Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

He has time to post on IG almost daily but can't set a day for us to catch up, and he is always the one suggesting it.

Going forward, I'm just going to keep any contact between us under 5 minutes, and/or say I'm busy.

Same with my female friend. Posting idiotic relationship and coloring memes all day.
 
TwoSnapsUp said:
He has time to post on IG almost daily but can't set a day for us to catch up, and he is always the one suggesting it.

Going forward, I'm just going to keep any contact between us under 5 minutes, and/or say I'm busy.

Same with my female friend. Posting idiotic relationship and coloring memes all day.
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I have a friend like this too. Keeps saying she misses me and we need to set a date to get together. I just say ok:look:. I refuse to set a date or suggest any places to meet. She's been doing this for the last 6 months or so. The first couple times she asked me for dates and when I gave her suggested dates, crickets. Then weeks later she's texting to say she is so sorry but she got really busy, etc. I finally said look I was just responding to YOUR request. I'm very busy too. We're both busy. It's all good:). After that episode I started just saying ok. And I really like this person but I'm not pressed to see her in person. I don't really care one way or the other.
 
TwoSnapsUp said:
He has time to post on IG almost daily but can't set a day for us to catch up, and he is always the one suggesting it.

Going forward, I'm just going to keep any contact between us under 5 minutes, and/or say I'm busy.

Same with my female friend. Posting idiotic relationship and coloring memes all day.
Click to expand...


Sounds like my cousin. I want to unfollow her but I know she will feel a way. The things she posts are so ignorant!
 
hopeful said:
I have a friend like this too. Keeps saying she misses me and we need to set a date to get together. I just say ok:look:. I refuse to set a date or suggest any places to meet. She's been doing this for the last 6 months or so. The first couple times she asked me for dates and when I gave her suggested dates, crickets. Then weeks later she's texting to say she is so sorry but she got really busy, etc. I finally said look I was just responding to YOUR request. I'm very busy too. We're both busy. It's all good:). After that episode I started just saying ok. And I really like this person but I'm not pressed to see her in person. I don't really care one way or the other.
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Sounds like friend of mine, I don't answer anymore after I told her how rude she is.
 
Okay, so my boyfriend and I planned a trip and I thought it would be cute if we did a couples thing. So I invited my bff and her bf, and I told him to invite his bff and his gf. Don't know if he ever actually did.

But my bff and her bf broke up. And she still plans to go on the trip with us. As a group of three. :look: I don't know how to break it to her that I kinda don't want her to go. She's very sensitive.
 
sarumoki said:
Okay, so my boyfriend and I planned a trip and I thought it would be cute if we did a couples thing. So I invited my bff and her bf, and I told him to invite his bff and his gf. Don't know if he ever actually did.

But my bff and her bf broke up. And she still plans to go on the trip with us. As a group of three. :look: I don't know how to break it to her that I kinda don't want her to go. She's very sensitive.
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Hey I'd totally understand if you don't want to be around couples since your breakup is fresh, you and I can go do xyz.
 
So, I went to a fundraiser last night. I was my friend's date and I was grateful because I have been a hermit lately. We grew up together, she dated my uncle and she helped me settle here after a bad break up. And it has been a minute since I dolled up. Plus she recently had to let go of her best friend and other friends in a means to elevate.

The fundraiser is a work function for her and she introduces me as her "best friend" followed by a piece of highly personal information. I mean, you could have left it there at best friend even though I did not know I had the distinction, but the other piece of info was awkward. This is not the first time she has divulged my personal information in a setting of new people. At the last party I went to she told this lady my life story. Luckily we were acquaintances on social media, but dag yo. People know I am cool af on SM so when they meet me in person, they want to know more and that's okay, but my Virgo moon wants to control the message. It is such a pet peeve when people disclose stuff without my permission. Because then homegirl was like can you participate in this project or this and I am not out there like that.


So back to the event. I really do not like taking pictures. Never did. I am a control freak (look, it is just the Virgo in me, okay). No. I tell her if she likes the way she looks, just crop me out. So she says she will keep it in a private collection. Five minutes after she takes it, it is on Facebook. I am like, "really?" And she goes on about self esteem. No. This has nothing to do with self esteem. I don't like people knowing my movements. I have nothing to prove so any projection of a good time is not going to pacify anyone's need to be in your business. They need to dig a little harder. And most importantly, I asked you not to. And you posted it for one of two reasons: competition/ comparison or you think you know what's best for me. I do not work that way. I don't do competition. It is not the first time I have said it. I am notorious concerning my privacy. And I surmise the reason she did it was to make the people she fell out with jealous. I am not a pawn. Don't toy with my emotions. I know she is hurting from the falling out of her former bestie, but don't.


I tell my FH and he is like I am going to tell her something about herself. He is overly protective and knows I rarely post pictures. But mainly because he thinks I am a pacifist.Yes, it is fresh so it annoys me but people have a way of weeding themselves out, when they see you do not feed into dysfunction, they move on to people who sate that desire.


Yall don't understand. When you come into my house. The energy is so still. People fall asleep here because it is that peaceful. We are havens. There are no raised voices or conflict, I am proud to say. I like balance. That is why I rarely go out. I cocoon myself sometimes and that effects my patience for f*****ry.


So once I acknowledge the problem and consider the source I am good, but ol Cappy (Capricorn) want to verbally spat for my honor. Let me preface that they have known each other longer (years) and have said unfavorable stuff about each other in my self interest and I always play Devil's Advocate, until it becomes exhausting. It just a highly superficial scene. But I have been in larger circles and learned my lesson. So I say, "hey I wasn't here at the time, I can only go from what I know now." So let's put a pin in it... Blop! I tell him if you go against my wishes and engages her, you are no better than "BF" because you are thinking you know what is best for me.
 
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sarumoki said:
Okay, so my boyfriend and I planned a trip and I thought it would be cute if we did a couples thing. So I invited my bff and her bf, and I told him to invite his bff and his gf. Don't know if he ever actually did.

But my bff and her bf broke up. And she still plans to go on the trip with us. As a group of three. :look: I don't know how to break it to her that I kinda don't want her to go. She's very sensitive.
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I would never bring another woman on a vacation with me and my guy.
 
*sigh*

Anyways, I saw an acquaintance at the event. It caught me off guard because she yelled my name really loud. It made me feel like a superstar for a hot second around the whites and Mexicans because I was like, "see my people know me, lol," even my "bestie" was taken aback. Everyone was like "what exactly do you do?" It's a room full of social workers, and I am like, "consulting, mainly music stuff."

So, then, I don't know what type of openess I give off, the acquaintance starts mentioning how she recently got a divorce after 14 years and how she was getting to know herself. It seemed tinged with sadness. I went outside to take a call and she left. I did hold her hand firmly as I passed by and she asked if I was leaving and I motioned my phone. I am thinking about sending her a quick DM later. I was married half the time she was, but it took me years to figure out my identity outside mother/ wife. Especially with children. Their divorce happened within months so I won't tell her to take it slow unless she asks for advice. Then it hit me. She wasn't in her wheel chair anymore! She was walking so I want to encourage her too.

This is normal for me. Strangers do it too. Start giving me uncomfortable truths about themselves. It throws me off sometimes. There was also this sex therapist there trying to read my energy and she kept moving closer to me lol. I don't do white people in my space like that lol. Another reason I hesitate going out.

I am realizing I don't know what I want from friendships. I know how to be supportive, an active listener, but that also rehearsed in romantic relations and at work. What qualifies as a good friend? There is a saying that "your friend is not your friend 100% of the time and an enemy is not your enemy 100% of the time. A stranger is no more after an introduction. Once you find the balance in that and truly live it, you experience the tantric meaning of nirvana." So I try not to go into relationships with expectations. But sometimes living like that, it is hard to discern. I see friendship the same way I view service or love. Unconditional and reciprocal, or, at least, it tries to be. And that is what I attempt to give.

This latest episode has got me spent. My FH is frustrated because I refuse to stoop while this cannot continue with BF. Because things end, but one thing you will not do is find Maddy ever said anything demeaning about someone. Except Drake...yeah, Drake can go to hell, lol. I dislike his pursed lips self. Stucco... (I am joking, lol).
 
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So had yet anther argument with my sister. She was pressing me hard to do something that I didn't want to do today. I kept telling her no and she kept ignoring me and jokingly saying ok so you'll meet me at xyz and we'll do this first. I actually caved because I was getting tired of the back and forth. But I didn't like the complete disregard.

When it was time to meet she was supposed to meet me on the train. I got on first and she was supposed to get on the next stop. I called her and told her I was waiting for the train and she sounded like she had an attitude but I let it go. When the train pulls in I'm looking for her and I don't see her so I step one foot off the train holding the door and look left and right for her like always when we do this. She's not there and I don't see her get on so I hop off. She calls me the second the doors close talking about are you on the train? Umm I just stepped off because I didn't see you and I started cracking up. Lol She says she was on the phone so she just got on and figured she would call me after. Smh Honestly I thought it was kinda funny because we meet up this way regularly but usually she stands on the platform looking for my wave or something and we haven't missed each other until today.

So I laugh it off and she starts "oh man why you didn't tell me what car you're on. Now i have to get off next stop and wait when i was already on the train" blah blah blah I was a little annoyed she was trying to blame me since I was in the same car as always when we do this but further she goes on to say I should have called or texted because she was on the phone. Like the onus was completely on me. I wasn't mad but I let her know listen if you were confused about the car (which she shouldn't have been because it's always the same car) maybe when I called you should have asked. She yells at me and says she was on the phone with her friend.

She starts screaming at the top of her lungs saying "ok fine it's my fault alright alright" I hear her boyfriend in the background telling her to calm down. I just couldn't deal so I said listen it's not a big deal but this is upsetting and I'm just going to head home. I only wanted to go home because she was hysterical and it would have been more of that when I met up with her. She said she can't believe I'm doing this and hurting her feelings. I don't know why I engaged but I told her listen I love you and I care about your feelings but I care about my feelings too and I am not comfortable with our interaction. It's best for me to head home. She called me selfish and told me I don't care about her. Why should I have to put her feelings above my own? I didn't want to upset her I really didn't but I refuse to deal with the hysterics. I just can't. And calling me selfish is quite comical coming from her.
 
KammyGirl said:
So had yet anther argument with my sister. She was pressing me hard to do something that I didn't want to do today. I kept telling her no and she kept ignoring me and jokingly saying ok so you'll meet me at xyz and we'll do this first. I actually caved because I was getting tired of the back and forth. But I didn't like the complete disregard.

When it was time to meet she was supposed to meet me on the train. I got on first and she was supposed to get on the next stop. I called her and told her I was waiting for the train and she sounded like she had an attitude but I let it go. When the train pulls in I'm looking for her and I don't see her so I step one foot off the train holding the door and look left and right for her like always when we do this. She's not there and I don't see her get on so I hop off. She calls me the second the doors close talking about are you on the train? Umm I just stepped off because I didn't see you and I started cracking up. Lol She says she was on the phone so she just got on and figured she would call me after. Smh Honestly I thought it was kinda funny because we meet up this way regularly but usually she stands on the platform looking for my wave or something and we haven't missed each other until today.

So I laugh it off and she starts "oh man why you didn't tell me what car you're on. Now i have to get off next stop and wait when i was already on the train" blah blah blah I was a little annoyed she was trying to blame me since I was in the same car as always when we do this but further she goes on to say I should have called or texted because she was on the phone. Like the onus was completely on me. I wasn't mad but I let her know listen if you were confused about the car (which she shouldn't have been because it's always the same car) maybe when I called you should have asked. She yells at me and says she was on the phone with her friend.

She starts screaming at the top of her lungs saying "ok fine it's my fault alright alright" I hear her boyfriend in the background telling her to calm down. I just couldn't deal so I said listen it's not a big deal but this is upsetting and I'm just going to head home. I only wanted to go home because she was hysterical and it would have been more of that when I met up with her. She said she can't believe I'm doing this and hurting her feelings. I don't know why I engaged but I told her listen I love you and I care about your feelings but I care about my feelings too and I am not comfortable with our interaction. It's best for me to head home. She called me selfish and told me I don't care about her. Why should I have to put her feelings above my own? I didn't want to upset her I really didn't but I refuse to deal with the hysterics. I just can't. And calling me selfish is quite comical coming from her.
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Older sister or younger sister? Is she "with child" that is why she is so insistent on meeting?
 
KammyGirl said:
This sounds good. Hopefully she isn't one of this who can't take a hint. If she is one of those people I wouldn't even give her an opening. I would flat out tell her me and my guy are going solo. See ya next time bestie.
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Right. End of discussion.
 
KammyGirl said:
So had yet anther argument with my sister. She was pressing me hard to do something that I didn't want to do today. I kept telling her no and she kept ignoring me and jokingly saying ok so you'll meet me at xyz and we'll do this first. I actually caved because I was getting tired of the back and forth. But I didn't like the complete disregard.

When it was time to meet she was supposed to meet me on the train. I got on first and she was supposed to get on the next stop. I called her and told her I was waiting for the train and she sounded like she had an attitude but I let it go. When the train pulls in I'm looking for her and I don't see her so I step one foot off the train holding the door and look left and right for her like always when we do this. She's not there and I don't see her get on so I hop off. She calls me the second the doors close talking about are you on the train? Umm I just stepped off because I didn't see you and I started cracking up. Lol She says she was on the phone so she just got on and figured she would call me after. Smh Honestly I thought it was kinda funny because we meet up this way regularly but usually she stands on the platform looking for my wave or something and we haven't missed each other until today.

So I laugh it off and she starts "oh man why you didn't tell me what car you're on. Now i have to get off next stop and wait when i was already on the train" blah blah blah I was a little annoyed she was trying to blame me since I was in the same car as always when we do this but further she goes on to say I should have called or texted because she was on the phone. Like the onus was completely on me. I wasn't mad but I let her know listen if you were confused about the car (which she shouldn't have been because it's always the same car) maybe when I called you should have asked. She yells at me and says she was on the phone with her friend.

She starts screaming at the top of her lungs saying "ok fine it's my fault alright alright" I hear her boyfriend in the background telling her to calm down. I just couldn't deal so I said listen it's not a big deal but this is upsetting and I'm just going to head home. I only wanted to go home because she was hysterical and it would have been more of that when I met up with her. She said she can't believe I'm doing this and hurting her feelings. I don't know why I engaged but I told her listen I love you and I care about your feelings but I care about my feelings too and I am not comfortable with our interaction. It's best for me to head home. She called me selfish and told me I don't care about her. Why should I have to put her feelings above my own? I didn't want to upset her I really didn't but I refuse to deal with the hysterics. I just can't. And calling me selfish is quite comical coming from her.
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Next time just say no once and KIM. I wish I could but I have other plans. That's it. It's the back and forth, being bullied, giving in, then of course the ensuing chaos that's frustrating. You don't have to keep repeating yourself. You said what you said. Joking or not you don't have to participate in that kind of back and forth.
 
HappyMadison said:
Older sister or younger sister? Is she "with child" that is why she is so insistent on meeting?
Click to expand...
Twin

hopeful said:
Next time just say no once and KIM. I wish I could but I have other plans. That's it. It's the back and forth, being bullied, giving in, then of course the ensuing chaos that's frustrating. You don't have to keep repeating yourself. You said what you said. Joking or not you don't have to participate in that kind of back and forth.
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In the moment I knew it was going left. I said no I don't want to do that but let me know when you are done and I'll meet you at the next place. She literally started to beg please please please. I was like I'm sorry no I don't want to but I will accompany you to the other place. I was firm without being nasty and that's where things get dicey with her. She is the kind of person you have to get straight up nasty with for her to back off. You know the kind. The ones that think you being decent means they can trample all over you. I'm not even sure it's on purpose but it's annoying. I repeated myself several times and I had 2 more options. Either tell her to f***off or hang up on her and I didn't want a problem so I caved. Maybe I should have said my piece and then hung up. Next time.
 
^^^ You don't have to be nasty. Just tell her you have something to do and have to go. Okay sorry but gotta get off bye. Don't give her that much control. You don't have to yell or go off on her. I think the twin thing is part of the issue. Poor boundaries. She probably sees you as part of her. Like you aren't a separate person. You may have to practice with someone on how to be firm and hang up without losing control. It takes practice but you can do it.
 
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