hopeful
Well-Known Member
I agree with @lana. Take your time and enjoy yourself. And I would not answer his question: "Let me ask this. Do you have any expectations? What are your intentions?" I personally think it is too forward too soon. Or at least he should now put himself out there a little more. He asked you out. You admitted to a crush. Now his turn IMO. He's trying to get too much info upfront IMO. Perhaps he is skiddish, idk, but I think you both will have to go with the flow and relax and just get to know each other a little more.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
Me: Would you consider this our 4th date or a 1st date do-over?
Him: A combo of the two. I did want to ask you this face to face, but what makes now different than before? You seemed disinterested in me before.
Me: You know, I don't know. I've been trying to figure that out as well. I don't know if I've matured or you've changed or a combo of the two. or just a change in circumstances. But I think I developed a little crush on you.
Him: I got you. Let me ask this. Do you have any expectations? What are your intentions?
Me: We really should have had this convo face to face last night lol.
Him: I hear you, next time we will.
So....he knows I like him. But he didn't say it back.
He's showing a little saltiness. He knows that he changed. He knows his looks (weight loss) played a part.
I do not understand why he asked you about expectations and intentions when initiated this. Something about this is agitating. Op, I would fall back a little. Let him initiate all the way. No more leading questions. Let him show his intentions.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I agree. A little passive aggressive.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Treat him like any other guy. Start fresh. Don't give him a pass because you weren't interested before. Have the same hopes and expectations you'd have for a new person. You have nothing to prove and you had every right to pass on him the first time you met. Hopefully he will want to court you and know that he is lucky to have gotten a 2nd chance with you.
Adonia1987
Well-Known Member
OP, I would fall all the way back if I was you. I think you could have avoided this if you had let him chase you. I wouldn't have texted him asking if it was our 1st date. You rejected him before and he knows why. He is definitely salty because he clearly knows you are interested now that he lost weight. I agree with others about treating him like any other guy. Don't let him guilt you into accepting less from him (house dates, being passive agressive...)
BGT
Well-Known Member
But that's not why I was not interested in him. I was not interested in him because I thought he was a boring workaholic.
I even asked him recently if he feels he is able to make time for the things he finds important. I liked his body bigger and now.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
But that's not why I was not interested in him. I was not interested in him because I thought he was a boring workaholic.
I liked his body bigger and now.
Well that's interesting. It will be interesting to see if he is still a workaholic or not. That remains to be seen. If it turns out that he is still a workaholic I would KIM. Watch his actions. People always say no I've changed I'm no longer like that. Boo! Prove it with action and how you live and how you treat me.
MomofThreeBoys
Well-Known Member
Happened to me. Said I wasn't interested after our first date. A year and a half later he calls me out of the blue and we have a great conversation. Been married 20 years now.
ditto lol buutttttttt
im on his side a bit she played him to the left yrs ago and now she is like heyyyyyy!!! i think any man or woman would be skeptical to not get their hopes up to avoid being hurt
if this was reversed and a woman was played to the left by a dude yrs ago we would want her to be sure his actions and intentions are clear this time around, why arent we giving dude that same pov
dude is human to and his feelings were hurt by the rejection....even the mere fact that he is checking for her now is huge as i would not give anyone a 2nd chance
as woman we are speaking from a her stance..... he should be happy im checking for him but dude was rejected yrs ago
i would be completely honest w/ him and say before i thought you were a workaholic and didnt have time to put into the type of relationship i wanted to be in
he can take it from there but i also would be honest with my interest in a very vague way...as in im interested in a life partner at this time in my life and am open to that journey...
dude has every right to question or seek answers on her intentions now as clearly she wasnt feeling him b4..its a very valid question
OP good luck wishing you all the best
im on his side a bit she played him to the left yrs ago and now she is like heyyyyyy!!! i think any man or woman would be skeptical to not get their hopes up to avoid being hurt
if this was reversed and a woman was played to the left by a dude yrs ago we would want her to be sure his actions and intentions are clear this time around, why arent we giving dude that same pov
dude is human to and his feelings were hurt by the rejection....even the mere fact that he is checking for her now is huge as i would not give anyone a 2nd chance
as woman we are speaking from a her stance..... he should be happy im checking for him but dude was rejected yrs ago
i would be completely honest w/ him and say before i thought you were a workaholic and didnt have time to put into the type of relationship i wanted to be in
he can take it from there but i also would be honest with my interest in a very vague way...as in im interested in a life partner at this time in my life and am open to that journey...
dude has every right to question or seek answers on her intentions now as clearly she wasnt feeling him b4..its a very valid question
OP good luck wishing you all the best
Yeah, he kinda feelin' himself and in his feelings. Ain't nobody got time for that
BGT
Well-Known Member
^^ My answer will be that I thought he didn't have time for a relationship (seeing as all he did was talk about work) and that concerned me, even now; a few days ago I asked him how is he able to make time for the things he finds important. Back then, all I did was work a 7:30-4 job, go to the gym and have my nights and weekends free. But now that I'm in school 3 nights per week, I'm much more understanding of his situation.
Mai Tai
Miss Nigeria-America
OK @BGT...Like other posters have stated, now is the time to fall back a little because he has noticed that you've noticed him and we are still not sure of HIS intentions. He may be on some "Back then ya'll didn't want me. Now I'm hot heaus all on me" type stuff so be careful with revealing too much about how you were disinterested at first. This is how I would have handled that text convo:
Me: Thanks for dinner. I really had a good time.
Him: I did want to ask you this face to face, but what makes now different than before? You seemed disinterested in me before.
Me: I'm not sure what you mean but I had a great time last night.
Him: I got you. Let me ask this. Do you have any expectations? What are your intentions?
Me: We really should have had this convo face to face last night lol.
Him: I hear you, next time we will.
Me: Thanks for dinner. I really had a good time.
Him: I did want to ask you this face to face, but what makes now different than before? You seemed disinterested in me before.
Me: I'm not sure what you mean but I had a great time last night.
Him: I got you. Let me ask this. Do you have any expectations? What are your intentions?
Me: We really should have had this convo face to face last night lol.
Him: I hear you, next time we will.
InsertCleverNameHere
Well-Known Member
Man, that was crazy!
OP, you were like, "You know, just in case you forgot, let me highlight how I rejected yo arse before. Cause, you know...I did. Don't be getting none of those first date butterflies! Remember there were one...two...three...that's right- THREE underwhelming dates before this one. Right before I kicked you to the curb. Just in case you weren't paying attention."
Y'all will be ok though
Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
What man asks a woman her intentions? Shouldnt it be the other way around? Cute story but don't give him too much air time OP. Try not to talk so much. Make him work.
Shouldnt it be the other way around? Cute story but don't give him too much air time OP. Try not to talk so much. Make him work.
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Black Ambrosia
Well-Known Member
What man asks a woman her intentions?
The only time a man has asked about my intentions was so that he could tell me to lower my expectations.
OP, I hope that's not the case here but it's a really odd question that men don't usually ask. Hopefully he wants to know that your interest is real and that you won't flake out on him like before but I agree with the others about falling back a bit. Also, I'd definitely tell him the real reason you weren't interested before because he may be letting the weight loss and your sudden interest go to his head.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
ditto lol buutttttttt
im on his side a bit she played him to the left yrs ago and now she is like heyyyyyy!!! i think any man or woman would be skeptical to not get their hopes up to avoid being hurt
if this was reversed and a woman was played to the left by a dude yrs ago we would want her to be sure his actions and intentions are clear this time around, why arent we giving dude that same pov
dude is human to and his feelings were hurt by the rejection....even the mere fact that he is checking for her now is huge as i would not give anyone a 2nd chance
as woman we are speaking from a her stance..... he should be happy im checking for him but dude was rejected yrs ago
i would be completely honest w/ him and say before i thought you were a workaholic and didnt have time to put into the type of relationship i wanted to be in
he can take it from there but i also would be honest with my interest in a very vague way...as in im interested in a life partner at this time in my life and am open to that journey...
dude has every right to question or seek answers on her intentions now as clearly she wasnt feeling him b4..its a very valid question
OP good luck wishing you all the best
This would be valid if she threw herself at him at her friend's party, But he asked her out again this time.
Op are you leaving out any details? Maybe when you saw him at the party he felt that you were extra excited? Sometimes men read too deep into it if we seem a *teensy* bit interested.
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Mai Tai
Miss Nigeria-America
What man asks a woman her intentions?
YESSSSS LORD SAY IT AGAIN!!!
Browndilocks
Browndisha Brownie Sundae
Me: Would you consider this our 4th date or a 1st date do-over?
Him: A combo of the two. I did want to ask you this face to face, but what makes now different than before? You seemed disinterested in me before.
Me: You know, I don't know. I've been trying to figure that out as well. I don't know if I've matured or you've changed or a combo of the two. or just a change in circumstances. But I think I developed a little crush on you.
Him: I got you. Let me ask this. Do you have any expectations? What are your intentions?
Me: We really should have had this convo face to face last night lol.
Him: I hear you, next time we will.
So....he knows I like him. But he didn't say it back.
The bold is where you start losing power girl. This is what I mean when I say not to talk so much. Pace yourself and observe. Keep thoughts of this nature a secret. You should have him wondering about how you're feeling. He should have to chase you for a while to find out.
BGT
Well-Known Member
Black Ambrosia
Well-Known Member
In the context of this thread it means to disengage a bit. You don't need to ignore him or be rude but let him do the work. Let him initiate contact whether it's by phone or text. Don't entertain dates that involve hanging at his place. Don't put yourself in a situation where he takes you for granted because he thinks you're pressed.What exactly does "fall back" mean?
GeorginaSparks
Well-Known Member
Yup. I bet you respond to his texts immediately huh
very good advice given already.
BGT
Well-Known Member
Yup. I bet you respond to his texts immediately huh
I let them sit for a while. We're going out tomorrow if I have time. I have a school assignment due.
Black Ambrosia
Well-Known Member
Will this be date #2? Any other topics come up via text?
Keep us posted. We're rooting for you.
Keep us posted. We're rooting for you.
.
BGT
Well-Known Member
Will this be date #2? Any other topics come up via text?
Keep us posted. We're rooting for you.
Yes, he won't be able to come to my performance. He works
He's a Supervisor and rising to Manager at a chemical company down here. He makes a considerable sum and because of his Masters', he's the youngest soon to be Manager on site.Also, I told him that my brother is a barber so he said that maybe my brother can start cutting his hair.
If we can't meet up tomorrow, then we won't be able to meet up til next Sunday. I'm busy with work, school, and performance practice and he's busy with work. I'll let y'all know if we meet up for sure tomorrow night but it all depends on how much I get done on my paper!
If y'all wanna help me, please find articles about several states' reasons for or against Medicaid expansion. 3-5 pages due Wednesday.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
...
If y'all wanna help me, please find articles about several states' reasons for or against Medicaid expansion. 3-5 pages due Wednesday.
Sorry we can't help you with the paper
. But we wish you the best. Hope your next date goes well be it today or next week. I like that you continue to make school a priority -- always stay focused on what's important to you.
BGT
Well-Known Member
So I finished my paper!! I texted him and asked if he still wanted to get together; not answer after 1.5 hours, so I called him. poor baby was sleep. He worked overnight and hadn't slept since Friday. I told him to go back to sleep and let's plan for a date next Sunday. He said, "Yes, don't worry, we'll make it happen."
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