My date asked me why...

[aribell]

aren't all men ultimately interested in women for sex at some point?

Well, he meant that wm are interested in bw out of sexual curiosity and/or beacause supposedly bw are better in bed. It's akin to the idea that ww go after bm purely because bm supposedly have bigger crayons.

Like wm have to have some kinda fetish to want a bw.

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[MizAvalon]

...he loves women of all colors (esp. white women), but he gets really angry when he sees a beautiful black woman with a white man. He said he knew it was a double standard but he really felt strongly about it.

I told him that it didn't have anything to do with the woman but rather with his sense of competition with white men. I said that white men dating black women is a way of white men encroaching upon the "territory" of black men (esp. since black women have traditionally been so loyal).

He then said that he believed the white men were with the black women because of sex. erplexed I told him I didn't believe that. I think that myth circulates because black men don't want to think that white men might actually have something to offer a black woman.

What do you all think? Why the double standard?

Your answer to him was absolutely correct. BM don't like seeing BW with WM because it's living, breathing proof that WM have taken from them the one last thing that they thought would always be there.

Oh, and it's truly a shame how brainwashed blacks are to think that they are so worthless that no other race would want to be with them for a geunine reason. People tell black athletes to "stay away from white girls because all they want is your money." Black women are told to stay away from white men because "all he wants from you is sex." Truly a shame that blacks think that is all they are good for.

 

[TrueToHair]

.........................

 

[ambergirl]

As if black men don't date women for sex?

I've had black men say similar things to me and have even seen black men get violent with my or my friends non black dates. And some of the worse ones only date nonblack women

It's about ego, it's about feeling racially inferior, it's about patriarchy and machismo (you are OUR women).

No place for these men my life. And if I can't get rid of them (eg. friends hubbies) I just say things that make them so mad they won't ever bring it up to me again.

 

[Charz]

getting violent? seriously?

creepy.

 

[ambergirl]

getting violent? seriously?

creepy.

Seriously. One guy started a fight with my friend's white date at a club and we had to leave. Another random black man came up to me and my date at a restaurant and just went on and on about how he wasn't surprised I was with a white guy because he noticed I walked funny when I came in. Another time, a guy walked clear across a 4 lane road to come and give me **** and threaten to hurt us because I was walking with a white guy who was just a friend. I could go on and on. I've heard similar stories from other black women.

And I live in No Cali which is supposed to be so progressive!

Basicaly I tend to avoid certain places if I'm with a non black date just to avoid the threats and drama.

 

[MizAvalon]

^^^That is crazy!

 

[chocolat79]

That argument could be turned right back on him in so many ways. And most have already been mentioned. Isn't there the idea that BM only want WW because they'll do things BW won't do? Or their "Becky" is the best? So please. Tell him to date whomever he wants and keep his ignorant comments about BW to himself. If he's so into WW, why does he care about what BW doing? Also, he can believe what he likes about BW and WM if it helps him sleep better at night. GTFOH...

 

[knt1229]

That is a common stereotype. Many people assume that a black woman with a white man is with him because he is paying her. Or that she is a hoe being paid for her time. I've heard this many times from people. Just like there used to be a stereotype that black men who date white woman do it for the freaky sex. The stereotype of white women is that they do all kinds of freaky ish black women won't do.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your friend per se but he has obviously bought into the ignorance. Unfortunately, there are all kinds of ignorant stereotypes about interracial relationships.

 

[aribell]

Good points here.

Just wanted to add something else I've heard from black men - they feel that white men get black women that many black men couldn't get, but black men pretty much get white men's cast offs. It really is less about the woman, and more about these primordial feelings of competition and "possession" that men have had for ages.

.

Interesting! Hadn't thought of that before but I think it's definitely true. I've noticed bm asking women who seem "UE" if they've ever been with a wm or saying something like "she probably likes white guys."

But it makes sense because everyone wants to improve their lot in life some kinda way. I *almost* told this guy that bm need to be careful with all this mess because bw have and continue to do better educationally than bm and if bw started linking up with wm more and more, then bm the plight of bm will fall even further in society because the bw wouldn't be sticking around trying to hold everything together. The loyalty of bw is doing a lot for bm right now.

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[Guitarhero]

...he loves women of all colors (esp. white women), but he gets really angry when he sees a beautiful black woman with a white man. He said he knew it was a double standard but he really felt strongly about it.

I told him that it didn't have anything to do with the woman but rather with his sense of competition with white men. I said that white men dating black women is a way of white men encroaching upon the "territory" of black men (esp. since black women have traditionally been so loyal).

He then said that he believed the white men were with the black women because of sex. erplexed I told him I didn't believe that. I think that myth circulates because black men don't want to think that white men might actually have something to offer a black woman.

What do you all think? Why the double standard?

What I think might draw stones and bricks. Here goes:


Black men who "especially like white women" might have something to prove concerning their worthiness and the coveted prize of landing the impossible - the white woman - who was off-limits openly for decades (although in various times in our U.S. history, there have been more interracial black/white marriages than now). With his preference of white and his jealousies made known, I'd say that a lot of men in his circumstance feel possessive (in agreement with you) but that it is misplaced due to the level of disrespect commonly shown for black women. They don't truly want them to the extent they want white but they also don't want anyone else to have them. In other words, they are the ultimate misogynists - let no one have her.

Secondary to that is the feeling that those in his shoes are second-rate status in the minds of black women. This is the flip-side of their preference. Note: is it a certain type of women whose qualities are trans-race or just the fact they are white?

As to his charge about white men being with black women for sex, I wonder where all the chivalrous black men are to come to the rescue of black women, protecting their honor. As I see it, they are also only temporarily with black women for sex, esp. when she has a child, because they move on and forget all their responsibilities. This is not all black men (just to clarify), but it is certainly common. So, he should not be disturbed since he prefers white. Ignore them as they are not for him at all. And yes, he would be right to question his discomfort because he's dealing with 1)racism 2)auto-racism 3)misogyny (even "benign") 4) jealousy and 5) denial about 1-4.

 

[intergalacticartist]

Good points here.

Just wanted to add something else I've heard from black men - they feel that white men get black women that many black men couldn't get, but black men pretty much get white men's cast offs. It really is less about the woman, and more about these primordial feelings of competition and "possession" that men have had for ages.

Not to mention that the one thing that black men at least thought they could throw in white men's faces is that black women could not even be attracted to white men. So when black women contradict this idea, it's a slap in the face.

I guess that's why I really hate the idea of white women if they can't land a white man they will land a black man. Is a black man some type of second rate citizen? Just take any type of scraps?

WTF

And it's really off putting when people on here say they would never let their sons date a WW. WTF is that? You're upholding the belief that WW are superior and your son is therefore INFERIOR and doesn't deserve her. Why would you want you son to feel that way? When I have a son I will want him to date whomever he wants. It's like some of you are projecting your insecurities on them

 

[HauteHippie]

I'm thinking now that it may be a reflection of these men's underlying belief that white women really are better and that the only reason a white man would choose a black woman is because of sex. Like they can't conceive of any other reason that a white man would forego being with a white woman.

Co-signing

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