Single Christian Women's Support Thread

Belle Du Jour said:
I feel like there is certain knowledge and healing that can only come from being in a relationship. Some lessons can't be learn on your own. Thoughts?
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I agree, I was talking about this to my sister the other day. Someone said that a relationship is like a mirror for you, it also magnifies your flaws and what is good about you.
 
Maracujá said:
I agree, I was talking about this to my sister the other day. Someone said that a relationship is like a mirror for you, it also magnifies your flaws and what is good about you.
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That's what I think. Like, I tend to focus on my physical flaws and what I can do to fix them. But, I wonder sometimes: am I selfish? Would I be annoyed if a guy asked me to do something? Do I really know how to submit? Do I really get the concept that marriage is servanthood and the total gift of self? I feel like I won't know the answer to these questions until I am in a serious relationship. :ohwell: I do try to check myself for ways that I'm not giving or not showing those fruits of the spirit with friends, family and acquaintances. :look:
 
I've learned--and am learning--that chemistry is not so elusive a thing that we have to settle for the first person with whom we have it.

I don't know whether this has meaning for anyone else, but it was a thought I was compelled to share.
 
God is so faithful and true! Earlier this summer when I was doing a lot of reflecting on being single, I came across this video by praise and worship leader/musician Jackie Francois: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myIfGdNt1AY


Little did I know that while I was being encouraged by her video on singleness, God was writing her love story. Read about how she and her betrothed met:
http://bobbyandjackie.com/about_us

I had to break down and praise God for his awesome faithfulness. I'm so grateful to see Him move in the lives of other people because I know He can and will do the same for me. Blessed be His holy name.
 
@Belle Du Jour.

I had a revelation just yesterday about what it was I wanted most in a mate. Right there in front of me. It was so very obvious, I felt stupid lol. I was faltering, shifting, rethinking...trying to make that prayer/letter...but there it was, plain as day. Now I know more specifically what I refuse to compromise on and I'm sticking with that. It even makes more sense to my upbringing. Anyhoo, it never pays to settle. I'm going to stick with that decision and ride on those desires until fruition. G-d did it once, He can do it again. And I'm going to start saying a prayer more often for my future spouse, like some of you here have suggested. That's a very good idea.:yep:
 
auparavant said:
@Belle Du Jour.

I had a revelation just yesterday about what it was I wanted most in a mate. Right there in front of me. It was so very obvious, I felt stupid lol. I was faltering, shifting, rethinking...trying to make that prayer/letter...but there it was, plain as day. Now I know more specifically what I refuse to compromise on and I'm sticking with that. It even makes more sense to my upbringing. Anyhoo, it never pays to settle. I'm going to stick with that decision and ride on those desires until fruition. G-d did it once, He can do it again. And I'm going to start saying a prayer more often for my future spouse, like some of you here have suggested. That's a very good idea.:yep:
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Awesome auparavant! Why put limits on what God can do? He can give you your deepest desires. He's the God of the universe! I've been doing a 54-day novena since Jan 1. I also keep a prayer journal specifically about this issue. There's also a very good book called Praying for your Future Spouse that gives great suggestions for how to pray for him. After going out last night, I realize that prayer is my strongest weapon. :look:
 
Belle Du Jour said:
I feel like there is certain knowledge and healing that can only come from being in a relationship. Some lessons can't be learn on your own. Thoughts?
Click to expand...

I agree that it is a mirror of who we are. The flaws we know and don't know are put on display and our spouses call us on them and we are forced to change.

However I believe many times we buy into this lie that only marriage can sanctify us. Marriage sanctifies us in a different way but not a better way. The things we change/learn in marriage we would have learned and changed thru other experiences because God wants us to look like his son no matter what.

In the end it is all a sanctification process, married or single, and the end result is the same-We look like Christ and God is glorified through us. The healing comes as we endure the process and persevere . Like Romans 5:3-5 says about persevering is to produce character and character produces hope. We have to endure to change so whether we endure in a marriage or endure in our singleness we must persevere and have a heart for wanting to change and look like Christ.
 
So I've been out the loop for a while. But I have been reading the weekly emails I get. I'm just not posting much in general.

I'm still single which is by God's choosing and I'm learning to be ok with that. Some days are better than others. My church just finished a fast this week. We have 2 nights of prayer collectively during it and at the end of the second night my pastor felt led to pray for the single women in the church who desire to be married but struggle not being married. He prayed against the despair, sadness, hopelessness that man of the women in our church have been feeling and he has been sensing. He prayed that God would show us areas in ourselves that make us not ready for marriage, that we be found by Godly men,that men would not be scared to approach a woman and tell her he likes her or ask her out. That the men would get there stuff together to enter into marriage, that they not play games, and not be intimidated by the women in the church. That we would be content in God, that we would know and feel his love, be receptive of God's love for us and see him as our husband above any other. It brought many of the women, self included, to tears because of spoke to a part of ourselves we didn't want t o admit, was heavy on our hearts, and just praying for us and seeing what is going on in a large population of our church.

Thanks for all the resources. And encouragement look forward to participating in this thread and the CF in general.
 
Vonnieluvs08 said:
I agree that it is a mirror of who we are. The flaws we know and don't know are put on display and our spouses call us on them and we are forced to change.

However I believe many times we buy into this lie that only marriage can sanctify us. Marriage sanctifies us in a different way but not a better way. The things we change/learn in marriage we would have learned and changed thru other experiences because God wants us to look like his son no matter what.

In the end it is all a sanctification process, married or single, and the end result is the same-We look like Christ and God is glorified through us. The healing comes as we endure the process and persevere . Like Romans 5:3-5 says about persevering is to produce character and character produces hope. We have to endure to change so whether we endure in a marriage or endure in our singleness we must persevere and have a heart for wanting to change and look like Christ.
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Waw, you explained it very well, makes me see things in a new perspective.
 
This past weekend was a downer. A complete stranger asked if I was pregnant then explained to me WHY she thought I was while her husband attempted to comfort me with "a lot of men these days don't like 'skinny women'." Then I didn't get a call from a certain guy who promised to call yesterday evening. I don't want to feel bad about it all but it comes in waves...that feeling of being undesirable and rejected. I know that I am giving too much weight to other people words and actions because I know that God desires me and has not rejected me!
 
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:bighug:Haddasah:bighug:

Words can sometimes sting, but it seems to me that you already possess the most potent antidote: knowledge of the truth. :yep: Not only does God desire you, but He created you exactly as He intended you to be. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Nothing anyone can say will take away from that. :)

You've probably already encountered this post, but in case you haven't, it really helped settle my spirit with regard to desirability and perceived rejection. If anything you were likely spared from a man who can't be held to his word--imagine the long term implications of becoming emotionally involved with someone who makes promises he doesn't feel compelled to keep!

Despite emotional difficulties along the way, the God we serve is a faithful God--a God we can trust to always have our best interests at heart. It's not my experience or belief that He withholds any good thing from us, which is reason enough to thank Him for working everything out for our good when certain elements are removed from our lives.
 
Belle Du Jour said:
I feel like there is certain knowledge and healing that can only come from being in a relationship. Some lessons can't be learn on your own. Thoughts?
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I swear you're in my head sometimes, Belle Du Jour!

Yes, I definitely have thoughts but may have to come back another time to type them out fully. The short answer is: YES! The biggest ones that come to mind that I have heard from a few married folk is "selflessness/altruism" and "forgiveness". Giving a few hours to the poor is one thing but selflessness in marriage is another thing. Forgiving strangers is one thing but forgiving a spouse or child is a whole other level.

But yes, I agree with you especially on a personal level. I believe that I cannot reach a certain maturation and certain healing outside of marriage. However I don't know this to be true for all single women .. maybe just some of us ...
 
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nubiennze said:
:bighug:Haddasah:bighug:

Words can sometimes sting, but it seems to me that you already possess the most potent antidote: knowledge of the truth. :yep: Not only does God desire you, but He created you exactly as He intended you to be. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Nothing anyone can say will take away from that. :)

You've probably already encountered this post, but in case you haven't, it really helped settle my spirit with regard to desirability and perceived rejection. If anything you were likely spared from a man who can't be held to his word--imagine the long term implications of becoming emotionally involved with someone who makes promises he doesn't feel compelled to keep!

Despite emotional difficulties along the way, the God we serve is a faithful God--a God we can trust to always have our best interests at heart. It's not my experience or belief that He withholds any good thing from us, which is reason enough to thank Him for working everything out for our good when certain elements are removed from our lives.
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Thank you for the kind words of encouragement! :rosebud:
 
I usually just watch this vlogger for her hair care vids, so seeing this "Fiancé Tag" (i.e., interview with her fiancé) in my feed was unexpected. I thought I would share it to encourage you ladies - especially those who question where the Christian men have gone.

They got engaged sometime last year and will wed this March. They met at church and started as friends, but he knew from the start that she was the one and pursued her. Read this snippet (it's not in the video above) from how they met ... I thought it was interesting since some of you may be saying exactly what she said:

The Man: It was a hot Sabbath day after church and my friend said she would take me over to meet [The Woman] if I’d stop harassing her about it. So over we went…

The Woman: I was chatting with a few of my girlfriends after church, when the friend walked over and introduced us to one of her friends, [The Man]. It was funny because my friends and I were just joking about how there weren’t any guys our age at this particular church. [The Man] seemed very polite and we shook hands …
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And the rest is history. Another reminder that your future hubby can be just around the corner or hidden in the masses. He'll emerge when he's ready and possibly even when it looks like there is no man in sight.
 
Went to bible study/discussion get together last night and the topic was jealousy and envy- that ended up on the topic of dating

At the age of 27 I am very happy with my decision to not date as I was not spiritually mature before and I want God to prepare me for what he has in His plans for me The more I am in the Word and Not Dating the stronger I feel...i'm loving this rebirth and my only regret is that I didnt take this more seriously years ago
 
loolalooh said:
I usually just watch this vlogger for her hair care vids, so seeing this "Fiancé Tag" (i.e., interview with her fiancé) in my feed was unexpected. I thought I would share it to encourage you ladies - especially those who question where the Christian men have gone.

They got engaged sometime last year and will wed this March. They met at church and started as friends, but he knew from the start that she was the one and pursued her. Read this snippet (it's not in the video above) from how they met ... I thought it was interesting since some of you may be saying exactly what she said:

And the rest is history. Another reminder that your future hubby can be just around the corner or hidden in the masses. He'll emerge when he's ready and possibly even when it looks like there is no man in sight.
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Sorry to impose on your thread but I had to comment after I saw the video. I met my Christian Husband, who loves The Lord at they gym. I was well into my 30's when I met my husband, he was several years younger than me ;-) Similar to the video he pursued me for a few weeks before I even knew it. I had been a member there for quite some time and he was asking this guy at the front desk if he knew me ...He would come every day to see if I was there and finally we ended up coming on the same evening once again. From across the gym I saw this guy staring at me, I thought he was someone else (another cute guy who worked out there) I paid him no mind and continued to work out. I even told my cousin, we worked out together sometimes, this guy keeps looking at me, she was checking him out also...lol...then finally he approached me, we talked, he had moved into the area for work, we knew a few people in common by chance, he walked me to my car and we exchanged numbers. I remember thinking, I'm not going to get my hopes up (I'm sure we all know how that goes). He was tall, fit and handsome, physically he was what I liked but he seemed to nice (How dumb does that sound..lol) He soon after called and asked me out (I did not call him, I would let him call me at first). He was not giving up, we went out on our 1st date to a great restaurant and had an absolutely wonderful time because he listened to me, every word that came from my lips....He honored the fact that I was celibate, He said he had no problem waiting, I made it known very early on that I was not dating for kicks and that I was only going to date someone seriously if it led to marriage; we were on the same page. He knew I loved The Lord and he also expressed his love for God...1.5 years later we were married. The thing is he knew from the 1st day we met that he was going to marry me, I on the other hand, didn't think of him in that light at first. It's funny how God works.

I say that because I had dated a bunch of jerks up until I met my husband and I was tired of the foolishness leading nowhere. God knew my heart ( i would express it to him I'm sure daily when it came to finding a husband, I truly desired one at that time in my life) God knew I had to experience the egotistically and arrogant ones before I would realize that that was NOT what I wanted. Because I was so tired of the games I was open to receive my husband with little resistance on my part (God knew this about me). He truly blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves me dearly and our family. He is my precious gift from GOD and I am his. Single ladies trust GOD, let him know the desires of your heart, have faith and know that in HIS time all things will reveal themselves, be patient and steadfast and when He knows both of you are ready then He will reveal His glory. God works in our relationship everyday, through the good and the challenging times but my husband and I both see His hand guiding us every step of the way!
I apologize for highjacking the thread but I needed to share this because I too was once a single, Christian woman!
 
GodivaChocolate said:
Sorry to impose on your thread but I had to comment after I saw the video. I met my Christian Husband, who loves The Lord at they gym. I was well into my 30's when I met my husband, he was several years younger than me ;-) Similar to the video he pursued me for a few weeks before I even knew it. I had been a member there for quite some time and he was asking this guy at the front desk if he knew me ...He would come every day to see if I was there and finally we ended up coming on the same evening once again. From across the gym I saw this guy staring at me, I thought he was someone else (another cute guy who worked out there) I paid him no mind and continued to work out. I even told my cousin, we worked out together sometimes, this guy keeps looking at me, she was checking him out also...lol...then finally he approached me, we talked, he had moved into the area for work, we knew a few people in common by chance, he walked me to my car and we exchanged numbers. I remember thinking, I'm not going to get my hopes up (I'm sure we all know how that goes). He was tall, fit and handsome, physically he was what I liked but he seemed to nice (How dumb does that sound..lol) He soon after called and asked me out (I did not call him, I would let him call me at first). He was not giving up, we went out on our 1st date to a great restaurant and had an absolutely wonderful time because he listened to me, every word that came from my lips....He honored the fact that I was celibate, He said he had no problem waiting, I made it known very early on that I was not dating for kicks and that I was only going to date someone seriously if it led to marriage; we were on the same page. He knew I loved The Lord and he also expressed his love for God...1.5 years later we were married. The thing is he knew from the 1st day we met that he was going to marry me, I on the other hand, didn't think of him in that light at first. It's funny how God works.

I say that because I had dated a bunch of jerks up until I met my husband and I was tired of the foolishness leading nowhere. God knew my heart ( i would express it to him I'm sure daily when it came to finding a husband, I truly desired one at that time in my life) God knew I had to experience the egotistically and arrogant ones before I would realize that that was NOT what I wanted. Because I was so tired of the games I was open to receive my husband with little resistance on my part (God knew this about me). He truly blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves me dearly and our family. He is my precious gift from GOD and I am his. Single ladies trust GOD, let him know the desires of your heart, have faith and know that in HIS time all things will reveal themselves, be patient and steadfast and when He knows both of you are ready then He will reveal His glory. God works in our relationship everyday, through the good and the challenging times but my husband and I both see His hand guiding us every step of the way!
I apologize for highjacking the thread but I needed to share this because I too was once a single, Christian woman!
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Thank you for this.
 
GodivaChocolate said:
Sorry to impose on your thread but I had to comment after I saw the video. I met my Christian Husband, who loves The Lord at they gym. I was well into my 30's when I met my husband, he was several years younger than me ;-) Similar to the video he pursued me for a few weeks before I even knew it. I had been a member there for quite some time and he was asking this guy at the front desk if he knew me ...He would come every day to see if I was there and finally we ended up coming on the same evening once again. From across the gym I saw this guy staring at me, I thought he was someone else (another cute guy who worked out there) I paid him no mind and continued to work out. I even told my cousin, we worked out together sometimes, this guy keeps looking at me, she was checking him out also...lol...then finally he approached me, we talked, he had moved into the area for work, we knew a few people in common by chance, he walked me to my car and we exchanged numbers. I remember thinking, I'm not going to get my hopes up (I'm sure we all know how that goes). He was tall, fit and handsome, physically he was what I liked but he seemed to nice (How dumb does that sound..lol) He soon after called and asked me out (I did not call him, I would let him call me at first). He was not giving up, we went out on our 1st date to a great restaurant and had an absolutely wonderful time because he listened to me, every word that came from my lips....He honored the fact that I was celibate, He said he had no problem waiting, I made it known very early on that I was not dating for kicks and that I was only going to date someone seriously if it led to marriage; we were on the same page. He knew I loved The Lord and he also expressed his love for God...1.5 years later we were married. The thing is he knew from the 1st day we met that he was going to marry me, I on the other hand, didn't think of him in that light at first. It's funny how God works.

I say that because I had dated a bunch of jerks up until I met my husband and I was tired of the foolishness leading nowhere. God knew my heart ( i would express it to him I'm sure daily when it came to finding a husband, I truly desired one at that time in my life) God knew I had to experience the egotistically and arrogant ones before I would realize that that was NOT what I wanted. Because I was so tired of the games I was open to receive my husband with little resistance on my part (God knew this about me). He truly blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves me dearly and our family. He is my precious gift from GOD and I am his. Single ladies trust GOD, let him know the desires of your heart, have faith and know that in HIS time all things will reveal themselves, be patient and steadfast and when He knows both of you are ready then He will reveal His glory. God works in our relationship everyday, through the good and the challenging times but my husband and I both see His hand guiding us every step of the way!
I apologize for highjacking the thread but I needed to share this because I too was once a single, Christian woman!
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No imposing at all! Direct testimonies from married Christian women are treasures. Thank you sharing. :yep:
 
Today’s topic is Myth #4: Men/Women Are Defective
Rejection

When we are rejected by men, it is very common for our friends to try to make us feel better. One way our friends do that is to say that the one who rejected us is ‘defective’ in some way.

“He is afraid of commitment.”

“He is a selfish jerk!”

“He spends too much time working.”

“He is a miser with his money.”

This shirt is funny. The best way to bust this myth is to realize that we are all ‘defective’ in some way. Indeed, some more than others. But, we are also human beings with a soul. Everyone deserves to be treated with dignity. It is unhealthy to tear down the person who rejects us.

A Man’s Potential

Instead, I think the rejection and perceived defect could be explained by (you guessed it) the idea that we each have a veil covering us. The one who rejects us cannot see us due to our veil. And, in the same way, we cannot see them because of their veil. So, they look ‘defective’ to us. But are they?

Here is what may surprise you. That guy who is afraid of committing to you? He will have no problem committing to the girl he loves. The selfish jerk? He can, under the right circumstance with the right girl, become a good husband. Same with the guy who works too much and is a miser with his money. Given the right circumstances, he can change.

Love changes men. But the love has to be fed by grace or it will die. This is why chastity, including marital chastity, is so important. Love is the spark but the grace of chastity is the fuel source that stokes the fire of love. Marital Chastity, which includes remaining open to life, strengthens and cements commitment. It sands off the rough edges of selfishness. Chastity resets priorities and aligns them with what is best for the marriage and family. Chastity infuses supernatural graces leading to Superabundance.

Give Him What He Needs

So, don’t worry about that guy who rejects you. He is not defective. He is just in need of love from the girl God has chosen for him. And, he is in need of Chastity….from her.

When women expect to be treated with dignity, something remarkable happens:

Men discover that they’ll have to become gentlemen if they wish the company of women.” – Jason Evert

I actually feel sorry for him because the likelihood of him getting what he needs is very slim. Unchaste behavior before marriage blinds men and they often marry the wrong girl for the wrong reasons. Sadly, their love will mostly likely die. But even that marriage would be salvageable with marital chastity.

“Since a woman is loved, it follows that the nobler a woman is, the nobler a man will have to be to be deserving of that love.”- Archbishop Fulton Sheen

Even though men most likely are not aware of their need for chastity, the fact that they are not being provided the opportunity to experience this virtue is making them cynical. Most girls are just not aware of the supernatural power of chastity and so it is not even an option for them or the guy.
Faithful and Fruitful

…and free

Mr. Rejection is not defective and neither are you.

A Good Example Of An Incorrect Assessment

In this blog post by someone I admire and respect, the following “he’s defective” assessments were drawn: “he’s an ***, and you are not. You didn’t do anything wrong, and he’s an undependable flake.”

Reading the letter from “Mauled by a Bear?” was heart-wrenching because I could so easily relate to her experience of frustration! But, I disagree with the above assessment because I don’t think the guy in the letter is defective. This girl is just not ‘the one’ and he is communicating that to her with his wishy washy-ness. We girls must resist the temptation to make excuses and we must not overlook what these guys are communicating.

Ultimately, the advice provided near the end of the post is fair for both the girl and the guy:

“But if you want to know if a guy really likes you, you have to leave the heavy social lifting to him. Let him be the first to text in a text stream. Let him be the first to email in an email stream. If he wants to see you, he will ask to see you. Men do what they want, and usually try to get out of whatever they don’t want. End of story.” Auntie Seraphic @ Seraphic Singles

You remain in my prayers. God love and bless you.
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Please lift me up before the Lord, ladies--I'm amidst a wave of insecurity and feeling a little down. :ohwell:

Of course I know what/who it is; I believe I made myself accessible after my brother chided me about my reluctance toward online dating. I'd already been there and done that (and told him as much) but internalized his assertion that my perspective was outdated and decided to revisit it since many of my standards have evolved since then. I convinced myself that I may be missing out on the types of guys I'd previously overlooked. :nono:

Not knocking anyone who doesn't feel convicted using this avenue, but considering I'd already been admonished once to leave it alone (and didn't feel particularly at peace about it this time), for me it's just disobedience. *sigh* Now my mind is suddenly re-preoccupied with things past which I'd already moved.

Please be more vigilant than I was--the voice of the Lord should always outrank that of loved ones regardless of how well-meaning they may be.
 
From Boundless:

A biblical relationship recognizes that men and women have different roles to play in dating and getting married. He is called to initiate, and you are called to respond. Giving him your number and telling him to call you sounds like you were trying too hard to get him to ask you out. As a woman, God designed you to be a helper. In marriage, that means using your gifts to help your husband carry through his leadership.1 In all of life, including dating, it means living out all the one-another verses in Scripture, as brothers and sisters in Christ. We are called to help one another grow in godliness. That's no less true when we're dating or hoping to date. His godliness, not your hope for romance, should be your primary motivation. You want him to lead and are trying to help him do it. And that's good. But what's your goal in all this: advancing his leadership or getting him to move your relationship forward? They may sound like one and the same, but the motivation is different. As women, we must search our hearts (they are deceitful, see Jeremiah 17:9) and pray against our tendency to manipulate things toward our advantage; something we women tend to be pretty good at (thanks to our fallen nature).
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I think this is an interesting way to think about it: by not taking the leadership role away from a man, you're actually helping him. . .

A man's willingness to assume the risk is an essential (albeit small) test of his character and his ability to take on the role of husband. As I've written in the past on Boundless, "Risking rejection is merely a glimpse of a glimpse of a glimpse of that level of sacrifice [required in marriage]. Any man unwilling to take it is unworthy of a godly woman's consideration for marriage."
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Full article here: http://www.boundless.org/2005/answers/a0002638.cfm
 
A daughter of my parents' friend is getting married this December. I'm so happy for her!

Short background story:

Her previous fiance stood her up and disappeared. She was crushed but kept the faith and focus. Now, a few years later, she is engaged and prepping for her wedding. She turns 38 this year.

I know a majority of women would've given up around her age, especially after being jilted by a fiance. Keep the faith, ladies.
 
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