Dating Woes: First Date, Guy Asks To Pick Him Up..

[barbiesocialite]

Da hell is wrong with that man?!?!?!

I wouldn't pick up a man on the first date, 2nd date, 16th date, any date--matter of fact the conversation and any interest in him would have been over as soon as he said it bc clearly this man doesnt know what a date is in the first place. ***. Where dey do dat @?!?!?!

 

[Lilmama1011]

I ain't going to lie that's a turn off with a guy not having a car and I have one and he asks me to come pick him up and on the first date?! But realistically someone shouldn't be judged on what they don't have or have (materialistically)! He probably doesn't have a vehicle but has a big heart and actually a great guy. I have actually dated a guy who didn't have a car and I had one and this dude still enjoyed walking. He would be like no I'm fine I will walk or catch the bus but since I got emotionally attached I didn't want him walking anywhere because fear of getting hurt. But if you don't have a problem picking him up go ahead further your relationship but if it bothers you don't do it because it will show in the way you act around him

 

[Mortons]

Its TOO MUCH to pay $25 on priceline to rent a car or pay for a 4 hour zip car rental? I'm bougie as hell then cause I think a day with me is worth the price of a walmart trip.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I ain't going to lie that's a turn off with a guy not having a car and I have one and he asks me to come pick him up and on the first date?! But realistically someone shouldn't be judged on what they don't have or have (materialistically)! He probably doesn't have a vehicle but has a big heart and actually a great guy. I have actually dated a guy who didn't have a car and I had one and this dude still enjoyed walking. He would be like no I'm fine I will walk or catch the bus but since I got emotionally attached I didn't want him walking anywhere because fear of getting hurt. But if you don't have a problem picking him up go ahead further your relationship but if it bothers you don't do it because it will show in the way you act around him

Before he died my grandfather only gave me one piece of dating advice in which he said, verbatim, "there's something wrong with a man that doesn't have a car."

 

[Bublin]

So, what if a man doesn't have a car but is more than happy to fill your tank with petrol and of course pay for every date?

On topic - he should have taken the bus to meet the op, not asked her to pick him up on a first date.

 

[JayAnn0513]

That is not acceptable here. Maybe in NYC or something but even the poorest of people have cars. It's quite hard to be successful without one, but jot impossible.

 

[barbiesocialite]

So, what if a man doesn't have a car but is more than happy to fill your tank with petrol and of course pay for every date?

On topic - he should have taken the bus to meet the op, not asked her to pick him up on a first date.

that's even worse!

imagine if a man showed up for your date and when you asked him where his car is "hey baby, let's walk to the bus stop to catch the bus in time for our reservations---or you can drive so you can take me home after the date" what kinda craziness is that?!

 

[Lilmama1011]

Before he died my grandfather only gave me one piece of dating advice in which he said, verbatim, "there's something wrong with a man that doesn't have a car."

I still rather have a man that has a car tho. When I was single the first criteria was that he must have vehicle because I was talking to a guy that had a car and i got spoiled. I was able to go anywhere anytime and not have to leave the house a hour and a half to catch the bus but fifteen minutes prior. But someone made a good point( this was when I didn't have a car because I gave it to the junkyard), how you expect someone to have something that you don't have and that he could see If I had a car and wanted a guy to have a car as well and basically be on the same status as me and to be honest it did put me in my place.

 

[Lilmama1011]

that's even worse!

imagine if a man showed up for your date and when you asked him where his car is "hey baby, let's walk to the bus stop to catch the bus in time for our reservations---or you can drive so you can take me home after the date" what kinda craziness is that?!

Lolcatching the bus thing

 

[barbiesocialite]

I still rather have a man that has a car tho. When I was single the first criteria was that he must have vehicle because I was talking to a guy that had a car and i got spoiled. I was able to go anywhere anytime and not have to leave the house a hour and a half to catch the bus but fifteen minutes prior. But someone made a good point( this was when I didn't have a car because I gave it to the junkyard), how you expect someone to have something that you don't have and that he could see If I had a car and wanted a guy to have a car as well and basically be on the same status as me and to be honest it did put me in my place.

it's has nothing to do with being spoiled. A man should be able to and want to treat a woman like a lady. If a woman is opening her own doors chauffering around a man to take him where he has to go in addition to driving herself everywhere, it's a problem. Esp in the beginning during courtship since she's doing just as much courting as he is. Also, men are supposed to be protectors. What if something happens to wife/gf that calls for immediate attention. If a man doesnt have a car he either can't get there or has to depend on someone else as a grown man to take him to his responsibilities. Again, that's a problem.

If a woman doesnt mind role reversals then great drive away. That's not for me. With my own parents, even if my dad wasn't using his car bc it was in the shop or simply that my mom's car was more convenient he ALWAYS drove if my mother was with him.

I had one bf that didn't have a car. I was 16 and he was 17 yet my grandfather automatically disliked him bc he said it was unnatural--esp since I had a car. I haven't dated anyone without a car since.

 

[Babysaffy]

Before he died my grandfather only gave me one piece of dating advice in which he said, verbatim, "there's something wrong with a man that doesn't have a car."

First of all LMAO!!!

My dad has also said many a time, since I was old enough to date in his eyes (20) lol "Any man that can't drive/doesn't have a car isn't serious"

 

[FemmeFatale]

Thank you all for the commentary and laughs! So much has happened between them and now, I don't even know where to start, smh

He later text me saying that he was joking around and sent me info for our date, 2 hrs before the date..a cute Tapas bar in Soho but I was still at work and I honestly I wasn't thrilled about having to meet him in the city paying $50 for toll and parking. So now I have to drive into the city to meet you, NO.

I told him we would have to reschedule and he then said that he was already on his way and that he already cancelled a meeting with a client. He then said that I lost 5 points for that. I told him that he gave me the details too late and that we don't have to communicate anymore at this point and to have a good night.

He blew up my phone and then sent me this text:



I really think men don't know how to date anymore..anyway I have one scheduled with my Nigerian guy next week. I have high hopes for him.

 

[amberangel4u]

way back when in my dating pre- everybody has a cell phone days, I agreed to meet my date halfway. we agreed to meet on the grand central parkway at the gas station. This was way before map quest, etc. so it made sense. I have don it before to meet up with friends so one us would not get lost. why when I pull up this fool is in a CAB, and using the cabbies phone to call my motorola Flip Phone!!!!!! erplexed He claims he had to put his car in the shop that afternoon and did not have a way to call me so late! So he could not meet me in the city! who the hell takes a cab to a gas station, on a parkway, with the meter running for a date!!!!!! erplexed

 

[FemmeFatale]

The reason why I'm cutthroat now is because 8 yrs ago I would've picked him up in my little Acura, smh being all nice and dumb and more than likely used. I believe that women set the precedent on how they're going to be treated and this is how most Kangs get their foot in.

 

[gabulldawg]

Da hell is wrong with that man?!?!?!

I wouldn't pick up a man on the first date, 2nd date, 16th date, any date--matter of fact the conversation and any interest in him would have been over as soon as he said it bc clearly this man doesnt know what a date is in the first place. ***. Where dey do dat @?!?!?!

I have never picked up a man for a date. Makes no sense to me.

Thank you all for the commentary and laughs! So much has happened between them and now, I don't even know where to start, smh

He later text me saying that he was joking around and sent me info for our date, 2 hrs before the date..a cute Tapas bar in Soho but I was still at work and I honestly I wasn't thrilled about having to meet him in the city paying $50 for toll and parking. So now I have to drive into the city to meet you, NO.

I told him we would have to reschedule and he then said that he was already on his way and that he already cancelled a meeting with a client. He then said that I lost 5 points for that. I told him that he gave me the details too late and that we don't have to communicate anymore at this point and to have a good night.

He blew up my phone and then sent me this text:



I really think men don't know how to date anymore..anyway I have one scheduled with my Nigerian guy next week. I have high hopes for him.

I think dude realized his mistake and figured out a way to get a car. If he was joking he would've said that right after he made the ”joke” (or he at least should have). Smh...

 

[PeaceFlow]

Hmm. I'm not obsessed with traditional stuff, but I wouldn't be impressed.

Actually I've never been on a date where the man drove because usually the first date includes drinks at some point, so they don't bring it. He manages to get there and I manage to get thereerplexed

The idea of picking someone up the first time (the man, or the woman) seems really weird because dates are kinda formal.

Where do you get these men from lol. I'm in disbelief reading date posts sometimes.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Hmm. I'm not obsessed with traditional stuff, but I wouldn't be impressed.

Actually I've never been on a date where the man drove because usually the first date includes drinks at some point, so they don't bring it. He manages to get there and I manage to get thereerplexed

The idea of picking someone up the first time (the man, or the woman) seems really weird because dates are kinda formal.

Where do you get these men from lol. I'm in disbelief reading date posts sometimes.

I met him at the "uber exclusive" W smh

 

[PeaceFlow]

I met him at the "uber exclusive" W smh

It's the lack of common sense in this man thats baffling me in this case. I don't know that reference but I find some of the men and women hanging in exclusive places are just pretenders sometimes.

What did he say when you told him it wasn't going to happen?

 

[Carolina Girl]

Devil's advocate here: This is why black men say black women are difficult and have attitudes. Rent a car? Like it isn't THAT serious. Clearly dude wanted to see OP that's why he didn't cancel the date. He was honest letting you know what was going on instead of just saying something came up, can't make it peace!

OP I'm assuming that you know that he really has a car? If so, I wouldn't write him off just yet unless you just think it's totally taking for a man to ask a woman for anything

What?! Expecting your date to furnish his own transportation is not being difficult. If he can provide transportation, is he going to ask for help on the check you know because he had to also loan his brother money for gas for the bigger car.

Thrifty rents daily for about $40 here which is cheaper than yellow cab. He needed to reschedule or find a ride that doesn't involve his date.

 

[FemmeFatale]

It's the lack of common sense in this man thats baffling me in this case. I don't know that reference but I find some of the men and women hanging in exclusive places are just pretenders sometimes.

What did he say when you told him it wasn't going to happen?

Read the post above..he got mad and said that he cancelled a meeting with a client and that I lost 5 points I told him to lose my number and to have a good night and he blew up my phone and then text me (see prev post).

 

[Carolina Girl]

The reason why I'm cutthroat now is because 8 yrs ago I would've picked him up in my little Acura, smh being all nice and dumb and more than likely used. I believe that women set the precedent on how they're going to be treated and this is how most Kangs get their foot in.

Exactly, I did that foolishness against my daddy's advice and oh boy what a fcuking mess. I learned my lesson. Now husband couldn't drive when I met him, he only ever asked how he could get a license in this country and proceeded to borrow a friends car, learn to drive and bought his first car.

And Femme, seeing his text you were right to follow your instincts

 

[PeaceFlow]

Read the post above..he got mad and said that he cancelled a meeting with a client and that I lost 5 points I told him to lose my number and to have a good night and he blew up my phone and then text me (see prev post).

Oh my, wat is I gon do

 

[carcajada]

I was right since page 1. He was definitely a loser. Good luck with the next guy, op

 

[greight]

Read the post above..he got mad and said that he cancelled a meeting with a client and that I lost 5 points I told him to lose my number and to have a good night and he blew up my phone and then text me (see prev post).

I'm sorry, but this dude was trying to test you Femme . To the left, to the LEFT! He was not just "joking" about the car... I have a feeling he was trying to test your reaction.

I also HATE IT when guys try to use a POINTS system on you. "Oh, you lost 5 points there. Oh + 10 points since you know another language"

From that points system ALONE, you dodged a loser. I find that the guys who do this ALWAYS think they are some prize that needs to be impressed. You trying to rate me and we haven't had the first date yet????? Who does that ish?

Also, why is he mad when he told you plans at the last minute???? I HATE it when a guy does that. So he didn't even have a place lined up until 2 hours before showtime? Whatever.

Call me bougie then. I lived through similar experiences in different guys over the years and I'm tired.

 

[sunnydaze]

I'm sorry, but this dude was trying to test you Femme . To the left, to the LEFT! He was not just "joking" about the car... I have a feeling he was trying to test your reaction.

I also HATE IT when guys try to use a POINTS system on you. "Oh, you lost 5 points there. Oh + 10 points since you know another language"

From that points system ALONE, you dodged a loser. I find that the guys who do this ALWAYS think they are some prize that needs to be impressed. You trying to rate me and we haven't had the first date yet????? Who does that ish?

Also, why is he mad when he told you plans at the last minute???? I HATE it when a guy does that. So he didn't even have a place lined up until 2 hours before showtime? Whatever.

Call me bougie then. I lived through similar experiences in different guys over the years and I'm tired.

This made me for some reason..but I'm right there with you.

I don't understand this point assignment system either. If someone came to me talking bout you get +5 points for this..-10 points for that, I'd be like ..you get no points at all for talking that bs.

 

[Menina Preta]

why? In the beginning dudes are trying to impress, how is he telling he doesnt KNOW(again 1st date) to come pick him up? what kinda shameless BS is that?

cultural differences I guess cos that ish aint normal

Its TOO MUCH to pay $25 on priceline to rent a car or pay for a 4 hour zip car rental? I'm bougie as hell then cause I think a day with me is worth the price of a walmart trip.

That is not acceptable here. Maybe in NYC or something but even the poorest of people have cars. It's quite hard to be successful without one, but jot impossible.

Renting a car in NYC is a lot more expensive than 25 bucks, so my frame of reference is different. Anyways, I don't live in a car city. For me, I guess I'd be disgusted if the guy made me pay for the cab home, so perhaps that's the equivalent.

Funny though, OP said they were meeting in Soho, and I assume she means NYC Soho. Since driving was a consideration, I guess they are in Jersey or something...if not, don't know too many young NYers, unless you're living in the far reaches of the outer boroughs who would drive downtown for a date, since parking is a hassle...Anyways, I guess he showed his arse in other ways. Reason #3243 if we don't have at least one friend or acquaintance in common, can't date you...

 

[greight]

This made me for some reason..but I'm right there with you.

I don't understand this point assignment system either. If someone came to me talking bout you get +5 points for this..-10 points for that, I'd be like ..you get no points at all for talking that bs.

I kid you not, Points System guy was 2 or 3 phone convos and a 1 date. I was 22, fresh out of college. My friends encouraged me to do online dating and I met him through it. FIRST AND LAST TIME ever with that bullish

The points came up in the second phone conversation prior to the first date. We were talking and getting to know each other and he kept saying "oh you get 2 points for that." He liked my ambition and gave me "five bonus points" .

I was steaming! I don't even recall what I said, but I did have an attitude and he replied, "I like a woman who stands up for herself" . I was so ready to cancel, but my friends said "noo, Greight! Just go out on a date. Give him a shot!" Well, I did. The only thing I recall was that the food was good and he was dumb as rocks.

Moral of the story was: don't listen to your friends, listen to your gut.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Wait my best friend begged me to hear him out and give him a chance, smh lol

 

[barbiesocialite]

@FemmeFatale, you don't seem that cutthroat based on your response. You actually reacted kinda emotional & flakey If you were cutthroat you wouldn't entertain any further conversation about or relevant to him and the situation. What's done would be done. finito. You could have explained the two of your are incompatible or ignored him--eiither way just KIM bc he/situation is truthfully not what you want/allow. But instead you cussed him out, volunteered to reschedule and then entertained a discussion with his friend. All of which open the gates bc it's egging him on for him to respond with more discussion/interaction. You two are prob a trip to watch lol

Either you like this dude or like drama. Nothing wrong with either one, everyone likes ppl for different reasons and some couples find verbal sparring matches sexy bc it's a challenge. So which is it?

 

[Maa Maa omo mti]

dude has done this before and there are some Quaans that have been happy to oblige.

jMO

eta: I would have told him he lost 50 points for coming off as a jerk