My BFF just found out her husband is cheating on her with a MAN

WOW! I will pray for you and your friend & her kids. What he did was wrong and selfish on sooooo many levels. Most homosexuals especially males will tell you they have been like that all their lives. He knew the deal with himself. I believe that. If he was going to try and fight being gay and wanted to live a straight life he should have told her DAY ONE and gotten professional help. SELFISH! Why hurt the life of an innocent woman and two babies? After he brought dude in our home all bets would be off! Trusted friends and family would know the deal. Not out of spite but from the aspect of emotionally supporting her and her girls. She needs a couselor ASAP (how is she going to tell the girls?....They may find out on their own...that would be awful) and a lawyer NOW because you know he's already seen one.
 
OMGoodness!!! I'm soo sorry this has happened to ur friend OP SMH.. I sat here with my mouth literally wide open-dropped SMH

Im glad ur there for her.. She def needs u now and she will thru out this whole ordeal.

The nerve he has! He brought his lover to their home?? OMG!! All I wouldve seen was RED... he/his lover wouldve been laid out on the front lawn dead ..My Goodness how could he.. why would he do such a thing to her/their girls???!!!
 
TayMac said:
He needs to move out of the house immediately. I would insist upon it.
Be an ear and shoulder for her..which it sounds like you are.
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Exactly! I was wondering was SHE wanted to move out, since he already had a place to stay.

NAPPYCHICK86 said:
Yes he knows. And even had the nerve to bring dude over once the **** hit the fan. She was hysterical. And demanded that they leave. She just wants out of her home environment for a while
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Okkkkaaaayyyyy then. :jawdrop: I'm in awe that he would be that insensitive. What did he think that that would accomplish?

NAPPYCHICK86 said:
She found out after finding several emails between him and his lover. He'd planned to divorce her in the coming months. I just dont understand why he produced children if he knew the lifestyle he wanted to live.
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Just cause he's gay doesn't mean that he didn't want kids. Alot of gay men want families. The fact that he got OP's friend all caught up is wrong though. All sorts of wrong. I hope OP's friend saved those e-mails. She's going to need them in court.
 
I'm fuming thinking about the nerve he has to bring his boyfriend to their home. I already admire your friend for not going off on him then and there. What an example he is setting for his daughters...
 
NAPPYCHICK86 said:
I am opening my home to her but ive never dealt with this before. IDK what to expect. She is hurting VERY bad and there are kids involved. Its a sad sad situation. This happened about 3 weeks ago but she just told me. My heart is aching for her.

She feels that she hasnt been "woman" enough for him if that makes since. I dont think she ever suspected anything.
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Poor thing - please advise her to get tested asap and just be a friend to her. Sometimes just listening and having your friends back is enough.
 
He's a business man and he planned to divorce her? That makes this a lot easier. Tell her to call a lawyer and GET EVERYTHING. in Louisiana? This man is lucky if he'll have the shirt on his back after leaving his wife for another man in the deep south! He'll give up a nice settlement if it means avoiding court! No judge in his right mind would let this jerk off the hook. She deserves the house, assets, kids, child support, and alimony not to mention pain and suffering. Now is the time for her to realize that she is the victim of all of this. She deserves to be treated with respect. She is the one that has suffered in this ordeal. Therefore he must pay for his lies and deception if he is ever to make amends and have a meaningful relationship with his children and their mother.
 
I'd print off all the emails and every ounce of evidence that I have to support my case when we go to divorce court. And whether I planned on living in the house or not, I'd make him pack hit sh*t and get out! You have an apartment with a man, so stay with him.
 
She's not the one that should feel ashamed. How in the world does he feel since he's the one that's been hiding this secret. Just pisses me off.:nono:
 
It just amazes me how this scenario is becoming more and more common. It makes me scared, to be honest. OP, I am soooooo sorry for your friend. Please make sure she gets herself tested for STDs. Like others have said, just be there for her to talk to. I can't even imagine....

I understand that gays and lesbians are still treated very badly in our society. If they weren't, these types of situations wouldn't need to happen, but your friend's husband is still very much in the WRONG. He knew he was gay when he put a ring on it, and he knew damn well no however many years of marriage was not going to change the fact that he is gay. It's a shame when people live in such denial. Maybe he only wanted kids out of the marriage...but honestly, does he really think the court is going to let him keep the kids? The only connection he'll have with them is the huge amount in child support he's going to be paying. If he can afford to live a double life, best believe he will be expected to cough up a nice chunk of change.
 
My heart goes out to your friend. Let her know she is not to blame, it has nothing to do with her not being "woman" enough for him. He was being deceitful living a double life and it is a shame. He put her and her children's lives in jeopardy. She may have sensed something sooner, but was in denial.
 
NAPPYCHICK86 said:
She feels that she hasnt been "woman" enough for him if that makes since. I dont think she ever suspected anything.
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That's the problem. She was too much "wo" and not enough "man." smh Glad you are opening your home to her. Help her to see that she did nothing wrong. He's the one with the issues. But this will be a blessing in disguise.

This pisses me off. I certainly hope he didn't bring home any diseases. Tell her to get checked ASAP.
 
My God. I can't even imagine the pain that she's going through. I agree with her getting tested. Other than that, all you can do is be a good friend. I wouldn't prompt any conversation about it and we she decides to discuss, just offer your ear to listen and your shoulder to cry on.

I wish her well.
 
We have printed all emails and pictures. She is telling her family tonight. The girls dont know nor will they understand at their age. Some of the emails revealed that he and this guy have been in a relationship for 3 YEARS..and they've only been married 5. He's also been consulting with different lawyers for months. Please pray for her she is hurting very badly.
 
NAPPYCHICK86 said:
:ohwell:. IDK what to tell her. Actually there isnt much I can tell her. But my body did go numb when she told me. Her husband doesnt look like the "typical" gay male. She wants to come spend a few days at our place but I just dont know how to handle this particular situation. Any Advice?
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You cannot tell what anyone's preference is by looking at them. This is a hard one. It's good that she has you by her side as her friend because she is going to need you.
 
NAPPYCHICK86 said:
We have printed all emails and pictures. She is telling her family tonight. The girls dont know nor will they understand at their age. Some of the emails revealed that he and this guy have been in a relationship for 3 YEARS..and they've only been married 5. He's also been consulting with different lawyers for months. Please pray for her she is hurting very badly.
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This is so wrong. Why get married if you're gay/confused about your sexuality? Why bring children into this world... I despise men like him. It's unconscionable.

I'm not really expecting you to respond. I just wanted to get that out. The part about him consulting with attorneys pissed me off.
 
kandake said:
This is so wrong. Why get married if you're gay/confused about your sexuality? Why bring children into this world... I despise men like him. It's unconscionable.

I'm not really expecting you to respond. I just wanted to get that out. The part about him consulting with attorneys pissed me off.[/QUOTE

That makes two of us.:perplexed
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OP, I have nothing to add that the other posters haven't already shared; but, I had to say how my heart absolutely breaks for your friend. This situation is beyond deep, and when I here stories like this, I shudder because I couldn't imagine going through this type of situation myself.

You are a good friend. I will definitely be praying for her, and for you as well, as her support right now. And I pray she gets every dime, every last dime!
 
Oh wow this is awful! She needs to go to an attorney IMMEDIATELY! If he's been getting ready to leave, no telling what he has stashed away/hiding! OMG......why would someone do this?
 
Hopefully she opens up more. Now that she's told me about the whole ordeal I feel that theres wayyyy more to this story. There has to be. It took her 3 weeks before she opened up to me and she's telling her family tonight. My gut is telling me there's more but i'll just be patient and pray.
 
awhyley said:
Okkkkaaaayyyyy then. :jawdrop: I'm in awe that he would be that insensitive. What did he think that that would accomplish?.
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He brought the guy with him to pack up some clothes so that they could go back to "their" apartment. I could slap the **** outta him right now.
 
I'll keep your friend and her girls in my prayers. It's all I can do because Im at a loss for words or advice. I cant even begin to imagine the pain she is in.
 
Three years? And he has a one year old? The bstard! And the lawyer is just icing on the cake. I know my family would've killed him by this point. But she needs to take his @ss straight to court, no settlement. He wanted this, now she needs to make this as hard and painful for him as it is for her. No woman deserves to be made a fool of like this. It's just so d@mn sad and sick...

I just have so much sympathy for your friend. No woman deserves a blow like this.
 
Please tell your friend that his cheating (regardless of gender) had nothing to do with her. He was just a wimp who could not stand up and be true to himself. I hope she changed the bank accounts and is switching the bills over to his name. She needs to cover herself. Counseling all around for everyone. Thank god she has you to lean on.
 
I am very sorry for your friend and as many ladies said, this is coming out more and more. She needs a lot of support, she should file for divorce, pray for healing, try to have a reasonable relationship with the father, but divorce him. Bless him and let him go, do not let anyone tell her that she must pray for her marriage, she needs to pray for herself and her children and pray for forgiveness for herself, because she is hurting.

I feel so very sorry, as I am writing this, I feel so sad. God bless her!
 
Oh MY! it must be the time of the year to leave your woman for a man because in the past 3 months 4 of family friends have found out the same scenerio. The husband leading the double life...going away to conferences but really shacking up with their man....all wanting a divorce from a wife and has been planning it for months...1 of the woman werent too lucky she contracted an std and was told she couldnt have children. I am so appalled at these men. No woman deserves this and i pray for your friend that gets through this.
 
I wouldn't wish this on my worse enemy. This and having outside kids is the ultimate betrayal.
I wish the best for your friend - she's better than me because someone would have ended up in jail when he showed up to the house with his manstress
 
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