Ordering Lobster On The First Date

[Crackers Phinn]

Me and a friend had an etiquette disagreement.

She's been doing the online dating thing and attractive woman that she is, she's met quite a few men who have asked her out to dinner to become better acquainted.

When she'd tell me about the dates, with very few exceptions she'd mention how the lobster was. Come to find out, if there's a lobster dish on the menu in appetizer, entree or dessert form - she's ordering some. Now here's the catch - I don't think she even likes lobster. I been knowing her for 16 years (lived with her 2 of those years) and haven't ever seen her eat seafood.

Now I'm normally in 'get it how you live' mode, but I find this a little.....unseemly. I asked why doesn't she just get what she wants and her response is alway 'well what's wrong with ordering lobster'?

So umm yeah, poll question - Would you order lobster on the first date just cuz it's 'free'?

 

[runwaydream]

naw... i wouldnt feel right about it. 1) i would never eat lobster b/c its morally wrong. (they boil them ALIVE!) ok, im done. but other than that i mean... it just doesnt seem right. this isnt our anniversary or a special occasion. lobster is expensive and even though ive been known to order some not so cheap things on dates, doing it just to do it seems..WRONG. idk..i dont even think i make much sense.. i kno what i mean tho. n e way. answer is...no.

 

[VirtuousGal]

I dont think its a problem at all, I feel that some women sell themselves too short. If he asked you on a date, this isn't to say that you go with intentions of draining his pockets, but he needs to be prepared to pay for a meal, whether its the cheapest or most expensive item on the menu.
I will have you know that I ordered lobster on my first date with my boyfriend...it will be two years in November.

 

[MizzBrown]

I think its greedy. Selling yourself short on a date? If you were out with your girlfriends, would you be ordering Lobster at Market price? NO? I'd get the seafood pasta or popcorn shrimp, or something else.

And ordering it just because you can? Cause he's paying? If it was your girlfriend taking you out and she said it was on her, would you still be ordering Lobster at Market Price?

That's a game to me. And if the man is smart enough, he'll see what you're doing and file it in his memory.

I have male friends who have had that happened and they dont hesitate to embarrass the female at the table.

Women like that give the others a bad rap.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

I agree with MizzBrown and you, JC. It's one thing if you've been craving lobster for weeks and you decide to order it. But it's another to order it just because you can...or to test a man. I agree that it's unseemly because it suggests that the woman is too broke to get it herself or that she's not used to being taken to nice places. When you have access to something often, you don't have to cash in on a man offering something to you.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

I don't eat lobster, but if I did, I still can't see doing this on the regular.

Now, if he says something like "You just have to try the Lobster here, it's so good" or We've been talking about how we both wanted to go out for some lobster, then I would get it.

I like to be shown a good time, but I'm also considerate on the first date and following dates.

 

[discobiscuits]

I said yes just to be silly. Actually I really would if it fell within how I was taught. My momma always said that on a date try to order something that is the same price or lower than your date (esp. if he is paying. if i'm paying i get what the heck i wanna). So, if he gets prime rib and the lobster is the same price (some places do have specials like that) then i guess it is okay. But just cause it is "free" cause someone else is paying, I don't even think that is kind or proper etiquette. I feel sorry for a brotha who is trying to show a young lady a good time and the dinner costs like a day's pay or more for him but he really likes a sistah and saved up. He may not have $ for the tip! LOL

 

[Laginappe]

I agree with MizzBrown and you, JC. It's one thing if you've been craving lobster for weeks and you decide to order it. But it's another to order it just because you can...or to test a man. I agree that it's unseemly because it suggests that the woman is too broke to get it herself or that she's not used to being taken to nice places. When you have access to something often, you don't have to cash in on a man offering something to you.

I SO WISH I had a brother to fix you up with!!!

Onto the bolded. It is idiotic to think that you can measure a man based on his ability to fund a dinner. Women work my last nerve.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I voted NO but I take that back.

It depends on the place. If it's an expensive restaurant, I probably would order lobster if I had a taste for it. He has taken me to an expensive place with the expectation that he will be out of some money. However, if it's just amid-price chain restaurant, NO...even if I really wanted some. I'm pretty modest on the first couple of dates. I'll wait until it's official to really hit them pockets. Naw j/k j/k...

 

[Seeking8Rights]

I love lobster and I have/would order it if on the menu (certain restaurants) regardless of the occasion - on a date or out with friends.

So, if I was on a date and lobster was on the menu, then I would order it. HOWEVER, I wouldn't just order it and put my date in an ackward position. I would let him know that I am ordering lobster and I don't expect him to pay for it. If he insist that he pays anyways, then I will let him. If he doesn't, then I will pay as I intended to in the first place.

The objective is to eat what I want, whenever I want.

I see it an issue of etiquette based upon how it is handled.

Now, if a person normally does not eat lobster and waits until they are on a date to do so,[to me] is kind of umm crazy. I would be curious as to why they do this......

 

[*Happily Me*]

nah, but only because it's too messy to eat on a first date

 

[CurleeDST]

I say order how you live. If you were paying for your own meal, and would order lobster - BY ALL MEANS! But I also believe, these first dates should be DUTCH! She should be paying for her own meal or at least be prepared to pay for it.

Me and a friend had an etiquette disagreement.

She's been doing the online dating thing and attractive woman that she is, she's met quite a few men who have asked her out to dinner to become better acquainted.

When she'd tell me about the dates, with very few exceptions she'd mention how the lobster was. Come to find out, if there's a lobster dish on the menu in appetizer, entree or dessert form - she's ordering some. Now here's the catch - I don't think she even likes lobster. I been knowing her for 16 years (lived with her 2 of those years) and haven't ever seen her eat seafood.

Now I'm normally in 'get it how you live' mode, but I find this a little.....unseemly. I asked why doesn't she just get what she wants and her response is alway 'well what's wrong with ordering lobster'?

So umm yeah, poll question - Would you order lobster on the first date just cuz it's 'free'?

 

[CurleeDST]

Everybody has their story and exceptions and I do not think anyone is saying- order lobster the relationship is doomed to fail! I do believe in a woman NOT selling herself short by acting as if the man buying her a meal is going to be her LAST!

Why get brand new simply b/c someone is gracious enough to pay for your meal? Now, if you are a lobster lady and that is how you roll always, one thing...but if someone sees this as an opportunity just to be greedy? I say GET A LIFE and a job that allows you to afford a good meal!

I dont think its a problem at all, I feel that some women sell themselves too short. If he asked you on a date, this isn't to say that you go with intentions of draining his pockets, but he needs to be prepared to pay for a meal, whether its the cheapest or most expensive item on the menu.
I will have you know that I ordered lobster on my first date with my boyfriend...it will be two years in November.

 

[CurleeDST]

My thoughts exactly!


QUOTE=Divine Inspiration;4519955]I agree with MizzBrown and you, JC. It's one thing if you've been craving lobster for weeks and you decide to order it. But it's another to order it just because you can...or to test a man. I agree that it's unseemly because it suggests that the woman is too broke to get it herself or that she's not used to being taken to nice places. When you have access to something often, you don't have to cash in on a man offering something to you.[/QUOTE]

 

[MD_Lady]

Me and a friend had an etiquette disagreement.

She's been doing the online dating thing and attractive woman that she is, she's met quite a few men who have asked her out to dinner to become better acquainted.

When she'd tell me about the dates, with very few exceptions she'd mention how the lobster was. Come to find out, if there's a lobster dish on the menu in appetizer, entree or dessert form - she's ordering some. Now here's the catch - I don't think she even likes lobster. I been knowing her for 16 years (lived with her 2 of those years) and haven't ever seen her eat seafood.

Now I'm normally in 'get it how you live' mode, but I find this a little.....unseemly. I asked why doesn't she just get what she wants and her response is alway 'well what's wrong with ordering lobster'?

So umm yeah, poll question - Would you order lobster on the first date just cuz it's 'free'?

Whenever I went on dates, I always made it a point not to order something too pricey (so much so that one guy even said "you know you don't have to order the cheapest thing on the menu, right"). It also sounds like your friend is ordering something expensive because she feels like she can, definitely not cool.

 

[caramelcutieinva]

I don't eat lobster.

As for your dating I think you should order what you would typically order if you were paying for the meal. If you eat steak and lobster usually then don't feel like you need to order quesadillas and wings. If you order appetizers and a half salad usually don't get the filet mignon because your on his dime now.

 

[TCatt86]

I don't like lobster so I wouldn't order it. But I would order a steak if I felt like I wanted to. I eat steak and I don't have a problem paying for it myself. If we go to a restaurant where I know the steak is good, I may get it. But just ordering lobster or anything expensive on the menu, just to get the man to spend his money is crazy. I live by the philosophy, if I can't afford it myself then I don't need someone to get it for me, other than jewelry.

 

[Honi]

I feel kinda funny doing that on a first date. Second date hell yeah!

My hubby used to joke and say..."if you are going to order on the fuggin side of the menu (aka lobster), be prepared to put out"

 

[Seeking8Rights]

I don't eat lobster.

As for your dating I think you should order what you would typically order if you were paying for the meal. If you eat steak and lobster usually then don't feel like you need to order quesadillas and wings. If you order appetizers and a half salad usually don't get the filet mignon because your on his dime now.

Right.

The problem with people (men and women) who do this is that eventually that cat will come out the bag that the persons life doesn't really afford them to eat market order meals on a regular [their own dime]. <------- This is a tell all indication for anyone, I would hope.

I agree with the other poster in that first dates should really be dutch or both people communicate ahead of time their financial situation.

 

[LivingDoll]

Me and a friend had an etiquette disagreement.

She's been doing the online dating thing and attractive woman that she is, she's met quite a few men who have asked her out to dinner to become better acquainted.

When she'd tell me about the dates, with very few exceptions she'd mention how the lobster was. Come to find out, if there's a lobster dish on the menu in appetizer, entree or dessert form - she's ordering some. Now here's the catch - I don't think she even likes lobster. I been knowing her for 16 years (lived with her 2 of those years) and haven't ever seen her eat seafood.

Now I'm normally in 'get it how you live' mode, but I find this a little.....unseemly. I asked why doesn't she just get what she wants and her response is alway 'well what's wrong with ordering lobster'?

So umm yeah, poll question - Would you order lobster on the first date just cuz it's 'free'?

LOL, no that's tacky. I can buy my own lobster.

 

[MzLady78]

Right.

The problem with people (men and women) who do this is that eventually that cat will come out the bag that the persons life doesn't really afford them to eat market order meals on a regular [their own dime]. <------- This is a tell all indication for anyone, I would hope.

I agree with the other poster in that first dates should really be dutch or both people communicate ahead of time their financial situation.

It's funny how you can get so many different opinions on a subject.

Cause everything I've ever read with regards to first dates said that the man should pay.

But to answer the question, I LOOOOOVE lobster, but I highly doubt I would order it on a first date. *I* would feel like I'm being extra.

 

[Lucie]

No, I would not. I sorta like to let the man order first to get an idea of what I'm working with. Also, I am one of the few seafood lovers that is not crazy about lobster. I've eaten it about a dozen times in my life and I think lobster is just okay. Now crab legs, shrimp and salmon are a whole other issue.

Also, I would think it might send out an unspoken message that I am ordering the most expensive item right off the bat. On a first day, I normally order whatever chicken and pasta dish is available.

 

[cocosweet]

I'm not a lobster eater but if I were, I probably wouldn't order it on the first date. I think it's poor taste to order something you wouldn't have otherwise just because it's on the other person's dime especially with someone you really don't know.

 

[Energist]

I remember when I used to date. On the first dates, I would order a glass of wine, salad and an appetizer. There may have been one time where I ordered a main dish, but it certainly wasn't any steak or big seafood one.

 

[PrincessScorpion]

I am not sending my representive to dinner. He is getting ME and I love me some lobster! Ask my SO and www.lobstergram.com they know all to well.

So if I am in the mood for it I will order it because that would be something I would have no problem paying for myself.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

If someone doesn't order lobster and pay for it themselves, then that's just ridiculous to believe you should be getting in those pockets to make a man prove himself. I'm sure she's nice but that sounds like a gold digger's test to me.

The first few dates are not about impressing people... they should be about getting to know someone and determining if they are good company.

 

[tocktick]

i get the impression she's ordering that because 1) it's free and 2) to gauge if a man is willing to pay for it. i think it's a strange ego-boosting type of thing. personally, it's not something i would order because i don't believe in being extravagant on a first date just because. i also think it's an act some people can see through and it can leave a bad impression.

 

[gone_fishing]

Me and a friend had an etiquette disagreement.

She's been doing the online dating thing and attractive woman that she is, she's met quite a few men who have asked her out to dinner to become better acquainted.

When she'd tell me about the dates, with very few exceptions she'd mention how the lobster was. Come to find out, if there's a lobster dish on the menu in appetizer, entree or dessert form - she's ordering some. Now here's the catch - I don't think she even likes lobster. I been knowing her for 16 years (lived with her 2 of those years) and haven't ever seen her eat seafood.

Now I'm normally in 'get it how you live' mode, but I find this a little.....unseemly. I asked why doesn't she just get what she wants and her response is alway 'well what's wrong with ordering lobster'?

So umm yeah, poll question - Would you order lobster on the first date just cuz it's 'free'?

Part of me wants to say that's ignorant for her to do that.

But another part of me wants to say, if he cannot afford lobster, he shouldn't be taking her to a place that has lobster on the menu.

 

[Seeking8Rights]

It's funny how you can get so many different opinions on a subject.

Cause everything I've ever read with regards to first dates said that the man should pay.

But to answer the question, I LOOOOOVE lobster, but I highly doubt I would order it on a first date. *I* would feel like I'm being extra.

I don't know, I mean I have been on dates where the man paid and I have also been on dates where it was a dutch type of date. With the exception to DH, the dutch type dates were more easy in the sense that either one of us wasn't paying attention to the bill (or bills if its an all day type of date).

The "bill" issue on dates is like another layer of ice that needs to be broken, but only happens once the bill comes or while ordering. It would be easier to just communicate before hand. I have done this and the guys responses have been well recieved because a shown concern and consideration for them, which I think still should exist even on a date.

I don't know, I just have never been a "conventional" dater from the beginning. I have even taken a a guy out on a date and paid for them. How often do women attempt to woo a man outside of using the kittycat or some indirect responsive manner?

 

[Browndilocks]

If it's a seafood restaurant then yeah - why not? If she really wants lobster then why not?Ordering lobster just because its the most expensive thing on the menu however, and not because you really want it is little extra. There 's no real point to be made there.

Yet what do you expect when you get asked out on a dinner date? You mean to tell me that we're going to take the time to go a restaurant and I'm not supposed to order whatever I want? I dont think so...

If I ask someone to dinner, I expect for them to order whatever they want on the menu and I'm PREPARED to cover whatever that is. That same rule must apply for me.