My Dating Quest in 2011. Is He the One?
- Thread starter Ediese
- Start date
MummysGirl
New Member
Go Ediese! 
Etherealsmile
Well-Known Member
So Ediese, any updates?
HKKelly
New Member
I am sitting in my kitchen reading this entire thread like it's an episode of "Days of Our Lives!". Lol. Honey, I wish you the best, you're definitely off to a great start. (sigh) living vicariously through your kinky-curlies and now your exciting dating life! Taking notes just in case the hubs slips up one day... ;-)
Have fun & be safe!
Have fun & be safe!
karebear0610
New Member
OMG! I love it. How to I subscribe? I want to read more
Ediese
Well-Known Member
Here goes. I’m going to try to update you guys to my current status, but so much has happened so I hope that I don’t leave anything out. I’m looking through my messages to try help jog my memory.
January 31st
Nathan
After leaving Michael that night, I quickly picked up the phone to call Nathan. I listened to all of your advice, and decided that I wouldn’t bring it up if he didn’t. I was a bit frantic at this point though, trying to speed home, but still speak to him calmly. I was crossing my fingers hoping that he wasn’t waiting at my house because I was so sweaty from dancing with Michael. The jig would have definitely been up.
We were talking for a good 15 minutes. I was still on edge a little, but had started to calm down a bit. All of a sudden, he came out and said, “so…tell me something. Tell me exactly how you felt the moment you realized that I was on the phone.” If you guys could only have seen the look on my face!!! I think all of the blood drained from my face, and I quickly tried to come up with a response.
Me: (nervous laugh) Well, I didn’t know what to think actually. I guess you could say that I was really surprised, and wasn’t sure what happened.
Him: well it sounds like he was really happy to be in your company.
Me: (a bit passive aggressive lol) I don’t even know why you were on the phone eavesdropping on my conversation. You were really wrong for doing that.
Him: wait a minute…you sound like one of those people on Cheaters when they realize that they’ve been caught. It’s funny actually because when I heard you tell him about your weekend with the kids, the same weekend that you spent with me, I thought wow she’s really good. I’ve been trying to figure out how or even if I should bring this up.
Me: I haven’t done anything wrong. You know that I’m dating other people. We’re not exclusive or anything.
Him: You’re right. If I did the same thing, I would be in the wrong because I’ve been the one telling you how I feel and that I’m ready to take the next step. You’ve been pretty reserved, and have never made me any promises. I think this is a funny story that we could look back on years from now. I didn’t bring it up to upset you.
Anyway, he decided to not come over after all, and I felt so bad that night. He wasn’t mad though because we ended up having dinner the next night. Everything was going fine. He would bring me fresh flowers every week. We’d have dinner throughout the week, or I’d cook stuff at home. We always went to service on Sunday, and spent the day together after that. It felt like it was moving a little fast to me, especially since I had to really make time to see Michael.
I figured that it was his strategy though to keep me away from other guys, since I told him that I wasn’t ready to be exclusive. I don’t know. It was something in the back of my mind that didn’t feel quite right.
I was starting to get really exhausted by dating just these two, Nathan and Michael. I couldn’t even fathom adding anyone else in the mix. That was until I met Luke and Dee, of course.
Funny thing is that as much fun as I was having with these men, I’m a monogamous type of woman. The free dinners and activities were good, but it was starting to get really emotionally and physically draining for me. My sister kept laughing at me too, and would tell me I was crazy to schedule the dates the way that I did. Lol
At a certain point, I felt like I was starting to really enjoy spending time with Nathan, and was starting to consider focusing my attention on him only. That’s until I found out some really interesting information though…
January 31st
Nathan
After leaving Michael that night, I quickly picked up the phone to call Nathan. I listened to all of your advice, and decided that I wouldn’t bring it up if he didn’t. I was a bit frantic at this point though, trying to speed home, but still speak to him calmly. I was crossing my fingers hoping that he wasn’t waiting at my house because I was so sweaty from dancing with Michael. The jig would have definitely been up.
We were talking for a good 15 minutes. I was still on edge a little, but had started to calm down a bit. All of a sudden, he came out and said, “so…tell me something. Tell me exactly how you felt the moment you realized that I was on the phone.” If you guys could only have seen the look on my face!!! I think all of the blood drained from my face, and I quickly tried to come up with a response.
Me: (nervous laugh) Well, I didn’t know what to think actually. I guess you could say that I was really surprised, and wasn’t sure what happened.
Him: well it sounds like he was really happy to be in your company.
Me: (a bit passive aggressive lol) I don’t even know why you were on the phone eavesdropping on my conversation. You were really wrong for doing that.
Him: wait a minute…you sound like one of those people on Cheaters when they realize that they’ve been caught. It’s funny actually because when I heard you tell him about your weekend with the kids, the same weekend that you spent with me, I thought wow she’s really good. I’ve been trying to figure out how or even if I should bring this up.
Me: I haven’t done anything wrong. You know that I’m dating other people. We’re not exclusive or anything.
Him: You’re right. If I did the same thing, I would be in the wrong because I’ve been the one telling you how I feel and that I’m ready to take the next step. You’ve been pretty reserved, and have never made me any promises. I think this is a funny story that we could look back on years from now. I didn’t bring it up to upset you.
Anyway, he decided to not come over after all, and I felt so bad that night. He wasn’t mad though because we ended up having dinner the next night. Everything was going fine. He would bring me fresh flowers every week. We’d have dinner throughout the week, or I’d cook stuff at home. We always went to service on Sunday, and spent the day together after that. It felt like it was moving a little fast to me, especially since I had to really make time to see Michael.
I figured that it was his strategy though to keep me away from other guys, since I told him that I wasn’t ready to be exclusive. I don’t know. It was something in the back of my mind that didn’t feel quite right.
I was starting to get really exhausted by dating just these two, Nathan and Michael. I couldn’t even fathom adding anyone else in the mix. That was until I met Luke and Dee, of course.
Funny thing is that as much fun as I was having with these men, I’m a monogamous type of woman. The free dinners and activities were good, but it was starting to get really emotionally and physically draining for me. My sister kept laughing at me too, and would tell me I was crazy to schedule the dates the way that I did. Lol
At a certain point, I felt like I was starting to really enjoy spending time with Nathan, and was starting to consider focusing my attention on him only. That’s until I found out some really interesting information though…
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ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
Ediese - Play on playa. Giiiiiirrrrllllll...when he called you on that phone call, I literally got up out of my bed, ran downstairs, pulled a pack of newport one hunnits out da freezer, lit dat joint on the stove & slowly walked back upstairs to finish reading ur story...only to see that you left a sista hanging out to dry?!?!?
*PUTS OUT NEWPORT*
*PUTS OUT NEWPORT*
Ediese
Well-Known Member
you know you kill me right! lol you're really too funny. 
I got up a little early to finish writing that out. So much has happened, so it seems like so much to write and I keep procrastinating.
ElegantPearl17
Well-Known Member
Subscribing to read later........
Ediese
Well-Known Member
Thanks Vev! That's really sweet of you to say. I really hope so too. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.
Wait a minute..I thought yall would like the suspense. lol j/k I'm working on the next half right now. Sawwy.
vevster
Well-Known Member
Just keep giving it to use in manageable doses. Even if it a paragraph! I have to know what you found out about Nathan!!
calm_delight
Well-Known Member
Ediese
Well-Known Member
Saturday, February 5th
Luke
I had a lunch date set up to meet this new guy, Luke, at a sushi spot downtown. I was really nervous because although I’d like to think that I’m pretty open-minded in terms of dating interracially, I’ve just always had a vision of being married to a black man. Luke, as you may have read, is Caucasian. I know… I know…it’s the first date. Why the heck am I even thinking about that? Well, remember my end goal behind these dates. I’m trying to meet my hubby.
When I got to the restaurant, he realized that the place actually didn’t open until much later, so I had to follow him to another spot.
The place that we ended up going to was really nice. It was kinda funny though because he was wearing sweats, and I was all dolled up in this really cute yellow dress. I wasn’t too impressed to say the least. Lol (small interjection: this was my first date EVER with a white man, and I felt super uncomfortable. I don’t even think I really took the time to look him in the eyes. I was hyperaware and paranoid throughout the date, wondering what people around us were thinking. Ugh!)
The meal was pretty good, and the conversation was okay. He was pretty talkative, so it really helped move things along. At the end of the date, he walked me to my car, and expressed interest in seeing me again. I agreed. We hugged, and went on our way. By the way, I found out that he was dressed that way because he had a tennis match right afterwards.
Nathan
Right after I left Luke, I met Nathan at a spot downtown for coffee. lol We stayed there for a bit chatting, and having a good time. He was taking a break from work, so he eventually had to saunter his way back to work. It was a good thing though because I had a date at 6 with Michael. We had planned on going to dinner, and then picking up a board game at Borders to bring back to his place.
Michael
After leaving Nathan, I raced back home to get ready. I didn’t want to wear the same thing to dinner. I think I just barely made it to Michaels on time. He has such a gorgeous smile. I swear he’s a very attractive man. Hmm…mmmm….
I don’t think I realized that it was going to be chilly, and I wore a strapless dress. It was freezing outside, and I didn’t even have a jacket.
Lol He felt so sorry for me that he decided not to wear one as well. We ate dinner, and bought “I’ve Never” board game from borders.
We went back to his place, and had a blast with that game. If you’ve never played it, it basically has you doing some interesting things whenever you land on certain pieces on the board (dancing for 15 seconds, sitting on the other person, etc.) It got a bit sensual after a while. Lol I think he ended up giving me a lap dance. Lmbo All in fun though.
We kissed good night, and he seemed to be more into it than I was. I don’t know what it was, but as fine as he is, I just didn’t feel a spark.
Luke
I had a lunch date set up to meet this new guy, Luke, at a sushi spot downtown. I was really nervous because although I’d like to think that I’m pretty open-minded in terms of dating interracially, I’ve just always had a vision of being married to a black man. Luke, as you may have read, is Caucasian. I know… I know…it’s the first date.
Why the heck am I even thinking about that? Well, remember my end goal behind these dates. I’m trying to meet my hubby. When I got to the restaurant, he realized that the place actually didn’t open until much later, so I had to follow him to another spot.
The place that we ended up going to was really nice. It was kinda funny though because he was wearing sweats, and I was all dolled up in this really cute yellow dress. I wasn’t too impressed to say the least. Lol (small interjection: this was my first date EVER with a white man, and I felt super uncomfortable. I don’t even think I really took the time to look him in the eyes. I was hyperaware and paranoid throughout the date, wondering what people around us were thinking. Ugh!)
The meal was pretty good, and the conversation was okay. He was pretty talkative, so it really helped move things along. At the end of the date, he walked me to my car, and expressed interest in seeing me again. I agreed. We hugged, and went on our way. By the way, I found out that he was dressed that way because he had a tennis match right afterwards.
Nathan
Right after I left Luke, I met Nathan at a spot downtown for coffee. lol We stayed there for a bit chatting, and having a good time. He was taking a break from work, so he eventually had to saunter his way back to work. It was a good thing though because I had a date at 6 with Michael. We had planned on going to dinner, and then picking up a board game at Borders to bring back to his place.
Michael
After leaving Nathan, I raced back home to get ready. I didn’t want to wear the same thing to dinner. I think I just barely made it to Michaels on time. He has such a gorgeous smile. I swear he’s a very attractive man. Hmm…mmmm….
I don’t think I realized that it was going to be chilly, and I wore a strapless dress. It was freezing outside, and I didn’t even have a jacket.
Lol He felt so sorry for me that he decided not to wear one as well. We ate dinner, and bought “I’ve Never” board game from borders.We went back to his place, and had a blast with that game. If you’ve never played it, it basically has you doing some interesting things whenever you land on certain pieces on the board (dancing for 15 seconds, sitting on the other person, etc.) It got a bit sensual after a while. Lol I think he ended up giving me a lap dance. Lmbo All in fun though.
We kissed good night, and he seemed to be more into it than I was. I don’t know what it was, but as fine as he is, I just didn’t feel a spark.
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Ediese
Well-Known Member
ladylibra_30
Well-Known Member
Ediese, my head is spinning and I love every single minute, vowel, letter, and word of it! LOL!
WhoIAm
Well-Known Member
I had to go back a read. I am soo confused. I couldn't even remember who was who anymore.
Since I did all that work I'll share. Ediese let me know if you want me to remove this.
Nate = Mistake phone call. You corresponded with him a few years ago but never dated.
Michael = Hottie
Luke = White/Caucasian
Dee = Nigerian
Since I did all that work I'll share. Ediese let me know if you want me to remove this.
Nate = Mistake phone call. You corresponded with him a few years ago but never dated.
Michael = Hottie
Luke = White/Caucasian
Dee = Nigerian
Last edited:
Ediese
Well-Known Member
Nathan
Everything was going really great, especially with Nathan. My sister asked me one day if I was sure that he was divorced, and I hesitated for a brief second and just thought that question was absurd. I’m trusting to a point, and if he said he was divorced then who am I to question that, right? (small flashback, when I met Nathan back in 2009, I was told that he was single, never married, no kids, etc. When we started talking recently, he told me that he got married last year and quickly divorced because they reazlized that it just wasn’t going to work even with counseling).
Honestly, this is one of the main reasons that I was moving at a snail’s pace with him. He had an elaborate wedding, and got divorced 3 months later. He knew that I had hang-ups with dating men with kids AND men with multiple marriages. I’m sorry, but my vision just doesn’t include that. i was still willing to give him an allowance for that. I thought I could take it slow, since I was dating other people anyway.
February 11, 2011
Anyway, on this day I was just trying to pass time on my computer. I remember the question that my sister asked, and decided to start doing some research. I couldn’t find divorce records, but I certainly found the marriage records. According to the state, he had filed 4 separate requests with 4 different women. If I remember correctly, he filed in 2005, 2007, 2009, and 2010.
WTF?!! How does that happen?
I sent him a text right away.
Me: Question: you’ve only been married once, right?
Him: No
Me: ?
Him: No. Married twice. Sorry, I was driving in traffic.
Me: (getting pissed by the minute because I swear we had talked about this before, and I felt that he purposely tried to deceive me. Furthermore, things started clicking for me. No wonder he was so fast to commit. He’s a serial husband. It’s nice to meet someone that’s open to marriage, but not to this extreme. I felt like he was too co-dependent, and just a liar. I was pissed at this point!
I sent him a message telling him that I thought it was a bit too much for me to handle, and that I thought he was being deceitful by not disclosing that information to me. He started sending me these sorry a** text messages. Talking about “I miss you already”, blah, blah, blah. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t consider it to be as important on this level as you. It will never happen again; honest. I ask that you please forgive me and tell me how I can fix it…”
I decided to hear him out. When we met, I suggested that he seek therapy for his codependency issues. Thinking about it more, I had to ask him if he was still married when he met in 2009. According to him, he wasn’t sure. He had filed the papers, but ‘never received anything in the mail.” Lol what a tool!
He said it wasn’t a codependency issue. He made the same mistakes twice, but he learned from it. He knows himself better now, and could admit that both divorces were his fault. Simple answer is they got married for the wrong reasons, and the good thing is they realized it early on.
This is a direct quote from him. “If you stick around, you will see that I am aware of my shortcomings and mistakes of the past and a lot more careful. Give me time to show you I’ve grown.”
At this point, I realized that he was full of it, and I wasn’t interested in the drama. Im sorry, but I’ve never been married. I can’t picture marrying a man that’s already experienced that with another woman, especially a man that’s done it twice. Apparently, he couldn’t handle being by himself. That’s sad, and I don’t need to be around a man like that. If he tried to get married 4x in the past, that alone speaks volumes to me.
Nathan is out of the picture.
Everything was going really great, especially with Nathan. My sister asked me one day if I was sure that he was divorced, and I hesitated for a brief second and just thought that question was absurd. I’m trusting to a point, and if he said he was divorced then who am I to question that, right? (small flashback, when I met Nathan back in 2009, I was told that he was single, never married, no kids, etc. When we started talking recently, he told me that he got married last year and quickly divorced because they reazlized that it just wasn’t going to work even with counseling).
Honestly, this is one of the main reasons that I was moving at a snail’s pace with him. He had an elaborate wedding, and got divorced 3 months later. He knew that I had hang-ups with dating men with kids AND men with multiple marriages. I’m sorry, but my vision just doesn’t include that. i was still willing to give him an allowance for that. I thought I could take it slow, since I was dating other people anyway.
February 11, 2011
Anyway, on this day I was just trying to pass time on my computer. I remember the question that my sister asked, and decided to start doing some research. I couldn’t find divorce records, but I certainly found the marriage records. According to the state, he had filed 4 separate requests with 4 different women. If I remember correctly, he filed in 2005, 2007, 2009, and 2010.
WTF?!! How does that happen?
I sent him a text right away.
Me: Question: you’ve only been married once, right?
Him: No
Me: ?
Him: No. Married twice. Sorry, I was driving in traffic.
Me: (getting pissed by the minute because I swear we had talked about this before, and I felt that he purposely tried to deceive me. Furthermore, things started clicking for me. No wonder he was so fast to commit. He’s a serial husband. It’s nice to meet someone that’s open to marriage, but not to this extreme. I felt like he was too co-dependent, and just a liar. I was pissed at this point!
I sent him a message telling him that I thought it was a bit too much for me to handle, and that I thought he was being deceitful by not disclosing that information to me. He started sending me these sorry a** text messages. Talking about “I miss you already”, blah, blah, blah. “I’m really sorry. I didn’t consider it to be as important on this level as you. It will never happen again; honest. I ask that you please forgive me and tell me how I can fix it…”
I decided to hear him out. When we met, I suggested that he seek therapy for his codependency issues. Thinking about it more, I had to ask him if he was still married when he met in 2009. According to him, he wasn’t sure. He had filed the papers, but ‘never received anything in the mail.” Lol what a tool!
He said it wasn’t a codependency issue. He made the same mistakes twice, but he learned from it. He knows himself better now, and could admit that both divorces were his fault. Simple answer is they got married for the wrong reasons, and the good thing is they realized it early on.
This is a direct quote from him. “If you stick around, you will see that I am aware of my shortcomings and mistakes of the past and a lot more careful. Give me time to show you I’ve grown.”
At this point, I realized that he was full of it, and I wasn’t interested in the drama. Im sorry, but I’ve never been married. I can’t picture marrying a man that’s already experienced that with another woman, especially a man that’s done it twice. Apparently, he couldn’t handle being by himself. That’s sad, and I don’t need to be around a man like that. If he tried to get married 4x in the past, that alone speaks volumes to me.
Nathan is out of the picture.
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Ediese
Well-Known Member
I had to go back a read. I am soo confused. I couldn't even remember who was who anymore.
Since I did all that work I'll share. Ediese let me know if you want me to remove this.
Nate = Mistake phone call. You corresponded with him a few years ago but never dated.
Michael = Hottie
Luke = White/Caucasian
Dee = Nigerian
Thanks Kestia! That just about sums them up. Could you pwetty please use white/caucasian for Luke though?
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