Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

Just got my pass to a festival/conference that I've never even heard of. There are very influential people speaking at this thing. It was posted on the bulletin board at my school. This conference costs a cool $500+ for a 1 day pass and as a student I just got access for all days for free. I'm limited to certain panels and can't go to the happy hour or networking events but I plan on going all cute so I can get someone to invite me to one as their guest or at least tell me where it is.:gorgeous:
 
Another one bites the dust- I will avoid her from here on out. As my vibe is changing my tolerance for what used to look like harmless communication has shifted to annoyance. I take full responsibility for all if it. She's a perfectly good egg - just not my stead at this point. My boundaries lowered due some personal happenings - of that I'm sure.

I wish her well:)

And am happy to see myself moving forward
 
JFemme said:
Another one bites the dust- I will avoid her from here on out. As my vibe is changing my tolerance for what used to look like harmless communication has shifted to annoyance. I take full responsibility for all if it. She's a perfectly good egg - just not my stead at this point. My boundaries lowered due some personal happenings - of that I'm sure.

I wish her well:)

And am happy to see myself moving forward
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Omg. Sounds like we are in a similar headspace. I just blocked two girlfriends. I just couldn’t do it anymore. Nice ladies but not my cup of tea, subtly hurting my feelings, passive aggressive, holding me back.
 
My oldest sister seem to hate my guts. Not sure why except for jealousy. Anyway I gave up bending over backwards for her and decided to keep it moving a few years ago and not allow her problems to worry me anymore. She has a lot of problems. All self inflicted from wrong choices. But despite this she is a good mom and her kids are thriving and well educated and the older ones are in good jobs. So despite our differences I am proud of her achievements as a mother.

Now Why did she call me crying and apologize for treating me bad. Then ghost me after I asked her for her teenaged daughters number? Scratching my head...
 
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Ever have one of those days where everything is bothering you? Where everything and everyone just seems stupid? I'm walking into the library at my school whispering into my phone to my professor letting her know I'm here asking which cube she's in. This girl at the front desk (who by the way is speaking to the security guard so loudly that I had to hold my other ear to hear my professor who was also talking in hushed tones) stops me and nastily tells me I can't be on the phone. I say I'm meeting my professor just want to find out where she is. The girl shakes her head saying she doesn't care then goes back to talking to the security guard like they're outside on the street including cursing! Then as I'm leaving there is a girl standing in the front yelling about her boyfriend and his "baby mother". I just looked back at the girl who told me I couldn't come in on the phone and shook my head.

I go upstairs and enter the library that way and come back down to meet my professor and in practically every other cube there is someone talking on the phone, playing loud music from their laptop or being noisy in a group. But I'm the one that gets stopped. I am certain she got cursed out by one of these people (I've seen it happen before) and she decided to exercise her limited power on me. Plus I was already annoyed on my way here after leaving my last class because I like my professor but I hate the students in my class. They are all so annoying and whiny. I am in such a bad mood today!
 
Can someone help me figure out to express something without being nasty? I'm working on being kinder but also being firm. The super of my building is trying to brush me off and impose his timing on me. There are plumbing issues in the bathroom and last Saturday I contacted him in the morning to inform him of the issue. After no response for hours, around 2pm while I was in class he started calling and texting non stop asking where I was and how long until I was home. I told him I would be home at 4:30 pm and he proceeded to text every 20 minutes asking if I was on my way yet. I responded once and repeated that I would be home at 4:30 and ignored the rest of his messages. He finally stopped texting and told me "text as soon as you get home" in all caps. When I got home it took several hours to fix the issue.

Today I am having the same issue but I am home all day yet he has refused to come with no reason as to why he cannot fix it today and asks how early he can come tomorrow morning. I told him tomorrow morning would be inconvenient since I have to be out of the house by 8am. He replies "so 7am is good" I wrote back not really since that is the time I would be spending preparing for my day and he would be in my way since he would have to take over my bathroom not to mention that it took hours to fix last time and 1 hour probably wouldn't be enough. I stupidly wrote "but if that's the only time you have to do it then..." He just wrote back OK but now I want to tell him firmly and directly that he cannot come since him being here in the morning would be intrusive and inconvenient for me while I prepare for my day. How do I tell him this politely since I am kind of upset and can see myself being nasty while telling him. Or should I just suck it up and let him come tomorrow morning? Any advice.
 
@Crackers Phinn yeah I didn't bother and just let it go. The problem is my bathtub is filling up with dirty water every time anyone in the units above me uses their water. Like right now my bathtub is more than half full with dirty water that won't drain. Running my bathroom sink also adds to the water in the tub. The super is essentially deciding to come in the hour that I normally use to get ready for the day but without a bathtub it takes me at least a half hour longer to get ready (running back and forth between the bathroom and the kitchen!)

He'll be occupying the bathroom and I can't be all out in the open in the kitchen washing up :lol: So now I have to get up at like 5am so that I'm ready before he even gets here at 7am and I didn't want to do that. But I just decided to suck it up. I forgot to mention that when I told him I was home all day today I also said if he wasn't sending someone today then tomorrow between 3 and 5:00 or after 7 (he's usually in the building at that time) would be preferable. If not, Saturday was the next day I would be home. His response was to ask how early he could come tomorrow lol and I thought me responding I have to be out at 8am was a nice way of saying the morning is not good. That's why I was looking for a way to be more direct and firm but still polite because he totally ignored what I said. That's also why I wrote "if that the only time..." because I gave him options and he ignored those so I felt kind of pushed into a corner.

Also if I wasn't a student I would just spare a few hours for him to fix it except it is the end of the semester, crunch time and I can't afford to deviate from my schedule.
 
Damaris.Elle said:
So, I've been dodging this girl for the past couple of weeks. She asked when I'm available and I told her I have a lot going on for the next couple of weeks. Or, when asks to meet up, I tell her I already have plans. It's partly true, I do have a lot going on and most of the time she has asked to hang out, I do already have plans. But mostly, I just don't feel like hanging out with her. There's no particular reason, I just.....don't want to. Most of the time when I don't want to spend time with someone it's because something major has happened, like a fight. I think this is the first time I've just felt like cutting someone off without some type of falling out happening. I kind of feel bad about it.
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I ended up blocking this girl a couple of days ago.

She sent me a couple of text messages some time last week, which I didn't respond to. When I didn't respond, she DMed one of my friends on Instagram that she met only once and said "I texted Damaris.Elle and she didn't respond back. Have you heard from her? I'm worried something happened to her."

This girl followed me on Instagram. I had been posting stories on IG and I saw that she watched all of them. She knew nothing had "happened" to me. I haven't responded to any of her text messages since August. And keep in mind, we hardly know each other. I met her sometime in May and we did hang out a few times, but the last time we hung out was in July. So when my friend let me know that she DMed her, it REALLY annoyed me and I was borderline disgusted that she went as far as messaging someone else to get in contact with me. I told my friend I stopped hanging out with her because of her negative energy and her tendency to hog the conversation and talk about negative things. The last time I had a full convo with her, it was over the phone. She talked for an hour about her problems with some dude and then the last 10 minutes she's like "So, how are you?" and then a few minutes later she says "Oh, I gotta go." and I was done after that. I was so drained after that phone call.

I know ghosting/slow fading isn't great, but I'm thinking: why are you being so persistent with someone you don't even know/only hung out with for a few months? That level of persistence would make sense if it was someone you've been friends with for years. If someone isn't responding to you and you haven't seen that person in months, anyone with sense would move on (or at least I would). My friend didn't respond back. When my friend didn't respond back, the girl DMed her AGAIN. So we both ended up blocking her.

I was talking to my sister about it and she said maybe the girl had a romantic interest in me. I'm straight. The girl never gave any indication of liking women, but I guess that could have been a possibility. I think she may just be someone who has a hard time making friends and because of that, she was clinging to me because she saw me as a potential friend. I'm guessing she talked about the same negative things with other people and not many other people were willing to listen to it.
 
Damaris.Elle said:
I ended up blocking this girl a couple of days ago.

She sent me a couple of text messages some time last week, which I didn't respond to. When I didn't respond, she DMed one of my friends on Instagram that she met only once and said "I texted Damaris.Elle and she didn't respond back. Have you heard from her? I'm worried something happened to her."

This girl followed me on Instagram. I had been posting stories on IG and I saw that she watched all of them. She knew nothing had "happened" to me. I haven't responded to any of her text messages since August. And keep in mind, we hardly know each other. I met her sometime in May and we did hang out a few times, but the last time we hung out was in July. So when my friend let me know that she DMed her, it REALLY annoyed me and I was borderline disgusted that she went as far as messaging someone else to get in contact with me. I told my friend I stopped hanging out with her because of her negative energy and her tendency to hog the conversation and talk about negative things. The last time I had a full convo with her, it was over the phone. She talked for an hour about her problems with some dude and then the last 10 minutes she's like "So, how are you?" and then a few minutes later she says "Oh, I gotta go." and I was done after that. I was so drained after that phone call.

I know ghosting/slow fading isn't great, but I'm thinking: why are you being so persistent with someone you don't even know/only hung out with for a few months? That level of persistence would make sense if it was someone you've been friends with for years. If someone isn't responding to you and you haven't seen that person in months, anyone with sense would move on (or at least I would). My friend didn't respond back. When my friend didn't respond back, the girl DMed her AGAIN. So we both ended up blocking her.

I was talking to my sister about it and she said maybe the girl had a romantic interest in me. I'm straight. The girl never gave any indication of liking women, but I guess that could have been a possibility. I think she may just be someone who has a hard time making friends and because of that, she was clinging to me because she saw me as a potential friend. I'm guessing she talked about the same negative things with other people and not many other people were willing to listen to it.
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If you're a good listener and conversationalist, those draining hoggish types pick up on it and re-engage you over and over. Good for you on blocking her and trusting your intuition. I didn't block her but there's an acquaintance of mine who I have started to suspect is shady/haterish on the slick. I basically ignore all her texts and keep going about my day. I have ignore my own intuition before out of politeness but I ain't doing that any longer.
 
I had a friend who, months ago, I was trying to catch up with. I’d contact her with invites to dinner and such. She wouldn’t repond to my invites but would post outings she would have almost nightly on social media. I chalked it up to her not being interested in our friendship and moved on. Insert downgrade to associate.

I was a away a few weeks ago and when she found out my location she messaged and asked me to bring her back something she really wanted from there. I told her I’d looked out for it, but made no promises.

Nope. I didn’t get it for her, but I did get it for myself.
 
I made a new friend! We met a few weeks ago at school while I was waiting for my class to start and he was cursing the school wifi. He had me in stitches the whole hour and ended up asking if I wanted to study together or just hang out in general. Since he's gay I didn't feel any hesitation or have to wonder if it was a pretense in the hopes it would lead to more. We met up today and I had the best time! We didn't even do anything but hang out in the lounge of his building with our laptops and music. We both talked about how hard it is to make and keep friends and agreed that we wanna hang again.
 
RoundEyedGirl504 said:
If you're a good listener and conversationalist, those draining hoggish types pick up on it and re-engage you over and over. Good for you on blocking her and trusting your intuition. I didn't block her but there's an acquaintance of mine who I have started to suspect is shady/haterish on the slick. I basically ignore all her texts and keep going about my day. I have ignore my own intuition before out of politeness but I ain't doing that any longer.
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Yeah, that phone call almost seemed like a therapy session with me as the therapist.

I used to do the same thing out of politeness but I've realized when people do this, they're not being polite so why should I be polite? I'm also starting to think that it's a red flag (for me) if someone starts to share a lot of personal information/problems with me when we haven't known each other for very long.

On a more positive note: I had a great weekend. I went to brunch with my cousin and some friends on Saturday morning, went to a Friendsgiving party Saturday night and went to dinner and hookah with a friend last night. I feel like I've been keeping a nice work-life balance for the past few months. During the week, I focus mainly on work. During the weekend, I make it a point to not do anything work-related and spend time with friends and family.

BrownBetty said:
What is everyone doing for Thanksgiving?

I'm going to dinner and maybe the movies.
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I'm going to visit my parents and spend Thanksgiving with them :)
 
hopeful said:
Sounds like fun BrownBetty!

Going to my sister’s house for Thanksgiving. She asked me to make macaroni and cheese so I’ll be making that Wednesday night. And my older daughter is flying in Wednesday afternoon. We plan to see the Mister Rogers movie sometime this week.
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Yeah it should be a good day. I have hosted for the last 2 years and wasn't interested in doing it this year. Clearly, my friends don't want to either so restaurant it is...lol. I'm going to see queen and slim.
 
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BrownBetty said:
What is everyone doing for Thanksgiving?

I'm going to dinner and maybe the movies.
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I'll be out of town away from most of my family for the first time in my life. It would be odd but my closest cousin and I will be together plus I'll be sure to video chat my family back at home during the day.

We're going to a restaurant to eat and movies afterwards. Actually looking forward to that part.
 
It always sucks letting friends go, but when I’m done I am done! I’m going to miss all the fun and crazy times I had with them, and it’s crazy I was added to a birthday invite group chat for this weekend and I’m trying to fight the urge to do the last final hoorah! My SO got tickets for a game that day so that takes care of that.

Now I’m trying to remind myself to stay open to allowing new people to come into my life. But it’s hard to do so, I guess I’m just at a place in my life where I just feel blah to everyone.
 
I'm thinking of having my 35th Birthday abroad next year.

One of my friends is quite insistent that I should split the villa cost. Personally I'm cool to pay for the accommodation and people pay for their their flights out plus personal spending money of course.

Is this abnormal? It doesn't feel off to me to pay for my own party venue. I know peeps are asking for party guests to chip in more and more these days, but I dont know how I feel about it.
 
A vent/rant:

I've grown really comfortable with my own solitude. This time last year, I was out several times a week with friends, but I was also living in another country and had friends that I had a lot more in common with: far from home, traveling a lot, busy work life, socially and politically aware.

I have a handful of friends here, most living in different cities. The close friends I have nearby, I don't have much in common with them. One of my closest friends I've had in my life lives close, but for some reason she refuses to come to my place. I live about 40 minutes from her, in a much more sociable area, but she's always suggesting that I come to her apt. Our lifestyles are very different and we can't always discuss things that I find interesting, so it's usually just complaining about guys, which I'm completely over at this point.

She also has a roommate, I don't. Her roommate is really stressful and slightly unstable at times, but she's not there that often. Where she lives is also boring and we end up going to "townie" bars or chain restaurants, where we run into people we've known since 3rd grade. I love this girl to death, but I just don't find those things all that interesting anymore.

I don't mind this space I'm in, for now; I'm making plans to move again within the next year, but I've only told a handful of people (2 people) and my manager who made the suggestion.

My current behavior comes across as being a boring person, and I'm definitely not, but at the risk of sounding pretentious (which isn't the intent, AT ALL), I'd rather just sit in my apartment and chill then do mindless s.h!t like gossip and talk about men.

The end.
 
BonBon said:
I'm thinking of having my 35th Birthday abroad next year.

One of my friends is quite insistent that I should split the villa cost. Personally I'm cool to pay for the accommodation and people pay for their their flights out plus personal spending money of course.

Is this abnormal? It doesn't feel off to me to pay for my own party venue. I know peeps are asking for party guests to chip in more and more these days, but I dont know how I feel about it.
Click to expand...

I’d do the same if I were you. Splitting would probably be more hassle than it’s worth — especially if you can afford the villa. Do what feels right to you. It’s your birthday, you can do whatever you want, however you want.
 
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