post ONE rule you have for dating

[SmileyNY]

Pay attention to how he treats other people, because that's how he'll treat you once he gets comfortable.

Was he rude to the waitress? ...Go to "the bathroom" and never come back.

Did he really stop at a red light, roll down the car window, and curse out the guy who cut him off? ...open the passenger door and kindly roll out of the car before the light turns green.

Did he just end that call with his mother by hanging up in her face? ...Put on your cross trainers RUN as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

 

[Mortons]

Must have SOLID PLANS when taking me out on a date or we are not going. None of this "maybe drinks and a movie" or "what would do you want to do/try" on the day of the date. Looks like you just penciled me in and didn't try. Not happening.

If you are consistently talking about your ex, you are not over them. No thanks to bringing them up for more than a sentence during our first dates together.

When you say "I feel like I dont know much about you", you either weren't listening, aren't perceptive, or weren't asking. Red flag.

 

[FemmeCreole]

My number and ONLY rule: always be myself.

 

[CaraWalker]

Great advice. What is the reaction you get?

guys are nicer/more polite/chivalrous.

 

[Evolving78]

Pay attention to how he treats other people, because that's how he'll treat you once he gets comfortable.

Was he rude to the waitress? ...Go to "the bathroom" and never come back.

Did he really stop at a red light, roll down the car window, and curse out the guy who cut him off? ...open the passenger door and kindly roll out of the car before the light turns green.

Did he just end that call with his mother by hanging up in her face? ...Put on your cross trainers RUN as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

This is the best advice ever and boy we always think we he won't do me like that...wrong! Wrong!

 

[destinyseeker]

Let the man do all the work...

He calls you the most ( otherwise you look desperate and why deprive him of the chase... They love that).
He Initiates invitations for dates ( and resist the urge to squeeze a last minute date into your "very busy life").
He plans the dates ( an interested man won't mind doing this).
He Initiates "the talk" (if he's into you... he'll definitely want you off the market)


If he won't put in the work on the front end... he definitely won't do it when he gets you either.

 

[cheetarah1980]

Great advice. What is the reaction you get?

The reaction is always positive. I find that men are more complimentary and engaged. Men are visual and especially in the beginning it's best to play to that. Plus I find that it also enhances my demeanor and how I behave.

 

[drappedup]

Pay attention to how he treats other people, because that's how he'll treat you once he gets comfortable.

Was he rude to the waitress? ...Go to "the bathroom" and never come back.

Did he really stop at a red light, roll down the car window, and curse out the guy who cut him off? ...open the passenger door and kindly roll out of the car before the light turns green.

Did he just end that call with his mother by hanging up in her face? ...Put on your cross trainers RUN as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

I recently went out a few times with a guy who I discovered talked about other women very derogatorily and dismissively (i.e., ex girlfriend, female coworkers). Very nice guy and didn't even notice this until the 3rd date. He was totally respectful and traditional with me (paid for everything without hesitation, opened doors, walked me to my building and waited until I was inside to leave, insisted on walking on outer side of sidewalk, etc.) so I was pretty shocked when it all came out. He even used the term THOT to refer to the women he meets in clubs. I was totally turned off instantly, and knew he was a definite NO. I don't care if you treat me like the Queen of the Earth, if you treat other people, especially one specific group of people like women, like total trash then you are NOT right for me! I told him I strongly dislike the term THOT, and that men who spoke of women like that don't respect my gender. This dude basically tells me that he respects me, I'm not those type he referring to, so what is the problem? I couldn't believe it.

No sir, no thank you!

 

[Harina]

I recently went out a few times with a guy who I discovered talked about other women very derogatorily and dismissively (i.e., ex girlfriend, female coworkers). Very nice guy and didn't even notice this until the 3rd date. He was totally respectful and traditional with me (paid for everything without hesitation, opened doors, walked me to my building and waited until I was inside to leave, insisted on walking on outer side of sidewalk, etc.) so I was pretty shocked when it all came out. He even used the term THOT to refer to the women he meets in clubs. I was totally turned off instantly, and knew he was a definite NO. I don't care if you treat me like the Queen of the Earth, if you treat other people, especially one specific group of people like women, like total trash then you are NOT right for me! I told him I strongly dislike the term THOT, and that men who spoke of women like that don't respect my gender. This dude basically tells me that he respects me, I'm not those type he referring to, so what is the problem? I couldn't believe it.

No sir, no thank you!

I had a similar thing happen to me. A coworker, an older gentleman, I heard refer to some female customers as "old *****es" on separate occasions. But for me I remember he kept trying to talk to and treat me a certain way. Like protect me. Like makeup for some past relationship failing on his part.

I remember one time he tried to put his hands on me. I redacted myself from the situation ASAP. I was like fool you're 60. SIXTY!!!! I have completely stopped talking to men who called me a ***** so I stopped paying him any attention the first time he had the nerve to call another a woman a ***** in front of me. Little *****.

 

[OhTall1]

I recently went out a few times with a guy who I discovered talked about other women very derogatorily and dismissively (i.e., ex girlfriend, female coworkers). Very nice guy and didn't even notice this until the 3rd date. He was totally respectful and traditional with me (paid for everything without hesitation, opened doors, walked me to my building and waited until I was inside to leave, insisted on walking on outer side of sidewalk, etc.) so I was pretty shocked when it all came out. He even used the term THOT to refer to the women he meets in clubs. I was totally turned off instantly, and knew he was a definite NO.

I had a similar scenario, but luckily it happened on the first call. When I asked about his recent dating experiences, he referred to all the female "bamas" that he's had to deal with. I made his repeat himself like three times because I wasn't sure what I'd heard.

 

[okange76]

Please accept reality that your relationship has failed. If either one of you messed up, and the other is done with the relationship, put on your biggest grandma drawers and take it like a grown woman. Cry in your pillow, scream with your friends, eat junk food, seek help if you need it to get him out of your system. Do not go shopping because you will create unnecessary financial hardship for yourself by creating debt.

Under no circumstances should you be blowing up his phone, FB, Instagram, Twitter, WhatsApp, Tango, Viber, Myspace, Hi5 and what not. Showing up at his job or crying drunk at his doorstep begging for dear life will make him disrespect you even more. Destroying his property will nab you a criminal record. Find a better man next time or be a better woman to the next man that comes along.

If he messed up. Silence is golden. He will never get over the fact that you moved on. Let it be his cross to bear as you skip into the sunset with your new beau.

 

[LadyPBC]

Never go dutch. Ever.

I am not sure that I agree with this one although I like it. I don't want him to think I'm a golddigger. I won't ever pay for his meal or ticket while dating for sure.

 

[Holla]

That a man should be looking to protect me. Not fist fighting protection...but protect my reputation, my dignity, my emotional well being ...I can't even fully express it. At any age, a man should be thinking about you and what is best for you..or at the very least trying not to cast you in a bad light in your own mind or in the mind of others.

He should protect your heart. Not playing mind games about what he is looking for and if he is seeing other people.

He should protect your public image. If the President can protect his wife from a wardobe malfunction, then a date can and should do the same. I'll take that further and also point out that no man should want a woman to be dressed in a short tight dress with her boobs popping out while wearing 6-inch platform heels to draw unnecessary attention to herself. In the past, I told dates when they were ill-attired for an event because I wanted them to feel comfortable, be respected, and quite frankly.....look good by my side at a function. A man should want the same for a woman.

He should protect your emotional wellbeing. Be upfront. Be attentive. Be honest. Be open and transparent in his dealings with you. Don't stress you out or emotionally abandon you with the silent treatment when things don't go his way or when he wants greener pasture.

Lastly, he should protect your body. He should not put you in an enviroment where you may compromise yourself by having sex of any kind (oral, etc.). Should you agree to it later on, he should insist on using protection to prevent pregnancy, etc. A man who is eager to be with a woman in that way AND who could care less about the consequences of unprotected sex is not protecting you, your body or your future.

 

[LadyPBC]

Absolute Rule: Always date multiple men simultaneously. Exclusivity is not a right, but a privilege that must be earned over a period of time. It can also be revoked at any time for any reason.

I like this one but its tough to do for me and I expect the same in return but ... you're right!

 

[LadyPBC]

Ummm ... what's a FWB?erplexed

If you are looking for a commitment, do not start out as a FWB hoping he will change his mind. That is too big of a risk to take. Chances of it turning into something more are very slim. It happens but don't waste your time chancing it.

ETA: If it happens then at least have your own mode of transportation to get you back and forth. Don't be calling your friends for rides.

 

[hopeful]

Holla
Perfect post.

LadyPBC
FWB is Friends with Benefits (sexual)

 

[Evolving78]

That a man should be looking to protect me. Not fist fighting protection...but protect my reputation, my dignity, my emotional well being ...I can't even fully express it. At any age, a man should be thinking about you and what is best for you..or at the very least trying not to cast you in a bad light in your own mind or in the mind of others.

He should protect your heart. Not playing mind games about what he is looking for and if he is seeing other people.

He should protect your public image. If the President can protect his wife from a wardobe malfunction, then a date can and should do the same. I'll take that further and also point out that no man should want a woman to be dressed in a short tight dress with her boobs popping out while wearing 6-inch platform heels to draw unnecessary attention to herself. In the past, I told dates when they were ill-attired for an event because I wanted them to feel comfortable, be respected, and quite frankly.....look good by my side at a function. A man should want the same for a woman.

He should protect your emotional wellbeing. Be upfront. Be attentive. Be honest. Be open and transparent in his dealings with you. Don't stress you out or emotionally abandon you with the silent treatment when things don't go his way or when he wants greener pasture.

Lastly, he should protect your body. He should not put you in an enviroment where you may compromise yourself by having sex of any kind (oral, etc.). Should you agree to it later on, he should insist on using protection to prevent pregnancy, etc. A man who is eager to be with a woman in that way AND who could care less about the consequences of unprotected sex is not protecting you, your body or your future.

This needs repeating!

 

[cheetarah1980]

I am not sure that I agree with this one although I like it. I don't want him to think I'm a golddigger. I won't ever pay for his meal or ticket while dating for sure.

No, NO, NO, NO, NO!!! Women really need to get this "fear of being seen as a golddigger" out of their heads. Allowing a man to pay for dates (that he's invited you on!!) is NOT golddigging in the slightest bit. If he can't afford to pay for that date he shouldn't be inviting you to go. I NEVER offer to pay for anything on dates unless it's a special occasion like his birthday (and really that's the only special occasion that exists to me).

These dudes have chicks out here thinking that any time a man pulls out his wallet that means he's trickin. And the worst part is that most of these dudes don't have gold like that for anyone to be digging. All men should know that romance without finance is a nuisance and me personally I keep my disTANCE from the ones who don't know this.

 

[MzLady78]

No, NO, NO, NO, NO!!! Women really need to get this "fear of being seen as a golddigger" out of their heads. Allowing a man to pay for dates (that he's invited you on!!) is NOT golddigging in the slightest bit. If he can't afford to pay for that date he shouldn't be inviting you to go. I NEVER offer to pay for anything on dates unless it's a special occasion like his birthday (and really that's the only special occasion that exists to me).

These dudes have chicks out here thinking that any time a man pulls out his wallet that means he's trickin. And the worst part is that most of these dudes don't have gold like that for anyone to be digging. All men should know that romance without finance is a nuisance and me personally I keep my disTANCE from the ones who don't know this.

Thanks.

A meal does not equal gold.

 

[crimsonpeach]

Never deal with a man with questionable character. A lot of things about a man's situation can change for better or worse but character does not.

 

[prettywingsx]

Don't assume the best. That's a strategy for working with children, not grown a-s-s people who are perfectly capable of saying and showing their intentions/feelings.

If I can't tell, I'm going to assume no.

 

[CurlyMoo]

No, NO, NO, NO, NO!!! Women really need to get this "fear of being seen as a golddigger" out of their heads. Allowing a man to pay for dates (that he's invited you on!!) is NOT golddigging in the slightest bit. If he can't afford to pay for that date he shouldn't be inviting you to go. I NEVER offer to pay for anything on dates unless it's a special occasion like his birthday (and really that's the only special occasion that exists to me).

These dudes have chicks out here thinking that any time a man pulls out his wallet that means he's trickin. And the worst part is that most of these dudes don't have gold like that for anyone to be digging. All men should know that romance without finance is a nuisance and me personally I keep my disTANCE from the ones who don't know this.

So what do you think of this video?
Should You Pay On The First Date With A Guy?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQhA...cJlseCdSE1jmQuU5DpVSKjz&feature=share&index=3

 

[okange76]

If he invites you on a date, especially the first one, the only money you should be worrying about is, cab fare to leave if he picked you up or a full tank of gas if you drove, to duck if all is not well on the date. In addition, have some extra cash to cover your meal only, should the situation arise and a fully charged cell phone for emergencies. Have some quarters just in case there's poor cell reception. There are a few payphones milling around that still work.

 

[cheetarah1980]

So what do you think of this video?
Should You Pay On The First Date With A Guy?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQhA...cJlseCdSE1jmQuU5DpVSKjz&feature=share&index=3

NO! I call so much bull**** on this.

1. He up front said that if he asks a woman on a date, especially the first or second date he knows he's going to pay for it. Well guess what...so do I! So if we both know that you're paying why am I reaching for my wallet? It's an insincere gesture that shows nothing except that I know how to go through the motions.
2. In the same breath that he's saying he wants a woman who's generous he's being a hypocrite by not truly being generous himself. If you plan on doing for someone you just do it without expectation. Also, equality does not mean sameness. The way that a woman shows generosity does NOT have to be the same way that a man does. If he is being generous by treating you to a date (dinner, movie, play, museum, etc.) you do not have to mirror his action in order to reciprocate that generosity.
3. Accepting dinner (or a movie or a play or a party ticket, etc.) hardly makes someone a leach. A dude would blow that money on drinks in a bar in one night. If a dude is tripping over spending $25-$50 on you and thinks that's sucking him dry then he's a bum who I don't want to date anyways.
4. A man should be able to tell how a woman respects people, treats people, and her character in so many ways other than whether or not she offers to pay for a date. Is she respectful to waitstaff? Is she close to her family? Is she there for her friends? Does she volunteer? The list goes on and on and on.
5. I would never date a man with this mentality anyways. And if the reason why a guy didn't call me after a date is because I didn't reach for my wallet, then I have no interest in that man anyways.

 

[CaraWalker]

for real. whats up with "men like this so women need to do this" all this unsolicited advice men keep giving? no thats what women need to do if they want to date YOUR broke ***

why dont people realize it's much simpler to just find someone who feels the same way you do about these things than try to tell every woman in the world this is the way she needs to behave? there are women out there who do that silly fake wallet reach, i am personally friends with a few of them. i'm not going to do it. we don't need to date each other.

 

[intellectualuva]

cheetarah1980


Is in here preaching!! I put 20 in the collection plate.

 

[tru4reele]

for real. whats up with "men like this so women need to do this" all this unsolicited advice men keep giving? no thats what women need to do if they want to date YOUR broke *** why dont people realize it's much simpler to just find someone who feels the same way you do about these things than try to tell every woman in the world this is the way she needs to behave? there are women out there who do that silly fake wallet reach, i am personally friends with a few of them. i'm not going to do it. we don't need to date each other.

I feel you on that. Some of these women sound like "Two Can Play That Game". My only thing is be yourself cause there is someone for everybody. It's not a chess game.

 

[CurlyMoo]

NO! I call so much bull**** on this.

1. He up front said that if he asks a woman on a date, especially the first or second date he knows he's going to pay for it. Well guess what...so do I! So if we both know that you're paying why am I reaching for my wallet? It's an insincere gesture that shows nothing except that I know how to go through the motions.
2. In the same breath that he's saying he wants a woman who's generous he's being a hypocrite by not truly being generous himself. If you plan on doing for someone you just do it without expectation. Also, equality does not mean sameness. The way that a woman shows generosity does NOT have to be the same way that a man does. If he is being generous by treating you to a date (dinner, movie, play, museum, etc.) you do not have to mirror his action in order to reciprocate that generosity.
3. Accepting dinner (or a movie or a play or a party ticket, etc.) hardly makes someone a leach. A dude would blow that money on drinks in a bar in one night. If a dude is tripping over spending $25-$50 on you and thinks that's sucking him dry then he's a bum who I don't want to date anyways.
4. A man should be able to tell how a woman respects people, treats people, and her character in so many ways other than whether or not she offers to pay for a date. Is she respectful to waitstaff? Is she close to her family? Is she there for her friends? Does she volunteer? The list goes on and on and on.
5. I would never date a man with this mentality anyways. And if the reason why a guy didn't call me after a date is because I didn't reach for my wallet, then I have no interest in that man anyways.

Thank you, I've been watching a lot of these type of videos and taking pointers. That video did rub me the wrong way.

 

[southerncitygirl]

that video was horrible! I hope no woman takes that mess he said seriously. If a man asks me out the first few dates, why would I reach for my wallet? Como? Que? I have no issue with treating men as we get more serious and are official but I feel some kinda of way about women telling me about having cheapy dates at a coffee/tea shop or diner and men trying to split bills that came up to $15-30 or less for some sweets, potential appetizers, and beverage..... a negrum would get dumped quick if he tried that mess with me.

There are tons of ways to figure out the character of a person and reaching for your wallet isn't one of them. How bout looking at how they treat people who service them or that they encounter when the 2 of you are out (a person with no degree, a blue collar person, a person that isn't intelligent, a disabled person, a pregnant woman, the elderly, children, a person who didn't graduate from a top tier/ Ivy school, animals etc.) I referenced alot of those things in parentheses because many people especially black ones are becoming more nasty, entitled, & classist than the white dominant society and are being used as pawns to carry out white supremacist doctrine.... I wouldn't dare want to waste my time with a person like that nor rear children with them.

 

[southerncitygirl]

If he makes excuses that he always busy move on.... people make time for what they want always! If he was too busy he wouldn't be trying to date at all and would only focus on the tasks at hand like his career. He's busy alright, its just not busy with you!