HELP.....I have a crush on my BFF's man

Moustacy said:
Wait you're really 22???
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Um......ya....any problems......sorry I dont get it...please clarify or elaborate..


ETA: not trying to be rude.....just kinda surprised that the most unbeliveable info you recieved from my post was my age.........kinda weird......
 
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kkamara5 said:
Um......ya....any problems......sorry I dont get it...please clarify or elaborate..


ETA: not trying to be rude.....just kinda surprised that the most unbeliveable info you recieved from my post was my age.........kinda weird......
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If I did clarify I might get banned :ohwell: But I'd be happy to oblige you through a messenger :yep:​
 
Whatever you do, DON’T DO IT!!! I had a BFF a long time ago. We’d been friends since we were 15 and we went to the same university together, studied the same course and shared the same room. She had a crush on my bf and yes, he encouraged her, and they had an affair which she thought would turn into a relationship. When it didn’t she got really nasty and started spreading rumours about me. Up to this point I was clueless and had no idea all this had gone on. I found out about it much later on when someone told me she was telling people I had an STD when she knew full well I was a virgin. To cut a very long story short, I confronted her and when she kept on insisting everything she said was true and went on to say I was pregnant, I gave her a beat down. She was my girl and she was supposed to have my back and it turned out she was the one I couldn’t even turn my back on. I dumped the guy soon enough. She sent several people to apologise the next semester because she was too ashamed to confront me but I never spoke to her again. Whatever else you do, DON’T DO IT. The guy isn’t worth it. Find your own man, distance yourself from your friend for a while, never be alone in the same room with the guy. DON’T DO IT! Yes I know I sound like a broken record but please DON'T DO IT. Men come and go. True friendship lasts forever!
 
I will say like the majority...don't do it! You will definitely regret it later.

I know you can't lock the thread yourself, but you can edit your original post and remove some info if you want to.
 
Hey lil hot mama! Errah so a kneegrows dangalang gets all stiff & you get turned on?


Yeah that's kinda slutty but at least you know your coochie is still alive! lol

Pump your brakes & get that skanky fool outta your head. There will be loads of ackward moments in your life that you will have to ignore. Keep your head & panties up! Hottaillilsumthin lol
 
BOys go be BOYS, if he could he would sleep with you and your BFF and still leave both of you, then both of you will stop talking and he wouldn't care. Just leave it alone. Stop while you ahead, you are in control and make the right decision. Im not judging you, but its not worth it. Boys go be Boys. Also you say your man is out of town, how would he feel if he heard about your new crush, how you think things will be between you and him. Oh by the way, you exBFF might try to get you back, by going through your BF. Make the right decision.
 
I know you might have felt a chemistry but just remind yourself how grimy this guy is and how important your friendship is to you. You seem super young and you are probably excited that a guys is showing you attention. I personally think it's low self esteem because no woman in her right mind would be happy to have a guy's boner on her who is a boyfriend of her best friend and then be happy that he's glancing at her all night. Think of what kind of person that makes him. He has no shame. And when it's all said and done, your friendship will be gone and so will this grimy dude who will probably be poking one of your friends at another party (and if you try to keep them away out of paranoia and karma...tough he'll be poking some one else surely that you don't know and looking at them). No guy who is upstanding will play his girl with her bestfriend. This is not a good catch and once the dust blows over, so will you friendship. I'm not judging you but I am judging the situation. Move on. There's a million guys out there and I'm sure there's one for you who will only be with YOU, just like you wish that for your friend as well (hopefully you guys don't compete and you wish each other the best). Also I'd just like to add I hope this isn't a case of "mine! mine!" i.e she has a "boyfriend" now you want him. That's not a good friendship. We should be happy for, and support our friends.

I personally would stay away from this guy. Yes this belongs in the relationship forum but I thought you should get some advice anyways. So here's my 2 cents.
 
kkamara5 said:
No actually the "crush" was b4 the "pipi poke" ........and 2 ans ur question...no i dont have crushes on every guy......thanks for the advise though.
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ahhh well you see... that's the problem with asking advice on the internet , because it looks like he got hard .. and then you got turned on .. and then the weird glances and the dreams ... You didn't state anywhere that you had a crush on him before ... no where !

For the people that think she is slutty for being turned on .. that's a bit uncalled for no ? Nothing wrong with the girl wanting some... And calling the man a pig because he got hard ? (let's be honest , you never danced with a man and got pipi poked? never ? ever ?) He wanted some too , we all know men can't control themselves to some degree. I give the Op props for moving . I think the weird glances however may be him looking at you hoping you wouldn't tell your bff.
 
plastic said:
ahhh well you see... that's the problem with asking advice on the internet , because it looks like he got hard .. and then you got turned on .. and then the weird glances and the dreams ... You didn't state anywhere that you had a crush on him before ... no where !

For the people that think she is slutty for being turned on .. that's a bit uncalled for no ? Nothing wrong with the girl wanting some... And calling the man a pig because he got hard ? (let's be honest , you never danced with a man and got pipi poked? never ? ever ?) He wanted some too , we all know men can't control themselves to some degree. I give the Op props for moving . I think the weird glances however may be him looking at you hoping you wouldn't tell your bff.
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I agree with u Plastic. It's called human nature...
 
Be a good BFF and forget about it!!! It's definitely not worth it!

Besides you said you felt something....but that's not to say he's was excited....it could be his natural size....I don't see him as a pig not from you orig. post....remember you were drinking too so your judgement could have been effected thinking it was something that it was. Possible?

Also, how many times have we did the FEEL TEST and get excited just to find out it was a FALSE ALARM?!!! LOL
 
kkamara5 said:
Listen.. listen.....reading is very fundamental.......it helps erradicate ignorance.......now ...where was it in my post where I stated "she watched"... and Im sure I wrote that we often joke like that...harmless fun.....she has danced with my boyfriend b4...it's just something WE do.....as far as a "loser girlfriend"..lol...If you dont have anything appropriate to say...then I suggest you just shut your mouth..:look:.....K ?.....now that that's out the way.......
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Your BFF was present when it happened so...?? The thought of grinding with my BFF's man is gross IMO. As for me keeping my mouth shut, maybe you should understand that when you post stuff like this you will get the side eye. I would never imagine crossing that line with my friend. No man (especially one that I just met and don't know anything about besides that he turns me on) is worth it.
 
Men come and go OP. I am not going to call you out of your name because it took guts to admit what you did. Think about your self-respect and your BFF. I love my BFF like a sister and that entails protecting her heart. Not doing anything to her, I wouldn't want done to me. You are blessed to have a friend you can consider your best friend. Don't do anything to change that. Please do not dance with him and further and make sure you two are never alone. Good luck!
 
OP, what exactly do you want our advice on...whether you should sleep with this man and risk your friendship/relationship with your BFF because you are attracted to him? I think you already know the answer but whatever you do, please think about the long term consequences of your actions....and what type of woman you want to be.

I think I read that you are 22...TRUST, there will be PLENTY of brothers that come your way that you will be attracted to and these men will not be attached to your BFF.
 
luckiestdestiny said:
I know you might have felt a chemistry but just remind yourself how grimy this guy is and how important your friendship is to you. You seem super young and you are probably excited that a guys is showing you attention. I personally think it's low self esteem because no woman in her right mind would be happy to have a guy's boner on her who is a boyfriend of her best friend and then be happy that he's glancing at her all night. Think of what kind of person that makes him. He has no shame. And when it's all said and done, your friendship will be gone and so will this grimy dude who will probably be poking one of your friends at another party (and if you try to keep them away out of paranoia and karma...tough he'll be poking some one else surely that you don't know and looking at them). No guy who is upstanding will play his girl with her bestfriend. This is not a good catch and once the dust blows over, so will you friendship. I'm not judging you but I am judging the situation. Move on. There's a million guys out there and I'm sure there's one for you who will only be with YOU, just like you wish that for your friend as well (hopefully you guys don't compete and you wish each other the best). Also I'd just like to add I hope this isn't a case of "mine! mine!" i.e she has a "boyfriend" now you want him. That's not a good friendship. We should be happy for, and support our friends.

I personally would stay away from this guy. Yes this belongs in the relationship forum but I thought you should get some advice anyways. So here's my 2 cents.
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I honestly dont think its low self esteem....If I should clarify once agian....I stated that it is something that my friends and I do jst for fun...dance with eachother......dats all......it wasnt that I was "happy", it was truly unexpected.....that why I moved and tried to put it behind me.....Trust ....I am in a very loving relationship.......never has this happened .....Its jst weird that I would feel an attraction to my friends guy....nd I definitly know I would never act on it.....just wanted to see if it ever happend to neone else nd if they would actually admit.....
 
No i have never had a crush on my best friend's boyfriend, but I have been attracted to other people while in a relationship.

my advice : don't seek him out. leave it alone. it will go away or you will forget about it in time.
 
MoniintheMiddle said:
OP, what exactly do you want our advice on...whether you should sleep with this man and risk your friendship/relationship with your BFF because you are attracted to him? I think you already know the answer but whatever you do, please think about the long term consequences of your actions....and what type of woman you want to be.

I think I read that you are 22...TRUST, there will be PLENTY of brothers that come your way that you will be attracted to and these men will not be attached to your BFF.
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Its not that I need advice on whether I should sleep......I was just taken by surprise about the whole thing ...nd I was questioning my morality bc I never thought twice about another womans guy.....I just wanted to know if other people experienced this nd what they did to stop .......I would never act on such a thing bc I love my BFF and my BF....nd myself......also I strongly believe in Karma...
 
I would think hard about the whole situation and then put myself in her shoes. How would you feel if your friend got with your BF. Like it was mentioned before, men will come and go, if he is willing to feel all up on you when he knows he is with your friend, then he would do the same thing to you if you were with him. Next, this isnt just any friend, this is your BFF. Think about all of the things you have been through together, what that relationship means to you and how would you feel if you lost it. Let the crush go, never put yourself in any situation where you will see this guy again and find your own dude because losing your BFF is not worth it.
 
LiberianGirl said:
Your BFF was present when it happened so...?? The thought of grinding with my BFF's man is gross IMO. As for me keeping my mouth shut, maybe you should understand that when you post stuff like this you will get the side eye. I would never imagine crossing that line with my friend. No man (especially one that I just met and don't know anything about besides that he turns me on) is worth it.
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Diff people do diff things.....if u nd ur friends dont dance with eachothers guys cool....fine.....and dandy......but um....ya... I posted so the ladies that have had an attraction when they know they shouldn't....or they ones that would not judge me.... would respond....(I never acted on anything ..it was jst some weird unexpected feelings....that I obviously know is wrong ...nd Ill never act on)........so.....what im sayin is ...if it didnt pertain to you then YES...u need to keep ur mouth shut!
 
Cxshortie said:
I would think hard about the whole situation and then put myself in her shoes. How would you feel if your friend got with your BF. Like it was mentioned before, men will come and go, if he is willing to feel all up on you when he knows he is with your friend, then he would do the same thing to you if you were with him. Next, this isnt just any friend, this is your BFF. Think about all of the things you have been through together, what that relationship means to you and how would you feel if you lost it. Let the crush go, never put yourself in any situation where you will see this guy again and find your own dude because losing your BFF is not worth it.
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Thank you......nd this is why I feel guilty for even dreaming....or entertaining the idea....bc I love her sooooo much and we have been thru so much.....Its not like I need advice on whether I should go grimmey on her....its just dat I was feeling so guilty for having those thoughts that I wanted to see if this ever happened to anyone that normally is not that type of lady....I feel guilty bc I couldn help the dream...it not that I sat and strategically thought about this...or its any competition....

but thanks ...
 
kkamara5 said:
Diff people do diff things.....if u nd ur friends dont dance with eachothers guys cool....fine.....and dandy......but um....ya... I posted so the ladies that have had an attraction when they know they shouldn't....or they ones that would not judge me.... would respond....(I never acted on anything ..it was jst some weird unexpected feelings....that I obviously know is wrong ...nd Ill never act on)........so.....what im sayin is ...if it didnt pertain to you then YES...u need to keep ur mouth shut!
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You posted on a public forum so you are going to receive feedback, good and bad. Sorry I offended you and good luck with your situation. I hope you choose to stay true to your friend.
 
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That's a tough, tough position to be in. You can't help your feelings so you shouldn't feel guilty. As long as you remain strong and don't ACT upon your feelings, they will soon go away and you'll be fine.
 
sounds like someone was just bored. you know what to do. and since you're in such a loving relationship doesn't sound like you cheating would ever even be an issue anyway. my advice is don't fck him, and stay away from him. common sense really. what is also common sense is that no one here is obligated to keep their mouth shut about anything, so you may want to back that bullisht up unless you are paying their membership fees.
 
FlawedBeauty said:
sounds like someone was just bored. you know what to do. and since you're in such a loving relationship doesn't sound like you cheating would ever even be an issue anyway. my advice is don't fck him, and stay away from him. common sense really. what is also common sense is that no one here is obligated to keep their mouth shut about anything, so you may want to back that bullisht up unless you are paying their membership fees.
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True.......:look://.........but um.......ya....:ohwell:
 
kkamara5 said:
I honestly dont think its low self esteem....If I should clarify once agian....I stated that it is something that my friends and I do jst for fun...dance with eachother......dats all......it wasnt that I was "happy", it was truly unexpected.....that why I moved and tried to put it behind me.....Trust ....I am in a very loving relationship.......never has this happened .....Its jst weird that I would feel an attraction to my friends guy....nd I definitly know I would never act on it.....just wanted to see if it ever happend to neone else nd if they would actually admit.....
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We are so quick to judge and say harmful/hurtful things.....a lot of us failed to even answer your question. WE MUST UPLIFT EACH OTHER!!! :yep: We can offer advice but as ladies with CLASS we should be a lil more tactful. I'm not going to say anything to OP that I wouldn't say to my daughter if she came to me with this scenerio.

TO ANSWER YOU ORIGINAL QUESTION:
I've never had a crush on my BFF BF but I have had crushes on my BF BFF's.....notice there is the "s" ....:lachen:


 
Lust is natural....we have all felt it at some time in our lifes. OP and the dude are not slutty, dogs, trifling etc... just because it felt good. Like I said, a little bit of alcohol can intensify feelings for some folks.

I guess you have to be popular to get a respectful answer from some folks.
 
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