Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

Christmas was chill. Was supposed to host at my house but plans changed and had to go back to my home town instead.

Girl trip was cool. The friend who organizes these December trips does so because that's when it's most convenient for her but I may pass next year. Trips between Christmas and New Year have odd timing especially if I have to or want to travel for either of those holidays.

Step mom called day before yesterday. No thanks. Didn't answer. Her husband (my Dad) has gotten the hint that only calling me during the holidays gets no response. I'm alive other times of the year.

I'm seeing that my uncles (and aunt and mom to a degree) did not take care of themselves throughout the years. One uncle was in and out the hospital for a year if not more. A whole host of medical issues. Now another uncle was taken to the hospital. Several medical issues. Definitely a push to treat my body better.
 
My aunt moved into a new apartment and asked me if I was coming to her housewarming party. I said I guess I can. She proceeds to tell me "ok, I need a shower curtain, a small trash bin for the bathroom and a soap dish." I was like that's not how housewarming parties work. You are supposed to be inviting people to celebrate your furnished home not have them furnish it for you! She tells me that every housewarming party she's been to that people had a list of things to bring. I was like I ain't nevah heard of such a thing and I've done two house warming parties myself. I took it to google and she still don't believe me. I ended the call by telling her I wasn't coming to her housewarming. I can come by after she gets her loot.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
My aunt moved into a new apartment and asked me if I was coming to her housewarming party. I said I guess I can. She proceeds to tell me "ok, I need a shower curtain, a small trash bin for the bathroom and a soap dish." I was like that's not how housewarming parties work. You are supposed to be inviting people to celebrate your furnished home not have them furnish it for you! She tells me that every housewarming party she's been to that people had a list of things to bring. I was like I ain't nevah heard of such a thing and I've done two house warming parties myself. I took it to google and she still don't believe me. I ended the call by telling her I wasn't coming to her housewarming. I can come by after she gets her loot.
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I thought housewarming parties are for when a person moves into a house. Either way its rude to invite someone to your home and then tell them what gift to bring. Not sure how old she is, but after a certain age people should be able to outfit a bathroom. As my mother-in-law says, "If I don't have it by now I don't need it."
 
Lol @ the housewarming thing. Yes it is a thing and not new either. I am surprised so many never heard of it, maybe a regional or cultural difference?

The keyword tho is house (although I have seen it done for first apartments) and it is NOT necessarily a formal expectation (like a baby shower) that people bring stuff.

Traditionally tho, housewarming parties are for the host/hostess to show off their new home (typically first) and the guests bring a 'little something' to 'warm'the house. It is not meant to be lavish, just whatever the guests want to bring, such as a set of kitchen towels, candles or even a toaster. By her being your cousin, she probably felt comfortable sharing relatively small items she needed.
 
mrselle said:
I thought housewarming parties are for when a person moves into a house. Either way its rude to invite someone to your home and then tell them what gift to bring. Not sure how old she is, but after a certain age people should be able to outfit a bathroom. As my mother-in-law says, "If I don't have it by now I don't need it."
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72, not even a bit senile and a packrat to boot. I suspect that she's got everything on her list she just wants new versions that somebody else paid for.
:rose:
 
My crazy uncle is trying to holler at my friend. These men get old and are still crazy. He met her at my baby shower 3 years ago, she had just finished her PhD in education, I was bragging on her a bit. He made the food for the shower, after he left he texts me talking about what's up with the doctor? Now my uncle is 63, we are 36. He is broke, trifling, and broke down LOL! Why does this man 3 years later text me asking if my friend is still in education, he needs to talk to her about some kid he claims to know that refuses to go to school and he wants to know what he can do. Now I am looking at this skeptically because all of his kids are grown and he didn't care whether they went to school, so who is he talking about? I love my friends, why would I bless this mess? Go ruin somebody else's life with your foolishness. Age doesn't change anything with trifling people smh!
 
Father: - negative comment
me: you know you say negative thngs about me constantly? its really tiring
Father... quiet, well I dont really mean anything by it you know
me: actually I dont know that... and you dont know where my mental space is when you say those things..
Father... quiet


I guess we'll see
 
I don't understand how a person can be emotionally neglectful towards a child and then expect to depend on that child for emotional support when that child becomes an adult.

As long as I kept my mouth shut and/or agreed with her, we were all good. So last night I let her have it. I don't care anymore. It's like the universe is putting me through so much emotionally, it's so overwhelming. I don't know who needs to stay or go in my life.

I need to take a break from family, for sure. Nothing good comes from any of our interactions.
 
Miss_Luna said:
I don't understand how a person can be emotionally neglectful towards a child and then expect to depend on that child for emotional support when that child becomes an adult.

As long as I kept my mouth shut and/or agreed with her, we were all good. So last night I let her have it. I don't care anymore. It's like the universe is putting me through so much emotionally, it's so overwhelming. I don't know who needs to stay or go in my life.

I need to take a break from family, for sure. Nothing good comes from any of our interactions.
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Take your break. I have done it with both parents and eventually we reconciled with MY boundaries in place. At some point I decided to choose me and mine over those draining situations and it gave me so much peace.
 
Miss_Luna said:
I don't understand how a person can be emotionally neglectful towards a child and then expect to depend on that child for emotional support when that child becomes an adult.

As long as I kept my mouth shut and/or agreed with her, we were all good. So last night I let her have it. I don't care anymore. It's like the universe is putting me through so much emotionally, it's so overwhelming. I don't know who needs to stay or go in my life.

I need to take a break from family, for sure. Nothing good comes from any of our interactions.
Click to expand...

It's ok to take a few steps back.
 
So my aunt called me and said that after paying for the moving company and first and last months rent that she didn't have enough money to eat for the rest of the month. Mind you, she's always telling me she doesn't have food for the rest of the month but 5 minutes later will be like I gotta send such and such to get me some Red Bull. :rolleyes:

Sunday when she was cryn hungry, she told me "all" one of her church friends could give her was $50 but that wasn't going to last a month. Then she says to moi, "put some money in the mail for me". I told her she better put that $50 to work. Yesterday she left me a v/m saying that she got her security deposit refund of $200 and asked if I put her some money in the mail because she likes getting envelopes. :rolleyes:

When I was a little kid, she would send me $20 in a birthday card from the time I was 10-18. I'm really tempted to just give her $200 and tell her never to ask me for anything again but I know that any giving of money will result in more begging with a minimum expectation of $200. :rolleyes:

It's not that I don't appreciate what she's done in the past but when I used to pay her to sit with my mother (her sister), whenever we went out to eat, she got a meal on me or the old man's dime. She had no problem ordering the most expensive thing on the menu and complaining about not just her food but what everybody else got. She's one of those people who if you're eating sushi she gotta tell you how she could never eat raw fish for the rest of the night. I was spending $30/week on cases of Redbull for like 2 years. That was only the financial cost. Having her around was working the old man's nerves because she was always trying to bring him to Jesus. Not to mention, if she just saw some random thing around the house, she'd ask me if she could have it. I know that some stuff walked out of my house. I feel like them $20 cards have been more than paid in full.

Anyway, I'm just irritated. She's been trying to emotionally manipulate her way into being a surrogate mother and I already peeped game that eventually the hints were going to make there way to an explicit "give me some money" demand.
 
Crackers Phinn said:
So my aunt called me and said that after paying for the moving company and first and last months rent that she didn't have enough money to eat for the rest of the month. Mind you, she's always telling me she doesn't have food for the rest of the month but 5 minutes later will be like I gotta send such and such to get me some Red Bull. :rolleyes:

Sunday when she was cryn hungry, she told me "all" one of her church friends could give her was $50 but that wasn't going to last a month. Then she says to moi, "put some money in the mail for me". I told her she better put that $50 to work. Yesterday she left me a v/m saying that she got her security deposit refund of $200 and asked if I put her some money in the mail because she likes getting envelopes. :rolleyes:

When I was a little kid, she would send me $20 in a birthday card from the time I was 10-18. I'm really tempted to just give her $200 and tell her never to ask me for anything again but I know that any giving of money will result in more begging with a minimum expectation of $200. :rolleyes:

It's not that I don't appreciate what she's done in the past but when I used to pay her to sit with my mother (her sister), whenever we went out to eat, she got a meal on me or the old man's dime. She had no problem ordering the most expensive thing on the menu and complaining about not just her food but what everybody else got. She's one of those people who if you're eating sushi she gotta tell you how she could never eat raw fish for the rest of the night. I was spending $30/week on cases of Redbull for like 2 years. That was only the financial cost. Having her around was working the old man's nerves because she was always trying to bring him to Jesus. Not to mention, if she just saw some random thing around the house, she'd ask me if she could have it. I know that some stuff walked out of my house. I feel like them $20 cards have been more than paid in full.

Anyway, I'm just irritated. She's been trying to emotionally manipulate her way into being a surrogate mother and I already peeped game that eventually the hints were going to make there way to an explicit "give me some money" demand.
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She got $250 for one person to eat all month. She's fine. I like the thing I saw in another thread about asking these people to borrow money before they get around to asking you LOL!
 
@Crackers Phinn

She really thought $20 birthday cards were a part of her retirement plan! You didn't ask her for i.sh, so she needs to relax.

I really don't get people. I've had an older family member tell me that I treat them like I don't care about them because I don't call that often. This was one month after paying for a $900 plane ticket for them to go to Australia. After that I said that there is nothing I can do to appease my family, so I won't even try anymore.
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
She got $250 for one person to eat all month. She's fine. I like the thing I saw in another thread about asking these people to borrow money before they get around to asking you LOL!
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Yeah, I ain't putting nothing on her books. The bank of Crackers is closed. I'm not shading that advice but I rather just cut people off and not talk to them if I gotta play games of no benefit to me every time we talk. I said no, I meant no, quit :censored: asking me.


Miss_Luna said:
@Crackers Phinn

She really thought $20 birthday cards were a part of her retirement plan! You didn't ask her for i.sh, so she needs to relax.

I really don't get people. I've had an older family member tell me that I treat them like I don't care about them because I don't call that often. This was one month after paying for a $900 plane ticket for them to go to Australia. After that I said that there is nothing I can do to appease my family, so I won't even try anymore.
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No matter what you do with some people, it's never enough. So quit doing. The only person in my life who I didn't fully practice what I preached in this regard was my mother and only because her dementia made her unable to take care of herself.
 
Hmmm taking it slow with this new found friendship. She’s a little suspicious. One of those people who think they are smarter than everyone . I peeped that her previous “besties” are no longer in the picture. She seems to claim bestie very quickly. She even called me her best friend when we are far from it. We went on a group cruise and she was super mean to one woman that she also called her best friend and the woman didn’t do anything to upset her. And now they are oil and hanging out again. I’m going to keep it chill with her because she’s still hiding stuff and unnecessarily lying to me about petty things.
 
I visited my father, his wife, and my half brother this past week. I had DS with me so he could visit them etc. So my father starts talking about how I am going to have to whoop DS because he's a boy and they need that. And on his mother's death bed he thanked her for all the whoopings he got. Then he tells a story of his mother coming to the school in 3rd grade and punching him in the head for not knowing a word. Now, listen we all got our problems, but in telling that story nobody in the room besides me seemed to think this was abnormal and unhealthy. I would be devastated if on my death bed that's what my kid was telling me. And his line in the sand was that he would have been in jail without those whoopings; and I just kept thinking how much of a better overall person he could've been in a different set of circumstances. It made me sad for him in a way, because you don't know what you don't know. But, it made me realize how incredibly fortunate I am to have been able to do a lot of mental and emotional work that has freed me to heal and have clarity.
 
hopeful said:
@Damaris.Elle I had something similar happen with a lady. I helped her but it kept eating at me and I ended up cutting her off. She made me feel used and I didn’t appreciate the sneaking around. If I could go back I never would have helped her.
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I don't know if it's that I don't want to help her....I just feel weird about how she went about it. I think I'd feel differently if she had been like "Hey girl, I want to talk to your CEOs because of x, y, and z. What's the best way to get a hold of them?"
 
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