My husband may have a son by someone else.

getmoore

getmoore

Active Member
OK here goes. My husband and I have been together for 20 years. He received word that he may have a child by a woman he had sex with twice almost a year before we met each other. This "woman" and I use this word loosely kept this little secret of hers for 20 YEARS!!!:nono:

I don't how to feel about this situation at all. We both got on the phone with her and she explained that its a possibility that her oldest son is his. We get her son's address and go over to see this young man for ourselves. Well. My stomach has been in knots since this happened (Wednesday) because when I saw him it was like I was looking at a younger version of my husband!

My husband introduced himself and told him that he may be his father. At that point I lost it and started pacing up and down the street trying to wrap my mind around this whole situation. By the end everyone was blubbering and crying all over the place! The young man agreed to a DNA test and we all went down there together in one car. The young man's mother didn't join us. Probably because my Hubby is livid beyond belief with her.

We get the DNA test results on Thursday but I'm almost positive just by looking at him that he is my husband's son. Please advise me on ANYTHING you want to advise me on. We have not been able to sleep thinking about how to introduce him to my Children etc.

I know this child was conceived before we met ( He was born Aug '89 I met my hubby in Aug '89 too) But I feel so .... I don't even know the words to describe how I feel.:sad:
 
what the....? what kind of mad woman would wait until her son if full grown before introducing him to his father?

i don't know what to say. i'm sure you feel angry but it happened before you guys met.
 
Wow.

I'd introduce him to your children as their older half-brother. Explain that their father dated/sexed before meeting up with you, and that this child was a result of a previous relationship and...... wait, how old are your kids? That would make a difference.

I wouldn't make a big deal about it, though.

:hug3: Wow! What a situation to be in, though! I'm mad homegirl waited THAT damn long.
 
JustKiya said:
Wow.

I'd introduce him to your children as their older half-brother. Explain that their father dated/sexed before meeting up with you, and that this child was a result of a previous relationship and...... wait, how old are your kids? That would make a difference.

I wouldn't make a big deal about it, though.

:hug3: Wow! What a situation to be in, though! I'm mad homegirl waited THAT damn long.
Click to expand...
My Children are 18,13 and 10.
 
(((HUGS)))

tough situo.


At least he is 20 and not 2.

Means your hubby did not step out and you and no sudden child support leaving his checks
 
getmoore said:
My Children are 18,13 and 10.
Click to expand...

Okay then - I'd just tell em straight.

This is your older half-brother, born before me & your dad met, and for some reason, his mother didn't tell your father about him until just now...... and then answer any questions they might have about it, and use it as an opportunity to drill into their heads again to either wait til marriage or to use PROTECTION. :lachen:

They are old enough to be confident in their place in the family, but you might have to reassure them that nothing much will change.
 
Dee-Licious said:
(((HUGS)))

tough situo.


At least he is 20 and not 2.

Means your hubby did not step out and you and no sudden child support leaving his checks
Click to expand...

I totally agree. He did not step out on you. To me, that's what is important here. Hope your family get through this.
 
:bighug:

Why in sam hell did she wait? Did this young man have anything to say to you and your hubby?

I remember I met my oldest brother from a previous relationship my father had when I was 16. Didn't know he existed until then. I was pissed cause I thought I was the FIRST...the OLDEST. My father is a skrait punk for not telling me and my younger brother.

At least your children will have the explanation that their father didn't know.
 
I would just tell them in an age appropriate convo. Like another poster said, it could be worse. He could be 3 years old and you having to accept it. I feel bad for the boy to go that long with out a father in your life. Did someone else find out that he was not the father so she went to your husband next?
 
I am so sorry you and your husband had to go through this.
I can not believe she would let the boy and his father miss out on a relationship for all these years.
Like JustKiya said; tell your children, they are old enough to understand.
Pray and ask God for help to keep you strong and get through this situation.
I hope all will settle soon and you can all get to know each other.
 
Thanks so much Ladies. These have been a crazy few days. My husband is the best daddy in the world and I think thats why he's taking it so hard. And what's worse is the young man told us that he'd been looking for his father and was mistreated by his stepfather.
I have to leave and will check back later. I can't believe how much better I feel now that I've "talked" with you guys. THANK YOU!
 
getmoore said:
Thanks so much Ladies. These have been a crazy few days. My husband is the best daddy in the world and I think thats why he's taking it so hard. And what's worse is the young man told us that he'd been looking for his father and was mistreated by his stepfather.
I have to leave and will check back later. I can't believe how much better I feel now that I've "talked" with you guys. THANK YOU!
Click to expand...

That makes me so sad. Hey, maybe you can treat this as an opportunity. Make it fun instead of sad.
 
:sneakyhug: Hugs to you. If the young man does turn out to be your husband's son, please give him a warm reception into your family (not saying you wouldn't), but the mom already sounds a bit nutty...your family may be just what he needs. He could be a blessing to you all as well.

However, I also want to say that although I do suggest that you all spend time with him, I wouldn't leave him around my kids alone until I knew him very well. Who knows what his mother instilled within/told him or the type of resentment he may have since your kids had a daddy and he did not, being cautious is not being rude.

I'm sure you will do just fine! Good luck, and blessings to you all.
 
WOW, some women are something else.There really isn't anything for you to do because your hubby did nothing wrong he was left in the dark as well.I would tell all the kids the ruth .You guys will need to support each other.None of this information has to change your marriage.Good luck
 
Unfortunately this is not all that uncommon. I just met a cousin this month who is 21. She was not raised with our family since her mom did not see fit to tell her all these years that my uncle is her dad. She is 21, married & pregnant and just looking for her roots. Her dad has been part of my family for 19 years and did not know that he had another child. I felt awful for her since she had no father and always felt that he did not love her enough to look for her. Her mom did tell her his name and she found him rather quickly after that. Her now husband would joke about bums on the street being her dad :-( That was so far from the truth. He is a great father and always provided well for all of his children & step children. At least he met her in time to see his grandchild be born.

They had no DNA test though, since she looks just like my uncle and he did have a physical relationship with the mom back then.

Tell your kids the truth. You husband did not cheat on you so it's nothing at all that he did wrong.

This has also happened in DH's family two times with the same mane; however, the kids (23 & 26) were born prior to the current wife getting in the picture. One he sort of knew about but was not sure and the other was across the country and a total surprise.

The only issue may be with sibling rivarly over who is the "baby". One cousin is no longer the "baby girl" due to the 21 year old. She caught serious attitude although she is a grown woman but I am certain that she will get over it soon.
 
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Wow that is alot to take in. I'm really sad for the young man who didn't get a chance to grow up with a good father in his life and knowing his siblings. Shame on his mother. Just tell your kids what's going on. They are at the perfect age for understanding.
 
I wonder what made her come clean. Did she lie to another man...That's horrible, I hope everything works out.
 
I feel for you.

My best friend's mother put her through abuse at her own hands, and that of her "father", only to find out right before Xmas 08 that her REAL father lives about an hour away from her. Her real dad's fiancee searched for this girl for 7 or 8 years as a pre-wedding gift to her man... and after the DNA test confirmed what we knew (she looks JUST like him), all her mom has to say is "Oh...whatever."

Women who do this are soooo selfish to me. Her mother won't even give her or the father a real explanation and refuses to admit her behavior. My friend's been through a LOT and seriously, if her real dad had been in her life, I might not have KNOWN her, but she'd be in a better place...

That poor boy is going to need counseling, and so will your husband. You should pray to God or your source of power for strength, because that is a LOT to deal with. That woman.... I hate judging people but I find her behavior shameful and suspicious.
 
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