My man finds out he has a...

I came back to laugh at the idiocy of this guy using the fact that RICH black men marry white women as proof that WW aren't gold diggers. Shouldn't he be pointing out how many POOR black men marry white women???
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Sorry OP, most of us are not addressing the child issue, in view of this guy's other glaring faults.

Honestly, for me, if the man were a good man, highly compatible with me, and I cared a lot about him, the child wouldn't be so big a deal. This is because I am not one of those women driven to have children out of my own womb, neither do I have the desire to start a family "from scratch" with my man. The point is, how a woman should act in this situation is based on what is important to *her*.
 
Wow, this fool calls you names, a black panther at that, and you're wondering what you should do? :huh:
 
Honestly, the biggest factor is his statement...it makes me feel almost inferior at times because of my skin color. And then im like, how could he feel this way about black women when our daughters are going to be black. I think him and his mother are wrong. He told me that before he knew he had child that his mother wanted him to be with a white woman so that he would have mixed looking children like her nephew. So his mom got his wish. So im like what now my future kids are going to be looked down upon because they will be fully black? His statements really make me feel almost not as good enough because i am a black woman.. i have never felt this way before...and then like some one else said, what if my sons pick up this behavior. I might have to leave him.
 
petiteNunique said:
Honestly, the biggest factor is his statement...it makes me feel almost inferior at times because of my skin color. And then im like, how could he feel this way about black women when our daughters are going to be black. I think him and his mother are wrong. He told me that before he knew he had child that his mother wanted him to be with a white woman so that he would have mixed looking children like her nephew. So his mom got his wish. So im like what now my future kids are going to be looked down upon because they will be fully black? His statements really make me feel almost not as good enough because i am a black woman.. i have never felt this way before...and then like some one else said, what if my sons pick up this behavior. I might have to leave him.
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Because you have been with him for so long, I'm sure this is a hard decision. your emotions are caught up and you are looking at his potential. No woman should be in a relationship where she feels inferior. If you can't feel safe at home or with your loved ones, then where can you? I hope you look at your situation from all angles and make the best decision for you and your future children. **hugs**
 
petiteNunique said:
Honestly, the biggest factor is his statement...it makes me feel almost inferior at times because of my skin color. And then im like, how could he feel this way about black women when our daughters are going to be black. I think him and his mother are wrong. He told me that before he knew he had child that his mother wanted him to be with a white woman so that he would have mixed looking children like her nephew. So his mom got his wish. So im like what now my future kids are going to be looked down upon because they will be fully black? His statements really make me feel almost not as good enough because i am a black woman.. i have never felt this way before...and then like some one else said, what if my sons pick up this behavior. I might have to leave him.
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Oh HAYL no. :nono:

Im sorry, girl. Hes not marriage material.

If you dump him its gonna hurt you, but TRUST ME, you will get over it and then you will be wondering why you were even with dude in the first place.
 
petiteNunique said:
Honestly, the biggest factor is his statement...it makes me feel almost inferior at times because of my skin color. And then im like, how could he feel this way about black women when our daughters are going to be black. I think him and his mother are wrong. He told me that before he knew he had child that his mother wanted him to be with a white woman so that he would have mixed looking children like her nephew. So his mom got his wish. So im like what now my future kids are going to be looked down upon because they will be fully black? His statements really make me feel almost not as good enough because i am a black woman.. i have never felt this way before...and then like some one else said, what if my sons pick up this behavior. I might have to leave him.
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Oh, so his self-hating mother created another self hating Black man. It all makes sense now.

So not only is he an *ss clown, he comes from a line of *ss clowns. Is this really the type of family you want to marry into and subject any of your future children to? I mean, for real?

And why would want to be with a man who makes you feel bad about yourself? Come on, sweetie, this is not rocket science. You know this situation is all kinds of wrong, you just need to find the strength to walk away.
 
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petiteNunique said:
Honestly, the biggest factor is his statement...it makes me feel almost inferior at times because of my skin color. And then im like, how could he feel this way about black women when our daughters are going to be black. I think him and his mother are wrong. He told me that before he knew he had child that his mother wanted him to be with a white woman so that he would have mixed looking children like her nephew. So his mom got his wish. So im like what now my future kids are going to be looked down upon because they will be fully black? His statements really make me feel almost not as good enough because i am a black woman.. i have never felt this way before...and then like some one else said, what if my sons pick up this behavior. I might have to leave him.
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Regardless if it's your skin color, your size or something else. Why would you want to be with a man that makes you feel inferior? You deserve better, OP.
 
petiteNunique said:
we have been together for two years and he wants to get married this summer...i just feel like if i end it i will have a hard time finding a man who treats me as well...and then i feel like my biological clock is ticking to get married and have a child.
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Re-read what you just wrote and ask yourself did you really mean what you just said? I mean do you hear yourself? You want to stay with him for fear that you will never find a man that will treat you as well but you are and possibly willing to settle for something even less than what you deserve just for the sake of.......?

I'm telling you right now this will get old QUICK! Your excuses for hanging in there will dwindle. I'm not telling you what to do but you know in your heart of hearts that you deserve better. Dude comes up short.....way short.

As far as the child. That happened way before you came along. It's something that you have to deal with if you decide you want to stay.
 
petiteNunique said:
Honestly, the biggest factor is his statement...it makes me feel almost inferior at times because of my skin color. And then im like, how could he feel this way about black women when our daughters are going to be black. I think him and his mother are wrong. He told me that before he knew he had child that his mother wanted him to be with a white woman so that he would have mixed looking children like her nephew. So his mom got his wish. So im like what now my future kids are going to be looked down upon because they will be fully black? His statements really make me feel almost not as good enough because i am a black woman.. i have never felt this way before...and then like some one else said, what if my sons pick up this behavior. I might have to leave him.
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Sounds like this man is using his issues with black women to try and control you. The more he downs black women for being xyz and the more he makes you feel bad about who you are, the more he's trying to control who you are and how you behave.

Honestly, I'm not sure he has such big issues with black women if he's with you. Seems to be about control IMO.

I also don't know if I believe he didn't know about the kid. And you know that if you have children who are darker then his current child, your child will be made to feel unattractive or undesireable. That would be a very unhealthy situation to bring a child into.

OP, the fact that you're pinning your hopes on this guy makes me think you may have some deeper self-esteem issues. Truly, you deserve better. And at 24 you have plenty of time to get right with yourself and find the kind of man who can be the husband and father you want and need.
 
Please don't even entertain the thought of having babies (daughters) with this man. If you want to be with him, then fine, that's you--but to bring girls into this would be tragic. What kind of father figure would this man be, you knowing how he feels about black women, filling their heads up with nonsense to make them feel insecure about who they are.

And I already know that he'd be one of those men that would favor his biracial child over any that he would have with you.

Don't fool yourself to think you can have babies with a man like him--it would be the worst thing you could do for your future daughters--and if you had sons, what kind of role model would he be for them, downing Black women?? Seriously.....
 
awhyley said:
^^^ Ditto. 'He wants to be married in the summer' Has he asked you OP? Or you you just making plans, while he's just leading you on?
(this is important)
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Yeah, he wants to be married by summer, but are you two even engaged yet? Seems like that would be the logical progression...
 
petiteNunique said:
Yea, i told him that his statement about black women really bothers me but he says that he is entitled to his opinion and he is going to stand by his opinion...break ups are so hard! I just dont know what to do im just so stuck
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If you think breakups are hard and you're not even married nor have kids together, what do you think will be easy about divorcing him with children? Make a mature choice as a grown woman. Who says you need him?

Edit, cuz I saw this just after and I'm appalled

petiteNunique said:
The funny thing about it is that the woman is always asking him for money, yet he still says that black women are gold diggers. He also told me that if i were to break up with him that he would probably date a white woman since me and other black women would have done him wrong
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Do you comprehend verb tense? He's already condemning you? I'm not trying to be harsh, but the more I read your responses, the angrier I am becoming that you cannot see the leaf for the tree. Are you daft? Break it off. You are going to kill your heart, head, emotions with this man. Btw, he's not a good man, not at all. Oh, he's good for somebody else, just not YOU. Don't worry about what he will say...that's the biggest sleezy-azzzzed attempt at manipulation I've ever seen. :rolleyes: Bluck him.
 
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petiteNunique said:
Honestly, the biggest factor is his statement...it makes me feel almost inferior at times because of my skin color. And then im like, how could he feel this way about black women when our daughters are going to be black. I think him and his mother are wrong. He told me that before he knew he had child that his mother wanted him to be with a white woman so that he would have mixed looking children like her nephew. So his mom got his wish. So im like what now my future kids are going to be looked down upon because they will be fully black? His statements really make me feel almost not as good enough because i am a black woman.. i have never felt this way before...and then like some one else said, what if my sons pick up this behavior. I might have to leave him.
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Cot bayum! Are you serious??? Oh, my great scott!!! Children emulate their parents. What if???? Ok, I wish Jersey Madea would give me a Newport cuz I need a puff. *** that, give me some weed to deal with this ish right here.... Please know, I'm saying this out of pure concern for YOUUUUU. Dump him and do NOT date again until you find yourself. You need to work on you before you end up with yet another loser who will destroy your life. You should be in control of your life, not anybody else. I would serious consider therapy...no joke. You can talk to a pastor, imam, rabbi, temple priest...whomever...who will be able to discuss the virtues of a good man, a good marriage and how to get one. Please do not continue to stay. 2 years is already difficult enough and if you are being intimate with him, it's going to be even harder...you've already given parts of your soul to this devourer. :nono: Jeezuzz...I don't know what else to say...I'm rather angry about it. Please get some help, for realz...cuz you know you deserve better. :bighug:
 
I'm very skeptical about this story....no offense OP, but something about it seems too.....negatively stereotypical......it plays too well into the stereotypical view of black men loving white women, black men seeing all black women as gold diggers, a black women settling for anything, black women having low self-esteem and being afraid of the biological clock.....it fits the script all too well...it's as if it's scripted.
 
petiteNunique said:
So my man just found out he has a 7 year old child. I am 24 years old and he is 28. Honestly, this is not what I wanted, as I wanted to start a family with someone who does not have kids...i just don't know what to do. A lot of times the whole situation bothers me a lot. Sometimes I do not know if I want to stay but at the same time he is a really good man. Another thing that bothers me is that he has the mindset that most black women are gold diggers and that white women are not like that. He says this is the reason why black men marry white women when they get rich. He says that i am different from most of the black women he has dated. But still, im like don't diss my race of women. All of this just really bothers me. I asked him if he will teach his future black daughters that black women are gold diggers and he said no, but that if they ask for his opinion, he would say yes. His current child is biracial but appears to be white. I don't think that he would tell her the same thing. I just don't know what to do about the whole situation...i don't know whether to stay or what. How would you all feel about all of this?:ohwell:

He calls me a black panther since i stick up for my race of women
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Follow your gut. If you don’t feel right about playing step parent then leave. Relationships fall apart because people aren’t honest with themselves about how they really feel about certain situations that come up. You are way too young to even think about raising someone else’s kid. You aren’t married to this man and you aren’t a bad person if you don’t want to play mommy before your time. Be honest about where you are in life and where you want to be. At 24 years old you should be having a good time and exploring the world, not raising someone else’s kid. I guarantee you if you are quilted into staying in the relationship you will resent him.
 
petiteNunique said:
Other than this he treats me better than anyone else has but his comments about most black women being a gold digger and then i find out he has a biracial daughter...this does not make me feel good about myself at all...i thought a black man was supposed to uplift the black woman, not bring her down.
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Why are you with someone who trashes women who look like you? Isn’t that a big red flag? What makes you think he won’t turn on you in the future and say something hateful if you manage to tick him off?
 
Someone said that this story sounds scripted...um no, why would i make up a story? Im sorry but i don't have enough time on my hands to be making up stories...im just on here trying to get some honest advice.
 
Someone might have all of this already (I'm still reading through responses)

A) The fact that he just found out about a 7 year old, is highly suspect. Do you really believe he just found out? Simply because he said so?

B) He doesn't respect Black women in general.

C) He doesn't respect you.

D) Whether he's lying about A or not he sounds like a real manipulative son of a gun.

I wish you the best, I really do, but this sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
 

Come to your senses, woman!

death-road-view-from-the-road.jpg

Death Road Ahead, Beware

..

"You don't wanna come early and find me there, now do ya?"




"Danger, danger, Will Robinson!!!"




Run like a muthaf..... and don't look back!



:look::look::look::look::look::look::look::look::look:
 
@ Volva :lol:

I wish the OP the best :yep: but I'm having de ja vu about the OP because it seems as though there was a thread on this very topic a month or so ago :perplexed:
 
Well OP you have gotten plenty of responses and most of them if not all are on the same page.

I'm just curious to know what this man's redeeming qualities are that makes you say he treats you so well.

The picture that you have painted of him makes me think of that arrogant type of guy who believes you should be grateful he even looks your way.
 
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