My Husband told me to "Get a Job"!!!

[jerseygurl]

OP I feel for you and your children. What you are going through has nothing to do with you being a SAHM but everything to do with your husband have grown apart from you. He's ready to move on and is employing the age-old tactic a man uses to chase the woman in his life away.

You've received excellent and not so excellent advice here but at the end of the day, you're the one who has to take action. I wish you well and I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

[shinyblackhair]

He could find money to buy a damn motorcylce(a luxury,not a necessity) but he couldn't help you to return to school??!!! And he is complaining about you not working! That is simply ridiculous.....yeah.....he's up to something alright....

Yeah...that's what burns me! Please. I do have ambitions to attend school. I have always wanted to go get my degree. If I hadn't have snuck behind my parent's back I WOULD have attended school. I was always a good student. After I had my daughter I took a quick Legal Admin course at one of those REALLY expensive business schools. I took out a huge student loan only to find out after I "graduated" that these "schools" arent' really recognized. I'm in default on the provincial portion something like $11,000 they take any little tax I may get. My other portion federal $5000 just finished getting paid off...but anyway yeah he used his line of credit to buy a motorcycle and told me literally "don't worry about it because you're not paying it back". I told him he could have sent me to school on that amount of money ($6000). That would pay tuition for a 2 year college diploma program, thereby enabling me to get a higher paying job. Everyone in the family (his side and mine) thought he was crazy to get a bike and they were all lookin' at me like how could I have gone along with this, but they don't realize that I did voice my opinion on the matter, but then he shuts me down with the fact that I'm not working, therefore I have no say.

 

[Westend_Girl]

In the heat of arguments he will threaten to leave and tell me he's so tired of me and sometimes I fight back and say well maybe I'll leave and he'll say to me: "where will you go?" "you have no money and no job" I swear the things I put up with for these kids...

The first time he said this, I would have been on Monster/CareerBuilder/Indeed.

 

[Moopeh]

OP you are a very brave woman for enduring all of this and opening up the the ladies on this thread. Lady Paniolo is so right.

My mom is in her forties and she's starting a degree in school, she was a SAHM for years. Judging someone because they are a stay at home mother is just wrong. My mom was a SAHM for a lot of my childhood and it was a huge blessing for me. My parents decided it was worth having less money to have her there for us. It is an incredibly difficult job, and a huge undertaking, ESPECIALLY because people tend to judge you for it. Just because it doesn't pay in money, doesn't mean it doesn't pay.

I think you are a selfless woman for taking care of your kids and enduring this man's cruelty for so long.

I want you to know that I don't think you're useless. DH sounds like he has very low self esteem. You've invested in something admirable, raising 4 kids. Raising children is the cornerstone of every society.

That man made promises to you before God and now he's breaking them. There is no excuse for that. I pray that you'll have people in your life who are will be kind to you to help you through this difficult time.

Keep your head up!

 

[Michelle1971]

I felt the need to post this again for emphasis and for some of you to read this again.
The Thank You button doesn't give it justice IMO...

All of you who are claiming that he is justified at having no respect for her since she is only a SAHM with no ambitions need to consider that fact- she wanted to go to school! HE SAID NO. So clearly he's not got all these lofty ideals that she should be all that she can be like him x 1,000 lmao this dude has done nothing but menial labor and refuses to even get a high school diploma that is recognized by the country he's lived in for at least a decade and a half! So let's not fall for the okey doke about how she needs to be all ambitious and whatnot. Because he himself has demonstrated clear lack of ambition in his own career, and he patently refused to assist her in her plan of going to school.

Plus, she later told us that she did work during the marriage, and he even got an attitude about it because he didn't like the loss of face of her working there caused *for him*. The OP HAS helped out financially with temping jobs and working at the grocery during the marriage. She HAS tried to better herself. HE doesn't want that... my guess is that he wants her to be squarely UNDER him, so that he can denigrate her and bully her.

He wants to break her down. If she was working it would be him saying she's not got a promotion (while he's working blue collar) or him saying she's not a good enough mother, not pretty enough, something, ANYTHING will suffice when he wants to justify doing dirt.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

My mom is in her forties and she's starting a degree in school, she was a SAHM for years. Judging someone because they are a stay at home mother is just wrong. My mom was a SAHM for a lot of my childhood and it was a huge blessing for me. My parents decided it was worth having less money to have her there for us. It is an incredibly difficult job, and a huge undertaking, ESPECIALLY because people tend to judge you for it. Just because it doesn't pay in money, doesn't mean it doesn't pay.I think you are a selfless woman for taking care of your kids and enduring this man's cruelty for so long.
.

I really love this portion of your post

 

[shinyblackhair]

The first time he said this, I would have been on Monster/CareerBuilder/Indeed.

ha ha ha my sister couldn't believe it either...

 

[shinyblackhair]

OP you are a very brave woman for enduring all of this and opening up the the ladies on this thread. Lady Paniolo is so right.

My mom is in her forties and she's starting a degree in school, she was a SAHM for years. Judging someone because they are a stay at home mother is just wrong. My mom was a SAHM for a lot of my childhood and it was a huge blessing for me. My parents decided it was worth having less money to have her there for us. It is an incredibly difficult job, and a huge undertaking, ESPECIALLY because people tend to judge you for it. Just because it doesn't pay in money, doesn't mean it doesn't pay.

I think you are a selfless woman for taking care of your kids and enduring this man's cruelty for so long.

I want you to know that I don't think you're useless. DH sounds like he has very low self esteem. You've invested in something admirable, raising 4 kids. Raising children is the cornerstone of every society.

That man made promises to you before God and now he's breaking them. There is no excuse for that. I pray that you'll have people in your life who are will be kind to you to help you through this difficult time.

Keep your head up!

Wow. Thank you!

 

[shinyblackhair]

All of you who are claiming that he is justified at having no respect for her since she is only a SAHM with no ambitions need to consider that fact- she wanted to go to school! HE SAID NO. So clearly he's not got all these lofty ideals that she should be all that she can be like him x 1,000 lmao this dude has done nothing but menial labor and refuses to even get a high school diploma that is recognized by the country he's lived in for at least a decade and a half! So let's not fall for the okey doke about how she needs to be all ambitious and whatnot. Because he himself has demonstrated clear lack of ambition in his own career, and he patently refused to assist her in her plan of going to school.
Plus, she later told us that she did work during the marriage, and he even got an attitude about it because he didn't like the loss of face of her working there caused *for him*. The OP HAS helped out financially with temping jobs and working at the grocery during the marriage. She HAS tried to better herself. HE doesn't want that... my guess is that he wants her to be squarely UNDER him, so that he can denigrate her and bully her.

He wants to break her down. If she was working it would be him saying she's not got a promotion (while he's working blue collar) or him saying she's not a good enough mother, not pretty enough, something, ANYTHING will suffice when he wants to justify doing dirt.

Well, now he "says" he will put my tuition on his line of credit. He is saying it so, I will gladly olbige, the program I'm looking at doesn't start until next September and I need to do a pre-requisite. I'm thinking of taking on a lower paying part-time job in the meantime...and pray he doesn't change his mind about school...

at the red bolded this is so true! for the last few years he has been saying he wants to join the police force but you need your (Canadian) grade 12. My neighbour across the street was saying the same thing too. Do you know he has already applied (a lengthy process), went to Police college, graduated and is now working on the Toronto Police force? And my husband is still here saying, I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it...yeah right...I AM showing ambition to go to school and would do it in a heartbeat, my husband knows this, but yet I am the one who lacks ambition and am useless.

at the pink bolded - he NEVER gives me credit for any of this because it wasn't sustained over a long period of time, but I was doing these things in addition to my duties at home. The other day he looked at me and asked me, well said to me: "how many years have you actually worked? like non-stop in a job?" I was so offended - he KNOWS where I've been damn, he was just trying to insult me. Yet he hangs out with these losery dudes that he knows from way back who are DRUG DEALERS and have never held down a friggin job for more then a minute themselves, because they can't take the 9-5 and slow money, no these guys sell drugs and illegal **** and send their wives out to work proper 9-5 jobs.

 

[shinyblackhair]

So last night my neighbour-friend (the one married to the Police officer) invited me along to her sister-in-laws birthday girl's night out. What perfect timing - of course I was game to go. My friend is like my family (dh and mine) in that she is shocked and disappoint my in husband's behaviour she can hardly believe some of this stuff...you all wouldn't believe it either if you knew us in person because he doesn't come across as being the type of person he is at home. Even my sister said she could hardly believe - b/c he always acts like everything is perfect....

Anyway, I put on my freakum dress and we went to a club. I had a LOT to drink and a LOT of fun. It felt good to dance and let go. I hadn't done that since 2003! Man it was so much fun. dh stayed here with the kids...his drug dealer friend was here for a bit but he actually left before I left for the club. I don't like or trust that guy and he knows it. The only thing that prevents me from telling him off is that dh grew up with him in Jamaica. Dh idolizes him, but would never admit it and hates it when I call that guy his mentor, lol.

 

[ambergirl]

Hmm, well again, I’m making the point that this marriage is failing through the actions of both people. Yes, at the present time, he’s the one who appears to be really digging a grave for the marriage but like I said, it takes two to make a marriage and two to destroy it. He feels the way he feels because he feels trapped. He’s in a manual job and still has aspirations and he has a wife who (no offence OP) doesn’t seem to have those aspirations. Yeah, he’s resentful.

I’ll bring in some personal history here – my own parents went through this. My mother got pregnant with me and my grandfather forced him to marry her. He always made it plain that intellectually, she was not on his level. He encouraged (coerced) her to better herself, because he wanted a wife who wanted to successes. He had that immigrant spirit of making something of yourself in a new land. They would fight all the time about money and my dad’s residual resentment at being forced to marry her. It was not a pleasant tapestry upon which my childhood was painted. My mother finally dusted herself off (after years of being weak and whiney) and got herself two degrees and a professional job. My parents are divorced now, but she always says, that no matter how much she resented him, if it wasn’t for my dad, she wouldn’t be where she is today, professionally and financially.

I appreciate your levelheadness and you make good points but at the end of the day there is just no excuse for his behavior. I don't care how resentful he is, there is never an excuse to abuse your wife. Ever. If he is so done with their situation, then he needs to talk to her about an exit plan.

I also find your parents situation intersting, but not everyone would feel the same as your mom about that situation. My experience is a little different, but very early in my dating life I was with a guy who tried to mold and shape me into being the person he wanted me to be. I hated it and eventually we broke up. A few years after that I ran into him and he saw that I was doing well for myself and he had the audacity to say I probably wouldn't be where I was had it not been for him. Please! If anything I would have been in an even better place in my life if I had not wasted one iota of time on his sorry arse!

Now we don't know the truth about what's going on in this marriage because we're only hearing one side of the story. But what concerns me about your posts is I hear you excusing pretty abysmal behavior and not to get too personal, I wonder if that's because you grew up in a situation where your dad was openly resentful of your mother. I'm sorry you had to live through that, and I'm glad your mom has made the best of it, but I wonder if your perception of what's acceptable behavior in a relationship is skewed because of your childhood experiences.

 

[MizzBrown]

How are you saving money? I saw a post upthread that he gave you a measly $40 for something?

Do you have a stash, savings acct in your own name or is everything tied to him?

His payday is your payday too. Do you get your check?

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

There are plenty of marriages that fail because of one partners behavior and actions. I know some psychologists like to push that line that it's always both parties, but it's just not true. .

I don't believe that psychological statement is true in all marriages either, some, but not all.

I know a lady that was a SAHM. Her DH has, since I've known her, been verbally abusive, downing her about every little thing, and nothing was ever good enough. As her kids entered school, she did part time work until her kids got in high school and currently she works full time. His thing was that he was always the one that was the financial provider, so to appease him, she worked when she could.

Was that enough to cause peace in their marriage....NO!! To this day, he's still verbally abusive, and nothing she does is right--the worse part is that she's done all the child-rearing--he does nothing to raise his children because that's her job, so he puts it. How she's put up with it, I have no idea. I really think that he's waiting until the children graduate High School to bail out so he doesn't have to pay child support, because from what she tells me, she's tried everything to please him, and to date nothing works.

That's why I made the statement in a previous post, that it might not be about OP being a SAHM, some men, because of whatever reason, check out and when they do, there is nothing that you can to do get them back.

 

[simplyFABULOUS]

The OP needs to get a job 26/hr aint ish in Canada.
I understand the whole alimony and child support thing but to be real even if she gets that she will probably still need another job to support herself and her family. I doubt that they have anything in savings because from what it sounds like they are alreay struggling. Also more and more people are getting divorced these days so judges are not taking the "poor lil stay at home mom" view anymore. Also the judge is not going to give her this mans whole check some of it hes going to be able to keep. I would much rather her be able to make a semi smooth transition when he decides that he doesnt want to come home anymore rather then being out in the cold with NOTHING...do you guys even own your home?

 

[Kurlee]

1 US dollar = 1.03529957 Canadian dollars

basically on par with each other.

 

[tatiana]

Well, now he "says" he will put my tuition on his line of credit. He is saying it so, I will gladly olbige, the program I'm looking at doesn't start until next September and I need to do a pre-requisite. I'm thinking of taking on a lower paying part-time job in the meantime...and pray he doesn't change his mind about school...

at the red bolded this is so true! for the last few years he has been saying he wants to join the police force but you need your (Canadian) grade 12. My neighbour across the street was saying the same thing too. Do you know he has already applied (a lengthy process), went to Police college, graduated and is now working on the Toronto Police force? And my husband is still here saying, I'm going to do it, I'm going to do it...yeah right...I AM showing ambition to go to school and would do it in a heartbeat, my husband knows this, but yet I am the one who lacks ambition and am useless.

at the pink bolded - he NEVER gives me credit for any of this because it wasn't sustained over a long period of time, but I was doing these things in addition to my duties at home. The other day he looked at me and asked me, well said to me: "how many years have you actually worked? like non-stop in a job?" I was so offended - he KNOWS where I've been damn, he was just trying to insult me. Yet he hangs out with these losery dudes that he knows from way back who are DRUG DEALERS and have never held down a friggin job for more then a minute themselves, because they can't take the 9-5 and slow money, no these guys sell drugs and illegal **** and send their wives out to work proper 9-5 jobs.

He hangs out with drug dealers...that is not a good a sigh at all.
You better make sure he is not selling drugs...just because he has a legit job does not mean anything.
People take the money from their legit job purchase dope and resell and make a profit.
Drug dealers get wives with jobs so they (drug dealers) can hide their money and they can hide behind her credit so if the cops come a knocking "assets" are not lost because every thing is in her name.
If your husband is friends with drug dealers, why in the world would he join the Police Force?
This changes things for me. i think there is something else going on here. This could be just another reason why he wants you to have a job.

What does line of credit mean? Is that a Canadian thing? Do you mean credit cards? You took money out of your house? Have you seen paper work on the line of credit? or is it cash money?

 

[Moopeh]

So last night my neighbour-friend (the one married to the Police officer) invited me along to her sister-in-laws birthday girl's night out. What perfect timing - of course I was game to go. My friend is like my family (dh and mine) in that she is shocked and disappoint my in husband's behaviour she can hardly believe some of this stuff...you all wouldn't believe it either if you knew us in person because he doesn't come across as being the type of person he is at home. Even my sister said she could hardly believe - b/c he always acts like everything is perfect....

Anyway, I put on my freakum dress and we went to a club. I had a LOT to drink and a LOT of fun. It felt good to dance and let go. I hadn't done that since 2003! Man it was so much fun. dh stayed here with the kids...his drug dealer friend was here for a bit but he actually left before I left for the club. I don't like or trust that guy and he knows it. The only thing that prevents me from telling him off is that dh grew up with him in Jamaica. Dh idolizes him, but would never admit it and hates it when I call that guy his mentor, lol.

I'm glad you went out and had some fun! It's good to have allies in tough times. This could be the beginning of something new for you. A chance to branch out and have your own victories without having to worry about him trying to stifle your shine.

He sounds two faced. I think it's great that your opening up to people about what you going through. Then they can help you in tough times. He's probably worried about keeping up appearances. Sounds like someone who isn't very sure of his own self worth. Usually men like that like to bring people down with them. Hmpf. You do have ambition! Everyone who's read though all these posts can see that his stopping you from succeeding. He seems happy with being unsatisfied... His loss.

I don't know about Ontario, but in Quebec there are lots of provincially certified career programs. It's different here because of cejep. Probably photocopying your credit info would be good to have on record. Reading the fine print on opening a line of credit as well. Maybe your friend can look things over for you! It's kind of exciting to be able to pick your career and go for it. I'm at that point right now, going back to school and deciding what's what. I think I'm going to go into nursing. Then once I have my DEC I want to go into biomechanics!!!

 

[simplyFABULOUS]

1 US dollar = 1.03529957 Canadian dollars

basically on par with each other.

I just think that with four kids and how long some divorces take telling her to just sit around and wait to get left is not wise. Especially when it seems like he is ver secretive about the families financial standing.

 

[fluffylocks]

No, but it explains some of his resentment. I need for people to realize that not all of his complaining was just an attempt to place blame on her to alleviate his own fault. I think he was genuinely resentful. There are times when some husbands start to feel the strain of poor financial situations and get resentful of a wife who is continuing to insist on staying at home even when it is clear that she can no longer afford to. And that is the gist I got from her first few posts. she was almost whining about the fact that he wanted her to get a job and folks were acting like it was criminal of him to do that. My point is that his frustration has some merit and should not simply be discounted as cheating or abuse. Yes, there is more to the story, but that small part should not just be ignored.

Also, in response to some, so what if he did ant her to work so they could afford more nice things? What's wrong with that?

I think he started to get frustrated and resentful for the wrong reasons.

I think he was fine with everything, untill he started hanging out with drug dealers whose wives work 9-5, and then comparing that to his situation, -and whatever/whoever else has caused him to want to get a motorcycle, want to become a rapper, ect.

She has been working on and off during there 15 years of marriage, so i dont think working again would cause her to be whining and complaining, or that now they could no longer afford for her to stay at home, since he is now probally making more than when she has done it in earlier years, or it probally has remained the same with increases in money and kids over the years.

He could have wanted more money and all these things before, and maybe if from the start he had known what he wanted and told her, they could have worked together and get it, or he would really have a right to be unhappy.
But I think something else has influenced him to realize what he wants, and that he thinks shes in the way of getting to everything, or that she cant help. And I think the OP posted because him not budging about working at night so she could work made her realize that he is unhappy with her no matter what right now. Some people may have sensed that from the start, but I didnt.

The only solution IMO is for her to be completly independent of him finicially and emotionally, and what kind of marriage is that. (which is basically what he said with "fend for yourself"

 

[yardyspice]

I skimmed the thread but I am concerned that your husband seems to think that you have no resources. You do: half of whatever he has is yours plus child support. I would never suggest that any woman get a divorce unless there is true cruelty, abuse, etc. but I do think that women should be aware of their rights under the laws in their state. I suggest that you go to legal aid or some other charitable legal organization and get more information. It will definitely make you feel more empowered.

 

[jada1111]

Okay, this isn't to knock the OP or anything, but dude never loved her from the get go. He married her for his papers, she married for love. She went on to have four kids, but did he WANT all of those children?

I know folks are gonna say, well he should have covered up to make sure it didn't happen, but I don't believe he intended the marriage to last this long. Don't know if he was ever honest with her or not or the OP heard what she WANTED to hear and not what he was really saying. Or maybe she didn't want to believe he was serious (if he told her the truth).

This is just my personal conclusion from reading the OP's subsequent posts in this thread. I think the OP married for "love", but it was "business" for him. I don't think he minded having one or two kids, but not FOUR. Most folks today don't want that many kids.

Well OP, like LadyP said "You need a job like YESTERDAY!" For real. The good thing is that I hear Canada's social services system is way better than the united states. You got FOUR kids, even with a job, I'm sure they'll give you foodstamps and subsidize your rent for you.

 

[shinyblackhair]

The OP needs to get a job 26/hr aint ish in Canada.
I understand the whole alimony and child support thing but to be real even if she gets that she will probably still need another job to support herself and her family. I doubt that they have anything in savings because from what it sounds like they are alreay struggling. Also more and more people are getting divorced these days so judges are not taking the "poor lil stay at home mom" view anymore. Also the judge is not going to give her this mans whole check some of it hes going to be able to keep. I would much rather her be able to make a semi smooth transition when he decides that he doesnt want to come home anymore rather then being out in the cold with NOTHING...do you guys even own your home?

Yes, we own our home, but no we don't have savings. Of course this is my fault due to my not working is what he would say...

He hangs out with drug dealers...that is not a good a sigh at all.
You better make sure he is not selling drugs...just because he has a legit job does not mean anything.
People take the money from their legit job purchase dope and resell and make a profit.
Drug dealers get wives with jobs so they (drug dealers) can hide their money and they can hide behind her credit so if the cops come a knocking "assets" are not lost because every thing is in her name.
If your husband is friends with drug dealers, why in the world would he join the Police Force?
This changes things for me. i think there is something else going on here. This could be just another reason why he wants you to have a job.

What does line of credit mean? Is that a Canadian thing? Do you mean credit cards? You took money out of your house? Have you seen paper work on the line of credit? or is it cash money?

I believe he taking it into consideration. He has said it jokingly, but I believe he is interested in doing it. He did it on a very small time scale as a teenager, however stopped because I made it clear that we would not be together if he did that. He grew up in under a devout Seventh Day Adventist mother who does NOT approve of those things (she was also like a second mom to this drug dealer friend of his too back home).

He wanted to be a cop either for the sake of "talk" or maybe it sounds good, but there is a side of him that loves the whole "bad boy" lifestyle...he has for the most part till now played it safe though.

A line of credit is a sum of credit that you have access to. He got $15,000 I think it works like when you withdraw from it you get charges interest on the amount you've borrowed, not the whole amount you have access too. Hope I explained that right. I'm not 100% sure of it myself. It's in his name. It is legit as I've seen the paper work and the bills for it.

I'm glad you went out and had some fun! It's good to have allies in tough times. This could be the beginning of something new for you. A chance to branch out and have your own victories without having to worry about him trying to stifle your shine.

He sounds two faced. I think it's great that your opening up to people about what you going through. Then they can help you in tough times. He's probably worried about keeping up appearances. Sounds like someone who isn't very sure of his own self worth. Usually men like that like to bring people down with them. Hmpf. You do have ambition! Everyone who's read though all these posts can see that his stopping you from succeeding. He seems happy with being unsatisfied... His loss.

I don't know about Ontario, but in Quebec there are lots of provincially certified career programs. It's different here because of cejep. Probably photocopying your credit info would be good to have on record. Reading the fine print on opening a line of credit as well. Maybe your friend can look things over for you! It's kind of exciting to be able to pick your career and go for it. I'm at that point right now, going back to school and deciding what's what. I think I'm going to go into nursing. Then once I have my DEC I want to go into biomechanics!!!

Yes, I believe something good is coming down the line for me too...out of the blue my mom just called me saying how she is coming to visit me on Monday. My mom live like 10 min away but, is always wrapped up in her life...she never calls me...now out of the blue she's trying to come over...of course I'm suspicious that my sister has told her what's going on...My mom knows about the last big blow up when he hit me and of course told me I could come home, but never called me after that to even check up on me. But anyway, she's coming on Monday to visit me

The only solution IMO is for her to be completly independent of him finicially and emotionally, and what kind of marriage is that.

Yes...exactly...sad but true.

 

[SeatownSista]

Okay, this isn't to knock the OP or anything, but dude never loved her from the get go. He married her for his papers, she married for love. She went on to have four kids, but did he WANT all of those children?

I know folks are gonna say, well he should have covered up to make sure it didn't happen, but I don't believe he intended the marriage to last this long. Don't know if he was ever honest with her or not or the OP heard what she WANTED to hear and not what he was really saying. Or maybe she didn't want to believe he was serious (if he told her the truth).

This is just my personal conclusion from reading the OP's subsequent posts in this thread. I think the OP married for "love", but it was "business" for him. I don't think he minded having one or two kids, but not FOUR. Most folks today don't want that many kids.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think it's right to assume that the OP's husband never loved her, that their marriage was simply a business transaction, or that he didn't really want all of their children from a few subsequent posts about a 15-year marriage.

 

[MzLady78]

Yes, we own our home, but no we don't have savings. Of course this is my fault due to my not working is what he would say...



I believe he taking it into consideration. He has said it jokingly, but I believe he is interested in doing it. He did it on a very small time scale as a teenager, however stopped because I made it clear that we would not be together if he did that. He grew up in under a devout Seventh Day Adventist mother who does NOT approve of those things (she was also like a second mom to this drug dealer friend of his too back home).

He wanted to be a cop either for the sake of "talk" or maybe it sounds good, but there is a side of him that loves the whole "bad boy" lifestyle...he has for the most part till now played it safe though.

A line of credit is a sum of credit that you have access to. He got $15,000 I think it works like when you withdraw from it you get charges interest on the amount you've borrowed, not the whole amount you have access too. Hope I explained that right. I'm not 100% sure of it myself. It's in his name. It is legit as I've seen the paper work and the bills for it.



Yes, I believe something good is coming down the line for me too...out of the blue my mom just called me saying how she is coming to visit me on Monday. My mom live like 10 min away but, is always wrapped up in her life...she never calls me...now out of the blue she's trying to come over...of course I'm suspicious that my sister has told her what's going on...My mom knows about the last big blow up when he hit me and of course told me I could come home, but never called me after that to even check up on me. But anyway, she's coming on Monday to visit me



Yes...exactly...sad but true.

Yay, I'm glad your mom is coming to visit.

I think now would be a good time to start trying to repair that relationship.

 

[ambergirl]

OP, like most of the ladies here, I hear you, recognize the difficult situation your in, and think you have valid concerns about your husbands behavior...still....I wonder if you're telling the whole story. Everytime I read one of your posts my spidey sense goes off. All the way something about this situation is not adding up. Just putting that out there...

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

How old is your husband OP?

 

[MzLady78]

How old is your husband OP?

35. He was 20 when they got married and they've been married for 15 years.

 

[~Sparklingflame~]

Lawd thats too old for all this BS.

 

[shinyblackhair]

OP, like most of the ladies here, I hear you, recognize the difficult situation your in, and think you have valid concerns about your husbands behavior...still....I wonder if you're telling the whole story. Everytime I read one of your posts my spidey sense goes off. All the way something about this situation is not adding up. Just putting that out there...

Like what? Trust me, I know I'm not perfect and that there are two sides to every story. Please feel free to question me on anything that doesn't sound right. I'd be more than happy to provide clarification...not sure what else to say.

 

[jada1111]

Maybe it's just me, but I don't think it's right to assume that the OP's husband never loved her, that their marriage was simply a business transaction, or that he didn't really want all of their children from a few subsequent posts about a 15-year marriage.

I'm assuming it from the OP's posts. I don't believed he loved her. I think he cared for her, but was never IN LOVE with her. She married him behind her family's back, because deep down she probably knew this, but didn't care, because her feelings overrode the truth. She was also very young at the time. People grow and change. He needed his papers, she provided that with the marriage. She was in love, he was in like.

This is just MY personal take on the situation.

Women are notorious for trying to "change" someone or for seeing things that aren't there. I was guilty of this as well. You live and you learn though. Now, I believe what I "see" and ain't trying to change nobody to be what I desire them to be. He either is or is not.