Dating a smoker..

[Detroit2Dallas]

Ehh I would get into the details but JEEEZ yall are harsh sometimes erplexed.
ALOT of people my age smoke now. It's kinda sad..yes we're adults and we are stressed alot but there are other ways to deal with stress other than smoke and slowly kill yourself!

Listen, never take what I type as coming off hard or harsh. I'm very down to earth and when I type something on here, in any forum, I do it with humor. I do understand that its hard to grasp the tone of a post but dont fret, I'm not one of those women who love to see others hurt. I just want you to breathe myronnie lol. Sometimes we dont realize how ridiculous something is because we are a part of it. Dont fret.

 

[GraceV]

My eyes were in side-eye mode from the very first post. OP, the ladies here have given you great advice.

OT: I still advocate we come up with a relationship "Open and Shut case" template so folks can take some of these no-brainers, run 'em by the list and get a response without having to create a thread.

 

[ThickHair]

I think it's really inconsiderate of him to smoke around you. You can't control having asthma, he can control where he smokes. The very least he could do is go outside to smoke, even if it is at his house or in his truck.

Are you serious? A guy she selected, that she knew smokes and HE should go outside of HIS HOME to smoke, because SHE has asthma. Yes, she can not control asthma but she has 100% control over who she dates and folks who smoke, shouldn't even be on the list.

None of my friends smoke, and I don't hang around smokers nor go to places where smokers are in attendence. All of that is in my contol. Now if I am invited over a friend of a friends house who smoke, I decline because, guess what? I don't like smoke and I would never subject my beautiful pink lungs to smoke. I make that choice for myself. I never leave that up to others.

I read what you wrote 5 times to make sure you actually wrote what you wrote. WOW, well, I'll be..............

I will respect your opinion, be we definately agree to disagree on this topic.

 

[Honi]

I dated one and hated it. You always had that after taste with a kiss. May as well kiss an ashtray. Got tired of it and dumped him.

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[pisceschica]

I wouldn't date a smoker. An important characteristic I look for in someone is someone that takes care of them self working out, eating right, he doesn't have to be Mr. Olympia just healthy. Smoking is not healthy.

I have co-workers that smoke and I can't stand that smell when they are fresh off their smoke break so I can't imagine being in the home of a SO and getting that stank smoke sent on me. I don't smoke so I don't want to smell like it.

If we were to join our lives together I don't want to have to help my SO deal with preventable, self inflicted cancers associated with smoking. Or be a widow with young children because he died young due to smoking.

 

[imaccami]

Are you serious? A guy she selected, that she knew smokes and HE should go outside of HIS HOME to smoke, because SHE has asthma. Yes, she can not control asthma but she has 100% control over who she dates and folks who smoke, shouldn't even be on the list.

None of my friends smoke, and I don't hang around smokers nor go to places where smokers are in attendence. All of that is in my contol. Now if I am invited over a friend of a friends house who smoke, I decline because, guess what? I don't like smoke and I would never subject my beautiful pink lungs to smoke. I make that choice for myself. I never leave that up to others.

I read what you wrote 5 times to make sure you actually wrote what you wrote. WOW, well, I'll be..............

I will respect your opinion, be we definately agree to disagree on this topic.

I guess I'm just used to more considerate people than you are.

Friends and SOs are completely different. I wouldn't go over to a friend's house who was a smoker and expect them not to smoke, but if I had asthma and my SO smoked I would expect him to do it outside even at his house. What's the other option? I go outside until he's finished or I go home everytime he needs a cigarette break?

She knew he was smoker, but he knows that she has asthma and if she has an asthma attack she could end up in the hospital or worse. Someone who cared about her wouldn't want to take that risk just because he's on a powertrip about being in his own house.

IDK how long you've been dating but does this man care about you at all? Why would he want to cause someone he cares about to be in pain or potentially have an asthma attack? Basically he can't be inconvenienced for 5 minutes to be considerate about your health. If he can't be considerate about smoking what else is he going to be completely selfish about?

This is what it comes down to for me. Did you read this part 5 times too?

Taking a 5 min cigarette break outside really isn't that big of a deal. In my world it's called being considerate even when you don't have to be, that's what people who care about one another do. I guess in your world people don't lift a finger for one another unless they absolutely have to, even though it would a nice thing to do.

 

[myronnie]

Lol. I guess I should have included in my original post that I plan on breaking up witn him. I just wanted to get perspectives from other women who have previously dated smokers.


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[myronnie]

I think lhcf in general tends to be a little ehh..folks gettin their panties in a bunch over threads and such. Which is why I dont post much. :/

 

[myronnie]

I guess I'm just used to more considerate people than you are.

Friends and SOs are completely different. I wouldn't go over to a friend's house who was a smoker and expect them not to smoke, but if I had asthma and my SO smoked I would expect him to do it outside even at his house. What's the other option? I go outside until he's finished or I go home everytime he needs a cigarette break?

She knew he was smoker, but he knows that she has asthma and if she has an asthma attack she could end up in the hospital or worse. Someone who cared about her wouldn't want to take that risk just because he's on a powertrip about being in his own house.



This is what it comes down to for me. Did you read this part 5 times too?

Taking a 5 min cigarette break outside really isn't that big of a deal. In my world it's called being considerate even when you don't have to be, that's what people who care about one another do. I guess in your world people don't lift a finger for one another unless they absolutely have to, even though it would a nice thing to do.

I agree with you wholeheartedly.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Lol. I guess I should have included in my original post that I plan on breaking up witn him. I just wanted to get perspectives from other women who have previously dated smokers.


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Had you posted this in your first post, it would have made a difference in the responses that you received.

Sorry you felt attacked, and hope you find a great non-smoking guy

 

[jem_mcmillan]

I also have asthma and dated smokers. Once I tell them about it, they have never smoked around me. (Which I could say my friends were the same way). If they need to smoke, they go outside.

 

[ThickHair]

Had you posted this in your first post, it would have made a difference in the responses that you received.

Sorry you felt attacked, and hope you find a great non-smoking guy

ITA................

 

[Lucie]

It's funny you mentioned this but last night I went to watch the JETS game and the smoke was so bad from the multiple people smoking. I didn't want to be rude as it was not my house but as soon as I walked in the door, the smoke hit me! I took a 20 minute shower last night because I could still smell it on my hair and skin! I don't like to tell people what to do but your health should be your #1 focus.

 

[Zaynab]

ITA................

I read this thread but didn't post in it. I was kinda thinking...that if you didn't like smoke and you had asmtha, that you shouldn't be dating him, since it was obviously a deal breaker. I didn't know how to say that without it seeming rude but I don't think you can dictate what a person does if they were already doing it before. It's like, you take 'em, how you found 'em. I'm saying this from experience because my dh smokes and did before I met him. I don't like it but I chose to accept it. I just keep him insured

 

[ladysaraii]

Yeah, I can't deal with smokers. I don't smoke, my parents don't, mos to fmy friends don't. i don't even allow smokers in my house.

My sister does and I've had to febreeze her down.

 

[Makenzie]

I don't smoke and don't want to date someone who does. So I don't date smokers.

 

[ThickHair]

I read this thread but didn't post in it. I was kinda thinking...that if you didn't like smoke and you had asmtha, that you shouldn't be dating him, since it was obviously a deal breaker. I didn't know how to say that without it seeming rude but I don't think you can dictate what a person does if they were already doing it before. It's like, you take 'em, how you found 'em. I'm saying this from experience because my dh smokes and did before I met him. I don't like it but I chose to accept it. I just keep him insured

I did post what you stated. Look a few pages back.

 

[MizAvalon]

I will not date a smoker under any circumstances. I ask guys that upfront. I just met a nice guy recently that was interested in me but I had to turn him down because I found out he occasionally smoked.

I will not date a man who smokes ANYTHING.

 

[myronnie]

Sooo can I update?
I talked to him about the problems I had with his excessive smoking around me and since then he has been quite awesome! He doesn't smoke around me anymore and if someone else in his family is smoking around me he makes sure that I'm not bothered.

 

[ThickHair]

Lol. I guess I should have included in my original post that I plan on breaking up witn him. I just wanted to get perspectives from other women who have previously dated smokers.


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Sooo can I update?
I talked to him about the problems I had with his excessive smoking around me and since then he has been quite awesome! He doesn't smoke around me anymore and if someone else in his family is smoking around me he makes sure that I'm not bothered.

What happened to make you change your mind? Just the above? Cool.

 

[Amcd]

She knew he was smoker, but he knows that she has asthma and if she has an asthma attack she could end up in the hospital or worse. Someone who cared about her wouldn't want to take that risk just because he's on a powertrip about being in his own house.

But why should he care more about her than she does herself? If she were really concerned about her asthma she would never have dated a smoker in the first place. Especially one that has cut down to a pack a day! How much was he smoking before?

 

[myronnie]

But why should he care more about her than she does herself? If she were really concerned about her asthma she would never have dated a smoker in the first place. Especially one that has cut down to a pack a day! How much was he smoking before?

I don't know..I never said that he has to cut down to a pack a day.
Now he smokes around 3-4 cigarettes a day. He's cut back alot, I'm really proud of him.

 

[princessnad]

Do you mind me asking how old you are Myronnie?

 

[*SkolarStar*]

...congrats on a reviving relationship......