Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

My mom is too much at times! So we started having more family dinners with my aunts & grandmother on my Dads side, we alternate the locations so as to not burden anyone person with hosting. This Sunday it's in CT, my mom automatically says she not driving:angry2: as she always does. When's she mentioned it in a group text with everyone I said "I guess you're not going" which she replied I'll take the rain. She's been leasing cars for the last 7 years and that's why she thinks it's ok for everyone else to drive. She'll even ask to use your car to go somewhere more than an hr away:eh:.

So I'm not feeling well as I had hair transplant and have had to wash my hair daily for the past 7 days. I have really bad allergies/sinuses and that coupled with the surgery makes me not want to go on the 3hr plus trip as I just did it last week for surgery. So I inform my mom( told her on Thursday) and sister today that I won't be attending. My mom is like well how are we going to get there:pullhair:, I don't respond because seriously. So then my sister goes off about it's the day before and that we have to do better at this because they always come out for us.

Cool but here's the catch this is my family(parents never married, sis has a different father) I always see them. I have an established relationship with them, my mom and sis just follow them on social media and interact on there. I let my mom know that it's not cool that she always does this when there's driving involved and tell my sister that I'm just not up to it. She replies with that she drives plenty of places, she doesn't always say she's not driving( I can recall everytime), she's not driving tomorrow and she's fine taking the train. Ok, so why ask how youll get there then?

My sister hasnt been to check on me this whole week just text me twice. To which she asked if she can get keys to moms house and can she come do laundry at my house, um no. I can barely deal with the pain but had to take my daughter back and forth to school and to dance class. I'm just upset and over it all. They always feel entitled and I'm always wrong.
 
(((Hugs))) @LostInAdream
So sorry they aren't being more considerate of your situation. You are in pain right now. You need their support and love. And as you explained, this your blood family on your dad's side. I'm sure his side of the family understands you not being able to make it this time with you being in touch anyway and well the fact that you are a human being who actually gets sick sometimes and needs time to recover from surgery.

Anyway, I think they are trying to make you go because you are their link to your dad's side of the family and they must really enjoy getting together with them. They probably feel awkward without you there. That's too bad huh? Not your problem or issue. That aside, I don't get the lack of compassion for you. You can't change them and no use getting riled up. Have a warm cup of tea, take any meds you need to take, rest, and take care of your beautiful self. Just breathe, relax, and focus on you and your well-being.

And you are not wrong. Not at all. You've been put in the position of the sacrifice, the one who figures things out, the one who drives etc. You don't have to stay in that position. You decide you are done. You decide that you deserve a happy life and to not be burdened down.
 
Am I wrong for this??

So I recently moved and cleaned out my closet of stuff I no longer wanted/ things that were out of season and told my friend that IF she was interested she could come and pick through things and see what she wanted before I took it to goodwill.

She picked out several things and I also gave her some other things that she said she would give me $$ for later, so today she told me that she sold some of the things I gave her and I immediately got pissed and told her "Well then you can give me the money for some of the things you said you would pay for then" and she said she already spent it on a bill and I told her I was annoyed because I could've sold my own things and if I knew she was going to do that I would've just kept my stuff and sold it on my own.

Long story short she's mad because I'm annoyed with her, I don't feel like I'm being irrational though. I had several nice things and I was trying to be nice but I would've never given those things to her if I knew she was going to sell them.
 
This place is usually empty when I come for breakfast. Why are all these people here???????
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UniquelyDivine said:
Am I wrong for this??

So I recently moved and cleaned out my closet of stuff I no longer wanted/ things that were out of season and told my friend that IF she was interested she could come and pick through things and see what she wanted before I took it to goodwill.

She picked out several things and I also gave her some other things that she said she would give me $$ for later, so today she told me that she sold some of the things I gave her and I immediately got pissed and told her "Well then you can give me the money for some of the things you said you would pay for then" and she said she already spent it on a bill and I told her I was annoyed because I could've sold my own things and if I knew she was going to do that I would've just kept my stuff and sold it on my own.

Long story short she's mad because I'm annoyed with her, I don't feel like I'm being irrational though. I had several nice things and I was trying to be nice but I would've never given those things to her if I knew she was going to sell them.
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Wait.

So she didn't pay you for the things you gave her, she sold them herself and spent the money she made? Am I understanding that correctly?

If so, that is trifling as hell, and I would be pissed.
 
MzLady78 said:
Wait.

So she didn't pay you for the things you gave her, she sold them herself and spent the money she made? Am I understanding that correctly?

If so, that is trifling as hell, and I would be pissed.
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There were a few items I gave her for free but other stuff I "sold" to her and she said she would pay me later, deep down I knew better but I told her ok, cool.

So yep, she owes me money for the items she "bought" from me but told me last night that she sold a purse I gave her for $40 and was laughing like I was going to be amused about it. I think she was genuinely shocked that I was mad and had the audacity to be mad at me, I truly don't understand why she doesn't get it.


hopeful said:
@UniquelyDivine
I understand why you are annoyed. She was dishonest and she took advantage of you.
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That's exactly how I feel and looking back on our friendship I see a pattern.
 
UniquelyDivine said:
...
I think she was genuinely shocked that I was mad and had the audacity to be mad at me, I truly don't understand why she doesn't get it.
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She was shocked that you called her on her behavior. She's used to being slick and getting away with her bad behavior. Let her be mad. She's trying to turn the tables and have you apologizing to her. She's decided that in your friendship that you are the giver. Hold your ground. She owes you money and an apology. You may not get either but at least you learned a valuable lesson.

UniquelyDivine said:
That's exactly how I feel and looking back on our friendship I see a pattern.
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I bet you do see a pattern. Good. Your eyes are open to it now.
 
hopeful said:
She was shocked that you called her on her behavior. She's used to being slick and getting away with her bad behavior. Let her be mad. She's trying to turn the tables and have you apologizing to her. She's decided that in your friendship that you are the giver. Hold your ground. She owes you money and an apology. You may not get either but at least you learned a valuable lesson.



I bet you do see a pattern. Good. Your eyes are open to it now.
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My sister said the same thing, she's been benefiting from my generosity for years now so she's used to getting away with it. It's not a good feeling to realize someone you consider a good friend would take advantage in such a manner, life lesson for sure.
 
UniquelyDivine said:
Am I wrong for this??

So I recently moved and cleaned out my closet of stuff I no longer wanted/ things that were out of season and told my friend that IF she was interested she could come and pick through things and see what she wanted before I took it to goodwill.

She picked out several things and I also gave her some other things that she said she would give me $$ for later, so today she told me that she sold some of the things I gave her and I immediately got pissed and told her "Well then you can give me the money for some of the things you said you would pay for then" and she said she already spent it on a bill and I told her I was annoyed because I could've sold my own things and if I knew she was going to do that I would've just kept my stuff and sold it on my own.

Long story short she's mad because I'm annoyed with her, I don't feel like I'm being irrational though. I had several nice things and I was trying to be nice but I would've never given those things to her if I knew she was going to sell them.
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If you were just going to donate the items to Goodwill, and she really needed the money for a bill, I would let it go!

Did you agree on an amount/timeframe that she was supposed to pay you when she picked out stuff?

ETA: hopefully, lesson learned!
 
CurliDiva said:
If you were just going to donate the items to Goodwill, and she really needed the money for a bill, I would let it go!

Did you agree on an amount/timeframe that she was supposed to pay you when she picked out stuff?

ETA: hopefully, lesson learned!
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We didn't have set time frame no, she basically told me she would give it to me the next time she got paid, which came and went.

It was more about the fact that she owes me money yet had the gall to sell something I gave her and laugh about it all while knowing she owes me money & not just money from this situation.

She has a running tab with me which is why I should've known better but I wasn't expecting this level of triflingness.
 
I met some wonderful ladies on a Black Woman's Meetup today! I've posted here a few times about the lack of black women in my city. It was so nice to get cute, and connect with some ladies. I truly value relationships with women, and between my job and the demographics of this city I really needed this!

I also chose to be selfish today with my dad. I haven't spoken to my step "grandma" since I was mayyybe 12. He tried to call me with some, "it's momma's 75th birthday and she told me you're the only grandbaby she hasn't heard from." :look:. I'm thinking back on every birthday, graduation, hell a home purchase that she hasn't reached out. Just last year she came to visit my cousins while I was visiting home and I'm finding out she's there through pics on Facebook like....:look:.

He tried guilting me into calling her (y'all I don't even know this woman's number. We've talked maybe 5 times my entire life.). I could hear the manipulation in the conversation and even flashed back to times that would have swayed me. No sir. I had a wonderful day and I will NOT be accepting that negative energy or responsibility. Our lack of a relationship started when I was a child and neither she nor you cared to cultivate a relationship between us all these years, so let's not start acting like it's such a travesty now. "Grandma" has made it over 25 years without a happy birthday from me. I'm sure she'll make it this year too :spinning:
 
caribeandiva said:
I just found out that an ex-friend of mine has been blabbing all of my secrets all over town. We were friends for over 15 years so I trusted her. At first I was hurt and angry but after dealing with my emotions I've decided to let karma deal with her. I won't stoop to her level even though I could easily destroy her and her marriage by divulging her secrets. I'm better than that. This is all proof that it was the right decision to end the friendship 2 years ago.
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So now homegirl wants me to host a baby shower she's throwing cuz she knows I'm really good at hosting events (which is true)
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Eta: quoted wrong post
 
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There is a concert I really want to go to on Saturday, I don't want to go on my own but the other options have ruled themselves out. Its time like this I would love to have a friend that likes the same music as me. Le sigh.
 
RUBY said:
There is a concert I really want to go to on Saturday, I don't want to go on my own but the other options have ruled themselves out. Its time like this I would love to have a friend that likes the same music as me. Le sigh.
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So go by yourself. Nothing wrong with that. You'll be in the company of an amazing woman you don't get to spend a lot of one on one time with: yourself. :yep: You'll have a blast!
 
^^^ I wish I had that type of relationship with any of my sisters where we were always doing stuff together. I don't have that type of relationship with any of them, especially the one closest to me in age.
 
TwoSnapsUp said:
^^^ I wish I had that type of relationship with any of my sisters where we were always doing stuff together. I don't have that type of relationship with any of them, especially the one closest to me in age.
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Aww, I always hate to hear that people don't have good relationships with their siblings.

I have a friend I've known since single digits that has 3 sisters and a brother. All the girls got a tat that says "our bond is everlasting" on their shoulder and the brother got it on his forearm. I wish I could post the pic of them showing them, it's so nice.
 
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TwoSnapsUp said:
^^^ I wish I had that type of relationship with any of my sisters where we were always doing stuff together. I don't have that type of relationship with any of them, especially the one closest to me in age.
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Aww were you all close growing up?

@MzLady78 it makes me sad to hear it too. I know a lot of people like that though. Several of my friends only speak to their siblings on holidays. No bad blood just the way it is.
 
KammyGirl said:
Aww were you all close growing up?

@MzLady78 it makes me sad to hear it too. I know a lot of people like that though. Several of my friends only speak to their siblings on holidays. No bad blood just the way it is.
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Long story, but I never got along with my older sisters. My younger sis has her own friends and life. The one close to my age has two kids plus other responsibilities so that's that. All the friends I grew up with have families now and are very family oriented so I rarely see them.
 
A friend, (well I guess more of acquaintance, we've known each other since elementary school but probably haven't hung out since then) invited me on a cruise next June. I think she does Paycation or one of those other travel MLMs. Anyway, it's one I've actually had on my list for awhile. On one hand, it would be nice to not be alone on vacation for once, but the introvert in me is like ummm...I don't really know you or your people.
 
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Kinda annoyed right now.

Made reservations for dinner for Mother's Day weeks ago so I wouldn't be scrambling to figure out where to go days before. She told my sister yesterday she doesn't wanna go out, it's gonna rain all day. Umm, you're gonna be in a car, lady. So now I have to figure out what to do for dinner and I'LL have to troop across town in the rain (the place I reserved is walking distance from me).
 
Wicked was awesome last night! We made our dinner reservation on time. Had a great deep meaningful conversation during, as well as some laughs.

We were 5 minutes late for the show and had to sit outside until the first scene was over. Then the guy sat us in the wrong seats and we didn't realize until the end of the first act. Lol

After intermission we sat in our correct seats which I liked better but my sister didn't. She complained a lot because the man next to her kept touching her, hitting her and moving and talking. Normally that would annoy me. But I laughed at her. I was laughing so hard that I had to cover my mouth and bend over to keep from making noise. Lol When I finished I told her all she had to do was say "excuse me" to the man so he could get himself together. And I reminded her that I had to sit next to someone during the first half and endured it so she could do the same. She was better after that. It was a great night and now she's posting everything to instagram. Haha

Tonight Mothers Day dinner for my mom. I expected to recover for the day but this woman wants to talk to me on the phone all day. She's excited.
 
MzLady78 said:
Kinda annoyed right now.

Made reservations for dinner for Mother's Day weeks ago so I wouldn't be scrambling to figure out where to go days before. She told my sister yesterday she doesn't wanna go out, it's gonna rain all day. Umm, you're gonna be in a car, lady. So now I have to figure out what to do for dinner and I'LL have to troop across town in the rain (the place I reserved is walking distance from me).
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I get the frustration. My mother pulls the same thing sometimes. But it's her day. Let her be difficult and when your birthday or other milestone comes around remind her how good of a daughter you were by changing plans last minute and trooping in the rain for her. Lol
 
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