Ordering Lobster On The First Date

[Everything Zen]

I said yes just to be silly. Actually I really would if it fell within how I was taught. My momma always said that on a date try to order something that is the same price or lower than your date (esp. if he is paying. if i'm paying i get what the heck i wanna). So, if he gets prime rib and the lobster is the same price (some places do have specials like that) then i guess it is okay. But just cause it is "free" cause someone else is paying, I don't even think that is kind or proper etiquette. I feel sorry for a brotha who is trying to show a young lady a good time and the dinner costs like a day's pay or more for him but he really likes a sistah and saved up. He may not have $ for the tip! LOL

Cosigning!

 

[cocosweet]

Part of me wants to say that's ignorant for her to do that.

But another part of me wants to say, if he cannot afford lobster, he shouldn't be taking her to a place that has lobster on the menu.

True that.

 

[JustKiya]

I love lobster. Love. Love. Love. It. Would eat it every day if I could. So, if I was going out on a first date with someone, I would most likely get a lobster flavored app, if they offered it. I might add a lobster tail onto my steak - and I wouldn't feel the least bit bad about it, as it would be something that I would normally eat (and pay for).

I always went dutch on first (and sometimes second) dates though. Until I get to know the fellow better, I don't know if he's going to feel like I'm beholden to him for paying for my dinner, and thus, I'd much rather pay for my own, tyvm.

 

[lexi08]

Part of me wants to say that's ignorant for her to do that.

But another part of me wants to say, if he cannot afford lobster, he shouldn't be taking her to a place that has lobster on the menu.

I think what the friend did was shady under those circumstances. However, I would order lobster because I do like it and could pay for it on my own if I wanted to. Sorry, but the last thing I am going to do on a date is worry about a man's pocket, that's his problem. I agree that if a dude can't afford what's on the menu he should take his date elsewhere.

IDK maybe I feel this way because i I am older and I don't date financial challenged dudes anymore. I just order what I want hotwings, lobster, steak whatever....

 

[january noir]

I would if it were appropriate. I was taught to be considerate of others and that includes people I am dating.

A person (male and female) should take into account all the social mores and cues of dating, apply them to their situation; (if you care), you will do what benefits both parties.

For example, if a man is asking a woman out (or vice versa), he should be prepared by asking ahead of time what foods she likes to eat or if she prefers a particular restaurant. The man should ascertain before the date if said woman is a "Market-Price Lobster Lover" or a "Side Salad and-a Cup-O'-Soup-Connoisseur."

He in turn should choose the appropriate dining place where she would enjoy the food AND that he can afford. That way the "dater" can be in control of the situation while delighting the "datee."

If I truly wanted lobster, but was unsure if my date could afford it, I would just say something along these lines:
"My, the lobster sounds inviting! I love lobster! Would you mind if I ordered it?"

Most of the time, dude will let you have anything you want anyway (if you are doing your "dating homework" ahead of time and "selectively" dating).

He will appreciate your being sensitive to his financial situation whether he can afford it or not. That goes for anything, not just lobsters!!!!

JCoily, in your friends case, she's just tripping. Doing something just to prove a point or boost one's ego at the expense of another is inconsiderate and self-serving.

 

[lux10023]

hopefully the two ppl would go on a date to a place that was in their budget---

if lobster is on the menu and thats the place we chose--then why not?
i wouldnt order it to be spiteful or greedy i would order anything on the menu i liked--appetizers..main course and desert a full meal

if you dont have the money for a certain restaurant go to one you can afford--
if someone invites me on a date and we both decide on a place why then limit your choices
why r ppl settling? women settle so much for what?

seriously though if dude cant afford lobster--our budgets dont coincide so it wouldnt work anyway--i dont need to upgrade a man---we need to start out on an equal playing field--or better

 

[drasgrl]

Generally I prefer crab any day over lobster so most likely I really wouldn't order it because I'm not that fond of it. If there was a lobster dish that looked great and I was in the mood I would order it.

 

[pearlfection]

I said yes if I am in the mood for lobster and I do not even like lobster but here is why. It is not about the lobster but moreso about me ordering what I want. I believe when someone ask you out to eat (breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc) they should be prepared to pay for what you order. Now I do not agree with your friend ordering lobster because she does not like it so that is tacky. So if you enjoy lobster then by all means order it but not just to test someones wallet. That is a no-no

 

[Iansan]

If she wants lobster, she should order the lobster. I get what I want on dates; I don't even consider the price.

 

[Country gal]

naw... i wouldnt feel right about it. 1) i would never eat lobster b/c its morally wrong. (they boil them ALIVE!) ok, im done. but other than that i mean... it just doesnt seem right. this isnt our anniversary or a special occasion. lobster is expensive and even though ive been known to order some not so cheap things on dates, doing it just to do it seems..WRONG. idk..i dont even think i make much sense.. i kno what i mean tho. n e way. answer is...no.

so you don't eat crabs either?

 

[sprungonhairboards]

Does it come with fries?

Seriously though, your friend sounds tacky.

I don't expect anything I ain't bringing to the table. Period. Lobster is something I do order when out with friends and pay for myself and for others if I'm treating so if that's what I wanted yes I'd order it.

When I go to a resturant there's nothing on the menu I can't afford. That's just how I roll and a $30, $50 or $75 lobster ain't gonna break my bank. If you can't afford it why are we here? Shoot I like Claimjumpers Damn a shellfish, if I wanna 'test you' I'll ask you to pay my mortgage.

 

[Aveena]

No. I wouldn't order lobster just because it was free.

I would order what I had a taste for...

just so happens I not crazy about lobster so there's a good chance that I'd pick something else.

But, the guy shouldn't take you somewhere he can't afford. But, I can't help but think it's lightweight wrong to order just because it's free even if you don't like it...now if you never tried it? that may be different

 

[Bunny77]

I say order how you live. If you were paying for your own meal, and would order lobster - BY ALL MEANS! But I also believe, these first dates should be DUTCH! She should be paying for her own meal or at least be prepared to pay for it.

I completely disagree.

If a man asks me out, he's paying or there won't be another date.

First dates should never be dutch at all.

However, this doesn't mean you have to go crazy with the ordering. On a first date, I am reasonable with what I order because I am not trying to test a man... I'm just interested in his company and I don't need to get lobster to do that.

But he BETTER be paying for the date... no ifs ands or buts about it.

 

[VirtuousGal]

Everybody has their story and exceptions and I do not think anyone is saying- order lobster the relationship is doomed to fail! I do believe in a woman NOT selling herself short by acting as if the man buying her a meal is going to be her LAST!

Why get brand new simply b/c someone is gracious enough to pay for your meal? Now, if you are a lobster lady and that is how you roll always, one thing...but if someone sees this as an opportunity just to be greedy? I say GET A LIFE and a job that allows you to afford a good meal!

Wow ,this thread has grown. Yeah, I see a lot of the ladies are "anti-lobster" and thats fine, people can role how they want to role. As for me, I got lobster because my date (now bf) knew that I never had it and he encouraged me to try it. This was just part 1 of our date, he went all out.
I was perfectly comfortable being "brand new" so to speak because my bf made it clear that he wanted my experience to be extraordinary, it was clear that it was not just a typical dinner with my girlfriends. The more we grow the more I see that is a part of who he is. He wants to give me the world. Now that he has my trust and love, I give him the same.

Believe me, I am all about taking care of myself, not accepting help unless i'm in need, independent woman and all that jazz. However, if a man is at the point in my life where he wants he to take me out, he knows that he is courting me, I dont typically "date" just for fun, in that case he's just friend status.
I'm not sure why it seems that a few ladies are so uncomfortable with the idea. If he can't afford to go down lobster route, thats all good and well, but there is certainly nothing wrong with it. Most people, especially in my age range ,18-24 cant afford to always do that. Everyone has to use their own judgement.

Edit: I forgot to answer the OP's original question. I selected, yes, I'f I have a taste for it. Your friend is definitely having some internal issues if she feels she must constantly get the most expensive item, not neccessary. But I do agree with what someone else posted earlier stating if the guy can't afford a certain type of restaurant, he has no business taking her there.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I completely disagree.

If a man asks me out, he's paying or there won't be another date.

First dates should never be dutch at all.

However, this doesn't mean you have to go crazy with the ordering. On a first date, I am reasonable with what I order because I am not trying to test a man... I'm just interested in his company and I don't need to get lobster to do that.

But he BETTER be paying for the date... no ifs ands or buts about it.

Yes, yes, yes! Major co-sign. I just wrote a blog about this this morning...going Dutch and the "reach" that some women do.

We're not in high school or college so there is no reason for it, especially if a woman is dating with marriage in mind versus dating for GP or a good time. If he can't pay for date 1, he can't get date 2. The End.

 

[CurleeDST]

I don't see the big deal. Neither one knows the other well enough and if folks are working why not? Doesn't disarm a man from being a gentleman or courting in my opinion. I think it does show consideration. But hey different strokes for different folks.

Everyone has their own experience. I do not wany anyoen to feel as if I owe them anything simply b/c they paid for a dinner. I have seen dudes flip out b/c they bought a chick a drink in the club. It's crazy!

I completely disagree.

If a man asks me out, he's paying or there won't be another date.

First dates should never be dutch at all.

However, this doesn't mean you have to go crazy with the ordering. On a first date, I am reasonable with what I order because I am not trying to test a man... I'm just interested in his company and I don't need to get lobster to do that.

But he BETTER be paying for the date... no ifs ands or buts about it.

 

[Bunny77]

I don't see the big deal. Neither one knows the other well enough and if folks are working why not? Doesn't disarm a man from being a gentleman or courting in my opinion. I think it does show consideration. But hey different strokes for different folks.

Everyone has their own experience. I do not wany anyoen to feel as if I owe them anything simply b/c they paid for a dinner. I have seen dudes flip out b/c they bought a chick a drink in the club. It's crazy!

Well, the reason I'm so adamant about it is because most of the good, well-raised men that I've met insist that a man should pay for a woman on a first date and sometimes, every time during the relationship! Now I don't mind treating my boyfriend sometimes (just did it last week), but pretty much every man I've dated/been involved with has insisted that as a man, he wants to pay in the vast majority of cases, if not every time.

So when I meet a man who doesn't or who suggests dutch, it suggests to me that he's cheap or someone who doesn't know how to properly court a woman. It falls in the same vein of these "dates" that are just going to a dude's apartment to "chill" and watch a DVD.

I feel that too many young women are selling themselves short in the dating arena and settling for less and less... and going dutch is just another example of that to me.

Now sure, there are exceptions to that rule, of course, but I personally haven't run into them.

As for the "owe a man something" thing, see, I don't go into dates thinking that way. If he thinks that he's "owed" something because he bought me dinner, then he's not someone I want to be with anyway. When I go on a date, I'm not thinking, "What if he pays and thinks he's gonna get some?"

If I'm thinking that, then I'm selling myself short and might as well not bother going on the date! So I'm not hardly concerned about him having "expectations" because he paid for my dinner.

(The physical issue... well, that's a different story and I can understand a woman's fear of that... I just don't live my life that way, and so far, I've not had one issue with a man ever expecting a thing simply because he paid for dinner.)

I think that encouraging women to go dutch on the first date is helping them sell themselves short and lowering expectations for what a man is supposed to do in a potential future relationship.

So no dutch for me on a first date... no way, no how. Hasn't been an issue yet!

 

[CurleeDST]

I totally understand what you are saying and agree to some degree. My perspective on going dutch comes from having a friend who was dating online. She was going out with different people week to week she met on the Internet.

Well, 1 guy she went out with (maybe more I just heard of this one) she met at a restaurant..he wasn't her type and she wasn't his. The conversation was akward and they just did not hit it off. He let her know he goes out on these types of dates at least once a week.

Well when the check came he proceeded to tell her what her portion was. She was flabbergasted, put out her money and then commented "every man she met pays for a first date". He then responded "well every woman I went out with who says she is 30 LOOKS 30". I had to tell her "you asked for that rude comment because your comment to him was rude". Granted, it may have been what she was thinking but since they both were not hitting it off why not just pay your bill and keep it moving? Why make the comment? She knew she would not go out with him again........so why NOT go Dutch? No implied obligations or "after dinner treat".

I would not have a problem going Dutch with a man I did not now well and I do not see it as settling for less. Many women understand their worth and most cost more than what it costs to pay for their own meal. It is just no biggie to me.

What I want to see more women do is not sleep with a new guy so quickly out the gate whether he paid for lobster or McDonald's........save the cookies.

Well, the reason I'm so adamant about it is because most of the good, well-raised men that I've met insist that a man should pay for a woman on a first date and sometimes, every time during the relationship! Now I don't mind treating my boyfriend sometimes (just did it last week), but pretty much every man I've dated/been involved with has insisted that as a man, he wants to pay in the vast majority of cases, if not every time.

So when I meet a man who doesn't or who suggests dutch, it suggests to me that he's cheap or someone who doesn't know how to properly court a woman. It falls in the same vein of these "dates" that are just going to a dude's apartment to "chill" and watch a DVD.

I feel that too many young women are selling themselves short in the dating arena and settling for less and less... and going dutch is just another example of that to me.

Now sure, there are exceptions to that rule, of course, but I personally haven't run into them.

As for the "owe a man something" thing, see, I don't go into dates thinking that way. If he thinks that he's "owed" something because he bought me dinner, then he's not someone I want to be with anyway. When I go on a date, I'm not thinking, "What if he pays and thinks he's gonna get some?"

If I'm thinking that, then I'm selling myself short and might as well not bother going on the date! So I'm not hardly concerned about him having "expectations" because he paid for my dinner.

(The physical issue... well, that's a different story and I can understand a woman's fear of that... I just don't live my life that way, and so far, I've not had one issue with a man ever expecting a thing simply because he paid for dinner.)

I think that encouraging women to go dutch on the first date is helping them sell themselves short and lowering expectations for what a man is supposed to do in a potential future relationship.

So no dutch for me on a first date... no way, no how. Hasn't been an issue yet!

 

[CurleeDST]

Communication is really the key. And while I can appreciate a man being the man and paying for the meals (heck my husband pays for our bills and I am totally capable to do so) if I were dating many different types of men, who would mostly not wander into anything but the associate category AT BEST....I'll pay for my own meal so I can enjoy the company and not have any implied pressures b/c I ordered expensive stuff on the menu.


=Keclee23;4523015]I don't know, I mean I have been on dates where the man paid and I have also been on dates where it was a dutch type of date. With the exception to DH, the dutch type dates were more easy in the sense that either one of us was paying attention to the bill (or bills if its an all day type of date).

The "bill" issue on dates is like another layer of ice that needs to be broken, but only happens once the bill comes or while ordering. It would be easier to just communicate before hand. I have done this and the guys responses have been well recieved because a shown concern and consideration for them, which I think still should exist even on a date.

I don't know, I just have never been a "conventional" dater from the beginning. I have even taken a a guy out on a date and paid for them. How often do women attempt to woo a man outside of using the kittycat or some indirect responsive manner?[/QUOTE]

 

[Bunny77]

I totally understand what you are saying and agree to some degree. My perspective on going dutch comes from having a friend who was dating online. She was going out with different people week to week she met on the Internet.

Well, 1 guy she went out with (maybe more I just heard of this one) she met at a restaurant..he wasn't her type and she wasn't his. The conversation was akward and they just did not hit it off. He let her know he goes out on these types of dates at least once a week.

Well when the check came he proceeded to tell her what her portion was. She was flabbergasted, put out her money and then commented "every man she met pays for a first date". He then responded "well every woman I went out with who says she is 30 LOOKS 30". I had to tell her "you asked for that rude comment because your comment to him was rude". Granted, it may have been what she was thinking but since they both were not hitting it off why not just pay your bill and keep it moving? Why make the comment? She knew she would not go out with him again........so why NOT go Dutch? No implied obligations or "after dinner treat".

I would not have a problem going Dutch with a man I did not now well and I do not see it as settling for less. Many women understand their worth and most cost more than what it costs to pay for their own meal. It is just no biggie to me.

What I want to see more women do is not sleep with a new guy so quickly out the gate whether he paid for lobster or McDonald's........save the cookies.

Okay, gotcha.

I went on a date with a man I met online and when the check came, he began splitting the portions. I went along with it and pulled out my share of the cash without saying a word, but made a mental note that I wouldn't be seeing him again.

I wouldn't have done what your friend did and actually made a statement about it though! My future silence would have said it all.

Now, that was the only time that I actually had that problem on an online date. All but that one guy I mentioned above paid for the date, although I was prepared to do so just in case. But I didn't expect to go dutch in any of those cases just because I didn't know them well... but again, that's me.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I was taught you never order the most or least expensive item on the menu, but something in between.

Based on what you said about your friend, that she doesn't even like lobster, it makes her look like she's not used to anything and is just trying to get what she can get.

 

[runwaydream]

so you don't eat crabs either?

no i LOOOVE crabs. but.. i gave that up a long time ago. all this talk about seafood has had me going down memory crab lane tho.

 

[sprungonhairboards]

I totally understand what you are saying and agree to some degree. My perspective on going dutch comes from having a friend who was dating online. She was going out with different people week to week she met on the Internet.

Well, 1 guy she went out with (maybe more I just heard of this one) she met at a restaurant..he wasn't her type and she wasn't his. The conversation was akward and they just did not hit it off. He let her know he goes out on these types of dates at least once a week.

Well when the check came he proceeded to tell her what her portion was. She was flabbergasted, put out her money and then commented "every man she met pays for a first date". He then responded "well every woman I went out with who says she is 30 LOOKS 30". I had to tell her "you asked for that rude comment because your comment to him was rude". Granted, it may have been what she was thinking but since they both were not hitting it off why not just pay your bill and keep it moving? Why make the comment? She knew she would not go out with him again........so why NOT go Dutch? No implied obligations or "after dinner treat".

I would not have a problem going Dutch with a man I did not now well and I do not see it as settling for less. Many women understand their worth and most cost more than what it costs to pay for their own meal. It is just no biggie to me.

What I want to see more women do is not sleep with a new guy so quickly out the gate whether he paid for lobster or McDonald's........save the cookies.

First of all, that story is hilarious. Secondly, with the online dating thing, I think the first meeting should always be coffee or something quick, cheap/free and informal with no romantic connotations. That way nobody is out of pocket, nobody feels used and nobody has to sit through a 2 hour dinner when you know after the first 5 minutes it ain't a match. I wouldnt consider it an actual date, unless we've been communicating online or on the phone for some time and have already developed some kind of rapport and real interest. A good guy could go broke online dating regularly and never see the person again. But you better buy my coffee

 

[MissJ]

What's so good about lobster, and how much does it cost?

 

[sprungonhairboards]

What's so good about lobster, and how much does it cost?

Nothing. Except it's yummy But it's ALWAYS overpriced and that's just to be expected. But at most 'nice' or 'upscale' restaurants they sell it by the pound and/or 'market price', which is whatever the restuarant decides to charge at the time depending on season and demand and you don't know how much it costs until you get the check.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

Does it come with fries?

Seriously though, your friend sounds tacky.

I don't expect anything I ain't bringing to the table. Period. Lobster is something I do order when out with friends and pay for myself and for others if I'm treating so if that's what I wanted yes I'd order it.

When I go to a resturant there's nothing on the menu I can't afford. That's just how I roll and a $30, $50 or $75 lobster ain't gonna break my bank. If you can't afford it why are we here? Shoot I like Claimjumpers Damn a shellfish, if I wanna 'test you' I'll ask you to pay my mortgage.

I am light-weight mad at you for saying Claimjumpers......... OH BOY!

I agree with the bolded. I mean really ordering (testing) lobster indicates what? Nothing to me. But um yeah, paying the mortgage.....that's a test right there that will indicate plenty.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

What's so good about lobster, and how much does it cost?

Lobster is good. However, it is nothing to really get frazzled about when ordering it. To me it is like having crab, shrimp or any other shellfish on a menu.

The cost varies by restaurant and the market price of lobster at the time of purchasing (the restaurant purchasing from the market). However, you can just go the market yourself or any other seafood store that sells fresh lobster and prepare it at home.

As for restaurants:

Lobster from Red Lobster is (to me) equivalent to getting a Big Mac at McDonalds. Cheap, most likely frozen (not fresh), poor quality and not prepared right. Like snack attack lobster on the go.

At other restaurants that fall under the category as fine dining, if on the menu, the lobster is sold at the "market order/price" price, which is basically the going price for lobster plus a little mark up.

Market price lobster is fresh live lobster that the restaurant purchases at the market (as opposed to having it shipped frozen). This is the best quality lobster and is often prepared the right way - where it is melt in your mouth tender and rich, it's not stiff, hard or shruken. The size of the lobster is a nice size.

HTH

 

[Seeking8Rights]

Communication is really the key. And while I can appreciate a man being the man and paying for the meals (heck my husband pays for our bills and I am totally capable to do so) if I were dating many different types of men, who would mostly not wander into anything but the associate category AT BEST....I'll pay for my own meal so I can enjoy the company and not have any implied pressures b/c I ordered expensive stuff on the menu.


=Keclee23;4523015]I don't know, I mean I have been on dates where the man paid and I have also been on dates where it was a dutch type of date. With the exception to DH, the dutch type dates were more easy in the sense that either one of us wasn't paying attention to the bill (or bills if its an all day type of date).

The "bill" issue on dates is like another layer of ice that needs to be broken, but only happens once the bill comes or while ordering. It would be easier to just communicate before hand. I have done this and the guys responses have been well recieved because a shown concern and consideration for them, which I think still should exist even on a date.

I don't know, I just have never been a "conventional" dater from the beginning. I have even taken a a guy out on a date and paid for them. How often do women attempt to woo a man outside of using the kittycat or some indirect responsive manner?

[/quote]

I see we both think alike.

 

[carcajada]

I use to order light meals or even just appetizers because I was into finding out stuff about my date.

eta: then again, I was a teenager. So what I did is bound to be different than a 30 year old.

Makes me raise an eyebrow at some folks. Are they there to date or are they there to run up a bill and eat? erplexed

 

[carcajada]

Lobster is good. However, it is nothing to really get frazzled about when ordering it. To me it is like having crab, shrimp or any other shellfish on a menu.

The cost varies by restaurant and the market price of lobster at the time of purchasing (the restaurant purchasing from the market). However, you can just go the market yourself or any other seafood store that sells fresh lobster and prepare it at home.

As for restaurants:

Lobster from Red Lobster is (to me) equivalent to getting a Big Mac at McDonalds. Cheap, most likely frozen (not fresh), poor quality and not prepared right. Like snack attack lobster on the go.

At other restaurants that fall under the category as fine dining, if on the menu, the lobster is sold at the "market order/price" price, which is basically the going price for lobster plus a little mark up.

Market price lobster is fresh live lobster that the restaurant purchases at the market (as opposed to having it shipped frozen). This is the best quality lobster and is often prepared the right way - where it is melt in your mouth tender and rich, it's not stiff, hard or shruken. The size of the lobster is a nice size.

HTH