Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

[hopeful]

So proud of you @caribeandiva . It’s like you are being tested to make sure you got the lesson. So far you get an “A” ~ good job!

 

[LdyKamz]

Police suck. 311 operators suck. NYC sucks. I am so over living in this damn city. I'm not even kidding. NYPD and 311 just ruined the end of a perfectly lovely day for me. I'm so angry and I should know how to calm myself down by now but I am so upset!

 

[hopeful]

So sorry to hear that @LdyKamz (((Hugs))).

 

[caribeandiva]

So proud of you @caribeandiva . It’s like you are being tested to make sure you got the lesson. So far you get an “A” ~ good job!

Thank you!!

 

[quirkydimples]

Spent a fantastic day with my son at an amusement park, followed by a wax museum. He had a blast. We're going to see the Fantastic Beasts sequel tomorrow in D-Box seats.

 

[hopeful]

Spent a fantastic day with my son at an amusement park, followed by a wax museum. He had a blast. We're going to see the Fantastic Beasts sequel tomorrow in D-Box seats.

How fun!

 

[Damaris.Elle]

One of my sisters is going to school in Connecticut, so I'm flying to Connecticut from California and my youngest sister is flying into Connecticut from Florida and the three of us are spending basically all of Thanksgiving together I've missed my sisters and I'm looking forward to spending time with them.

 

[hopeful]

One of my sisters is going to school in Connecticut, so I'm flying to Connecticut from California and my youngest sister is flying into Connecticut from Florida and the three of us are spending basically all of Thanksgiving together I've missed my sisters and I'm looking forward to spending time with them.

Oh my goodness! That is so fun and exciting! Enjoy!

 

[Miss_Luna]

I re-read The Alchemist in two days, trying to find some clarity in my life.
This week I've had people close to me hit major life milestones and while I know I shouldn't compare my life to anyone else's, this week it hit me kind of hard. My life is great, but there are parts that I know I need to develop, but I just can't get over this hump.

I'm going to try to listen to my heart more often and pray a bit longer. Maybe I'll just try to clear my mind and listen.

 

[caribeandiva]

@Miss_Luna The alchemist is a great book! One of my faves but you’ve gotta be ready for it. It was life changing for me. It taught me to follow my heart and follow the signs. There are no coincidences. Paolo Coelho is one of my favorite writers.

 

[PeaceFlow]

Any cute (affordable) gift ideas for new Mums? A baby grow and a card are literally all I can think of

One of my new friends is pregnant and I want to get a little something for next time I see her. I'm usually quite unmoved by pregnancies/children.

Looking back I think maybe it may have affected a few of my friendships on some level. I feel bad that it took me a long time to notice, but I want to change in this area. Even if it feels a little fake at first.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

My friend, who's been trying to get pregnant for probably over a year, is 3 months pregnant. I'm so excited for her. She invited me to happy hour on a whim, well it seemed like a whim to me at first, but she wanted to tell me in person.

She has our mutual friend planning her baby shower. Although she's slightly concerned cause said friend also planned her bridal shower and there was lots of room for improvement. Lots. Preggo friend said she told mutual friend to tag me in planning cause they both know I'm a planner and diy queen. I'm more than happy to help but I'll wait until mutual friend says something to me directly. Mutual friend would be hurt if preggo friend didn't ask her to be in charge of planning it so I get why she asked her.

I always suspected preggo friend wasn't overly happy with her bridal shower but her bringing it up like 7 years later confirmed it.

 

[caribeandiva]

@oneastrocurlie This is why I wanna plan my own bridal shower. Why leave it up to chance?

 

[mz.rae]

So SOs friend’s had Friendsgiving this past weekend, and I had a good time. But I don’t know what it is about me, I am having a hard time letting them in and warming up to them. They even joke around saying I don’t like them. I naturally take a long time to warm up to people as well as me being an introvert probably doesn’t help much either. And then too I kind of feel a way because I don’t get to see my own friends as much. I mean it’s crazy I see SOs friends more than I see mine and my SO and their friends live in a different city and state.

And then when my SO comes to visit me and I try to plan things with my friends it always falls through. To the point where SO has said just stop trying to plan get togethers when we are in town. And then some times when I come to visit SO in their city and hang with their friends. I come back home and question my friendships and start feeling alone. And maybe that causes me to act a certain way with SOs friends even though it isn’t their fault how things are for me back home.

 

[oneastrocurlie]

@oneastrocurlie This is why I wanna plan my own bridal shower. Why leave it up to chance?

Right?! Wouldn't be me.

It'll be interesting. Mutual friend is someone who has lots of great ideas but falls very short on the execution.

I could plan that thing in my sleep lol.

 

[sarumoki]

@Miss_Luna The alchemist is a great book! One of my faves but you’ve gotta be ready for it. It was life changing for me. It taught me to follow my heart and follow the signs. There are no coincidences. Paolo Coelho is one of my favorite writers.

*Adds to reading list*

 

[Miss_Luna]

@Miss_Luna The alchemist is a great book! One of my faves but you’ve gotta be ready for it. It was life changing for me. It taught me to follow my heart and follow the signs. There are no coincidences. Paolo Coelho is one of my favorite writers.

Manuscripts Found in Accra is an absolutely amazing book by Coelho. I let someone borrow it, so I may buy it again. I didn't like Eleven Minutes or The Spy as much as The Alchemist and Manuscripts.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I did what I wanted to do. And it felt Mm Mmm Mmm Mmm GOOD! For thanksgiving I went to the Hilton with my line sister. I believe in that book the Alchemist. I told my line sis how I love mimosas. We got to our table after drinking the first mimosa and we got a second one for FREE! I was so appreciative! We had a great time! The food was GREAT! I ate Redfish for the first time with crawfish sauce! My friend and I had so much fun. We talked about being codependents and my journey to trying to end that. She felt inspired by me to read the book. We also had a great talk about just living our own lives and learning to be selfish. It felt so good.

I saw my mother and father afterwards. But since I had filled up my own cup earlier AND the visit was short...I was unbothered by her shenanigans talking about my outfit. It felt GOOD!

 

[hopeful]

Manuscripts Found in Accra is an absolutely amazing book by Coelho. I let someone borrow it, so I may buy it again. I didn't like Eleven Minutes or The Spy as much as The Alchemist and Manuscripts.

I never heard of Manuscripts. I will have to look into that.

 

[hopeful]

Good for you @PrissiSippi that sounds great!

 

[gimbap]

Does having close relationships with people mean overlooking their b.s. (being used, talked down to, constantly cancelling plans etc)? I've long realized I was relatively too nice and that people do things to me that I would never do to them, but this year I just got tired of it as I had too much going on anyway and distanced myself from many people.

After a friend did some b.s. this weekend and I called him out it, he said "my expectations for people are too high". I disagreed, because "treat people the way you would want to be treated" has been drilled into our heads since we were kids and you KNOW you're in the wrong and telling me to overlook your behavior, meanwhile let me do something like that and see how quick I get cut off. Thoughts?

 

[sarumoki]

Does having close relationships with people mean overlooking their b.s. (being used, talked down to, constantly cancelling plans etc)?

No, no, no. That is not what it means at all.

After a friend did some b.s. this weekend and I called him out it, he said "my expectations for people are too high".

Translation: I like to be a s***** friend and I don't want to be called out on it.

 

[Nay]

In the past I was oftentimes the person who was "too nice" as well. But like you I started cutting people out of my life who I felt were not treating me the way I deserved to be treated.

You can try to call people out on their nonsense. If they care, hopefully they will change. But in reality most people never REALLY change. Your expectations do not sound too high to me.

 

[caribeandiva]

I called him out it, he said "my expectations for people are too high"

WTH is that supposed to mean? Don’t hold me to the same standard I hold for you? That’s such bs. Double standards. This relationship is on its way out.

 

[caribeandiva]

...
You can try to call people out on their nonsense. If they care, hopefully they will change. But in reality most people never REALLY change. Your expectations do not sound too high to me.

So true.

 

[BrownBetty]

Hey Ladies! I hope all is well.

My thanksgiving was good!

I spent it eating wonderfully. I know next year I am not making anything but reservations lol

I'm spending the holidays away from my family and they have some feelings but they will live. Everyone makes their own plans and some how when I do the same it is an issue... all and all I am excited about the holidays for once.

 

[hopeful]

Good for you @BrownBetty!

 

[Evolving78]

Does having close relationships with people mean overlooking their b.s. (being used, talked down to, constantly cancelling plans etc)? I've long realized I was relatively too nice and that people do things to me that I would never do to them, but this year I just got tired of it as I had too much going on anyway and distanced myself from many people.

After a friend did some b.s. this weekend and I called him out it, he said "my expectations for people are too high". I disagreed, because "treat people the way you would want to be treated" has been drilled into our heads since we were kids and you KNOW you're in the wrong and telling me to overlook your behavior, meanwhile let me do something like that and see how quick I get cut off. Thoughts?

I wonder is it worth calling people out anymore? Or if you call someone out, and your feelings get dismissed, where do you go from there?

 

[hopeful]

I wonder is it worth calling people out anymore? Or if you call someone out, and your feelings get dismissed, where do you go from there?

In most cases I don’t think it’s worth the trouble. Let people be. Accept them and remain friends or accept them and move on. I think I have only one friend where we can call each other out and we are both sincerely sorry for hurting each other and rarely if ever repeat the behavior.

It’s our responsibility to find people with whom we are compatible and who are loving and supportive. And our responsibility to remove ourselves from unhappy or unhealthy situations and relationships.

 

[Evolving78]

In most cases I don’t think it’s worth the trouble. Let people be. Accept them and remain friends or accept them and move on. I think I have only one friend where we can call each other out and we are both sincerely sorry for hurting each other and rarely if ever repeat the behavior.

It’s our responsibility to find people with whom we are compatible and who are loving and supportive. And our responsibility to remove ourselves from unhappy or unhealthy situations and relationships.

I believe the last month of this year is the end of the road for some relationships I had. This coming year is all about making connections intentionally. No more of just falling into friendships and romantic relationships with people. I have learned I have done too much romanizing of people. I have put some people so high on a pedestal, that it is shocking to see just how humanly flawed they are. I’m in that place now of being aware, or awakened to what is really going on with myself, as well as others in my life. Therefore, I can’t go back to the same behavior patterns and way of thinking. It’s a challenging task, but I’m up for it.
I will be working on myself to attract spiritual partners. People that I can grow and create with. Connecting with people on purpose with purpose!