"Wait at least four hours to answer a guy's first text...

[rafikichick92]

I think the younger you are, the more bullsh!t this looks. Nowadays NOBODY is without their phone for more than 10 minutes. Unless you work in fast food, retail, or a factory, there's really no reason you're not periodically checking your phone. Most people not only use their phone for talking and texting, but also for checking the time, playing games and surfing the internet.

Anyone who always takes a considerable time to answer texts is obviously playing games, and only an obtuse person would fail to realize this.

I agree that you should set limits. Don't be texting all day or every few minutes. At some point you've got to be like "I'm heading to the gym, ttyl!" and talk to them the next day. But this business of purposefully waiting hours to respond? Nobody's buying that anymore, it's not 1998.

I must say, I am still pretty young (I was 6 in 1998!) but am frequently without my phone for more than 10 minutes. For one, there's this little thing called grad school that requires my attention sans phone for at least 2 hours per day. When I'm not in school, there are plenty of activities that don't involve me having a cell phone at hand frequently--cooking dinner, reading a book, watching TV, surfing the web, driving, hanging out with friends, meetings/church, etc.

I tend to be a person who consistently takes a long time to answer texts and it's not game playing. I tend to be very absent minded, lol. I'll get a text, read it, and forget to reply. Or hear my phone go off and then get distracted and forget to check the text. Or forget to take my phone off vibrate after class or lab.

I think it's obtuse to think that people who are chronically slow at texting back are playing games. Some people (even young people) just don't believe in being Pavlov's dog to a cell phone.

 

[Kalani]

I think it's obtuse to think that people who are chronically slow at texting back are playing games. Some people (even young people) just don't believe in being Pavlov's dog to a cell phone.

I like this! Classical conditioning does indeed seem to be at play. People salivating at the sound of a message alert, lol.

 

[greight]

I answer my phone on my own time. Whatever. I'm terrible with the phone, all my friends know. I have gotten better, but if I get busy it is what it is.

 

[Mortons]

If you regularly dont answer my texts I delete you. So I dont do it to other people. I'm not about that game like :shrug:

 

[GreenEyedJen]

I completely agree with faithVA. Most people in my life don't get an immediate response via text, and I usually miss phone calls because I'm doing something else and I haaaate loud ringtones disturbing me. I've been doing this without thinking for years, and I'm doubtful that I'll change.

 

[SurferBabe]

Ooo...there's a NEW "Rules" book out?? Where??



Anyway, I sort of agree with this rule, and sort of don't. erplexed

On the ONE hand, I do this myself. I don't wait 4 hours to respond to a guy I've just met, but I DO wait at least an hour from his FIRST text to respond. Especially if I'm at work. When I'm at work, my cell phone is usually OFF anyway since the service here is so bad it just drains my battery searching for service. So, I think that if you're at WORK during work hours, than 1 hour - even 4 hours isn't so far fetched. But now if you're ignoring his text mssg after work hours, or during the weekends, THEN I'd start to get suspicious.


I see the general principle behind this rule though. Don't appear to be TOO eager. I too wish that life could go back to the simpler days when everything wasn't soooooo "instant gratification mode". It has made people very INCONSIDERATE and impatient. Just WAIT for goodness sakes! Sheesh! People have actually lost the art of actually WAITING.

Not only that, but I've noticed too that when I allow a guy to just have back and forth text message conversations with me, things don't ever really go anywhere. If he's just nervous about talking on the phone, then that's one thing...but if he's doing the MAJORITY of his contacting of me by TEXT?? Oh no boo.... He has to go. Sorry.. Any guy who has been GENUINELY interested in me and a relationship w/me has called me hands down. I don't care how technologically advanced we've become, calling is still the NUMBER ONE way to get in touch w/someone that you REALLY want to get in touch with.

Do you text prospective employers to see if they've received your resume? Do you TEXT EMT 911 to come get you in an emergency situation? Do you text someone you've been desperately trying to reach for weeks?

Think about it!! The same is with men who are TRULY into you.

In response to the bolded: Now you know from reading the books that the main rule is to stay busy! None of these rules work if you're sitting at home alone with multiple timers buzzing to let you know when to text back and return a call . Busy women with healthy social lives employ all of these rules naturally--and they tend to be man magnets. No woman should be sitting on her bed waiting for exactly four hours to pass before responding to the guy she met at a party two days ago. Instead, she is simply giving her friends undivided attention at happy hour and then shooting him something back when she gets home.

 

[Mortons]

As a lover of ladies, I value a lady who can multi task. If you cant send a voice to text message during down time at the mall or shoot a quick email on the way to or from the car, how do you generally handle rushing or having lots of commitments? I work online most of the time and I have completed and set work and text messages on the way to dinner or a night out. I also work 40 hours a week and go to school. I dont think I'm very compatible with someone who can only perform one activity at a time and does not value actively staying in touch with friends and family as a priority.

I'm not saying you need to be at a love interests beck and call, nor am I saying to disregard any rules you find suitable for you. Just presenting another side.

 

[ladysaraii]

Mortons I think you're missing the part about it being the first text or communication early on. That's when it makes sense to pace yourself. But as you progress, there is nothing wrong with picking up communication and responding sooner, in fact, I think that you should keep in contact with loved ones and important people.

But I also agree with the point made before, that it's really about being busy and having a life of your own and not dropping everything for someone new on the scene

 

[StarScream35]

I read the rules and while I do like it, I can see someone misinterpreting the rules and getting on a path of mind game playing. I think we all play mind games to an extent but to do it too much can be destructive. I have lost serious interest in guys who were playing mind games and yes I liked them a lot initially. I was also in a relationship where mind games destroyed the relationship. I understand valuing yourself which is what this book is about but we all know some people won't see that.

A side note, I cringed when the ladies said men like women with straight long hair and they encourage women with curly hair to straighten their hair to get the guy. I'm was like pluuuuuuuueeeze!

 

[StarScream35]

I see. If it is about ensuring that a guy calls you on the phone to set up Date #1, then why didn't the authors just say that? Because people reading and trying to follow the rules could easily be misguided otherwise.

Personally, I think that: if you have to actively hold yourself back, then you're already caught up and in trouble.

If you need to put yourself on a 4-hour timeline not to respond, then you're likely already too invested You don't have to actively tell yourself not to do anything that you in fact aren't pressed to do. Keep doing you, even with the addition of someone new.

Side note: I don't know how other people feel about this, but I think it is odd that adults can spend the entire work day texting each other, or can stay up literally the entire night on the phone with one another. What about their jobs? It doesn't seem worth it to risk getting fired just to send "lol smiley face" texts to someone you're flirting with

I like how you broke it down. Thanks! I think there is a natural-ness about a woman who really is busy vs a woman who is trying to be busy. If you are into psychology like I am then you'll know the fakeness will eventually manifest itself in some form or another. In other words, I believe if you are trying to be busy, you will eventually be caught red-handed by that guy. And also like you said, if you are holding yourself back, you are already caught up!

 

[**SaSSy**]

Well how long should you respond to a text where a guy says he wants to date other people and want to know your thoughts on that?

 

[ScorpioLove]

^^Time idk but along as it says something along the lines of " i think thats actually a good idea"

 

[Oasis]

i respond back when i feel like it. 1 minute or 2 hrs it just depends on my mood and how busy i am. if someone i was interested in took 4 hrs to respond to my text they arent the one for me.*shrugs*

i also do not like talking on the phone. even in the initial stages so im cool with solely texting.*shrugs once more*

 

[MsDee14]

Well how long should you respond to a text where a guy says he wants to date other people and want to know your thoughts on that?

I would probably never respond.

 

[Evolving78]

The 4 hour rule is only for the very first text he ever sends you. They recommend a minimum of 30 minutes for every text after that varying the length of time between replies so that it isn't obvious and predictable. I don't think it's a bad rule.

i'm too old for that two can play that game stuff.

 

[SurferBabe]

I read the rules and while I do like it, I can see someone misinterpreting the rules and getting on a path of mind game playing. I think we all play mind games to an extent but to do it too much can be destructive. I have lost serious interest in guys who were playing mind games and yes I liked them a lot initially. I was also in a relationship where mind games destroyed the relationship. I understand valuing yourself which is what this book is about but we all know some people won't see that.

A side note, I cringed when the ladies said men like women with straight long hair and they encourage women with curly hair to straighten their hair to get the guy. I'm was like pluuuuuuuueeeze!

I'm sure this only applies to white women seeking a particular type of white male--it is a "safe" option for them. Honestly, few white women look good with curly hair to me. Maybe it's the lack of proper cut/styling or something. Both of the authors are Jewish so it doesn't surprise me that "straighten your hair!" is in there. Black and multiracial women pull off non-straightened hair nicely.

 

[weaveadiva]

I would probably never respond.

Right? He can at least have the courtesy to call me with that one. Geesh.

 

[Covergirl5906]

I must say, I am still pretty young (I was 6 in 1998!) but am frequently without my phone for more than 10 minutes. For one, there's this little thing called grad school that requires my attention sans phone for at least 2 hours per day. When I'm not in school, there are plenty of activities that don't involve me having a cell phone at hand frequently--cooking dinner, reading a book, watching TV, surfing the web, driving, hanging out with friends, meetings/church, etc.

I tend to be a person who consistently takes a long time to answer texts and it's not game playing. I tend to be very absent minded, lol. I'll get a text, read it, and forget to reply. Or hear my phone go off and then get distracted and forget to check the text. Or forget to take my phone off vibrate after class or lab.

I think it's obtuse to think that people who are chronically slow at texting back are playing games. Some people (even young people) just don't believe in being Pavlov's dog to a cell phone.

Ditto. Just bc I see a text doesn't mean I feel like or can respond right away. I hate when ppl count how long it takes younto respond to their text. Have a friend that gets offended when ppl don't respond to texts right away. I think its silly

 

[CurlyMoo]

I'm all for keeping spice in the relationship but It's this type of nonsense that keeps me single. This game of cat and mouse is killing me. I just want to be real and receive it in return.

BTW, I have done the waiting to text. I sometimes wait days. It's because I'm actually torn between completely disassociating with the guy and keeping in touch.

 

[Seamonster]

Ladies,

Gosh I didn't know that being an angry black woman was the same as being a rules girl. During the day I don't return text because if it ain't money, I'm busy. At night, I am out with my friends or another man. I concentrate on who I am with, and having a good time. Has the thought occurred that a guy might be out with someone else shooting you a quick bull crap text, screw him. When I see ten text, maybe? Weak women got men spoiled.

Real life example: This fine guy that I really wanted, took me out on date one, then told me, he didn't take women out I could just come over the house and watch a movie. I ran into him months later talking about how come you don't return my calls so I told him, 'you told me you don't take women out, what the f333 I need to call you for?' Mister fine was shocked.

Brotha got to slay a dragon, and become a knight to get Sea-monster.

Ladies have you ever thought about who we are? We are their ride or die. Their whole life comes from us. We make their homes happy, we take care of their kids and ours, we support them, we care for their mommas, send birthday cards in their name. We make Sunday dinner; we make holiday meals; we make houses a home;we take care of sick people. We go to work, etc. If it needs to be done we do it. We are the only person that is one hundred percent on their side in their corner. We make life worth it.

Text? Kismas and KIM. I need to see some dragon treasure.

 

[ladysaraii]

Ladies,

Gosh I didn't know that being an angry black woman was the same as being a rules girl. During the day I don't return text because if it ain't money, I'm busy. At night, I am out with my friends or another man. I concentrate on who I am with, and having a good time. Has the thought occurred that a guy might be out with someone else shooting you a quick bull crap text, screw him. When I see ten text, maybe? Weak women got men spoiled.

Real life example: This fine guy that I really wanted, took me out on date one, then told me, he didn't take women out I could just come over the house and watch a movie. I ran into him months later talking about how come you don't return my calls so I told him, 'you told me you don't take women out, what the f333 I need to call you for?' Mister fine was shocked.

Brotha got to slay a dragon, and become a knight to get Sea-monster.

Ladies have you ever thought about who we are? We are their ride or die. Their whole life comes from us. We make their homes happy, we take care of their kids and ours, we support them, we care for their mommas, send birthday cards in their name. We make Sunday dinner; we make holiday meals; we make houses a home;we take care of sick people. We go to work, etc. If it needs to be done we do it. We are the only person that is one hundred percent on their side in their corner. We make life worth it.

Text? Kismas and KIM. I need to see some dragon treasure.

Great post.

I just recently read All the Rules and I'm reading the new one now. The info makes a lot of sense to me, esp as someone who used to break damn near all of them.

 

[ivyness]

Because thanks was not enough.

Ladies,

Gosh I didn't know that being an angry black woman was the same as being a rules girl. During the day I don't return text because if it ain't money, I'm busy. At night, I am out with my friends or another man. I concentrate on who I am with, and having a good time. Has the thought occurred that a guy might be out with someone else shooting you a quick bull crap text, screw him. When I see ten text, maybe? Weak women got men spoiled.

Real life example: This fine guy that I really wanted, took me out on date one, then told me, he didn't take women out I could just come over the house and watch a movie. I ran into him months later talking about how come you don't return my calls so I told him, 'you told me you don't take women out, what the f333 I need to call you for?' Mister fine was shocked.

Brotha got to slay a dragon, and become a knight to get Sea-monster.

Ladies have you ever thought about who we are? We are their ride or die. Their whole life comes from us. We make their homes happy, we take care of their kids and ours, we support them, we care for their mommas, send birthday cards in their name. We make Sunday dinner; we make holiday meals; we make houses a home;we take care of sick people. We go to work, etc. If it needs to be done we do it. We are the only person that is one hundred percent on their side in their corner. We make life worth it.

Text? Kismas and KIM. I need to see some dragon treasure.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

I don't really get the text thing. I only text when I'm at work and cannot talk (typically with the phone under the table). If someone needs to speak to me, call. Texting to me is just for short messages like "I'm working late, off by 7 pm" if the person is not in a position to pick up the phone.

Once you start getting into paragraphs of back and forth text messages, just hit the phone function. I had to explain this to my nephew who kept texting me after I asked him to stop. I even told him to ask his mom (my sister) how to use the phone function since he clearly did not understand how that feature works.

As far as a new guy that you are not even dating, nope, not going to keep a text thing going. For me he would already be demonstrating habits that I cannot stand. DH is like me and hates texting. He calls 98% of the time and will text if he knows I'm in a meeting or on a conference call.

 

[deltagyrl]

Interesting.
I'll text until I get sick of doing it. At that point someone needs to pick up the phone and call or just talk to me some other time...

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

In response to the bolded: Now you know from reading the books that the main rule is to stay busy! None of these rules work if you're sitting at home alone with multiple timers buzzing to let you know when to text back and return a call . Busy women with healthy social lives employ all of these rules naturally--and they tend to be man magnets. No woman should be sitting on her bed waiting for exactly four hours to pass before responding to the guy she met at a party two days ago. Instead, she is simply giving her friends undivided attention at happy hour and then shooting him something back when she gets home.

LOL!!

True true! The point is to really actually HAVE an active social life, so you're not waiting by the phone for some man to call/text you.

I think "The Rules" is made for women who haven't quite gotten to that "point" yet, so some of them actually DO have to set timers and sit on their hands in order to not pick up the phone!

I know I used to be there at that point a few years back.... Now of course I've mastered "The Rules" AND "WMLB", so I know better now...

I read the rules and while I do like it, I can see someone misinterpreting the rules and getting on a path of mind game playing.

Yep , I found that I had to find a healthy medium because at first it DID feel a little like playing mind-games.

Some of "The Rules" are just plain outlandish in some instances....but I've committed them to memory.

i respond back when i feel like it. 1 minute or 2 hrs it just depends on my mood and how busy i am. if someone i was interested in took 4 hrs to respond to my text they arent the one for me.*shrugs*

i also do not like talking on the phone. even in the initial stages so im cool with solely texting.*shrugs once more*

I hear more and more people saying this these days.

How did we get so "talk-on-the-phone-phobic" as a society??

What did people do when we didn't have text messages? erplexed

I'm sure this only applies to white women seeking a particular type of white male--it is a "safe" option for them. Honestly, few white women look good with curly hair to me. Maybe it's the lack of proper cut/styling or something. Both of the authors are Jewish so it doesn't surprise me that "straighten your hair!" is in there. Black and multiracial women pull off non-straightened hair nicely.

Really??!?!

You've only seen a FEW WW with curly hair that look good? Wow.... I've seen more than a few, and I actually prefer when some keep their hair curly instead of straight all the time.

I think women of all races who wear their natural curls look the best imo. In fact, sometimes when SOME women straighten their hair, it doesn't look the same (or as nice) as it does when it's curly.

Ladies,

Real life example: This fine guy that I really wanted, took me out on date one, then told me, he didn't take women out I could just come over the house and watch a movie. I ran into him months later talking about how come you don't return my calls so I told him, 'you told me you don't take women out, what the f333 I need to call you for?' Mister fine was shocked.

Great post.

I just recently read All the Rules and I'm reading the new one now. The info makes a lot of sense to me, esp as someone who used to break damn near all of them.

What does it look like? I don't think I've seen it!

I don't really get the text thing. I only text when I'm at work and cannot talk (typically with the phone under the table). If someone needs to speak to me, call. Texting to me is just for short messages like "I'm working late, off by 7 pm" if the person is not in a position to pick up the phone.

Once you start getting into paragraphs of back and forth text messages, just hit the phone function. I had to explain this to my nephew who kept texting me after I asked him to stop. I even told him to ask his mom (my sister) how to use the phone function since he clearly did not understand how that feature works.

This is how I am too. I only try to text when necessary or when I don't have time to actually carry a conversation.

I actually get tired of texting ALL the time. To me it takes SO much time to text a message back, especially when I could have said the same message (and THEN some) in half the time!

 

[CoutureMe06]

lol i just broke this supposed rule. texted back a new guy within 10 minutes then again i'm not really invested to seriously date him but you never know!

 

[ladysaraii]

What does it look like? I don't think I've seen it!

Crystalicequeen123

Here it is.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

lol i just broke this supposed rule. texted back a new guy within 10 minutes then again i'm not really invested to seriously date him but you never know!

Lol...well, don't beat yourself up. Just do the rules next time!

Plus, texting him back in 10 min isn't so bad. Just try not to get in the habit of making texting the ONLY form of your communication w/him....if you're interested that is.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Crystalicequeen123

Here it is.

ladysaraii

YAY!!! Thanks!

Wow, I love the cover! I've been saying for a LONG time that "The Rules" needed to be updated....Especially since now days most people don't use their house phone/answering machines....

 

[SurferBabe]

LOL!!

True true! The point is to really actually HAVE an active social life, so you're not waiting by the phone for some man to call/text you.

I think "The Rules" is made for women who haven't quite gotten to that "point" yet, so some of them actually DO have to set timers and sit on their hands in order to not pick up the phone!

I know I used to be there at that point a few years back.... Now of course I've mastered "The Rules" AND "WMLB", so I know better now...

Agreed, I guess that is why they start off by telling women to keep busy! It's so much easier to do The Rules when you have a healthy social life. When I'm super busy, I do The Rules naturally.

Really??!?!

You've only seen a FEW WW with curly hair that look good? Wow.... I've seen more than a few, and I actually prefer when some keep their hair curly instead of straight all the time.

I think women of all races who wear their natural curls look the best imo. In fact, sometimes when SOME women straighten their hair, it doesn't look the same (or as nice) as it does when it's curly.

I'm a huge fan of curly hair, it's the only way I'll wear mine, but most WW I've come across with curly hair do not style it nor care for it properly. Those who love and embrace their curls go the extra mile to find good products that work with their curls--but down here WW are straight hair obsessed and naturally curly hair is seen as a burden. They'll use products that dry out their hair and leave it frizzy. I have a good friend right now with natural curls who will not get her hair layered and refuses to take my advice on how to care for her hair. It just sits there at one length at her collarbone--looks like a mushroom. There aren't many Shakira, Taylor Swift, Vision of Love Mariah Carey early-SATC Carrie Bradshaw, AnnaLynn McCord-type curly white women around here.