Single ladies: do you know why you're single?

I'm single because I'm not going to deal with tomfoolery and I know what I bring to the table and I'm not gonna be wasting my good talents and skills on a guy who doesn't deserve it. So until I find the right guy, I'll be happy being single until I can be happy being married to the right man.
 
-I live in the middle of no where (that should be changing soon tho)
-I am still getting over my last breakup and don't feel anywhere near mentally/emotionally ready to even date at all
-I'm just doing me right now and working on other stuff and don't feel I have the energy and time to dedicate to someone else right now. (I know people say u can work on yourself AND date/have a rltshp at the same time, but that doesn't work for me, I lose my focus too easily and let the other person engulf too much of my energy and I fall off in other areas. this is also one of the many reasons I never dated in college. Idk what to do about this. Maybe it will just happend with maturity?)
 
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Because I'm doing work on me right now, and would rather not seriously engage another person at this time

Sent from my SPH-M910 using Long Hair Care Forum App
 
Imani said:
-I live in the middle of no where (that should be changing soon tho)
-I am still getting over my last breakup and don't feel anywhere near mentally/emotionally ready to even date at all
-I'm just doing me right now and working on other stuff and don't feel I have the energy and time to dedicate to someone else right now. (I know people say u can work on yourself AND date/have a rltshp at the same time, but that doesn't work for me, I lose my focus too easily and let the other person engulf too much of my energy and I fall off in other areas. this is also one of the many reasons I never dated in college. Idk what to do about this. Maybe it will just happend with maturity?)
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I think when you get to a place where you know EXACTLY who you are and WHAT you want, then you'll be just fine. You'll be able to continue working on yourself and still be dating/relationship. But you'll have to get to both of those places mentally and emotionally. Also, if you're with the right person, he'll help you to become a better you and encourage you in the places where it may be a little difficult. Getting to be ok with yourself and every aspect (flaws and all) and whatever aspect you're not happy, be willing and actively seeking to change it. You'll get there. I'm 98% there.
 
-I have insecurities that are subconsciously, consciously, and recklessly keeping me single.
-I have a self-defeatist attitude that I will never ever meet anybody.
-I am not happy with the way I look, because I HATE my hair. Grrrr!
-I don't go out much.
-It would take me a long while to warm up to a man romantically, I know I would feel grossed out and weird if when somebody is too lovey, dovey and affectionate to me too quickly.
-I've become too good at making myself unapproachable and it's hard to turn off.
-I don't know how and don't want to flirt. What the heck is it, really?
-Scared of guys who are attracted to me that I find really attractive
-Scared of rejection and being hurt.
 
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chocolat79 said:
I think when you get to a place where you know EXACTLY who you are and WHAT you want, then you'll be just fine. You'll be able to continue working on yourself and still be dating/relationship. But you'll have to get to both of those places mentally and emotionally. Also, if you're with the right person, he'll help you to become a better you and encourage you in the places where it may be a little difficult. Getting to be ok with yourself and every aspect (flaws and all) and whatever aspect you're not happy, be willing and actively seeking to change it. You'll get there. I'm 98% there.
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Thank you for this post!:yep:

I agree with it all. @1st bolded. I'm just now started to have some concrete ideas on who I am and what I want. I used to try and fit in this box of what men wanted me to be instead of seeking out someone who likes me just as I am (and obviously if I'm trying to change for someone I MYSELF wasn't 100% OK w/who I am) and of course I'd end up resentful and miserable.

@2nd bolded. Yes! This makes me think of Jill Scott's He Loves Me, lol
 
No one I find attractive likes me in that way...sigh.

Guys approach me by shouting what I guess they think is a compliment, then call me a ***** for walking by.

I'm terribly shy. I turn into a giggling idiot when approached lol.

I just don't think I'm ready.

Hanging out with a big group of cackling girls doesn't help any lol.

I don't have time for foolishness, and maybe tell a guy to jog on too quickly...
 
I haven't met ANY men I find attractive... yes there are guys who've been interested, but I would have been settling to be anything but friends with them.

I'm ambitious. I don't see myself with a dude who can't help me do things and go places I wouldn't reach on my own. If we can do the same ish then what I need him for?
 
karezone - it's probably NOT b/c you are overweight. Seasons 2,3, and 4 of bridezillas were full of overweight, BEYACHES. (they were really rude and mean with terrible personalities)

That being said...If you are confident, have a great personality, and play up your assets, you can attract many men. Not all men are into skinny chicks.
 
chocolat79 girl you are so right. I had to get to this point myself. I noticed that I started to lose weight, find ways to educate myself more, I'm desiring to do more outgoing things (archery, shooting range, art). I believe the key is when you are ready to attract the type of guy you are interested in your values, morals, etc will change to match those expectations (to a degree).

Will I ever be perfect...no....but I'm well on my way there. LOL!
 
I'm single because:
-I'm too picky
-I'm too reserved
-I can 'seem' intimidating (I'm not really)
-Guys I like aren't checking for me
-Guys that do like me aren't right for me (nor am I right for them)
-I'm busy with school and other stuff so don't have much time to go out

And according to my mom, I act like a man :ohwell:
 
I also think with me, I really just don't fit the usual ideals that it seems most men (esp black men and esp in the south where I live) are looking for in terms of beliefs and lifestyle desires.

The biggest thing is religion, I do believe in a higher power and have my own spiritual practices (pray, meditate, etc). I grew up in the christian church and will even read the bible or watch a sermon sometimes, but I am not a religious person. The other big thing is that I don't think I want any kids, its not a 100% definite thing, but I'm 28 and still have no desire for them.

There are other minor things about me that doesn't seem to mesh well with too many people, but the above two are the major biggies.
 
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Imani said:
I also think with me, I really just don't fit the usual ideals that it seems most men (esp black men and esp in the south where I live) are looking for in terms of beliefs and lifestyle desires.

The biggest thing is religion, I do believe in a higher power and have my own spiritual practices (pray, meditate, etc). I grew up in the christian church and will even read the bible or watch a sermon sometimes, but I am not a religious person. The other big thing is that I don't think I want any kids, its not a 100% definite thing, but I'm 28 and still have no desire for them.

There are other minor things about me that doesn't seem to mesh well with too many people, but the above two are the major biggies.
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Imani, wow, that's interesting. I wouldn't think the lack of religion thing would be a deterrent for men like that. But as you mentioned you are in the South and I know the culture is a little different down there. But still.. of all things... wow, I guess you learn something new everyday.
The kids part I can somewhat understand if they have a desire to really have kids, but still.
 
Brittster said:
@Imani, wow, that's interesting. I wouldn't think the lack of religion thing would be a deterrent for men like that. But as you mentioned you are in the South and I know the culture is a little different down there. But still.. of all things... wow, I guess you learn something new everyday.
The kids part I can somewhat understand if they have a desire to really have kids, but still.
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Yeah, I'm from the DEEP south and even when I was little girl I always felt VERY out of place here:nono:. Even little things get a side eye from people here like the fact that I don't eat red meat/pork and just the hobbies and things I am into. I'm not stereotyping and saying its everyone, but a lot of people here just are into having babies and watching football:ohwell:

Last two guys I dated were both very religious, like the ones who believe the bible to be literally true word for word. One claimed he was OK with my religious stance, but then one day we have a disagreement and he basically goes on a religious rant yelling at me and such:nono: (the disagreement had nothing to do w/religion at all). The other one was EXTREMELY homophobic, like he'd go on random rants on facebook about f@ggots going to hell and stuff.

Luckily I should be relocating very soon:grin:
 
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I would say Im single because Im a single mother and most guys that say they don't mind me having a child end up resenting it and I won't put my son through that....so now I have this wall up to protect my son but then I also use it as an excuse not to date at all, so that's a double edged sword for me.

Another is Im very reserved.

Not feeling my weight right now and want to lose some , not real confident right now.
I never go anywhere.
I may be a little intimidating to some men my height and build
I tend to look real serious sometimes which may make me unapproachable
 
Imani said:
Thank you for this post!:yep:

I agree with it all. @1st bolded. I'm just now started to have some concrete ideas on who I am and what I want. I used to try and fit in this box of what men wanted me to be instead of seeking out someone who likes me just as I am (and obviously if I'm trying to change for someone I MYSELF wasn't 100% OK w/who I am) and of course I'd end up resentful and miserable.

@2nd bolded. Yes! This makes me think of Jill Scott's He Loves Me, lol
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Yes, it takes time to know yourself sometimes, but once you get there, it's a whole new (wonderful) ballgame and a lot less stressful!
 
Because i keep falling for the ones i can't get.
I also think i seem intimidating(im not at all though...)
 
My normal facial expression makes me unapproachable, (been told I have Funk off! written across my face) - I've been working on smiling more often or at least look pleasant.
I go to the same places :club: at the same time expecting different results (insanity, Iknow!)
I attract unavailable men, as in married men.
I look younger then I am, so I get a lot of people under 21 that hit on me unless I have on makeup and I'm done up, then men over 40 hit on me(can't win for losing).
I let my weight determine my self worth, and I'm just starting to come into my own and build confidence.
I stopped excepting BS as gold!
I wasted to much time on losers and :pinocchio 's and missed my first encounters with my :knight: in shining armor.
Lastly, since my mom went to work after I came from school, and my dad came home at the same time as me, I was mainly around him and my 7 older brothers doing man's work (as he would say. This made me self reliant but also gave me a "I don't need a man for anything" mentality. I also have issues with regular female emotions/communication:sad:.
 
Because you (men) not gon try to hit me with the okie doke and think thats ok..
Real eyes realize real lies...

Ummm..I dont just want paynus, I can get that with my eyes closed, hair all over my head and tattered clothes.

Dealbreakers: I have them, its not too many of them, but the ones I do have are non-neogtionable.

Because my daddy showed me how real men act and my last relationship set the bar: so if you not already on that level at 25yrs +, or can exceed that, there is the door homey...Deuces
 
Imani said:
I also think with me, I really just don't fit the usual ideals that it seems most men (esp black men and esp in the south where I live) are looking for in terms of beliefs and lifestyle desires.

The biggest thing is religion, I do believe in a higher power and have my own spiritual practices (pray, meditate, etc). I grew up in the christian church and will even read the bible or watch a sermon sometimes, but I am not a religious person.
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Yeah, for me it's the same. I don't think I fit the mold for black men anyways. Although I live in California, but I'm cool with that. My parents are Southerners tho. Religion is a big thing for me too. My religious situation is not conventional although I am Catholic. For the last huge chunk of my life my family's been multi-religious and that's how I plan to raise my kids.

I also look younger than I am. I'm 23 but look 16, so I'm not sure if guys in my age range know I'm legal lol and it doesn't help that I prefer guys at least 3-5 years older than me.

Other than the stuff I've said in my last post, I admit I'm an intense person and am looking for someone who can match me. That tends to scare a lot of guys off and pity the ones that stay lol:evillaugh:. I've only met one guy who I thought could match me but he was all hot air.
 
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I am single for a combination of reasons:

1) MY PARENTS!!!!! They sheltered me so much growing up that I did not develop any real social skills until I entered the working world, and even then it's been hard.
2) I don't connect with people well- male or female (back to point #1)
3) I DEFINITELY overthink things when I like a guy and end up pushing him away (due to past hurts)
4) I am not sure I know how to be vulnerable... at least in public. I'm all for public affection, etc. (love it), but when it comes to truly expressing myself, I cry LOTS of private tears....
5) My lifestyle doesn't afford me the opportunity to meet people. I work and travel a lot, and I don't go out (no girlfriends to go out with), so I end up spending lots of time alone
6) I think I am weird. I don't find many "brothas" who are into the same things I am, and I don't want to date outside my race (tried and failed)
7) The men that ARE equally educated, employed, established, etc. are all PLAYERS!!!! I have not met one yet (that is still single) that is not playing games....

I think I am going to be alone forever.... I have totally given up....
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
Yeah, for me it's the same. I don't think I fit the mold for black men anyways. Although I live in California, but I'm cool with that. My parents are Southerners tho. Religion is a big thing for me too. My religious situation is not conventional although I am Catholic. For the last huge chunk of my life my family's been multi-religious and that's how I plan to raise my kids.

I also look younger than I am. I'm 23 but look 16, so I'm not sure if guys in my age range know I'm legal lol and it doesn't help that I prefer guys at least 3-5 years older than me.

Other than the stuff I've said in my last post, I admit I'm an intense person and am looking for someone who can match me. That tends to scare a lot of guys off and pity the ones that stay lol:evillaugh:. I've only met one guy who I thought could match me but he was all hot air.
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I am in this same boat. I grew up in the "black church" and WILL NOT GO BACK!!!!!!!!

Most people would dub me a "tree hugger". So, I do believe in a higher power and can attest to the healing properties of meditation, but institutional religion and I don't get along.

Being in the South, that is a no-no, especially when you are expected to flip over a pew every Sunday.

I will always appreciate my Pentecostal upbringing, and nothing compares to the emotion and energy you will feel in a service, but my beliefs are not in line with the typical "Southern" ways.

I have been told on so many occassions that I "act white" just because of my beliefs, practices, eating habits, etc. That doesn't help with the dating..... totally feel your pain
 
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