So I Just Quickly Scanned Dh What's Up

@Ganjababy Is she DH’s aunt or a play aunt? I understand your concerns about bringing it up with your husband but I wouldn’t be able to let that go. Maybe hold out for a few more days to see how or if he responds but afterward I’d have to address it. This is a seed that can end a relationship.

Can you look at old text messages to see what their conversations about you sound like and if he’s giving her a pass and telling her your business?
 
I brought it up and as usual I am overreacting. It was not said but that is the impression I am getting. But he said he is going to speak to her about it. But this is after an exhausting explanation and me trying my best not to have a fit and start screaming and cussing. My head veins were bursting.
 
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She is my play auntie. I found her when I was 13. But he thought she was the best thing since sliced bread when he met her. She puts him on a pedestal. The last time she visited he was walking around the house with his chest high like hell. I don't think I am having her over again:look:
Black Ambrosia said:
@Ganjababy Is she DH’s aunt or a play aunt? I understand your concerns about bringing it up with your husband but I wouldn’t be able to let that go. Maybe hold out for a few more days to see how or if he responds but afterward I’d have to address it. This is a seed that can end a relationship.

Can you look at old text messages to see what their conversations about you sound like and if he’s giving her a pass and telling her your business?
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@Ganjababy Do you mean you think you were overreacting, or he said you were overreacting? Because I don't think being upset that someone who is like family to you called you crazy...behind your back...to your husband... is overreacting. At all. I would just hate to think you are being gaslighted.

From your descriptions of how your DH and play aunt feel about each other, I think she needs to go, like, yesterday.
 
No, from his reaction I think he thinks I am overreacting. But he did not say I was. AND as my psychiatrist and therapists keep telling me I am not a mind reader. So I thought about that and calmed down. But I do think he thinks I am overreacting. But the fact that he is willing to tell her to stop is enough for me. If he had refused I would have kicked him out or move out. But he is willing to meet me half way. Though I think it is disgraceful that I had to point it out to him...
Miss617 said:
@Ganjababy Do you mean you think you were overreacting, or he said you were overreacting? Because I don't think being upset that someone who is like family to you called you crazy...behind your back...to your husband... is overreacting. At all. I would just hate to think you are being gaslighted.

From your descriptions of how your DH and play aunt feel about each other, I think she needs to go, like, yesterday.
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You are not being annoying at all. I am so happy that you have us, therapists, and a psychiatrist. You need and deserve our support. You did well with this situation. I am proud of you and care about you a lot. You just stay on track and keep moving forward.

And auntie is a piece of work. Sounds like she was good for you, was a godsend at a time that you were in need. But you are an adult now with a handsome husband and auntie is no longer treating you the way she used to. She gots to go. Start feeding her with a very long handled spoon and slowly detach yourself from her. She is no longer helpful to you. And I'm sorry about that but it is what it is.
 
Lylddlebit said:
I don’t think its mean for someone to identify you as crazy particularly if you have a diagnosis and/or behavior that proves that descriptions is accurate(in terms of a word use to commonly describe mental illness specifically). A lot of people want truth to be based on their intentions or feelings when that is not only inaccurate it can be extremely damaging to progress and correcting real life behavior and problems. My heart goes out to you, but there is a balance where sensitivity and reality meet. That said, you should be honest to those you love about how seriously you are taking your condition and ask for support from those around you or distance and bare minimum respect if they can’t provide the support you need. Stay encouraged on your condition and treatment program :bighug:
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The actual meaning of the word is irrelevant. In the context used by Op's aunt, it was meant to be derogatory. Even if she said "how is your mentally ill wife?", it would still be rude. Same if she asked how is your fat wife, or your bald headed wife. No one wants to be defined by their flaws. It's degrading. Not to meation, completely unnecessary. Unless Op's husband has other wives, the aunt throwing in "crazy" as a descriptor was meant only to be offensive.
 
I know but it is easier said than done for me. He cannot do the same. I went berserk The one time he did it to show me how it felt[iQUOTE="Nikkiluv254, post: 24245879, member: 456701"]Don’t snoop and then get hurt by what you find, that’s like the #1 rule. You said that he never responded back to it so don’t thing too much into it. Also remember that Caregivers need an outlet too.[/QUOTE]

But I think if I do it in front of him without him protesting it is ok:look:
 
Nikkiluv254 said:
Don’t snoop and then get hurt by what you find, that’s like the #1 rule. You said that he never responded back to it so don’t thing too much into it. Also remember that Caregivers need an outlet too.
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Yeah but that's impossible though IMO. I do believe that you shouldn't snoop unless you are willing to confront the issue though.

I agree with you that caregivers need an outlet too, but I still think that they should be respectful at the very least. From what I have heard from @Ganjababy in the past, her husband is a good man but it sounds like he struggles with dealing with her diagnoses and how to deal with Ganja 2.0. Which is still no excuse for leaving her open to disrespect and abuse from others outside of their union.

They need to have a really frank and honest conversation....and really hear one another.
 
Thanks for this insight. It is really difficult for me not to see things in black and white. We are so enmeshed in each other sometimes I cannot see things clearly.
lesedi said:
Yeah but that's impossible though IMO. I do believe that you shouldn't snoop unless you are willing to confront the issue though.

I agree with you that caregivers need an outlet too, but I still think that they should be respectful at the very least. From what I have heard from @Ganjababy in the past, her husband is a good man but it sounds like he struggles with dealing with her diagnoses and how to deal with Ganja 2.0. Which is still no excuse for leaving her open to disrespect and abuse from others outside of their union.

They need to have a really frank and honest conversation....and really hear one another.
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Ganjababy said:
Her text said "how is your crazy wife?" Even though I had spoken to her that very day...
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Man, that is not cool at all. It may have been said in jest, but that's crossing the line and if yall are that close, she should know better.

I would screen shot the message she sent to your hubbie and send it to yourself.
Then send it to her from your phone and reply,
"I'm just fine thanks, but your crazy a** looks real suspect right about now, sending this to my husband. With friends like you, who needs enemies? Don't do this s*** again, k? Thx bye."
 
I just might do that!
VirtuousGal said:
Man, that is not cool at all. It may have been said in jest, but that's crossing the line and if yall are that close, she should know better.

I would screen shot the message she sent to your hubbie and send it to yourself.
Then send it to her from your phone and reply,
"I'm just fine thanks, but your crazy a** looks real suspect right about now, sending this to my husband. With friends like you, who needs enemies? Don't do this s*** again, k? Thx bye."
Click to expand...
 
Ganjababy said:
Her text said "how is your crazy wife?" Even though I had spoken to her that very day...
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The fact that she was so comfortable saying that to your husband tells me that this isn’t the first time she’s referred to you that way. I wonder if HE’S referred to you like that to her first when he was venting to her about you in the past thus creating that opening for her. My point is your husband is supposed to be your defender and protector. The only way for your aunt to fix her mouth and call you out your name is because he either did it first out of frustration or your aunt did it and your husband allowed it. Y’all need to talk. *insert appropriate disclaimer about not being in your shoes, never married, etc...*
 
Nikkiluv254 said:
Don’t snoop and then get hurt by what you find, that’s like the #1 rule. You said that he never responded back to it so don’t thing too much into it. Also remember that Caregivers need an outlet too.
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This, especially the bolded. If they don't get ample down time, they will either have a physical or mental breakdown, or dip altogether. I say, pick your battles and let this one go.
 
PJaye said:
This, especially the bolded. If they don't get ample down time, they will either have a physical or mental breakdown, or dip altogether. I say, pick your battles and let this one go.
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I agree with this but what does it have to do with what the aunt said? Does this include letting outside people disrespect your wife and the situation? Aunt needs to be checked. If not now, when? Because the next time she calls her crazy, possibly in her presence it'll be even worse when they can nip this right now.
 
KammyGirl said:
I agree with this but what does it have to do with what the aunt said? Does this include letting outside people disrespect your wife and the situation? Aunt needs to be checked. If not now, when? Because the next time she calls her crazy, possibly in her presence it'll be even worse when they can nip this right now.
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I disagree, especially since the OP reports that the aunt has always been good to her. Everything and everybody doesn't have to be checked all the time; it would be exhausting and needlessly time consuming. As I said before, it's important to pick one's battles. Is this a battle that must be fought? Let's assume that the OP wins this battle, and both the husband and aunt are duly checked and chastised. Then what? They happily break bread and play ring around the rosy because all has been forgotten? Unfortunately, no. The aunt and husband will correct their behavior, but they will also feel unappreciated and come to resent it. Over time, those feelings will naturally build and come to a crescendo. Then what? She may win the battle, but eventually lose the war. Is it worth it to alienate and possibly lose her support system over an offhanded remark? I say, no. FWIW, I don't view being called crazy as a big deal, so that greatly colors my perception of the issue.
 
Too late. I texted her from his phone and said hey this is the crazy wife checking in. I am good thanks. Nice to know you and my husband find mental illness funny...

He said he spoke to her about it and said he did not appreciate her referring to me like that and he said she said she did not mean anything by it. I am over it now. But it felt good calling her up on it.
 
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Ganjababy said:
Too late. I texted her from his phone and said hey this is the crazy wife checking in. I am good thanks. Nice to know you and my husband find mental illness funny...

He said he spoke to her about it and said he did not appreciate her referring to me like that and he said she did not mean anything by it. I am over it now. But it felt good calling her up on it.
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Good for you for confronting her. Take good care of yourself. There's something odd about the relationship between your dh and this woman BUT you cannot control either of them. You are in charge of your life and you can keep healing and moving toward the life you want and deserve. (((Ganjababy)))
 
Ganjababy said:
Too late. I texted her from his phone and said hey this is the crazy wife checking in. I am good thanks. Nice to know you and my husband find mental illness funny...

He said he spoke to her about it and said he did not appreciate her referring to me like that and he said she did not mean anything by it. I am over it now. But it felt good calling her up on it.
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Good for you!
 
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