads about being a young woman. Until I get to hang out with my female christian role model again, this will have to suffice. But once again, thank you.

 

[Tamrin]

I pretty much live my life this way that it almost happens naturally with all men that I encounter so I have many many examples to share. However I'll list the very basic ones that gets them every time.

1) The I can't open the jar trick lol. "I've been trying to open this jar and it's just not opening. Can you please give it a try but let me warn you its very hard to open, I've spent like 10 minutes trying to open it" - result - he opens it instantly with ease and walks off with a big smile and ego feeling like He-man lol

Works like a charm.

Constant touch is important. Sometimes he is driving he will hold my hand the whole ride even if we don't say a word.

 

[Zaynab]

^^^ I have to make a constant effort to touch, I'm not touchy feely :/

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

 

[FemmeFatale]

^^^ I have to make a constant effort to touch, I'm not touchy feely :/

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

Same here. Except in the sack. But I don't even like cuddling, it physically feels uncomfortable to me, I don't know how people sleep like that.

 

[swirl]

I pretty much live my life this way that it almost happens naturally with all men that I encounter so I have many many examples to share. However I'll list the very basic ones that gets them every time.

1) The I can't open the jar trick lol. "I've been trying to open this jar and it's just not opening. Can you please give it a try but let me warn you its very hard to open, I've spent like 10 minutes trying to open it" - result - he opens it instantly with ease and walks off with a big smile and ego feeling like He-man lol

i even do this with my son. i'm like "baby can you open this for your mama?"

 

[Anonymous1]

I do this with my husband, son and brothers. I always tell them I could never be an independent woman because I need a man to fix things, pump gas and change my oil. All of them eat it up.

I can't tell you the last time I brought in groceries, my husband and son does this.

My son is so gullable. I'm always asking him can he help me with something because I just can't. Just yesterday, I had a jar of peppers and pretended like I couldn't open it, and here he comes poking his chest out and opens the jar. He walks off like "yeah i did that"

 

[Anonymous1]

i even do this with my son. i'm like "baby can you open this for your mama?"

I think it's very important to do this with our boys. Just the look my son has on his face when he helps me with something is priceless. It makes him feel so good and needed. I feel like, he already knows his momma loves him, and would die for him, but it also makes him feel like she needs me too. It's just males I guess.

 

[Elnahna]

This is a great thread. I have been "independent" for a long time. As I'm reading, especially Lucie's comments, I am realizing why I'm probably still single. I have not shown a man that I needed or valued him.

 

[SilverSurfer]

I do this with my husband, son and brothers. I always tell them I could never be an independent woman because I need a man to fix things, pump gas and change my oil. All of them eat it up.

I can't tell you the last time I brought in groceries, my husband and son does this.

My son is so gullable. I'm always asking him can he help me with something because I just can't. Just yesterday, I had a jar of peppers and pretended like I couldn't open it, and here he comes poking his chest out and opens the jar. He walks off like "yeah i did that"

You know, I've come to realize that this ego stroking trick of ours, pretty much works on all human males; young, old, black, white, green, students, professionals, blue collar workers, married, single or whatever, they all love it and eat it up. Lol

 

[ambergirl]

Do you think they don't know a game is afoot or do they know and don't care because their ego needs are being met?

 

[Zaynab]

Do you think they don't know a game is afoot or do they know and don't care because their ego needs are being met?

I don't think women should play games with men or 'stroke their ego' to be manipulative-I think for a deserving man it should just be a habit and we should want to. They give back 1000% because they feel respected and appreciated in a positive way and want to do more. I don't think they notice unless you haven't been doing those things all along. If you just come out of the bag doing it, they would think you weren't being sincere perhaps or if you weren't consistently doing these things.

Men are much more insecure than women and it's like positive feedback promotes more positive results. That's why nagging gets the opposite result

 

[Zaynab]

Same here. Except in the sack. But I don't even like cuddling, it physically feels uncomfortable to me, I don't know how people sleep like that.

Yea and at that moment I'm really cuddly

DH is is the cuddler at night, I just hang on until he falls asleep and then I scoot away I'm just void of emotions but at least I know it

 

[Lilmama1011]

I talk about and associate or friend who has a man but complains their man can't or won't do something for them like simple stuff like pick them up after work or cook for them and say how appreciative that he does that for me, I compliment a body part so that he feels good about it and feels the need to work on it(next day he in the gym lol), im actually good at stroking the male ego, that's how you get what you want , damn we women have games woo!

 

[SilverSurfer]

Do you think they don't know a game is afoot or do they know and don't care because their ego needs are being met?

When you do it, you should do it with all seriousness and sincerity so that it comes out naturally. The more you do it, the better you get at doing this.

 

[Renewed1]

Some women marvel at how an "ugly: woman can get such hot looking or rich dudes but these "ugly" women know how to stroke a man's ego.

I have a friend who is "ugly" and l swear she gets the men OTHER women want. She is very good at stroking the male ego, without it coming off as false. Men are putty in her hands. I'm taking notes and every single piece of advice that she is giving me.

I'll be married in no time.

What I find funny is that my "cute" friend; can't figure out why she has never dated. But she's a nut-crusher, so I get why.

 

[Tamrin]

^^^ I have to make a constant effort to touch, I'm not touchy feely :/

Sent from yacht with Beyonce & Blue

Make a bit of an effort you will see. The mister is very touchy. Sometimes I'm on the couch, he will drag his big six two body out the bedroom and drop his body on me and head on my chest to be stroked like a puppy. Never let them walk out the door without a kiss and hug or in without the same. Even if he rushes out I call him back.

Ladies don't be all about yourself all the time. Be about him and you will see he will be all about you. We have our issues trust me but nothing serious. At home is all about us. He rarely says no to me and will go out his way to help my friends and fam. All I have to do is ask. Last week he brought home 40 boxes for my friend's friend ( whom I barely know) who was moving? All I did was ask.

 

[Kiadodie]

I have a friend who is "ugly" and l swear she gets the men OTHER women want. She is very good at stroking the male ego, without it coming off as false. Men are putty in her hands. I'm taking notes and every single piece of advice that she is giving me.

I'll be married in no time.

What I find funny is that my "cute" friend; can't figure out why she has never dated. But she's a nut-crusher, so I get why.

This is sooo true.

 

[Renewed1]

This dude is really on fire today. He called me again and as he was talking to me I heard my dog barking in the background. I was stunned. He is getting his car worked on so how did he get from Queens Village to Laurelton? He borrowed a car. He said he didn't want the dog to wait too long before I could take him out to pee! I melted. I know it's the ego stroking.

It works!

Lucie.....When I get in a relationship, I will be PMing you......You have mad skills!

This is a great thread. I have been "independent" for a long time. As I'm reading, especially @Lucie's comments, I am realizing why I'm probably still single. I have not shown a man that I needed or valued him.

This is my issue as well. I always thought it had to do with my home life, my mother was independent (by force) and it just carried over to me.

My "ugly" friend I mentioned, practices stroking the male ego. She says she doesn't want to forget on how to do it. Plus it's good practice for whenever she meets a quality guy, she will already KNOW how to do these things.

Now that I'm 36, I find that I want nothing more than to be in my womanly role. So I'm taking notes in this thread and in the "Loving" thread.

 

[ambergirl]

I don't think women should play games with men or 'stroke their ego' to be manipulative-I think for a deserving man it should just be a habit and we should want to. They give back 1000% because they feel respected and appreciated in a positive way and want to do more. I don't think they notice unless you haven't been doing those things all along. If you just come out of the bag doing it, they would think you weren't being sincere perhaps or if you weren't consistently doing these things.

Men are much more insecure than women and it's like positive feedback promotes more positive results. That's why nagging gets the opposite result

When you do it, you should do it with all seriousness and sincerity so that it comes out naturally. The more you do it, the better you get at doing this.

I like the thread and do think men respond to it.

But I wonder to what degree men respond it is because this is the way we praise and recognize them from birth? And why not do it with our girls?

 

[Hairsnob]

I like the thread and do think men respond to it.

But I wonder to what degree men respond it is because this is the way we praise and recognize them from birth? And why not do it with our girls?

I think men already do it with their daughters. Or at least it's been said that they should. You know how fathers call their daughters Princess and everything and treat them nice so that they'll REQUIRE that from other men? It's a bit different but it's their way of making sure they set their daughters up to be "ready for the world". The female ego has NOTHING on the male ego. Two totally different creatures.

 

[ambergirl]

I think men already do it with their daughters. Or at least it's been said that they should. You know how fathers call their daughters Princess and everything and treat them nice so that they'll REQUIRE that from other men? It's a bit different but it's their way of making sure they set their daughters up to be "ready for the world". The female ego has NOTHING on the male ego. Two totally different creatures.

So basically both boys and girls do well with praise and recognition. And I think it's really powerful when it comes from both parents. How many boys would beam if they got genuine recognition and praise from their fathers? Same with daughters and mothers.

To me it just boils down to openly appreciating each other