Best Advice For Ladies Dating

locabouthair said:
date more than one guy!!!

Now I am not saying that anyone should sleep with more than person, I am just saying get to know more than one guy.

Don't think about where things will go or have expectations. That was my mistake:ohwell: Just look at it as you two are going out to have a good time. just enjoy their company and dont focus on what will come out of it.

I have learned these two things within the last couple of months.

I hope Bunny77 comes in and gives advice. She gives really good advice when it comes to dating/relationships.:)
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OMG, I cannot believe y'all said this about me! I am so humbled, thank you!

And the funny thing is, right now I'm actually dating someone I really like and am about to lose my mind being nervous about the whole thing and what's gonna happen... I'm trying to take my own advice here! :lol:

I'll be back with my tips and advice... kinda tired now, so I need some sleep! But thanks y'all, really. :)
 
One thing my daddy taught me...

LISTEN to what a man is telling you. He is often telling you from jump that he is no good, but we don't take it seriously or think what he said isn't "that" bad or that we can change him or blah blah blah...

We need to pay attention from the beginning to any red flags we might see right then and there and cut out early before we really end up in a bad situation!
 
SkinnyMocah said:
Men get SO offended when I tell them they can't come to my house! Oh no no no... you don't get to come to my house and plop your butt on my couch until I KNOW you. Oh, and don't let me tell them our first date can't be at his house. I recently had a gentleman tell me I was being overly sensitive about the subject and I needed to relax some of my rules. I said that if wanting to meet him in a public place in broad daylight more than once before I am trapped at his HOME in S.Atlanta with him and his roomates is being sensitive, then I'll be that. That he would even ASK and then get MAD set off so many flags I saw red for weeks!

For me in general:

* Must be a gentleman. Chivalry is not dead. I am a lady and I expect to be treated like one.

* Must be employed. He doesnt need to run a Fortune 500 co, in fact PLEASE don't be that important. Just go to work every day and like what you do, or make it work and be upwardly mobile if it's not gonna work. I don't wanna hear any whining about how 'the man is keeping you down'. No sir.

* Must be drug and disease free. That means no smokers or tobacco chewers. it's like kissing an ashtray. I also don't date heavy drinkers. I can see going out on Friday for one or two but if you come home M-Thurs and the first thing you do is make a hard liquor drink, nuh uh.

* Absolutely no drama. If you have a crazy ex who sometimes accidentally calls and hangs up 47 times a day, or you have a child with a woman who drives by screaming and throwing things at your car and cuttin eyes at whomever you're with, or if your "other chic" feels the need to call me about you, that falls under the definition of drama and I am not having it. I'm going to be bringing nothing of the sort to the table.

* Meet me where I am. I have a place to live, a vehicle, a job and I have been to school. If you don't have the above, or you cant talk about anything other than cars and hip hop, it's not gon' work.

*Must. Court. Me. I'm not your buddy or your pal I'm a potential mate. I am special. Treat me as such. :D

* If I have to beg plead cry scream ask you to do what's right, sorry you are Mr Right for some other chick. Like Dance4days, I will not d*ck sit. If you dont know how to act like a sane rational human being while we're getting to know each other I can't help you realize that.

* Must be whole. Im not a therapist. I'm going to make sure my mind game is tight... I'm happy and well adjusted. If you're still pining for your ex, or cry yourself to sleep at night hugging her pillow, or spend an hour of dinner angrily telling me about her and her issues and all she did, I'ma need you to first see a therapist and then make your way back around to see if i am still available for your crazy behind.

* Must understand that I'm a virgin and while we will have fun, sex is not a given. You will find out EARLY that I am a virgin and I plan to remain so for the forseeable future. That is your guilt free OUT. TAKE IT if you need it, don't feel obligated to 'see if you can handle it'. You know good and well if you can't and its irresponsible to keep going but pressure me on every date to have sex with you. I'm 33. If i was gonna change my mind, Id have done it by now.

Other than that, I think I am pretty reasonable. :lachen:
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You GO girl!:grin: I feel you though. Us women, we gotta have standards and never settle. I bolded the parts I really feel.
 
Bunny77 said:
One thing my daddy taught me...

LISTEN to what a man is telling you. He is often telling you from jump that he is no good, but we don't take it seriously or think what he said isn't "that" bad or that we can change him or blah blah blah...

We need to pay attention from the beginning to any red flags we might see right then and there and cut out early before we really end up in a bad situation!
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Exactly. If a man tells you he doesn't want to be married - listen.
If he tells you he doesn't want children - listen.
If he tells you he doesn't love you like that - listen! :mad:
 
Bunny77 said:
One thing my daddy taught me...

LISTEN to what a man is telling you. He is often telling you from jump that he is no good, but we don't take it seriously or think what he said isn't "that" bad or that we can change him or blah blah blah...

We need to pay attention from the beginning to any red flags we might see right then and there and cut out early before we really end up in a bad situation!
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ITA!!! Red flags are revealed early on for a reason...It's your opportunity to get the h*ll away from him!-So take it!:lol:

See him for who he REALLY is and not for who you WANT him to be.

Don't date him based on his "potential." So many of us women hold on to bad relationships based on a man's "potential" to do better. But if his "potential" hasn't manifested yet, let him go so he can handle that and spend your time with someone that already has it or wait for someone who does.

Be patient. Don't try and force things and don't try to make a dollar out of fifteen cents. Whatever your heart truly deserves and desires will definitely be worth the wait.;)
 
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Lots of good advice in this thread. My old standby when I was dating: The fifteen minute rule. If you are going to be late or can't make it for some reason, you best let me know within 15 minutes of your ETA. Failure to do so would result in your being out on the Do Not Date list. If you arrive more than 15 minutes late you should expect me to be gone. Which leads me to my other dating rule: Always have a Plan B!
 
Don't become a "professional" GIRLFRIEND:
  • A girlfriend should not lend money.
  • A girlfriend should not feed or constantly grocery shop for him.
  • A girlfriend should not wash his clothes.
  • A girlfriend should not pay his bills, esp. child support.
  • A girlfriend should not clean his house or apartment.
  • A girlfriend should not cosign for any type of loan.
  • A girlfriend should not buy anything more expensive than what he has bought for you.
It is NOT your responsibility to be an unpaid MAID hoping to become his WIFE!
 
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MissJ said:
I really need this thread.

I've invited a guy over to my place before, because I didn't want him to go broke spending money on me. It wasn't the first date or anything but still kind of early. I think I have a bleeding heart, and I need to stop the hemorrhaging.
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one guy asked me it went liek this

Guy : would you liek to go on a date with me?
Me : :yep:
Guy : Great i will call you soon to make plans
Me :yep:

Bout two days later he calls

Guy: would you liek to go on that date maybe this weekend? when is the best time for you
Me : Friday evening
Guy : im kinda broke should i bring round a dvd to your place?
Me : :ohwell: i dont think so
Guy: ok ill try to get some money bfoe friday
Me : :spinning:
Guy : what if i can't get the money before then?? what will we do
Me: nothing. :look:

he called back and asked again the next day but by that time i wasnt feeling him.

I mean geesh i know im a college student and everything, he had a full time job and lived at home which means he spent all his money on HIM at least be creative if you are broke!
 
stargoddess said:
one guy asked me it went liek this

Guy : would you liek to go on a date with me?
Me : :yep:
Guy : Great i will call you soon to make plans
Me :yep:

Bout two days later he calls

Guy: would you liek to go on that date maybe this weekend? when is the best time for you
Me : Friday evening
Guy : im kinda broke should i bring round a dvd to your place?
Me : :ohwell: i dont think so
Guy: ok ill try to get some money bfoe friday
Me : :spinning:
Guy : what if i can't get the money before then?? what will we do
Me: nothing. :look:

he called back and asked again the next day but by that time i wasnt feeling him.

I mean geesh i know im a college student and everything, he had a full time job and lived at home which means he spent all his money on HIM at least be creative if you are broke!
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If he can't afford a first date then he needs to focus on getting himself together! :nono:
 
I'm loving this thread!

Here's my 2 cents.

LADIES, STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM!

This is something I just realized I've done in all my failed relationships and I believe this is one of the reasons some women attract the crazy, no good men.

You are NOT a victim. Stop telling these men early on how every other man you've been with is no good, and how he did this to you, and that to you. And how you're always falling in love and doing everything for them and they never appreciate it and yadda yadda yadda. By doing this, you are setting yourself up for disaster.

When you play the victim, the man starts to question the type of person you are. If a man is no good, and he sees that you're an easy target for no good men, he will see this as a green light.

I know we've all been hurt before, and we're skeptical of the next man. But do you really believe that telling him the men before him were no good is going to change anything? Do you want him to think that you have a habit of falling for the wrong guys and letting them use you? NO, come off as a strong woman, and the no good men will run away!

Early in the relationship when a man asks me about my previous relationships, I will tell him that my last man and myself just weren't compatible. We wanted different things and decided to part ways. He will see me as someone who knows what she wants, and he will treat you accordingly.

Also when you tell a man about the drama in your last relationship, he suspects that you have too much drama in your life, and probably played the role of "crazy ex girlfriend" at one point. Even if a guy cheated on me and dumped me, that's not for my new man to know until later.
 
Love the dating advice in this thread!!

What other advice would you add?

I believe it is so important to know what you want and don't want. And to know what you will and won't allow by having standards and sticking to them no matter what.
 
blackmaven said:
There is so much in this world going on women seem to dumb crap. I have never ever seen in my life nowadays. We are left thinking,Why did she do that? I had certain standards of rules that I followed while dating. What are some of your rules ladies?

My rules

Job

Intelligent

Must be able to speak the English language(no ebonics ghetto slang)

Use protection

No kids(Did not want baby mama drama)

Sharing a man is futile

No prison records.

Get to know man before giving up goody
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my how standards have changed around here :lachen:
 
BroadstreetBully said:
I'm loving this thread!

Here's my 2 cents.

LADIES, STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM!

This is something I just realized I've done in all my failed relationships and I believe this is one of the reasons some women attract the crazy, no good men.

You are NOT a victim. Stop telling these men early on how every other man you've been with is no good, and how he did this to you, and that to you. And how you're always falling in love and doing everything for them and they never appreciate it and yadda yadda yadda. By doing this, you are setting yourself up for disaster.

When you play the victim, the man starts to question the type of person you are. If a man is no good, and he sees that you're an easy target for no good men, he will see this as a green light.

I know we've all been hurt before, and we're skeptical of the next man. But do you really believe that telling him the men before him were no good is going to change anything? Do you want him to think that you have a habit of falling for the wrong guys and letting them use you? NO, come off as a strong woman, and the no good men will run away!

Early in the relationship when a man asks me about my previous relationships, I will tell him that my last man and myself just weren't compatible. We wanted different things and decided to part ways. He will see me as someone who knows what she wants, and he will treat you accordingly.

Also when you tell a man about the drama in your last relationship, he suspects that you have too much drama in your life, and probably played the role of "crazy ex girlfriend" at one point. Even if a guy cheated on me and dumped me, that's not for my new man to know until later.
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When someone plays the victim they become "lower value "to me ,I think if everyone screwed you over and dumped you you must not be a catch . That's why you shouldn't talk about it .
 
Kindheart said:
When someone plays the victim they become "lower value "to me ,I think if everyone screwed you over and dumped you you must not be a catch . That's why you shouldn't talk about it .
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Lol, that is so true! I have a friend that within the first two dates she shares what her exes have done to her… Straight up victim. And she wonders why guys don't stick around or just want to hit it and quit. It's ok to share but don't dump everything on the man all at once. Even though you may not be a person of drama, but you will come off as a person with a lot of drama to him.
 
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