how would you feel if a man said this to you?

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

Drop this guy pronto. He seems too insecure.

dang, str8 2 the point. you might be on to something. he seems to talk about his daughter's mom a little too much for my taste... but i do want to go out with him a couple more times. hope i'm not a glutton for punishment.

 

[heavens_epiphany]

well i don't ride the jock. for no man. i been down that road and quite frankly i'm too old for that ish. i have my own life. my own interests. my own things to do. he is someone that i'm trying to get to know but in no way am i going to be calling him daily, going out with him every weekend and getting myself all caught up. we are in the early stage so... i'll see you when i see you. maybe that's the vibe he's getting from me. and, i don't plan on changing it right now. if, we progress to something more substantial then obviously more time will be spent together but in the beginning i ain't getting that wrapped up.

girl, we were exchanging stories about other people we've met and why it didn't work out. i don't know if that is a red flag, but him telling me how irresponsible his daughter's mom is certainly seems like one.

RUN FOREST RUN!!! Ex bashing talking about other women. NO GOOD! Either he is messed up or he is boring and ran out of things to say. In the book "he's just not that into you" I hink he mentioned if a MAN is into you are all he can think about and he would do things to make you happy.. ASk him some questions that will show his charactar

Why is his ex so irresponsible?
Who do the child live with? If the childlives with the mom Why? she is irresponsible right?wouldnt you want your shild in a stable home?
Does he pay child support? and how? is it garnished? if yes RUN! He didnt take care of his seed willingly.
Have him tell a story about his daughter. Does he have stories that sound like he spends alot of time with her?

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

RUN FOREST RUN!!! Ex bashing talking about other women. NO GOOD! Either he is messed up or he is boring and ran out of things to say. In the book "he's just not that into you" I hink he mentioned if a MAN is into you are all he can think about and he would do things to make you happy.. ASk him some questions that will show his charactar

Why is his ex so irresponsible?
Who do the child live with? If the childlives with the mom Why? she is irresponsible right?wouldnt you want your shild in a stable home?
Does he pay child support? and how? is it garnished? if yes RUN! He didnt take care of his seed willingly.
Have him tell a story about his daughter. Does he have stories that sound like he spends alot of time with her?

lol at the bolded.
we've talked a little about his ex cause i asked him questions in the beginning about her. apparently, she left to do an internship in italy for a couple months and was not present in her daughter's life. she doesn't pick her up when she says she will... when we last spoke his daughter was there with him. i heard her talking and stuff. she was asking him if she could speak to momma.

 

[heavens_epiphany]

lol at the bolded.
we've talked a little about his ex cause i asked him questions in the beginning about her. apparently, she left to do an internship in italy for a couple months and was not present in her daughter's life. she doesn't pick her up when she says she will... when we last spoke his daughter was there with him. i heard her talking and stuff. she was asking him if she could speak to momma.

May I ask you a question? Are you single without children? if so girl get yours. I hate to say it and I have 2 girls and I am young (31) but i dont date men with kids unless the ex is dead.. I know that is wrong but baby mama drama is a pain in the....and children are tricky. My philosophy is I have my girls in my house, I know where my income is going and I got another check coming in from the other fool. I'm not trying to split my income to help him out.

Prospect and keep going out on dates. Worse case scenario he may be a GOOD booty call.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

May I ask you a question? Are you single without children? if so girl get yours. I hate to say it and I have 2 girls and I am young (31) but i dont date men with kids unless the ex is dead.. I know that is wrong but baby mama drama is a pain in the....and children are tricky. My philosophy is I have my girls in my house, I know where my income is going and I got another check coming in from the other fool. I'm not trying to split my income to help him out.

Prospect and keep going out on dates. Worse case scenario he may be a GOOD booty call.

ur on point 2nite. i am indeed single with no kids. i feel you. normally i do not date men with kids. but he came across really nice and caring. most of the men i dated in the past with or without kids were playing that laid back crap which i cannot stand. he seems diff. but the baby mama stuff... i don't know about that. i'm 32. i know there are men out there w/o kids i just think they are harder to come across. i think i'm gonna stop thinking that. i might be sabotaging myself. yep children are tricky. and his daugher is 2. lord have mercy.

that's funny about the booty call.

 

[heavens_epiphany]

ur on point 2nite. i am indeed single with no kids. i feel you. normally i do not date men with kids. but he came across really nice and caring. most of the men i dated in the past with or without kids were playing that laid back crap which i cannot stand. he seems diff. but the baby mama stuff... i don't know about that. i'm 32. i know there are men out there w/o kids i just think they are harder to come across. i think i'm gonna stop thinking that. i might be sabotaging myself. yep children are tricky. and his daugher is 2. lord have mercy.

that's funny about the booty call.

Oh my 32 and single no kids! I would be on a man buffet! Girl start hummin "irreplaceable" This man is looking for help with that baby. Hell to the naw. You are a millionaire, you have YOUR time and you cant buy TIME. ime and freedom are worth its weight in gold. You can date whoeva wheneva and he knows that. Just like men look at women with children as a liability it si the same with men. He is all butt hurt because his ex was like I am going to do me you deal with this baby. She beat him to the punch.

Just my opinion

 

[Bunny77]

ur on point 2nite. i am indeed single with no kids. i feel you. normally i do not date men with kids. but he came across really nice and caring. most of the men i dated in the past with or without kids were playing that laid back crap which i cannot stand. he seems diff. but the baby mama stuff... i don't know about that. i'm 32. i know there are men out there w/o kids i just think they are harder to come across. i think i'm gonna stop thinking that. i might be sabotaging myself. yep children are tricky. and his daugher is 2. lord have mercy.

that's funny about the booty call.

Good thinking.

I am 30 and I have never dated a man with children. I have made that one of my non-negotiables for as long as I can remember and interestingly enough, I don't usually run across men with children trying to holla... I go on a LOT of dates and finding a childless man has never been a problem.

As a smart woman told me, there's a lot more men in their 30s than we'd think who are never married and childless... so if that's what you want, don't buy into the idea that it's hard to find them because you're 32.

 

[tocktick]

Yep... I always wonder the motivation of black men who need to point this out to me. Just focus on the relationship between the two of US, not other black men or a shortage or whatever... (also, I don't see a shortage in my neck of the woods... I meet a lot of decent black men)



OR... that she can't even get anything but a black man because no one else but black men want black women. I have had two black men pull the "good brother" line on me, and the first one said "And you know, white men don't date black women, so black men is all you've got." Say what???

The other man asked me what I was looking for in a man and when I mentioned financial security in addition to all the other stuff he said, "You know, white women don't say that. They just talk about love... I'm not saying it's wrong that you want that, I'm just pointing that out."

Say what, again?

It's like some of these men get off on the idea that black women "appear" to have no options... and if you do have an option, it's only so-called geeky white boys and ewww, why would you want them when you can have big strapping buck black men?


Yeah, most of the nice black men I know are quick to mention how many good brothers are out there looking for a good woman... they don't put down the rest of their group...

(Sorry, this issue is a pet peeve for me because I've heard too much crap from men when I'm trying to mind my own biz....)

WTF??!! @ the bolded. i just couldn't deal with people who say mess like this.

 

[aja1121]

While I don't think he was putting down black women, I do think he was buying into his own hype and the so-called shortage of good BLACK men (notice he focused on brothers, as if you have no other options).

I like your answer... and it's funny that he responded by criticizing white guys. (If it had been me and he said 'white guys are goofy', I would have just said, 'Not the ones I date!')

So I'd say this is a red flag and you should keep your eyes open. Any man worth his salt doesn't need to talk about a "shortage" or "lack of good brothers." If he's a good brother, he'll show you and he doesn't need to talk about how he's a rarity.

All he had to do is say that he wants a good woman and he won't settle for less. Adding that other stuff would be a BIG concern for me.

ITA!!!! When he said white guys are goofy, I would've said, "Whose talking about white men". I guess to him, they are the only other race!

 

[Nola Darling]

dang, str8 2 the point. you might be on to something. he seems to talk about his daughter's mom a little too much for my taste... but i do want to go out with him a couple more times. hope i'm not a glutton for punishment.

LOL, Thats how I roll!

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

Oh my 32 and single no kids! I would be on a man buffet! Girl start hummin "irreplaceable" This man is looking for help with that baby. Hell to the naw. You are a millionaire, you have YOUR time and you cant buy TIME. ime and freedom are worth its weight in gold. You can date whoeva wheneva and he knows that. Just like men look at women with children as a liability it si the same with men. He is all butt hurt because his ex was like I am going to do me you deal with this baby. She beat him to the punch.

Just my opinion

lol! yep that's what i thought i was thinking before i met him...that i'ma be on a man buffet lol but i just need to get out more cause i will go home and sit in front of the computer (on here) for like hours. your right, the world is my oyster. i didn't think about being nobody's momma though. i haven't even thought that far ahead. that's not appealing at all.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

Good thinking.

I am 30 and I have never dated a man with children. I have made that one of my non-negotiables for as long as I can remember and interestingly enough, I don't usually run across men with children trying to holla... I go on a LOT of dates and finding a childless man has never been a problem.

As a smart woman told me, there's a lot more men in their 30s than we'd think who are never married and childless... so if that's what you want, don't buy into the idea that it's hard to find them because you're 32.

wow, you've never dated a man with kids. that's very impressive. i know that can be me. it's less complicated that way too.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

ITA!!!! When he said white guys are goofy, I would've said, "Whose talking about white men". I guess to him, they are the only other race!

exactly right. i was thinking to myself, i don't limit myself to white and black men only. there are other races out there.

 

[Bunny77]

wow, you've never dated a man with kids. that's very impressive. i know that can be me. it's less complicated that way too.

The thing is, I'm not conciously avoiding them either... I just get approached mostly by men with no kids. There was one guy with a kid that I was talking to briefly, but we never ended up getting together (which was good because the early conversations were about fighting his GF who wanted more child support, blah blah blah).

Oh, and there was another guy who I found out had kids (I am a master investigator), but he never told me he did. I stopped talking to him because I feel that if you're a parent, you shouldn't be hiding your kids!

But other than that, the men I meet are childless. Maybe it's the vibe I'm sending out...


As for those situations I mentioned before where the men talked about white women/black women having no options, yeah, they were gone quickly!!!!!

 

[aqualung]

This dude effectively said that he's not going to make any special effort for any one SO because he has his pick of the ladies.

I'd quit TALKING about dating with him and actually just do the dating.
Judge him based on actions (and the amount of jewelry he buys you).

Let him win THAT conversation (esp'ly the dig at white men) if that's what it takes for him to buy me jewelry.
step 1: Boost his ego.
step 2: Get jewelry.

 

[Lilakoi’s_Sister]

This dude effectively said that he's not going to make any special effort for any one SO because he has his pick of the ladies.

I'd quit TALKING about dating with him and actually just do the dating.
Judge him based on actions (and the amount of jewelry he buys you).

Let him win THAT conversation (esp'ly the dig at white men) if that's what it takes for him to buy me jewelry.
step 1: Boost his ego.
step 2: Get jewelry.

that's my plan. the jewelry idea is cute.

he called me last night. i'm gonna plan a nice lobster and steak dinner for us next weekend.