First off – shineyblack – I can appreciate that some of what I’ve said may have come off unsympathetic – that was not my intention. I am in no way condoning your husbands behavior, I’m only trying to explain how he could come to feel the way he feels. It’s a shame that he’s checked out on your marriage, but whatever you do, please ensure he has a relationship with your children that is healthy. Do not let whatever is going on between the two of you emotionally harm your children. I speak as someone who has been at the centre of this particular battle.
You also need to stop feeling sorry for yourself! I’m glad you’ve acknowledged some of what he’s said, but that doesn’t mean you should continue to internalise it. It’s good that you’re planning to do something. I actually think if you can live with your mother you should, until you can get yourself together….. save some money, go to school, fulfil your dreams. Whatever happens, I did say a prayer for you before posting and I’
I actually think leaving him with the kids may not be such a bad idea. Those of you saying if the husband was abusive to her, then he will abuse the kids….well, again, I have to disagree. You can be a lousy wife or husband and be a good parent. The two are not mutually exclusive.
ambergirl – I’m not trying to make this about me, so I’ll just end this particular diversion by saying, no, I am not excusing OP’s husband. He’s an a$$ just as my father was an a$$ to my mother. I know how a man should treat a woman which I why I’ve never been with a man who has abused me and if he did, he’d be in hospital facing reconstructive surgery.
Once again – I’m going to disagree with the consensus – why do women always think they have to fleece their husbands for all they can get? This maliciousness is totally unnecessary. God will deal with those who do evil on earth, it is not for you to mete out punishment by taking him for all he has, especially when he’s a good father. The man has an obligation to his kids, not to someone who has the ability to work. Child support is one thing, spousal support….in perpetuity? Nah son.
In any case, it sound like shineyblack’s husband is trying to reach out to her. I say she takes the olive branch and works from there. Like someone said – it’s surprising that the women who are advocating divorce are themselves married. Also even more worrying is the amount of time some of you ( who from all appearances appear to be happily married), have invested in how you will take your husbands for all you can get should he dare to cross you. I hope I never go into a marriage looking for the exit clause…..or ways to penalise him for breaching a contract…..cause that’s what it sounds like – a financial transaction, not a marriage
As for some of the other advice….wow, just wow..
I appreciate your levelheadness and you make good points but at the end of the day there is just no excuse for his behavior. I don't care how resentful he is, there is never an excuse to abuse your wife. Ever. If he is so done with their situation, then he needs to talk to her about an exit plan.
I also find your parents situation intersting, but not everyone would feel the same as your mom about that situation. My experience is a little different, but very early in my dating life I was with a guy who tried to mold and shape me into being the person he wanted me to be. I hated it and eventually we broke up. A few years after that I ran into him and he saw that I was doing well for myself and he had the audacity to say I probably wouldn't be where I was had it not been for him. Please! If anything I would have been in an even better place in my life if I had not wasted one iota of time on his sorry arse!
Now we don't know the truth about what's going on in this marriage because we're only hearing one side of the story. But what concerns me about your posts is I hear you excusing pretty abysmal behavior and not to get too personal, I wonder if that's because you grew up in a situation where your dad was openly resentful of your mother. I'm sorry you had to live through that, and I'm glad your mom has made the best of it, but I wonder if your perception of what's acceptable behavior in a relationship is skewed because of your childhood experiences.
