HELP.....I have a crush on my BFF's man

[Crystalicequeen123]

Well, the ladies on this board have given you a lot of good advice. Very SOUND advice!

Not sure what more I can add....but...

No, this has never happened to me before. I've never had an actual CRUSH on one of my BFF's bf's before. I've thought some of them were kind of cute, or maybe a really good guy for her (the type of guy I wish I had in my life ), but I've never had an actual CRUSH on one before...like downright fantasizing about him, having those "feelings" about him type of crush. OH NO!

Anytime one of my close girl friends is even just INTERESTED in a guy, I automatically view him as a brother to me. Hands down. I don't know how...but that's just the way I am. So, imagining myself w/him is just plain weird.

But for you in your case I would say that your crush on him probably got heightened when you felt "something" while the two of you were dancing. You realized that he was probably turned on, or was attracted to you. But guys can be turned on from riding a bike, or even from sleeping! It's not that hard to get a guy hard. So I wouldn't let his actions affect your friendship with your BFF.

BFF's like that don't just come everyday. Plus, how would YOU feel if it was HER feeling that way about YOUR boyfriend? Don't beat yourself up for having "feelings" or for feeling something for him. He's probably sexy and knows it. Plus, it's only natural that if someone is doing something in a certain way to us, that our body might respond. So, don't beat yourself up. But please think of your friend in this situation.

Also, if you ask me....this guy is a snake. I'm sorry... some of you might disagree, but I don't think he is innocent in this. Yes, guys can't help their body members sometimes, but the fact that he would even try to dance w/you in that fashion just seems fishy to me. Plus, he KNEW how his body was responding (if it in fact was) and he still didn't pull away or dance a different way w/you. That just seemed kind of fishy to me. He seems shady to me no offense. Again, what if your boyfriend danced that way with your friend? How would that make you feel? What would you think about your boyfriend?

IF this guy has done this to you, then just think..if you and him got together he would probably do the same thing to you and YOUR friend.

 

[Nyssa28]

I've never been in this type situation....Dancing with one another's bfs is not somethin my gfs and I do.

OT: There's a thin line between judging and giving your opinion. Everyone is entitled to their opinion whether folks like it or not.

 

[MoniintheMiddle]

Its not that I need advice on whether I should sleep......I was just taken by surprise about the whole thing ...nd I was questioning my morality bc I never thought twice about another womans guy.....I just wanted to know if other people experienced this nd what they did to stop .......I would never act on such a thing bc I love my BFF and my BF....nd myself......also I strongly believe in Karma...

Understood! In that case I would nip this in the bud. My old rommate's man hit on me and I nipped it immediately. Liek others have said, when a guy is dating someone close to me, although I still may find him attractive, i have no desire to get with him. I think you mentioned previously whether you shouls say something to the BFF. i would not but I would not have any contact with her man either....no dancing, etc. b/c you already know you are attracted to him....just my thoughts

 

[hopeful]

I've never been in this type situation....Dancing with one another's bfs is not somethin my gfs and I do.

OT: There's a thin line between judging and giving your opinion. Everyone is entitled to their opinion whether folks like it or not.

ITA with the bolded. IMO it's just not appropriate boundaries. I wouldn't "party" with my gf and her bf or dh in the first place. Either it's just me and her, or we are double-dating and both have our men with us.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*lights up a newport one hunnit*

~~pufffffff & plucks ash~~

wow...this sounds like sumfin outta one of dem Zane books n shyt, but see, Zane woulda had da character phuckin ole boy on da lo lo, bless her heart...

its ok to have feelings..hell, we all human. but on da real, u wanted to phuck him and its ok cuz u didn't act on it, but chile, i do understand. and because he was givin u weird looks, all dat was, was him sayin..don't tell her what happened. it's natural for a man to be up on some azzz and get hard. you didn't do anything wrong and neither did he. his wee wee got excited. natural response.

but imma tell u what i wouldn't do. i wouldn't tell her cuz it ain't nuffin to tell. whatchu gonna say...oh, by da way, his dyck got hard on my *** while we were dancin? he didn't make a pass, he got excited. cuz see if u tell her, then she may take it else where like most women would and say u tryna take him and blah blah blah. it ain't worth da friendship. so leave it alone, no explanation to her is warranted. keep dat as ur secret.

now meanwhile, back at da ranch, how should u handle it? go sit on da spin cycle of a broke maytag and getchu a good nut, smoke a newport when it's all ova n call it a day, k? don't be so hard on urself...

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I honestly dont think its low self esteem....If I should clarify once agian....I stated that it is something that my friends and I do jst for fun...dance with eachother......dats all......it wasnt that I was "happy", it was truly unexpected.....that why I moved and tried to put it behind me.....Trust ....I am in a very loving relationship.......never has this happened .....Its jst weird that I would feel an attraction to my friends guy....nd I definitly know I would never act on it.....just wanted to see if it ever happend to neone else nd if they would actually admit.....

Hey Hun. I'm not trying to trash you. Please don't be so defensive. I understand that you and your friends dance for fun. That's cool. I'm talking about you getting excited about getting "attention" so to speak from this guy who is your best friend's guy. See the first thing I'd be is disgusted because I know that he is supposed to only be interested in her. And the fact that he kept eyeballing would mean he's a scumbag. It's not like he was embarrassed and sorry. He was trying to communicate with you. If you locked eyes, he would've assumed you guys could duck into a bathroom or something and get it on. The fact that you felt excited (meaning you liked what was going on) about that is not a good thing. That's all. I'm glad that you wouldn't act on it. Thank goodness!

I'm not downing you. I just think you should realize the obvious fact that he is a scumbag and focus on your friendship.

 

[Mai Tai]

Listen.. listen.....reading is very fundamental.......it helps erradicate ignorance.......now ...where was it in my post where I stated "she watched"... and Im sure I wrote that we often joke like that...harmless fun.....she has danced with my boyfriend b4...it's just something WE do.....as far as a "loser girlfriend"..lol...If you dont have anything appropriate to say...then I suggest you just shut your mouth.......K ?.....now that that's out the way.......

Your post is a little hard to read with all of the fragmented sentences, incorrect punctuation, misspelled words, and the excessive use of "..." But that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, I feel like you and your friend need to stop playing, and "dancing all up on" each others men. You all need to develop some real boundaries before someone ends up with their feelings hurt.

To answer your question, my girlfriends and I do not make it a habit to get involved in extreme dry humping sessions with each others boyfriends in the club. Not only do we view this as severely disrespectful to each other, but since we love each other like sisters, dancing with a SO, BF, FB or whatever you want to call them, is almost like dancing with an older brothers, which is completely disgusting in my book.

I have NEVER had a crush on any of my BFF's BF, but I have had plenty crush on me, and you better believe I checked that mess fast and hard.

 

[rainbowknots]

So did this thread go poof in OT?

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Your post is a little hard to read with all of the fragmented sentences, incorrect punctuation, misspelled words, and the excessive use of "..." But that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, I feel like you and your friend need to stop playing, and "dancing all up on" each others men. You all need to develop some real boundaries before someone ends up with their feelings hurt.

To answer your question, my girlfriends and I do not make it a habit to get involved in extreme dry humping sessions with each others boyfriends in the club. Not only do we view this as severely disrespectful to each other, but since we love each other like sisters, dancing with a SO, BF, FB or whatever you want to call them, is almost like dancing with an older brothers, which is completely disgusting in my book.

I have NEVER had a crush on any of my BFF's BF, but I have had plenty crush on me, and you better believe I checked that mess fast and hard.

Wait! Did I mis something. Who said they were dry humping...were they? That would suck. I thought they were just dancing. I went with some friends to a salsa club and one friend did not have a boyfriend or date so my SO was kind enough to dance with her. He was very polite about it, and he wasn't DRY humping her, or all on her in any way. I thought it was just innocent dancing. Maybe I was thinking of something like that or even if you're at a club blasting hip hop or whatever that you wouldn't be all up on each other. I would think they'd give each other the respect of not rubbing on other ladies' men...
or maybe that's just me and my assumption. I hope not. That would definitely lead to problems...

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Well, the ladies on this board have given you a lot of good advice. Very SOUND advice!

Not sure what more I can add....but...

No, this has never happened to me before. I've never had an actual CRUSH on one of my BFF's bf's before. I've thought some of them were kind of cute, or maybe a really good guy for her (the type of guy I wish I had in my life ), but I've never had an actual CRUSH on one before...like downright fantasizing about him, having those "feelings" about him type of crush. OH NO!

Anytime one of my close girl friends is even just INTERESTED in a guy, I automatically view him as a brother to me. Hands down. I don't know how...but that's just the way I am. So, imagining myself w/him is just plain weird.

But for you in your case I would say that your crush on him probably got heightened when you felt "something" while the two of you were dancing. You realized that he was probably turned on, or was attracted to you. But guys can be turned on from riding a bike, or even from sleeping! It's not that hard to get a guy hard. So I wouldn't let his actions affect your friendship with your BFF.

BFF's like that don't just come everyday. Plus, how would YOU feel if it was HER feeling that way about YOUR boyfriend? Don't beat yourself up for having "feelings" or for feeling something for him. He's probably sexy and knows it. Plus, it's only natural that if someone is doing something in a certain way to us, that our body might respond. So, don't beat yourself up. But please think of your friend in this situation.

Also, if you ask me....this guy is a snake. I'm sorry... some of you might disagree, but I don't think he is innocent in this. Yes, guys can't help their body members sometimes, but the fact that he would even try to dance w/you in that fashion just seems fishy to me. Plus, he KNEW how his body was responding (if it in fact was) and he still didn't pull away or dance a different way w/you. That just seemed kind of fishy to me. He seems shady to me no offense. Again, what if your boyfriend danced that way with your friend? How would that make you feel? What would you think about your boyfriend?

IF this guy has done this to you, then just think..if you and him got together he would probably do the same thing to you and YOUR friend.

Agree strongly with the bolded. Don't forget he kept staring her down all night. WTF? That alone clinched it for me.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

I hope you get over it and focus on your own man, otherwise you better prepare yourself for a beatdown from your BFF that you would rightly deserve if you pursued her bf. Chicks before d**ks.

 

[Belle Creole]

Listen.. listen.....reading is very fundamental.......it helps erradicate ignorance.......now ...where was it in my post where I stated "she watched"... and Im sure I wrote that we often joke like that...harmless fun.....she has danced with my boyfriend b4...it's just something WE do.....as far as a "loser girlfriend"..lol...If you dont have anything appropriate to say...then I suggest you just shut your mouth.......K ?.....now that that's out the way.......

^^^^^^
Good for you! Sometimes people think they have just cause to berate others.

I agree with what another more sensible person who said: attraction happens...now if you are thinking of acting on it . Your going to have to work through the guilt of even thinking about it. However, I seemed to think you were asking how to manage the attraction NOT should you go for it or not. I could be wrong about that.

Anyway, I think you might be missing your BF. Spend more time with him on the phone or web cam and visits if possible and keep convos about BFF's man to the bear min.

HTH...your fine shake it off!

 

[nappystorm]

This is exactly why I don't introduce my men to my friends. While I trust my friends and I've never crushed on a friend's man (luckily we have different tastes in men), I do believe that in love and relationships sometimes ish happens. Good luck OP

 

[Belle Creole]

Lust is natural....we have all felt it at some time in our lifes. OP and the dude are not slutty, dogs, trifling etc... just because it felt good. Like I said, a little bit of alcohol can intensify feelings for some folks.

I guess you have to be popular to get a respectful answer from some folks.

I've noticed this too. I think you hit the nail on the head

 

[jshug]

oK, let me shed some light on this situation...first off you are 22, more than likely the guy is 22-23 (somewhere around there). Like a couple of smart people on this board said attraction happens...that doesnt make you a skank h**, if you act upon it thats a different story. You guys got "all upon"each other dancing, things happened. Not saying that they should have but they did. For starters, her man was checking you out before the dancing started, thats why he did it. Which in fact does make him a skank, which should quell your desire to act upon you're feelings. He's 22, he doesnt care where he gets "it" from, just as long as he gets it. Understand that first. Secondly, there is nothing wrong with thinking "dang I should've met him first". It happens. Just don't believe it or act on it. Completely separate yourself from this guy if you value your friendship at all.
Advise from a chic whose dated "A LOT", lusted after several, married for 7 yrs and completely committed.

 

[Zaynab]

I never answered b/c OP sounds like she's 12 and this is a show on MTV True Life or something. Adults just don't do this.

 

[Mai Tai]

Wait! Did I mis something. Who said they were dry humping...were they? That would suck. I thought they were just dancing. I went with some friends to a salsa club and one friend did not have a boyfriend or date so my SO was kind enough to dance with her. He was very polite about it, and he wasn't DRY humping her, or all on her in any way. I thought it was just innocent dancing. Maybe I was thinking of something like that or even if you're at a club blasting hip hop or whatever that you wouldn't be all up on each other. I would think they'd give each other the respect of not rubbing on other ladies' men...
or maybe that's just me and my assumption. I hope not. That would definitely lead to problems...

Lol! Girl, that was a figure of speech...an extreme exaggeration.

What I am saying is that if she was close enough to feel his member slowly rising on her backside, or her frontal nether regions (depending on which way they were facing) then they were obviously way too close.

I have had friendly dances with men in the club, and I have had some raunchy ones (ahem...in my late teens, early 20's of course...) and the ones where I felt peen pokage coming through were definitely not the friendly dances...there was some degree of dry-humping going on...I'm just sayin...

 

[kkamara5]

So did this thread go poof in OT?

No actually this discussion was continued in the other topics forum.........eighteen pages long ..that addressed everything and some...this discussion wasn't relevant anymore.... done and over..

 

[kkamara5]

Your post is a little hard to read with all of the fragmented sentences, incorrect punctuation, misspelled words, and the excessive use of "..." But that's neither here nor there.

Anyway, I feel like you and your friend need to stop playing, and "dancing all up on" each others men. You all need to develop some real boundaries before someone ends up with their feelings hurt.

To answer your question, my girlfriends and I do not make it a habit to get involved in extreme dry humping sessions with each others boyfriends in the club. Not only do we view this as severely disrespectful to each other, but since we love each other like sisters, dancing with a SO, BF, FB or whatever you want to call them, is almost like dancing with an older brothers, which is completely disgusting in my book.

I have NEVER had a crush on any of my BFF's BF, but I have had plenty crush on me, and you better believe I checked that mess fast and hard.

...LOL.........U mindless, obtuse fools amuse me..........



ETA: ......18 page thread in "other topics" forum if interested.......

 

[Mai Tai]

...LOL.........U mindless, obtuse fools amuse me..........



ETA: ......18 page thread in "other topics" forum if interested.......

Girl stop. No seriously.

You trolls are what's amusing.

Am I going to get into an e-argument with you, when you are the one asking for advice? I think not.

So I'm simply going to exit this thread with class (something you obviously know VERY little about), and good luck with any other simple-minded, issues with self-degredation you may have in the future. (I'm sure there will be plenty)

Ok darlin'. Bye love...

 

[kkamara5]

Girl stop. No seriously.

You trolls are what's amusing.

Am I going to get into an e-argument with you, when you are the one asking for advice? I think not.

So I'm simply going to exit this thread with class (something you obviously know VERY little about), and good luck with any other simple-minded, issues with self-degredation you may have in the future. (I'm sure there will be plenty)

Ok darlin'. Bye love...

............LOL.................lol