Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

I think I have too much on my plate right now and I can't figure out what to take off? I want to do everything I'm doing I just don't know that I have enough time. I'm volunteering, taking a writing class, I have therapy, I'm taking a womanly arts class (which is turning out to be an alternate kind of of therapy that I think is helpful to me in addition to my traditional therapy), seeing my friends more and I've added the gym back to my schedule.

Not to mention the stuff I have to do like work, my side hustle, time with family, etc. I am feeling good and I'm enjoying everything I'm doing. I just find myself rushing off from one thing to the next and I'm not getting as much sleep as I probably should be.

My relationship with myself is the most important to me so I want to keep doing things I like to do but not at the expense of maybe having to cut down quality time with people in my life. Not sure what I can do though.
 
I'm claiming a second match! My bestie got engaged to a dude I introduced her to and she packed up her life and moved cross country to California. So there we were on Saturday. Two black girls from Detroit, riding horses along the water at Pebble Beach. Talk about started from the bottom now we here.

Later we sat out at the deck and totally acted this out
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I'm claiming a second match! My bestie got engaged to a dude I introduced her to and she packed up her life and moved cross country to California. So there we were on Saturday. Two black girls from Detroit, riding horses along the water at Pebble Beach. Talk about started from the bottom now we here.

Later we sat out at the deck and totally acted this out
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:lachen: I need a friend like you!
 
Went to the pumpkin patch on Saturday and I think I broke something going down a kiddie slide with my niece :lachen: It honestly made me think about my biological clock because I can barely hang with my niece now. Can you imagine waiting another couple of years? I'll be bruised and broken before my kid turns 5. Smh I still had a lot of fun though.
 
oneastrocurlie said:
Girls Trip to Sedona was great. Going to Universal Studios with my brother in a couple of weeks.


I posted a pic from my trip and a friend commented on it with a peach emoji. She was referring to my butt in the pic. I'm going to wait a bit then delete the comment. Don't like it.
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I understand but I bet you look nice though lol. Look at the girl with the Georgia Peach :rose:. Everytime I see a girl with a big ole booty I feel like I'm her biggest cheerleader screaming YEEES GIRL! :toocool::lachen:
 
Crackers Phinn said:
I been on infant duty for the last couple days and
giphy-downsized.gif


I don't know how ya'll made it until they could talk and tell you dubya-tee-*** they crying for.
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Oh my goodness I'm so tired of DS looking cute and pointing to everything in the house and crying about whatever he's pointing to lol.
 
PrissiSippi said:
I understand but I bet you look nice though lol. Look at the girl with the Georgia Peach :rose:. Everytime I see a girl with a big ole booty I feel like I'm her biggest cheerleader screaming YEEES GIRL! :toocool::lachen:
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Lol. I usually don't mind the compliment in general but I used the pic as my fb profile picture where anyone can see the comments. If she said something in person, which she usually does, I'd laugh her off and be cool with it.
 
oneastrocurlie said:
Lol. I usually don't mind the compliment in general but I used the pic as my fb profile picture where anyone can see the comments. If she said something in person, which she usually does, I'd laugh her off and be cool with it.
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lol I figured that as soon as I read it. I'm like that too. I don't mind in person but I'm leery about social media. I try to protect my image.
 
My childhoods friends mother passed away. The funeral is soon. She mentioned that she was doing her moms hair and nails and another friend is doing her makeup.

These people have zero experience in this. I asked her if she was sure and she said it’s something she wanted to do.

I think it is the most bizarre thing but it’s not my place to make her do anything. I just hope for the best by I am afraid of the results.
 
shespoison said:
My childhoods friends mother passed away. The funeral is soon. She mentioned that she was doing her moms hair and nails and another friend is doing her makeup.

These people have zero experience in this. I asked her if she was sure and she said it’s something she wanted to do.

I think it is the most bizarre thing but it’s not my place to make her do anything. I just hope for the best by I am afraid of the results.
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I know someone who did this. She wasn't a professional but she did her mother's hair sometimes and her mother always loved it. She wanted to have one last special moment with her mom.
 
My sister is about to be on block. I actively avoid graphic stories, pics and videos. This growing culture of social voyerism is one of the reasons I only have a bare bones Instagram and nothing else.

My sister has developed a severe case of anxiety over the past year or so with videos and pics of shootings and other violence every single day. However, she's obsessed with these news stories now and insists on reposting the horrible things she says she wants to avoid. I go to Instagram and her page is full of stories and quotes about the recent violence. Her most recent story is just a stream of all the bad things that have happened within the past month.

I've come to the conclusion that it must have been easier for me. I opted out of social media right before people started getting addicted to Facebook and their cell phones. At this point having the willpower to cancel social media - or at least take a mini social media fast - is akin to having the willpower to get up and exercise.

Even still, I find myself getting frustrated because 1. I don't want to see it and 2. She's doing this to herself. I am trying to be understanding because I know she's having some obsessive, compulsive thoughts surrounding this and I politely suggested she might be suffering from PTSD and she needs to find a therapist ASAP. I also told her that I know she's going through something but I might have to block her for my own sanity.

She understood! Normally that conversation would have caused a fight. This just further confirms to me that she knows her thoughts are not healthy.
 
I wish my mom would think before she speaks and get to the point of whatever she's trying to say more quickly. She blurts out stuff without thinking, then has to roll things back when people call push back, and then she just rambles and rambles and gets so far off of her original point. She's doing it now and it's annoying AF. :angry2:

I wish my middle sister would stop eating her food like a cow. I don't like eating at the table with sounds from cell phones but I have to when she's the only person at table because I can hear her smacking her food and it's distracting AF. :mad:
 
BrownBetty said:
I'm excited about Thanksgiving because I'm greedy. Lol
I'm cooking this year. My family and I still have a tenuous relationship and I'm not interested in fighting. I have people who love me where I am. I will enjoy the day with them + all the delicious food.
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I am so happy for you! I too love love Thanksgiving and will be surrounded by people who love me. I am so excited as well.
 
Wow. Just, wow.

I’m pretty sure this is the definition of insanity. Moms hurt because grandma says she wants to die because she doesn’t feel loved by everyone. I love her of course, but my cousins have their own life and don’t come see her as often. I keep telling my mom, just because we’re blood related doesn’t mean you can make people love you. I have said this MULTIPLE freakin times :wallbash: Jesus Thomas Christ. Over and over and over again. I keep saying these people are grown with their own lives. YOU. CANNOT. MAKE. PEOPLE. LOVE. YOU. And because grandma said this, mama used this to get 5 sheets to the wind and now she wanna “put everyone on blast” I’m tired and I don’t have the energy to worry about what other grown folks do. I don’t wanna hear about it, and I really don’t :censored: care. I’m trying to keep my own head above the water. I’m probably heartless but who gives a :censored: People have their favorite family members and that’s okay with me. It’s always been that way and it is what it is. I just wish my mom would stop beating a dead horse :deadhorse:
 
ItsMeLilLucky said:
Wow. Just, wow.

I’m pretty sure this is the definition of insanity. Moms hurt because grandma says she wants to die because she doesn’t feel loved by everyone. I love her of course, but my cousins have their own life and don’t come see her as often. I keep telling my mom, just because we’re blood related doesn’t mean you can make people love you. I have said this MULTIPLE freakin times :wallbash: Jesus Thomas Christ. Over and over and over again. I keep saying these people are grown with their own lives. YOU. CANNOT. MAKE. PEOPLE. LOVE. YOU. And because grandma said this, mama used this to get 5 sheets to the wind and now she wanna “put everyone on blast” I’m tired and I don’t have the energy to worry about what other grown folks do. I don’t wanna hear about it, and I really don’t :censored: care. I’m trying to keep my own head above the water. I’m probably heartless but who gives a :censored: People have their favorite family members and that’s okay with me. It’s always been that way and it is what it is. I just wish my mom would stop beating a dead horse :deadhorse:
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I don't think you are being heartless at all.
 
My friend is having an early Friendsgiving. She and I are very close. We see and talk to each regularly but we don't have any friends in common so I'm kind of nervous since I won't know anyone but her. But also kind of excited. Trying to think of what I can bring. When I asked her she said "bring anything, whatever you want". :rolleyes: So yeah that was helpful lol
 
(PLEASE DON'T QUOTE)
I think I'm about to cut 75% of my immediate family off...

I try my best not to stress because I have autoimmune disorder that flares when I'm under stress. Last week, my mom called me to tell me how much I've neglected including her in my life. I live several continents away from my family; like 10hr+ time difference.

My mom and I speak almost every day, but I have a strict personal rule on not giving family money. In order for me to have compassion for my family, and separate my feelings for them from my feelings regarding their decisions, I need to establish boundaries. Money is a boundary because I see my family make foolish decisions and just spend their money on things that I don't see necessary. For example, right before my mom is done paying off her cars she buys another one. Like, if she's 1-2 payments away, she will just go to the dealership and get a new car. She does this every 2-3 years. I see this as a waste of money, so when/if she asks to borrow money, I always say no. She makes very good money, but asks me for money to supplement her income. She asked me for money just one day after flashing her latest vacation to everyone.

Last week I didn't call her one day. Two days later she calls and berates me for acting like I don't love her and that I'm ashamed of her because I asked her to pay for her own ticket (less than $50) when we went somewhere and I didn't give her money when she asked. I was livid...I don't give my mom money, but I buy her EXTREMELY expensive items because that's her love language. I only buy her one item per year, every year. She started comparing me to my siblings who neglect her on the regular. By the end of the call, I could feel the wall being built around my feelings towards her. I told her that there is nothing else that I can do to please her and that I will no longer try.

I created this relationship between us because I felt bad for leaving and creating my own life; not anymore. I'm DONE done.
 
LdyKamz said:
My friend is having an early Friendsgiving. She and I are very close. We see and talk to each regularly but we don't have any friends in common so I'm kind of nervous since I won't know anyone but her. But also kind of excited. Trying to think of what I can bring. When I asked her she said "bring anything, whatever you want". :rolleyes: So yeah that was helpful lol
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We’re having something at work and I don’t know what to bring either.
 
LdyKamz said:
My friend is having an early Friendsgiving. She and I are very close. We see and talk to each regularly but we don't have any friends in common so I'm kind of nervous since I won't know anyone but her. But also kind of excited. Trying to think of what I can bring. When I asked her she said "bring anything, whatever you want". :rolleyes: So yeah that was helpful lol
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How fun! Do a Thanksgiving themed drink e.g. cranberry margaritas and a dessert. That is good and safe. Have fun.
 
hopeful said:
(((@Miss_Luna)))
Sorry to hear you are having these issues. I know it’s stressful. I hope things get better.
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@hopeful Thank you so much! You are such a light.
My mom continues to call me frequently, as if she didn't just emotionally manipulate me and project her feelings of insecurity on to me :-/

I just had a nice glass of whiskey and ignored the call. I feel much better. And to think I questioned whether or not I would go to a tropical paradise for Christmas or home. Clarity is such an awesome feeling to have.
 
@Miss Luna I always say "family" is just a six-letter word, meaning don't let the fact that folks are blood related to you make you feel like you have to put up with bull**** that you wouldn't normally put up with. I've cut off many a family member and could not be happier. Do whatever you have to do to keep your stress low and your own personal happiness high.
 
I posted this in the Boundaries thread too. 3 years ago a long time friend asked me to borrow money to go see her fiancée out of the country for the holidays. I refused. She called me a bad friend and said she didn’t wanna be friends with me anymore. I asked her if she was sure. She said yes. She went on to disclose all of the secrets I confided in her about around town to make me look bad. I didn’t confront her. I cut all ties and kept it moving. So tell me why homegirl decides to reach out me through a group she formed on WhatsApp inviting the whole group to her birthday dinner? I ignored her and removed myself from the group. A month later she texts me directly with an ad for food she’s selling. Ignore. Then she sends the same message again a month later. Ignore. A few days ago she took it upon herself to invite me out to dinner. Ignore. Then she calls me multiple times. Ignore.

At this point I was about to block her when my sister texted me to plead ex-friend’s case. Saying ex-friend has been depressed, wants to make things right with me and almost killed herself last night because of depression, she really needs a friend, blah blah blah... I still didn’t reach out to ex-friend. If she’s suicidal she needs a psychiatrist, not me. What ex-friend doesn’t know is that I’ve changed. I’m not the same old Caribeandiva who would run to her just because she said she was depressed as I’ve done countless times during our 15 year friendship. The new me isn’t willing to let ANYONE disrupt my peace for any reason. Ex-friend is full of drama and will never change. Her life is very chaotic through her own making. I think she’s a narc and my silence is what’s killing her. She needs her narcissistic supply. I had to do the same thing a couple years ago to another long time friend who went crying to my sister when I ignored her attempts at reconciliation too. She too was full of chaos, drama, and self-induced misery. I don’t have time for that mess anymore.
 
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