So I Just Quickly Scanned Dh What's Up

G

Ganjababy

Well-Known Member
as I was looking at a pic of one of his friends I noticed a text asking him how was his crazy wife doing.


My heart sank. The text was from a non blood family member who is more than an aunt to me.

But she is getting on my nerves. Last time I spoke to her she told me I had stressed my husband into having a heart attack. Now this. I know I should not internalize stuff but that comment really hurts.

I have always been called crazy all my life and did not mind but since my diagnoses I now take offence. It is not funny anymore. Plus she has never referred to me like that before.

I feel like withdrawing...
 
I don’t think its mean for someone to identify you as crazy particularly if you have a diagnosis and/or behavior that proves that descriptions is accurate(in terms of a word use to commonly describe mental illness specifically). A lot of people want truth to be based on their intentions or feelings when that is not only inaccurate it can be extremely damaging to progress and correcting real life behavior and problems. My heart goes out to you, but there is a balance where sensitivity and reality meet. That said, you should be honest to those you love about how seriously you are taking your condition and ask for support from those around you or distance and bare minimum respect if they can’t provide the support you need. Stay encouraged on your condition and treatment program :bighug:
 
Lylddlebit said:
I don’t think its mean for someone to identify you as crazy particularly if you have a diagnosis and/or behavior that proves that descriptions is accurate(in terms of a word use to commonly describe mental illness specifically). A lot of people want truth to be based on their intentions or feelings when that is not only inaccurate it can be extremely damaging to progress and correcting real life behavior and problems. My heart goes out to you, but there is a balance where sensitivity and reality meet. That said, you should be honest to those you love about how seriously you are taking your condition and ask for support from those around you or distance and bare minimum respect if they can’t provide the support you need. Stay encouraged on your condition and treatment program :bighug:
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Really?

I think it's especially mean if you have a mental illness.
 
MzLady78 said:
Really?

I think it's especially mean if you have a mental illness.
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Okay. Focus on the feeling if you want to and diminish the reality if you like, but that won't go far. Part of her challenge is that people are going to form opinions and have ideas on her condition label alone. Also people already have ideas and opinions on her based on "knowing her" before her diagnosis based on experience that they haven’t paralleled to her condition for complete understanding yet. That part of the reality (established beliefs) can take just as much time and information correcting as it did establishing(experiences before diagnosis). Don’t get me wrong am not using “identify” interchangeably with “throwing it in her face" but at the same time try to separate emotion from reality, separate maliciousness from education. This scenario is going to be a process across multiple levels. The real root issue has been identified as the cause of behavior, but accepting the condition doesn't make everyone understand it. Likely doesnt "undo" many of the experiences caused by the condition either that still may exist in the form of consequences. It can help to making clear which hot topics and hot buttons have an impact while understanding is being learned. I knew someone was going to jump in here and say the lady was just mean and I don't know her she might have been, or she is just using the only context she knows and making light of something she doesn't understand rather than being malicious(it could go either way). However an issue this complex that has spent a lifetime of being experienced but is just only recently being identified is going to take just as much effort being understood and overcome. It isn't as trivial just someone being malicious most of the time. It's literally the challenge of changing the perception of the past experiences to parallel what they know the diagnosis is and relearning how to support their loved one. That's why I said being honest about how stuff makes her feel is a good start. That way if they don't understand it they can at least be sensitive to it while on the road to understanding. The distance part: well you can gauge who deserves to know the details and help on the journey part of it so those who know the details can be helpful.
 
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Lylddlebit said:
Okay. Focus on the feeling if you want to and diminish the reality if you like, but that won't go far. Part of her challenge is that people are going to form opinions and have ideas on her condition label alone. Also people already have ideas and opinions on her based on "knowing her" before her diagnosis based on experience that they haven’t paralleled to her condition for complete understanding yet. That part of the reality (established beliefs) can take just as much time and information correcting as it did establishing(experiences before diagnosis). Don’t get me wrong am not using “identify” interchangeably with “throwing it in her face" but at the same time try to separate emotion from reality, separate maliciousness from education. This scenario is going to be a process across multiple levels. The real root issue has been identified as the cause of behavior, but accepting the condition doesn't make everyone understand it. Likely doesnt "undo" many of the experiences caused by the condition either that still may exist in the form of consequences. It can help to making clear which hot topics and hot buttons have an impact while understanding is being learned. I knew someone was going to jump in here and say the lady was just mean and I don't know her she might have been, or she is just using the only context she knows and making light of something she doesn't understand rather than being malicious(it could go either way). However an issue this complex that has spent a lifetime of being experienced but is just only recently being identified is going to take just as much effort being understood and overcome. It isn't as trivial just someone being malicious most of the time. It's literally the challenge of changing the perception of the past experiences to parallel what they know the diagnosis is and relearning how to support their loved one. That's why I said being honest about how stuff makes her feel is a good start. That way if they don't understand it they can at least be sensitive to it while on the road to understanding. The distance part: well you can gauge who deserves to know the details and help on the journey part of it so those who know the details can be helpful.
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Ok...
 
Lylddlebit said:
Okay. Focus on the feeling if you want to and diminish the reality if you like, but that won't go far. Part of her challenge is that people are going to form opinions and have ideas on her condition label alone. Also people already have ideas and opinions on her based on "knowing her" before her diagnosis based on experience that they haven’t paralleled to her condition for complete understanding yet. That part of the reality (established beliefs) can take just as much time and information correcting as it did establishing(experiences before diagnosis). Don’t get me wrong am not using “identify” interchangeably with “throwing it in her face" but at the same time try to separate emotion from reality, separate maliciousness from education. This scenario is going to be a process across multiple levels. The real root issue has been identified as the cause of behavior, but accepting the condition doesn't make everyone understand it. Likely doesnt "undo" many of the experiences caused by the condition either that still may exist in the form of consequences. It can help to making clear which hot topics and hot buttons have an impact while understanding is being learned. I knew someone was going to jump in here and say the lady was just mean and I don't know her she might have been, or she is just using the only context she knows and making light of something she doesn't understand rather than being malicious(it could go either way). However an issue this complex that has spent a lifetime of being experienced but is just only recently being identified is going to take just as much effort being understood and overcome. It isn't as trivial just someone being malicious most of the time. It's literally the challenge of changing the perception of the past experiences to parallel what they know the diagnosis is and relearning how to support their loved one. That's why I said being honest about how stuff makes her feel is a good start. That way if they don't understand it they can at least be sensitive to it while on the road to understanding. The distance part: well you can gauge who deserves to know the details and help on the journey part of it so those who know the details can be helpful.
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I'm not sure what any of this means but it is impolite at the very least to call someone with a diagnosis "crazy". In what world is that ok? I know it's something people say and that is fine but you don't say it the husband of the person you are talking about. It's incredibly rude and doesn't sound like genuine concern. I doubt you'd say to someone you know with a diagnosis "hey, you still crazy?" when inquiring about their well being and how they are coping with their illness. This is not to say one wouldn't call the person crazy privately but I don't know too many people who would do something like that to someone's face (or say to their husband/relative) unless they are intending to offend or trying to be funny.
 
movingforward13 said:
And unfortunately your husband may be telling them things so that they think it is ok to ask him in that manner. Please open your eyes- she isn't asking on her own.
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I agree. I don't like that she feels comfortable talking about Ganja like that to him.
But to be fair, it depends on the depth of the relationship that this woman has with both of you. It could be playful, it's hard to tell.
 
..
He has not replied to that particular text. I do not want to bring it up to him because though I looked at it right in front of him if I say something about it he is going to tell me to stop snooping in his phone or start deleting his texts:look:

She is always gassing him up (is that a term?). I have always overlooked it but it is starting to bother me. She is old fashioned and thinks that he is the best thing since sliced bread. Act like I should be grateful that he puts up with me. But he is no freaking Mr perfect himself. SMDH

I am closer to her than to any of my blood family. She took me in when I was homeless and familyless. I probably would not have gone to college if it was not for her influence.

But she irked me with that comment. Plus out of everyone she is the one person I would not expect this from. She is an educator and a minister.
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Ganjababy said:
He has not replied to that particular text. I do not want to bring it up to him because though I looked at it right in front of him if I say something about it he is going to tell me to stop snooping in his phone or start deleting his texts:look:

She is always gassing him up (is that a term?). I have always overlooked it but it is starting to bother me. She is old fashioned and thinks that he is the best thing since sliced bread. Act like I should be grateful that he puts up with me. But he is no freaking Mr perfect himself. SMDH

I am closer to her than to any of my blood family. She took me in when I was homeless and familyless. I probably would not have gone to college if it was not for her influence.

But she irked me with that comment.
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Nah stay away from her. She's a **** starter. And if you can ask your husband not to discuss YOUR personalbusiness with her. You have that right.
 
KammyGirl said:
I'm not sure what any of this means but it is impolite at the very least to call someone with a diagnosis "crazy". In what world is that ok? I know it's something people say and that is fine but you don't say it the husband of the person you are talking about. It's incredibly rude and doesn't sound like genuine concern. I doubt you'd say to someone you know with a diagnosis "hey, you still crazy?" when inquiring about their well being and how they are coping with their illness. This is not to say one wouldn't call the person crazy privately but I don't know too many people who would do something like that to someone's face (or say to their husband/relative) unless they are intending to offend or trying to be funny.
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movingforward13 said:
@Lylddlebit - please...
Just stop.

It is wrong- end of story. We can think whatever we want to think about someone but the second it comes out of our mouths (or typed).... just NO.
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I'll let it go. Sometimes my point in context isn't the portion of my statement that gets understood and/or held onto on lhcf. Maybe someone else will better explain how people see her condition/history and closing the gap in how those same people treat her within condition with more clarity than my attempt. Hopefully you understood what I meant op.
 
Lylddlebit said:
I'll let it go. Sometimes my point in context isn't the portion of my statement that gets understood and/or held onto on lhcf. Maybe someone else will better explain how people see her condition/history and closing the gap in how those same people treat her within condition with more clarity than my attempt. Hopefully you understood what I meant op.
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I think I get where you are going with it. However, OP said that the “Aunt” wasn’t one of those people that referred to her as crazy in the past. It kind of makes me think that maybe she was calling her crazy behind her back all this time.

If it were one of those people that joked about it (to her face) in the past and they called her crazy post diagnosis, it would be different. Not ok but, an opportunity to let those folks know that it’s a serious matter and that she would appreciate it if they didn’t joke about it anymore.

OP is the “aunt” aware of your diagnosis?
 
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Lylddlebit said:
I'll let it go. Sometimes my point in context isn't the portion of my statement that gets understood and/or held onto on lhcf. Maybe someone else will better explain how people see her condition/history and closing the gap in how those same people treat her within condition with more clarity than my attempt. Hopefully you understood what I meant op.
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I understand what you are saying- I am familiar with the OP and her history. I think I even said something about her behavior before regarding another thread. But I don’t think it is OK for someone to approach a husband like that about HIS WIFE. There is just a huge lack of respect, even if it was made as a joke, even if made with “merit”, even if the Aunt has an intimate relationship (not sexual). There is just a respect that goes along with being married and her comment is the start of the disrespect. I have a huge problem with this.
 
lesedi said:
I agree. I don't like that she feels comfortable talking about Ganja like that to him.
But to be fair, it depends on the depth of the relationship that this woman has with both of you. It could be playful, it's hard to tell.
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This is exactly what I was trying to say. Whomever my husband will be will know to cut a MF off if they dare say one slanty eyed comment about me. I am his peace, he is my protector and won’t allow a negative comment to seed foul ish in our relationship by having someone be that comfortable.

“Before you continue, that is my wife you are speaking about, so choose your words carefully.”
 
SO stopped speaking to his own grandmother for a little over a year bc she and her bf got out of pocket re my (physical) disability. 'Can't you work? To help?' He was like, I don't need no damn help and mind your business. :lol:

I was proud of him but it didn't come naturally. I had to train him to pick me over his family, over anybody else.

To be fair, his grandmother is problematic in that way. :yawn:
 
Honey Bee said:
SO stopped speaking to his own grandmother for a little over a year bc she and her bf got out of pocket re my (physical) disability. 'Can't you work? To help?' He was like, I don't need no damn help and mind your business. :lol:

I was proud of him but it didn't come naturally. I had to train him to pick me over his family, over anybody else.

To be fair, his grandmother is problematic in that way. :yawn:
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We need to go to DM land, sis :look:
 
MissNina said:
We need to go to DM land, sis :look:
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Come thru!
imgres
 
....?


why is your "aunt" privately texting your husband in the first place?

and yes that comment was rude af and would lead me to believe their little friendship has gotten too familiar. not suggesting theyre up to no good but thats too close for someone who was originally my friend.

Boundaries please!
 
No one. Man, woman, child, or pet should feel comfortable calling a man's wife crazy directly to said man. That's what hurts me most. That Ganjababy isn't better protected and covered. A woman's husband is supposed to provide a cover for her, protection. People should be very hesitant, careful about saying anything negative about her to him, joking or not. And she should not be texting him at all in the first place. Everything here is just wrong wrong wrong. (((@Ganjababy)))
 
Honey Bee said:
SO stopped speaking to his own grandmother for a little over a year bc she and her bf got out of pocket re my (physical) disability. 'Can't you work? To help?' He was like, I don't need no damn help and mind your business. :lol:

I was proud of him but it didn't come naturally. I had to train him to pick me over his family, over anybody else.

To be fair, his grandmother is problematic in that way. :yawn:
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Sorry to get off topic, but how did you do this? My husband tends to be even tempered.
 
Honey Bee said:
SO stopped speaking to his own grandmother for a little over a year bc she and her bf got out of pocket re my (physical) disability. 'Can't you work? To help?' He was like, I don't need no damn help and mind your business. :lol:

I was proud of him but it didn't come naturally. I had to train him to pick me over his family, over anybody else.

To be fair, his grandmother is problematic in that way. :yawn:
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I don't want to hijack, so maybe the dating thread is a better place for this, but can you share how you trained him?
 
mrselle said:
Sorry to get off topic, but how did you do this? My husband tends to be even tempered.
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Long background

We were still in school when we first got together. He used to drive us back and forth every month or so. Around month 3, there was some kinda weather/ storm situation that made driving difficult, so we got back really late. He was tired, it was after finals, etc. He suggested I spend the night at his house and we drive into the city proper in the morning. I was skeptical. I hadn't met his mom. It was weird. But he reassured me.

His mom was cool af, RIP. It was his grand mother who said something slick. My mom had called the next morning and grandma asked her, 'You weren't scared to have your daughter over here?' My mother was like, 'o_O Should I be? She's been living away from home since she was 14, she will be alright.' :lol: Now, tbh, I felt like both of them were out of line. My mother should have waited to call me, cell phones were out by then. :rolleyes: Regardless...

Grandma was concern trolling and disrespecting my mother. And I always hold my mother down, that's the homie, bff, etc. I thought this could be teachable moment about how these people should treat me going forward, him and his family. What I would find acceptable.

So I told him to take me home immediately. :look: Said my terse goodbyes, interrupted breakfast plans, and was out within five minutes. :peace: I was nice to his mama and politely cold toward his grandmother. Being a man, he still didn't really get why I was mad, the sheer level of disrespect, like my mama just let me be any ol where. :rolleyes: So...

I cried. :look: And told him she was mean. :look: And that if he couldn't understand my feelings, hold me down, and protect me from his meanie of a grandma, we were done. :look: We broke up for ten whole minutes. And then he got his damn mind right. :giggle: :look:

Emotional blackmail. I am not proud. But it was effective.

:rose:
 
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