Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC)

[cocoberry10]

This is inspired by "Sex and the City" (SATC) Movie and the recent thread "Could You be Engaged without an Engagement Ring?"

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=397824

Carrie and Big do end up getting married at the end (which I always had mixed feelings about).

Anyhoo, I have friends who have been in long-term relationships. I have friends of various ages (some in their 20's, 30's and 40's). Some of my friends have been with their boyfriends since high school/early college and/or have been dating their men for 5, 6, 7, 8, 10, 15+ years and still have no ring.

If you met "The One" and you really felt like you loved him, would you be willing to stay in a relationship with him, even if he wouldn't marry you?

I say it's inspired by SATC b/c Carrie would have stayed with Big even if he hadn't married her. Could you do this? If so, please share why? If not, why not?

I will wait to respond to my own thread. I'm enjoying the beach here so I'll be back and forth on this board

 

[BrickbyBrick]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

In a word, hellno.

 

[awhyley]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

The only way he wouldn't is if he was in a coma. Other than that, there's no excuse really.
I WANT that ring!

 

[Bunny77]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

This one is oh so easy... hell naw! Next!

I'll be hurt for a minute, but I'll find someone else who does want to marry me!

 

[music-bnatural-smile]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

sorry no man really loves me if he wont think about marriage... i don't believe that.

 

[LightEyedMami]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

sorry no man really loves me if he wont think about marriage... i don't believe that.

EXACTLY

 

[PlatinumBronze]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

Hell to the NO! If I'm not good enough to marry, I'm not good enough to be with.

 

[fletches]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

No, I couldn't.

This happened to me, and the amazing thing is that when I decided to break away from this "relationship", that's when I met my now husband. I feel like I opened my energy to a man that wanted to have a life with me.

Of course after I was engaged then ol dude wanted to profess his love

And all I could do was play "single ladies" for him(that song wasn't even out then, but it's perfect)

 

[Lady Esquire]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

Is he really "The One" if this is an issue? I thinks not.

I think women get caught up in the "years" they've put into a guy and convince themselves to stick it out. Now, if marriage is not your thing, then by all means, enjoy your life. But if you plan to marry, breed, and grow into that kind of life, then NO. The only time it may be passable, is if one or both persons are pursuing a career and do not want the distraction, and even then, you have to know that there's no guarantee at the end of that period.

 

[chocolate01]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

Since marriage is something that I want for myself, no I would continue to stay in a relationship where it was clear it wasn't going to happen. Now for the people that don't want to get married obviously the situation would not bother them.

 

[CollegeGrad]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

I thought she was a fool for marrying him after he ditched her at the alter. And I cannot believe she got mad at her friend for telling him not to get married. He is a grown man.

 

[Makenzie]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

I never understood that thinking. A couple can be together for YEARS, have children together, own property together, have their lives entwined together but yet not get married?

I wouldn't do it. No way no how.

 

[tiara76]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

it really only matters to the woman who marriage is important too...

if its important to her that a man wants to marry her staying with a man who doesn't want to, isn't sure about it, has fears around it or has different views on marriage will most likely cause her unhappiness even if the relationship is for the most part good

if she isn't tripping she could easily find herself with a man for 2 months to 20 years just enjoying being with him....

just remember that in wanting a relationship the essence and feeling of love you get within yourself and from your partner and what your partner gets is what is important in the relationship and the people involved bring that not anything external to it....lots of folks want marriage and they can get it no doubt, but yet don't take into account the essence of what a truly spiritual loving connection feels like and marriage on paper doesn't automatically make that happen.....

know what your relationship feels like internally first and foremost before thinking anything external to it is what will make or break it

 

[deltadreamland]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

You get 2 years to seriously date me. When and if you make it to the end of those 2 years with me, you should either be making plans to put a ring on it or kick rocks. Simple as that.

 

[kismettt]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

the whole 'i didn't know that was an option' part of the movie bothered me.

i think it's ok for people who do not believe marriage/don't think marriage is necessary. but with carrie it seemed she put it out of her mind because she didn't think big wanted to & i was vrey :-/ to that.

anyways, we have had this question before & the usual consensus is 'no' .so w/e

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

If marriage is important to the woman, then any man that she considers "the One" would certainly know that and propose.

As DH & his friends say, 2 years or 20 years, if she is still just a girlfriend then he is still looking for his wife.

 

[JollyGal]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

No! Marriage has always been in my future. I am not going to change it for a man.

Another reason to believe that there is more than one person out there for you.

I can bet that the same lady in question will meet a man with the same qualities and who wants to marry her.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

Marriage and family are important to me, so No. BUT I understand that that is not the case for everyone. I don't have a problem with the Oprah and Stedmans out there (no matter who is holding out on marriage).

As for those having kids with their men who don't want to marry them... I totally disagree with that.

 

[Misshairdiva]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

This is the type of thing you see on Judge Judy. The girl falls in love, doesn't need a ring, buys a house and then the man moves out and she gets stuck with the bills. Then Judge Judy will say something like "that's what you get for PLAYING married when you weren't."
For Christians, marriage is more then just a piece of paper. Its a covanant with God and your husband. There is a spiritual God connection there that other relationships no matter how strong just doesn't have.

 

[ladysaraii]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

No, especially if there are kids..or joint property for that matter.

Marriage is a business and if I'm going to be with someone for years then we're formally getting our business straight. Especially as a woman, b/c we are often the ones who get screwed over in a breakup

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

I thought she was a fool for marrying him after he ditched her at the alter. And I cannot believe she got mad at her friend for telling him not to get married. He is a grown man.

I felt that way too.

Now to answer my own question...I couldn't do it either. If I really loved a man and he wouldn't marry me, I think it would break me more for him not to marry me, so I would have to let him go.

 

[cocoberry10]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

the whole 'i didn't know that was an option' part of the movie bothered me.

i think it's ok for people who do not believe marriage/don't think marriage is necessary. but with carrie it seemed she put it out of her mind because she didn't think big wanted to & i was vrey :-/ to that.

anyways, we have had this question before & the usual consensus is 'no' .so w/e

I agree with the bolded.

 

[winterinatl]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

No.

My girl has done it for years and years, bought two houses, has an 11 year old by the man. He began nutting up; now she has one more reason to STAY. If she hadn't been co-habitating she would find it easier to leave him, IMO. No way she can pay that note on her own.

This was a "we don't need the marriage paper" family, btw.

 

[LizLeila]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

No.

My girl has done it for years and years, bought two houses, has an 11 year old by the man. He began nutting up; now she has one more reason to STAY. If she hadn't been co-habitating she would find it easier to leave him, IMO. No way she can pay that note on her own.

This was a "we don't need the marriage paper" family, btw.

I have always wondered if that whole "marriage is just a piece of paper" is something that women say to make themselves feel better about their situation. I think most people know and understand that it is so much more. For instance if he proposed, would she be like "Nah, babe. That's ok. It's just a piece of paper. Take the ring back too...I hate diamonds. It is just a symbol forced on us by traditions." Nah playa.

 

[MrsHouston]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

Nope!

I remember being "in love" with the wrong guys and I know you eventually get over them (thank God...so I would never date longterm/have never dated longterm. I believe when women are in these "longterm" relationships they've closed the door on meeting better guys that would potentially marry them.

If a person's/woman's goal is to be married, then she should not tie up her time and energy in these types of relationships.

 

[TayMac]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

No I wouldn't be fully satisfied in that type of relationship. If it's work for someone else, cool.

 

[Theo]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

Lol... if he was "The One" then we'd probably be seeing eye to eye on that very important issue.

 

[sharifeh]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

I have always wondered if that whole "marriage is just a piece of paper" is something that women say to make themselves feel better about their situation. I think most people know and understand that it is so much more. For instance if he proposed, would she be like "Nah, babe. That's ok. It's just a piece of paper. Take the ring back too...I hate diamonds. It is just a symbol forced on us by traditions." Nah playa.

exactly
marriage is so much more than a piece of paper
it's an important commitment

 

[MD_Lady]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

Nope, not even.

 

[tiara76]

Re: Spinoff: Could You Stay w/ a Man Who Wouldn't Marry You, but you LOVED Him? (SATC

I have always wondered if that whole "marriage is just a piece of paper" is something that women say to make themselves feel better about their situation. I think most people know and understand that it is so much more. For instance if he proposed, would she be like "Nah, babe. That's ok. It's just a piece of paper. Take the ring back too...I hate diamonds. It is just a symbol forced on us by traditions." Nah playa.

speaking for myself...yes I have turned down rings and diamonds and proposals...mainly because i didn't have the feeling to go along with making any type of major commitments to them....I honestly do feel its just a piece of paper and the guys think it will make me "change" my feelings by marrying them and entering into a legal binding contract with them simply because they express the desire to be married to me...I tell anybody if I want to be with you and I feel in my heart you love me as well please believe no contract will prove or validate those feelings to me or on the flip make me have those feelings when I don't.....the last guy who asked to marry me told me not to pay attention to my feelings and I better start making a decision to marry soon since im getting old and I need to pick him since he will take care of me and nobody will love me like he does etc etc etc....

My personal idea of commitments to love and love celebrations are yearly commitment ceremonies with close friends and family on a different exotic islands with our own personal vows that truly come from our hearts to ourselves, each other and to love and each year gives us the option to consciously choose if we both are where we want to be growing, thriving and in love and that we still choose to embark on this journey of life and love together, and each year we are together gives us the opportunity to renew our love and rise to even higher heights with each other and visit a new beautiful island every year and celebrate our love with others and we can pick a different object to symbolize that love to us, I can definitely see that type of relationship lasting and being very okay and happy in it, I am one of those people who feel true marriage is the union of two souls connected mind body and spirit....

If by chance we feel our growth together has come to an end then there are no penalties, no punishments, no consequences, no lawyers, no nothing.....just well wishes for love and happiness forward on....anybody parting in love will never have issues of properties or somebody leaving the other assed out, deserting kids or anything along those lines, the parting would be done in the best interest and to the well being of all concerned....thats what I personally would propose to a man who I felt that strongly about who I think I could be with on that level of commitment and I would take that commitment very seriously and to heart

relationships are for growing the self and each other and people who grow together stay together and that can easily be for a lifetime if it works for those people, and its especially joyous if they are in a place of love while they do that