Male Gold-Diggers: What are the signs?

[cocoberry10]

WHOA TARHEELGURL!!!!!!!! THIS TAKES THE CAKE!

Well, according to the fool my neice called herself all in love with (the one I told her from the begining was up to no good) but was using her for the little money she made from her part time job........

A male gold digger is this:
1. Significantly older or younger than you
2. In the begining, he attends to all your needs EXCEPT the financial ones
3. He starts small then moves up to asking you for sizable loans.
4. He goes in your purse without your permission
5. He is married or seeing someone else along with you.
6. His car is in another woman's name (not his wife's)
7.He has been to jail.
8. He doesn't work.
9. He lies a lot
10. He is a very smooth talker and can talk you into believing anything he says.
ANNNNNND here is the biggest indicator that he is a gold digger.

His wife texts him and asks him when is he going to get the money she asked for from you!

Yes, this happened to my neice. We tried to tell her.

 

[cocoberry10]

Well, I didn't know what the guy would think. I was just making sure he didn't expect to have _____ just for paying for my meal. I was inexperienced, I guess.

It's okay. Just take it as a lesson learned. We all have to learn a lesson in one area or another

 

[tarheelgurl]

WHOA TARHEELGURL!!!!!!!! THIS TAKES THE CAKE!

Yup, it is such a sad scene Cocoberry. My niece still had the nerve to cry over ole boy too while she standing there robbed and broke.

 

[Bunny77]

Well, I didn't know what the guy would think. I was just making sure he didn't expect to have _____ just for paying for my meal. I was inexperienced, I guess.

You live, you learn!

You know what's sad though? The fact that we women are even thinking like this... that we think that if we accept a date and a meal from a man, that he's going to be expecting "something," and that we're somehow obligated to give him "something."

I'm not picking on you MissJ, BTW... I'm saying that this is a common theme I see with a lot of women and I thought that myself at one point... that if he paid for a meal, he might expect something, so better to just pay on my own and avoid potential problems.

BUT... a gentleman will NEVER expect sex just because he paid for a date. A good man will recognize that good men pay when they ask a woman out without the expectation of anything!

I think a lot of us just haven't been around enough good men, so we run into too many losers... and then we feel that we have to pay for dates so we don't give the wrong impression... but THEN we end up with freeloaders/golddiggers!

Stand your ground early, and the good ones will come around!

 

[reena]

you dont know but they have done background checks on you including family history, where you work, approximate salary

if things look good, they decide they are in love with you and complain about being broke all the time. they're usually clingy and emotionally abusive.
They prey on the more vulnerable women that are newly out of relationships, havent had much luck with men etc.

I had one who asked me to get money from my dad to buy him some shoes. I was 17 and everytime i just think about that 24 year old dumbass, i just laugh. Oh he wanted me to marry him so he could become a US citizen.

That my sister and her boyfriend, I gotta bring to the forum when she get home she need to read it. Cuz you not lying thats her man all the way

 

[cocoberry10]

You live, you learn!

You know what's sad though? The fact that we women are even thinking like this... that we think that if we accept a date and a meal from a man, that he's going to be expecting "something," and that we're somehow obligated to give him "something."

I'm not picking on you MissJ, BTW... I'm saying that this is a common theme I see with a lot of women and I thought that myself at one point... that if he paid for a meal, he might expect something, so better to just pay on my own and avoid potential problems.

BUT... a gentleman will NEVER expect sex just because he paid for a date. A good man will recognize that good men pay when they ask a woman out without the expectation of anything!

I think a lot of us just haven't been around enough good men, so we run into too many losers... and then we feel that we have to pay for dates so we don't give the wrong impression... but THEN we end up with freeloaders/golddiggers!

Stand your ground early, and the good ones will come around!

I totally agree with the bolded. It's shameful what women think they "are supposed" to put up with!

 

[MissJ]

I'm loving the analysis going on in this thread!

 

[cocoberry10]

I'm loving the analysis going on in this thread!

No problem MissJ! Let's keep it coming. I have never dealt with a male gold digger, but I'm glad I started this thread, because more women need to know that they are worth good treatment and to learn how not to get into these situations (or how to get out of them)!

 

[MizAvalon]

This is a great thread!

 

[Divine Inspiration]

You live, you learn!

You know what's sad though? The fact that we women are even thinking like this... that we think that if we accept a date and a meal from a man, that he's going to be expecting "something," and that we're somehow obligated to give him "something."

I'm not picking on you MissJ, BTW... I'm saying that this is a common theme I see with a lot of women and I thought that myself at one point... that if he paid for a meal, he might expect something, so better to just pay on my own and avoid potential problems.

BUT... a gentleman will NEVER expect sex just because he paid for a date. A good man will recognize that good men pay when they ask a woman out without the expectation of anything!

I think a lot of us just haven't been around enough good men, so we run into too many losers... and then we feel that we have to pay for dates so we don't give the wrong impression... but THEN we end up with freeloaders/golddiggers!

Stand your ground early, and the good ones will come around!

I totally agree. I also think upbringing has a lot to do with it. More and more we see black girls being told to get an education, be independent, do for self, etc so we aren't taught that we should be courted and treated like royalty by potential suitors. Plus, with so many black women missing good fathers, many don't know what it looks like for a man to behave to a woman the proper way or for a man to take care of their mothers/them. Many grown women are having to learn these things in adulthood, and it's awkward and problematic to say the least.

And I very much agree on standing your ground. If you don't accept less than you deserve, you'll get nothing but the best!

 

[cocoberry10]

I agree with your bolded. I wish more little Black girls knew they deserved to be treated like Princesses! There's nothing wrong with expecting and accepting only the best from a man!

I totally agree. I also think upbringing has a lot to do with it. More and more we see black girls being told to get an education, be independent, do for self, etc so we aren't taught that we should be courted and treated like royalty by potential suitors. Plus, with so many black women missing good fathers, many don't know what it looks like for a man to behave to a woman the proper way or for a man to take care of their mothers/them. Many grown women are having to learn these things in adulthood, and it's awkward and problematic to say the least.

And I very much agree on standing your ground. If you don't accept less than you deserve, you'll get nothing but the best!

 

[Bunny77]

I totally agree. I also think upbringing has a lot to do with it. More and more we see black girls being told to get an education, be independent, do for self, etc so we aren't taught that we should be courted and treated like royalty by potential suitors. Plus, with so many black women missing good fathers, many don't know what it looks like for a man to behave to a woman the proper way or for a man to take care of their mothers/them. Many grown women are having to learn these things in adulthood, and it's awkward and problematic to say the least.

And I very much agree on standing your ground. If you don't accept less than you deserve, you'll get nothing but the best!

Okay, I know I'm gonna get off topic, but whatever!

You bring up a great point with the statement in bold. Now, I'm all for education and independence -- got the two degrees and the house in my name to prove it -- but I notice that when black folks encourage girls to do this, it's always said in a way that makes it clear that...

1. You either will never have a man, so better be independent!
or
2. You might have a man, but he won't be reliable, he might cheat, he might not be around long, he might not be trustworthy, so make sure you have your own.

The message is almost NEVER, "Girl, get your education so that you can get a great job, live a great life, learn new things, meet new people, have opportunities that your ancestors never did and enjoy wonderful experiences!" It's always framed in a, "Well, you can't expect anything from a man, so just rely on yourself... they can't take your degree way from you, "

Now I don't have my head in the clouds so much to say that black girls/young women shouldn't be encouraged to be able to make it on their own, but these message make it loud and clear that you shouldn't expect men to be worth ****... so when you actually start dating and meeting men, your expectations are already low and you act accordingly.

And many men are more than happy to barely meet your already-low expectations... thus, the male golddigger is born and reborn again from generation to generation!

 

[sunnydaze]

Okay, I know I'm gonna get off topic, but whatever!

You bring up a great point with the statement in bold. Now, I'm all for education and independence -- got the two degrees and the house in my name to prove it -- but I notice that when black folks encourage girls to do this, it's always said in a way that makes it clear that...

1. You either will never have a man, so better be independent!
or
2. You might have a man, but he won't be reliable, he might cheat, he might not be around long, he might not be trustworthy, so make sure you have your own.

The message is almost NEVER, "Girl, get your education so that you can get a great job, live a great life, learn new things, meet new people, have opportunities that your ancestors never did and enjoy wonderful experiences!" It's always framed in a, "Well, you can't expect anything from a man, so just rely on yourself... they can't take your degree way from you, "

Now I don't have my head in the clouds so much to say that black girls/young women shouldn't be encouraged to be able to make it on their own, but these message make it loud and clear that you shouldn't expect men to be worth ****... so when you actually start dating and meeting men, your expectations are already low and you act accordingly.

And many men are more than happy to barely meet your already-low expectations... thus, the male golddigger is born and reborn again from generation to generation!

Right,

I was just talking to my sister about this the other day.

I think we should encourage our girls to do these things because it will help them be all they can be, have money to spend as they please, become a well rounded person,etc. with no mention of "having" to take care of yourself because either you may never get married or never meet a man capable of taking care of you.