My man said something so hurtful

[Sunnrayy]

Hey Ladies,

I'm known to be a bit of a DRAMA QUEEN

So I just want to make sure I am not overreacting here. My man is a struggling actor. He is on the grind a LOT trying to make it happen and the weekends are usually our time together. I mean we see each other a bit during the week and we talk everyday but usually on Friday,Saturday and Sunday we are together. So, this friday I called him up because it was a bit late as far as the time we usually get together. He informed me that he had work to do and couldnt see me tonight. I admit I got angry and we started to argue then I said "how can you be okay with not seeing me the whole week?"

His answer: "If I got work to do, I could go a whole year without seeing you and I'd be fine."

I was crushed and just hung up the phone. I couldnt believe he said that and the worst part is he meant it. I'm not trying to stand in the way of his career but he always makes it seem like I'm in the way I want him to be successful more than anything because I know how much he wants it.

I'm upset and thinking about leaving for good. He seems to be able to take me or leave me. It doesnt seem that he would loose one night of sleep if I left. This just doesnt seem healthy to me.

So Ladies, Am I overreacting? Being a drama queen?

Thanks in Advance

 

[taz007]

How long have you been dating?

 

[Sunnrayy]

How long have you been dating?

3 1/2 years with one break up for 2 months in year 3

 

[PapillionRouge]

"And when he gets on, he'll leave ur arse for a white girl"...

I'd say U go a whole year without seeing him at all, and see how he likes it.

In that timespan, Im sure u'll find someone that respects you and loves u enough to value your time together, and not to say mean and hurtful things.

Good Luck with whatever u decide.

 

[taz007]

Hey Ladies,

I'm known to be a bit of a DRAMA QUEEN

So I just want to make sure I am not overreacting here. My man is a struggling actor. He is on the grind a LOT trying to make it happen and the weekends are usually our time together. I mean we see each other a bit during the week and we talk everyday but usually on Friday,Saturday and Sunday we are together. So, this friday I called him up because it was a bit late as far as the time we usually get together. He informed me that he had work to do and couldnt see me tonight. I admit I got angry and we started to argue then I said "how can you be okay with not seeing me the whole week?"

His answer: "If I got work to do, I could go a whole year without seeing you and I'd be fine."

I was crushed and just hung up the phone. I couldnt believe he said that and the worst part is he meant it. I'm not trying to stand in the way of his career but he always makes it seem like I'm in the way I want him to be successful more than anything because I know how much he wants it.

I'm upset and thinking about leaving for good. He seems to be able to take me or leave me. It doesnt seem that he would loose one night of sleep if I left. This just doesnt seem healthy to me.

So Ladies, Am I overreacting? Being a drama queen?

Thanks in Advance

His answer in bold is quite telling...

No, you are not being a drama queen. That was a VERY hurtful statement. I would let things calm down a bit and then express to him how hurt you are.

Then, based on his response, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship.

I wish the best for you!

 

[-Volare]

That statement would piss me off. My SO says he couldn't go a day without seeing me so yeah he was wrong for that statement. I'm not gonna tell you whether you should stay or go but the fact that you're thinking it already speaks volumes. Maybe if he had said "If I had work to do that would make US a lot of money then I would still do it for our future. Even though I'd miss you like hell and check up on you as often as I could" that would be different than stating he'd be fine without seeing you for a whole year due to his work.

FYI: IMO he's using this work thing as an excuse, if a man truly loves his woman than there is no way in hell he could be fine without seeing her a whole year. What's the point in being in a relationship? I'm not saying that if you're in a LD relationship you don't love each other, because I've been in one, but neither of us were happy or 'fine' with it.

 

[Sunnrayy]

"And when he gets on, he'll leave ur arse for a white girl"...

I'd say U go a whole year without seeing him at all, and see how he likes it.

In that timespan, Im sure u'll find someone that respects you and loves u enough to value your time together, and not to say mean and hurtful things.

Good Luck with whatever u decide.

Thanks for your response KayKay. He just seems to take me for granted and at this point I feel so hurt and since he is fine with being without me for a year. Then he SHOULD BE WITHOUT ME FOR A YEAR and I need to move on to someone else.

 

[Sunnrayy]

His answer in bold is quite telling...

No, you are not being a drama queen. That was a VERY hurtful statement. I would let things calm down a bit and then express to him how hurt you are.

Then, based on his response, you may want to re-evaluate the relationship.

I wish the best for you!

Thanks for your advice

 

[Sunnrayy]

That statement would piss me off. My SO says he couldn't go a day without seeing me so yeah he was wrong for that statement. I'm not gonna tell you whether you should stay or go but the fact that you're thinking it already speaks volumes. Maybe if he had said "If I had work to do that would make US a lot of money then I would still do it for our future. Even though I'd miss you like hell and check up on you as often as I could" that would be different than stating he'd be fine without seeing you for a whole year due to his work.

FYI: IMO he's using this work thing as an excuse, if a man truly loves his woman than there is no way in hell he could be fine without seeing her a whole year. What's the point in being in a relationship? I'm not saying that if you're in a LD relationship you don't love each other, because I've been in one, but neither of us were happy or 'fine' with it.

Volare

You are 100% right. I don't understand what he is in a relationship for? That's the thing, I don't feel that he really genuinely loves me, if he did, he couldnt say these hurtful things or be without me that long. Its gonna be sooo hard because our lives are so intertwined and I've been with him for soo long but I've got to get out of this relationship. I've tried and failed before. I feel so taken for granted and low. It hurts soo bad. Please pray for me ladies, I know that God is still in control and that he will help me leave this unhealthy relationship.

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

How does he treat you otherwise?

Did he just get caught up in the argument and say that trying to hurt you?

Does he normally treat you well?

 

[Sunnrayy]

How does he treat you otherwise?

Did he just get caught up in the argument and say that trying to hurt you?

Does he normally treat you well?

Normally he is a good man. I mean, he has a good heart and is an honest man. In the past we have argued a LOT. After our last breakup we got back together and agreed to change the things the other had problems with in the relationship. My problems with him were: Not emotional enough, he had a hard time showing his feelings. He says he just doesnt like the lovey dovey stuff. For example, he didnt grab my hand in public much or kiss in public. He says he has a problem with public affection. As well, he would just act as if he didnt really care about me. Like, I could be there or not be there and it wouldnt bother him. When I am angry with him over something, he just doesnt seem to care at all.

 

[Sunnrayy]

That statement would piss me off. My SO says he couldn't go a day without seeing me so yeah he was wrong for that statement. I'm not gonna tell you whether you should stay or go but the fact that you're thinking it already speaks volumes. Maybe if he had said "If I had work to do that would make US a lot of money then I would still do it for our future. Even though I'd miss you like hell and check up on you as often as I could" that would be different than stating he'd be fine without seeing you for a whole year due to his work.

FYI: IMO he's using this work thing as an excuse, if a man truly loves his woman than there is no way in hell he could be fine without seeing her a whole year. What's the point in being in a relationship? I'm not saying that if you're in a LD relationship you don't love each other, because I've been in one, but neither of us were happy or 'fine' with it.

VOLARE: What does LD relationship mean?

Oh nevermind.....duh?! I got it: Long distance relationship

 

[KarmaKarmaDarling]

if i were in your situation....i would leave quietly without him even knowing that i have left.
there is Men out here who are looking for a Good Woman and will value You and Your Time Together.
i'm the type of person who does not have the time or patience for foolishness. and i hate when dumb, dumbs talk out the side of they necks.

to me it just seems a little Cold Hearted for him to say something like that.

adding.....damn girl i just read your answers to other post. is he still unaffectionate and unemotional towards you?

 

[Ms_Delikate]

He sounds like he is not emotionally invested in the relationship and is just biding time until something better comes along...I am saying this because I have been there...only I was the one that was not emotionally invested...Try to leave if you can because if you don't he will leave and you will feel worse...Sorry!

 

[Ganjababy]

That is harsh- you are not overreacting

 

[-Volare]

Volare

You are 100% right. I don't understand what he is in a relationship for? That's the thing, I don't feel that he really genuinely loves me, if he did, he couldnt say these hurtful things or be without me that long. Its gonna be sooo hard because our lives are so intertwined and I've been with him for soo long but I've got to get out of this relationship. I've tried and failed before. I feel so taken for granted and low. It hurts soo bad. Please pray for me ladies, I know that God is still in control and that he will help me leave this unhealthy relationship.

I will pray for you sweetie. I know you'll find the strength to leave. He doesn't deserve you.

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

Normally he is a good man. I mean, he has a good heart and is an honest man. In the past we have argued a LOT. After our last breakup we got back together and agreed to change the things the other had problems with in the relationship. My problems with him were: Not emotional enough, he had a hard time showing his feelings. He says he just doesnt like the lovey dovey stuff. For example, he didnt grab my hand in public much or kiss in public. He says he has a problem with public affection. As well, he would just act as if he didnt really care about me. Like, I could be there or not be there and it wouldnt bother him. When I am angry with him over something, he just doesnt seem to care at all.

if this carries over to your private time together as well, then I would say, that it's probably best for you to move on. He *seems* to be taking the relationship a lot more casually than you are.

but that's just my assessment from reading this one post, and I could be wrong.

 

[Ms Red]

I honestly feel that you should cut your losses and not try to make it to 4 years with a man who seems like he genuinely does not deserve you.

Leave and open the door for real love.

 

[Frostipuff]

As you already suspect, he's just not that into you. Life is short. If you are interested
in a more meaningful longterm relationship that might lead to marriage and family, move
on now. It's better to be alone for a while than waiting for a cold inattentive man
to come around when and if he feels up to seeing you.

It's clear that his career is first and foremost the most important aspect of his life,
which is not wrong, but wrong for you.

 

[Sunnrayy]

if i were in your situation....i would leave quietly without him even knowing that i have left.
there is Men out here who are looking for a Good Woman and will value You and Your Time Together.
i'm the type of person who does not have the time or patience for foolishness. and i hate when dumb, dumbs talk out the side of they necks.

to me it just seems a little Cold Hearted for him to say something like that.

adding.....damn girl i just read your answers to other post. is he still unaffectionate and unemotional towards you?

No, when we got back together he changed all of that. He holds my hand in public now and kisses. The whole PDA thing. He had changed so much and things were going great. We were so happy and then this fight happened and he said this cruel thing.

 

[ThickHair]

No, when we got back together he changed all of that. He holds my hand in public now and kisses. The whole PDA thing. He had changed so much and things were going great. We were so happy and then this fight happened and he said this cruel thing.

By the sound of this ^^^^ you are going to stay. When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired you will be out. You have not had enough because every post you have replied to counteract what a person wrote. What gives? You either piss or get off the pot.

I tell my BFF all the time, if you are going to complain about your husband 24\7, and stay with him, you really need to shut your mouth because it sounds like wa wa wa wa.

 

[spelmanlocks]

Girl, that statement alone would make me leave. Basically he's not as into you as you think and sounds like he is probably getting tired of you or thinking about leaving. My advice would be for you to move on and cut your losses now.

 

[WhipEffectz1]

Well, I won't tell you to leave or stay because I know when I get irritated or angry I will say a whole bunch of stuff that I really don't mean. It's just something that I do and it doesn't mean that I love him less. That's just how I operate because I know if I say something dramatic then he will leave me alone/quit nagging for a while(I treasure ME time). At the end of the day, its up to you to decipher what's really going on as we are on the outside looking in.

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

IMO, that one statement isn't what your post is about. It seems like there are other things that are going on (or not going on) and this statement (though foul) is just salt in the wound. You already know his response was foul but is it enough to leave him?? You know him better than any of us but from what you've posted, it sounds like you are not getting what you need out of this relationship.
Are you hoping to marry this man? Do you think if he was a working actor (not struggling) things would be different? I'm not going to advise you to stay or leave but it seems like you already know what you need to do...not sure if your heart is there yet

 

[Sunnrayy]

By the sound of this ^^^^ you are going to stay. When you get sick and tired of being sick and tired you will be out. You have not had enough because every post you have replied to counteract what a person wrote. What gives? You either piss or get off the pot.

I tell my BFF all the time, if you are going to complain about your husband 24\7, and stay with him, you really need to shut your mouth because it sounds like wa wa wa wa.

okay what are you talking about? she asked me was he still this unaffectionate and unemotional? The true answer is NO it seemed he had changed. Everything had gotten better after we broke up and got back together. Then he said this thing to me and i realized he HAD NOT changed. I simply answered her question. If you read back to earlier posts. I agreed with people like Volare and others who said he was a jerk and they would leave. This was simply an answer to a question.

I've already made up my mind to leave. Not because of what you are saying or because of what any other human being is saying. But because of what my mind and heart and soul are telling me. But most importantly, because of what GOD is saying to me.

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

okay what are you talking about? she asked me was he still this unaffectionate and unemotional? The true answer is NO it seemed he had changed. Everything had gotten better after we broke up and got back together. Then he said this thing to me and realized he HAD NOT changed. I simply answered her question. If you read back to earlier post. I agreed with people like Volare and others who said he was a jerk and they would leave. This was simply an answer to a question.

I've already made up my mind to leave. Not because of what you are saying or because of what any other human being is saying. But because of what my mind and heart and soul are telling me. But most importantly, because of what GOD is saying to me.

Good luck to you Sunnrayy...you'll be okay. I'm glad you know your worth

 

[sky_blu]

LOL wow. I really had to laugh when I read this not because its funny but because Im going through the same thing of having someone who has a "career" that keeps him out and busy alot which means less time for me. I definitely want him to succeed and do the thing he loves but I also want the time as well. He treats me well but I can definitely understand the time thing. I've been known to be a drama queen too. Not sure why he said that to you but I think you should give it a few days before you break up with him so you don't do something you regret. Breaking up and getting back together shouldn't become a habit.

 

[hopeful]

His statement was very hurtful. I'm so sorry he is so inconsiderate of your feelings. I have been married 22 years and my dh works a lot and at times travels a lot and like you I have complained but in all of our 22 years of marriage he has never said anything even close to as hurtful as that. He will say well I have to work or I'm doing this for you and the girls, but if he ever told me he could go a year without seeing me, well I just can't even imagine. You are right to be hurt and I don't think anyone would be mad at you for breaking up with him.

 

[Raspberry]

He seems to be taking you for granted and is sure you're not going anywhere... have you been planning a future with him (like marriage) or are yall just treading water or in a routine?

"And when he gets on, he'll leave ur arse for a white girl"...

I'd say U go a whole year without seeing him at all, and see how he likes it.

In that timespan, Im sure u'll find someone that respects you and loves u enough to value your time together, and not to say mean and hurtful things.

Good Luck with whatever u decide.

*spits out coffee*

Now why would you say that?

 

[Sunnrayy]

LOL wow. I really had to laugh when I read this not because its funny but because Im going through the same thing of having someone who has a "career" that keeps him out and busy alot which means less time for me. I definitely want him to succeed and do the thing he loves but I also want the time as well. He treats me well but I can definitely understand the time thing. I've been known to be a drama queen too. Not sure why he said that to you but I think you should give it a few days before you break up with him so you don't do something you regret. Breaking up and getting back together should'nt become a habit.

Thanks for your response. Well we've already broken up and gotten back together once so to late for that, it seems like just from that one time he thinks its going to be a habit. But I'm not gonna keep doing that. That is ridiculous and unhealthy. He asked for a second chance and I believe in second chances but at this point he's had his second chance. There aren't anymore.