brownelovely
Well-Known Member
Your handling this really well and I wish you the best.
My husband may have a son by someone else.
- Thread starter getmoore
- Start date
kweenameena
Well-Known Member
updates please
By the way, I"m keeping your family and your strength in my prayers. You all can get thru this
By the way, I"m keeping your family and your strength in my prayers. You all can get thru this
mscocoface
Well-Known Member
Okay it is 12:00 in Cali so that is 3:00 on the East Coast, has anyone heard from OP?
I have been praying for her and her family that no matter what the outcome all will turn out okay including for the young man.
I have been praying for her and her family that no matter what the outcome all will turn out okay including for the young man.
growth2come
Well-Known Member
There are good and bad points to this....on the plus side she saved you and your husband some 20 years of drama and the downside is that your children and you husband have missed 20 years of a relationship with a sibling. This woman must be mad or had some selfish reasons for not wanting to let her son know about his dad or mayby just scared...who knows but I hope this doesnt mess up your family life becaus this situation was out of your control and both you and your husband had no idea about this child.
song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
I hope all is well, OP! Any updates?
Also, thank GOD the son isn't 2 years old...because...
Also, thank GOD the son isn't 2 years old...because...
getmoore
Active Member
The last 24 hours have been CRAZY. As I suspected, my husband is the father. He kept making me feel bad by saying he was sorry over and over I kept telling him he didn't do anything to me he kept telling me he should have just waited for me to come into his life.
erplexed
After we calmed down we had the task of telling our children. I had a knot the size a grapefruit in my stomach as I told them. My oldest just giggled as my husband went back to his careless younger years when the child was conceived. He has a nervous giggle and smile so I knew he was uneasy with the conversation. My youngest two children to my surprise just looked at each other with knowing glances. As it turned out the youngest did a history search on my computer after I did a search for DNA testing centers last week. They were actually discussing if they may have a sibling or if one of them had a different (famous) daddy somewhere
The youngest said she was worried about why we were so upset so she snooped. I thought we hid it from them pretty well. Guess not.
I convinced my husband to call his son. We didn't have his number so we called the mother to get it. Now ladies, Please tell if I'm overreacting at this "conversation" My husband tells her he is the father. There is silence on the other end of the phone.Now me as the kind of woman I am is sitting there listening on the phone (I didn't say anything) thinking I would hear her sobbing that she was soooooo sorry for keeping his child from him for 20 years,or at least triumphantly yelling that she knew He was the father or some sort of EMOTION at the gravity of the situation. She says 6 short dry words to him "Tell your son to stop smoking" before giving him the number.
I change my mind about what I said in a previous post I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A LONG TALK WITH THIS WOMAN!!!
We hang up with her and call his son. My husband starts stuttering. As I rub his back he finally gets it all out. Now I expected a lot of silence on this call because he seems shy. Nope. He said he was happy that he's got his own father now
We lost it for a little bit after that. I whispered to my husband if he thought the kids are ready to meet each other. He looked at me took a deep breath and asked did he want to meet his brothers and sister. I think I heard that boy giggle just like my son. He said yes and my husband told him we'd be there in a minute 
I thought this would be hard but it wasn't at all. I introduced each of them (hubby couldn't talk for a while) He smiled and asked their ages.
And that was that. We chatted back and forth and My hubby told him he'd give him all of our contact info and went and sat in the car to write it down. I think he just needed to sit down alone for a minute
When he came back he told him we didn't live far and then he said "Better yet I'll show you" and we piled into the car and drove home. I was so proud of him for that but a little concerned too. We still didn't know him and I was also wondering what the heck his mother wanted him to stop smoking
We spent the rest of the day talking. When hubby started "preaching" to him I knew that eventually hubby would be fine. He's big on letting his kids know how he feels about being a responsible and productive member of society. Our kids get the speech several times a month. So this poor kid got the extra LOOOOOOONG version
All that time gone. This boy is a MAN.
It was getting late and time to take the young man back home. I decided to stay home and let them have some time on the ride back. Hubby looked scared again So he asked our boys to come ride with them. I know its going to be a long journey to get to the point where everyone is comfortable with this situation but I still feel very anxious about the whole thing. The knot in my stomach didn't leave and I still couldn't sleep last night.
I know this was long but I had to let it out! I think I should feel a certain way but I don't. At least not yet. My Hubby and I are like one person we live and breathe each other. He always tells me he's not alright if I'm not alright.
So I'm trying to be supportive and hide my feelings. Crazy part is I don't know what those feelings are.erplexed
erplexed After we calmed down we had the task of telling our children. I had a knot the size a grapefruit in my stomach as I told them. My oldest just giggled as my husband went back to his careless younger years when the child was conceived. He has a nervous giggle and smile so I knew he was uneasy with the conversation. My youngest two children to my surprise just looked at each other with knowing glances. As it turned out the youngest did a history search on my computer after I did a search for DNA testing centers last week. They were actually discussing if they may have a sibling or if one of them had a different (famous) daddy somewhere
The youngest said she was worried about why we were so upset so she snooped. I thought we hid it from them pretty well. Guess not.I convinced my husband to call his son. We didn't have his number so we called the mother to get it. Now ladies, Please tell if I'm overreacting at this "conversation" My husband tells her he is the father. There is silence on the other end of the phone.Now me as the kind of woman I am is sitting there listening on the phone (I didn't say anything) thinking I would hear her sobbing that she was soooooo sorry for keeping his child from him for 20 years,or at least triumphantly yelling that she knew He was the father or some sort of EMOTION at the gravity of the situation. She says 6 short dry words to him "Tell your son to stop smoking" before giving him the number.
I change my mind about what I said in a previous post I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A LONG TALK WITH THIS WOMAN!!!
We hang up with her and call his son. My husband starts stuttering. As I rub his back he finally gets it all out. Now I expected a lot of silence on this call because he seems shy. Nope. He said he was happy that he's got his own father now
We lost it for a little bit after that. I whispered to my husband if he thought the kids are ready to meet each other. He looked at me took a deep breath and asked did he want to meet his brothers and sister. I think I heard that boy giggle just like my son. He said yes and my husband told him we'd be there in a minute I thought this would be hard but it wasn't at all. I introduced each of them (hubby couldn't talk for a while
) He smiled and asked their ages.And that was that. We chatted back and forth and My hubby told him he'd give him all of our contact info and went and sat in the car to write it down. I think he just needed to sit down alone for a minute
When he came back he told him we didn't live far and then he said "Better yet I'll show you" and we piled into the car and drove home. I was so proud of him for that but a little concerned too. We still didn't know him and I was also wondering what the heck his mother wanted him to stop smoking
We spent the rest of the day talking. When hubby started "preaching" to him I knew that eventually hubby would be fine. He's big on letting his kids know how he feels about being a responsible and productive member of society. Our kids get the speech several times a month. So this poor kid got the extra LOOOOOOONG version
All that time gone. This boy is a MAN.
It was getting late and time to take the young man back home. I decided to stay home and let them have some time on the ride back. Hubby looked scared again So he asked our boys to come ride with them. I know its going to be a long journey to get to the point where everyone is comfortable with this situation but I still feel very anxious about the whole thing. The knot in my stomach didn't leave and I still couldn't sleep last night.I know this was long but I had to let it out! I think I should feel a certain way but I don't. At least not yet. My Hubby and I are like one person we live and breathe each other. He always tells me he's not alright if I'm not alright.
So I'm trying to be supportive and hide my feelings. Crazy part is I don't know what those feelings are.
erplexed
~VicTorIAn~
New Member
You did great. Your husband did great. Your kids did great.
I think you guys handled it very well.
I think you guys handled it very well.
fuchsiastar
Well-Known Member
Although your life has been turned a bit upside down, I can tell that you and your hubby are a strong couple and I'm optimistic about this outcome. I'm going to pray for ya'll because I am glad to cyber-know a good, stand up woman who puts her family first. You seem to have such a warm heart and I am glad your family is handling this well. Be very watchful of your children at this time, remember this is impacting everyone. I wish you well!
kweenameena
Well-Known Member
Wow!!!! I have tears in my eyes! This story WILL have a happy ending. You and hubby handled the situation wonderfully....and I'm sure that your new son is happy to finally be able to fill that void. And it's great that you get to be a part of it. I'm sure he was nervous too. He probably didn't expect that his new family would be so welcoming. Congrats on the new addition!!!!!!!!
. You are such a strong woman... Even though your hubby said he should've waited to bring you in his life, I think you were brought in right on time.
How you handled the situation and made him feel comfortable was remarkable. Alot of people would've been thinking about their selves and how their life is changed but, you thought of him and his comfort. Like I said you are a vrey strong woman
God Bless you and you family.
How you handled the situation and made him feel comfortable was remarkable. Alot of people would've been thinking about their selves and how their life is changed but, you thought of him and his comfort. Like I said you are a vrey strong woman
God Bless you and you family.
getmoore
Active Member
Thanks everybody,
I'm hoping with time things will feel like normal again. We just need to take our time I guess. My best friend reminded me today that I always wanted four kids. I laughed through my tears at that one.
I think were going to be OK though. If only I could stop feeling like an emotional mess!
I'm hoping with time things will feel like normal again. We just need to take our time I guess. My best friend reminded me today that I always wanted four kids. I laughed through my tears at that one.I think were going to be OK though. If only I could stop feeling like an emotional mess!
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
Me too. That's simply gorgeous. I'm so glad things are working out well, thus far.
Update your will. 
envybeauty
New Member
Wow. It happened now for a reason. I believe that (in a positive way).
Maybe you were brought into his life now to help him grow to be a good man. Twenty is far from being a mature adult. With so many of our boys on wayward paths, sometimes all it takes is one person to make a difference in that person's life.
I am happy your husband did not "reject" him bc there are men who would have in his position.
Maybe you were brought into his life now to help him grow to be a good man. Twenty is far from being a mature adult. With so many of our boys on wayward paths, sometimes all it takes is one person to make a difference in that person's life.
I am happy your husband did not "reject" him bc there are men who would have in his position.
Transformer
Well-Known Member
Me too. That's simply gorgeous. I'm so glad things are working out well, thus far.
Now, I'm laughing at that reference to the Steve McNair threads.
envybeauty
New Member
Ummm...yeah bc I'm sure OP had no time to read that long behind thread.
So, OP, update *his* will and put stuff in "trusts" for your kids. Basically, seek out a "trusts and estates" lawyer in the yellowpages or martindale.com.
Make sure insurance policies are clear as to who will get all payouts.
Don't delay.
JustKiya
Well-Known Member
Ummm...yeah bc I'm sure OP had no time to read that long behind thread.
So, OP, update *his* will and put stuff in "trusts" for your kids. Basically, seek out a "trusts and estates" lawyer in the yellowpages or martindale.com.
Make sure insurance policies are clear as to who will get all payouts.
Don't delay.
Exactly. I was just trying to share & spread the new knowledge that I've gained. And as no-one knows their time, the earlier, the better.
Shoot, I ain't got no kids, and I'm planning on looking into setting up a will for me & DH - living and dead.
mscocoface
Well-Known Member
You comment here getmoore
I know this was long but I had to let it out! I think I should feel a certain way but I don't. At least not yet. My Hubby and I are like one person we live and breathe each other. He always tells me he's not alright if I'm not alright.
So I'm trying to be supportive and hide my feelings. Crazy part is I don't know what those feelings are.
This is a process sweetheart and the best way to go through this is what you and your husband are doing. Keep talking, talking and more talking.
Give each other a safe place to share this stuff when one needs to be supportive and the other needs to just be there.
There is no wrong way or right way to feel now, you all are adjusting so don't be too hard on yourself, but just know if you and your husband are as close as you say you are you will need to let him know you will go through highs and lows and maybe even some feelings of resentment or jealousy because you thought you were the only woman to have his children. It may not make sense but these are all the feelings you could go through in a process like this. You may not get these feelings, just know it is a process you all will go through and need to adapt and adjust.
Wishing you all the very best and keeping you and your wonderful family in my prayers.
One question I would suggest you ask each other particularly during this time is this.
How Is Your Heart?
When this question is asked the guidelines are that the person wants the complete and total truth from you and can take whatever your response will be because it is safe. The responder must be open and completely truthful even though it may be difficult for the person to here.
This is going to be a minute because it is like any other relationship.you will go through phases. For now you are a little unsettled, don't know enough about each other, the phase into getting along and then you will start to learn what you like and not like about each other.
If you can find a way to set up this question with the older boy and the other children that would be good to.
I know this was long but I had to let it out! I think I should feel a certain way but I don't. At least not yet. My Hubby and I are like one person we live and breathe each other. He always tells me he's not alright if I'm not alright.
So I'm trying to be supportive and hide my feelings. Crazy part is I don't know what those feelings are.
This is a process sweetheart and the best way to go through this is what you and your husband are doing. Keep talking, talking and more talking.
Give each other a safe place to share this stuff when one needs to be supportive and the other needs to just be there.
There is no wrong way or right way to feel now, you all are adjusting so don't be too hard on yourself, but just know if you and your husband are as close as you say you are you will need to let him know you will go through highs and lows and maybe even some feelings of resentment or jealousy because you thought you were the only woman to have his children. It may not make sense but these are all the feelings you could go through in a process like this. You may not get these feelings, just know it is a process you all will go through and need to adapt and adjust.
Wishing you all the very best and keeping you and your wonderful family in my prayers.
One question I would suggest you ask each other particularly during this time is this.
How Is Your Heart?
When this question is asked the guidelines are that the person wants the complete and total truth from you and can take whatever your response will be because it is safe. The responder must be open and completely truthful even though it may be difficult for the person to here.
This is going to be a minute because it is like any other relationship.you will go through phases. For now you are a little unsettled, don't know enough about each other, the phase into getting along and then you will start to learn what you like and not like about each other.
If you can find a way to set up this question with the older boy and the other children that would be good to.
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Country gal
Well-Known Member
I am glad he is your husband's son. This boy can now stop searching for his father. It will take time. I do believe as well that things happen for a reason. I had a friend that reached out to his dad in her early twenties and they have a great relationship now.
LostInAdream
Well-Known Member
I'm over here crying, such a wonderful couple. All of you guys are blessed to have each other, praying everything works out for the best! :hugs:
sunflower
New Member
It hurts my heart to think that this boy has been searching for his father. I'm am so happy that the OP and her family are such wonderful people. This boy is very lucky because this situation could of easily turned ugly. On the flip side: The mother needs her behind kicked. She should be ashamed of herself for keeping this from the father and the son.
thatscuteright
Well-Known Member
((((((((((( Hugs)))))))))))))))
naijamerican
Well-Known Member
Getmore, I have the utmost respect for you and your family. Thank you for sharing the story, for updating us, and for being such a great example.
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