Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

sarumoki said:
Lmao oh God, no. Never.

Yes I'm in a relationship. As for why he's in the friend zone, I'm not attracted to him and he's also very good friends with my ex, which is actually how I met my ex.
Click to expand...
Oh ok lol! Girl I'm like why is she trying to pass this nice guy onto someone else? lol
 
@KammyGirl , I'm sorry that you are dealing with this toxic dynamic with your sister. It sounds like she is used to having everyone's attention and can't stand to share the 'spotlight'. It also seems like no one has ever confronted her about her actions and behaviors. When she says something that steps over a boundary, does anyone ever correct her? I don't mean be angry or aggressive, but to calmly let her know that what she is doing is not cool and to ask her why she is doing what she doing. I have a friend who told me that checking someone and having someone check you when you get out of line is good for the soul. She's very direct and gives it to people straight and people know to respect her, whether you like her or not. She isn't mean, matter of fact she is very cool, but you know to come correct. It comes naturally to her, but I'm finding out that this can be LEARNED.

Also, it seems that you hold things and my be non confrontational, I am the same way. But let me tell you from personal experience, once you assert yourself ONE TIME, it puts that person on notice that you are not a doormat and will have them thinking the next time they decide to come out of their neck. And it will get EASIER to correct someone who oversteps their bounds. Be it family, friend or foe. I don't think you should "forgive and forget" per se. I think you need to challenge her behavior and address it head on. Hope this helps.

edited for typos
 
Kammy maybe you should put her on a time out for a few months. You don't sound like you're all the way done but need a good amount of time away from her. I have a relative like this with slightly different dynamics. She basically grew up with everything I didn't have. Despite that, I was an excellent student, high achiever and risk taker. On the few occasions when I see her, instead of being happy for me and glad that I'm around family, she tries to take shots at any and every shortcoming I have, all while starting a full fledged fight with my grandmother due to her being too happy that I'm visiting. This was a constant thing and the last straw for me was back in 2012. I haven't spoken to her since and really don't care to.
 
OAN

Why is it that whenever I fall out with a female friend, it's because they've been obnoxiously disrespectful toward me? It seems like every time this happens, its because I stand up for myself and they have enough nerve to get upset about it. Within 2 years, I have kicked 3 women to the curb. It doesn't feel good.
 
Last edited:
@KammyGirl

it appears your sister is going thru something and it seems like your on the receiving end of it

she also is aware you don't allow her petty nonsense and she is now throwing an "adult tantrum" she seems like she wants your attention

I would give her some space, she needs a time out, she needs to know you will not tolerate her tantrums and when she is able to communicate and be around you in a normal manner your there, other than that ya'll to old to be operating in this manner

I can tell she does not like that you actually standing up to her and appropriately addressing her absurd behavior
silence allows ppl to marinate their BS as they have no one to argue with

I would give her a much needed time out!
 
So sorry about your situation @KammyGirl
Sounds like she is jealous of you for your independence, achievements, and your close relationship with your mother. She also seems to be suffering from some type of paranoia. I think it would be best to maintain a somewhat distant relationship with her. I'm sure you guys will end up talking again. It will be up to you maintain some distance once you two resume a relationship. It seems that she enjoys the drama, the push/pull, the love/hate dynamic.
 
I have a demanding job and I often work late. I developed this weird habit since I started my job. As soon as I get home, I beeline it to the shower and on the way there, take my clothes off and throw them on my loveseat. Somehow, I’ve allowed my clothes to accumulate on my love seat for 2 straight weeks. This past weekend the first this month that I did not have a work related event to go to.

On Saturday I ran some errands then went out on a date in the evening. No cleaning done. Sunday came and first item of business was to tackle my clothing pile and just do my usual house cleaning. I also had plans to bbq for dinner. Friend calls and asks if I want to go to brunch. I say no because I have too much house work to do but she’s welcome to come over later when I bbq.

She gets to my house and I’m still hanging clothes etc. While I’m fixing her a drink, she asks if I could blow, flat iron and cut her hair (I’m also a cosmetologist and have a station at home). She came with freshly washed hair. I said ok sure.

I stopped what I was doing so she could get her hair done. I finish and then start to fire up the grill. I’m now going back and forth between my chores and the grill. Homegirl is posted on my couch watching Netflix, eating chips, drinking. I ask her how’s work going and she snaps at me" FINE! " So I say damn what’s the matter? And she says “I’m hungry, I mean how long is shrimp supposed to take?”

At this point I’m taken waaaaaaaay aback. So I say “don’t act like that, don’t get an attitude”. Then she says” well I have an attitude because I’m hungry, you asked what was the matter”. So I say how could you sit up and act like that when I just stopped what I was doing to do your effin hair? She says “well you asked what was wrong and I told you”.

Yall…
 
@KammyGirl shes 35. I told her IDK who she thinks she's talking to, but I'm not some dude here to wait on you hand & foot. In hindsight I don't think she wanted brunch at all, but instead wanted to find her way to get her hair done. She just showed up with wet hair and didn't ask me anything until i was fixing her mimosa. I didn't even charge her. Then when she flipped out I said why r u trippin, It's Sunday. She said "well the day of the week has nothing to do with it. " I was hurt too because all I wanted was a nice quiet day, a clean house and a nice dinner before I began another loaded week. She was super rude, dismissive and bossy all while being in MY house because the food wasn't cooking fast enough for her.

@hopeful Im really about to examine myself because people have really tried to cross lines with me. Not just regular lines, but blatantly inconsiderate, obnoxious, a-real-friend-wouldn't-do-that lines. Things I would never do if the shoe were on the other foot. Then they get mad at me when I call them on it. By that time I'm completely done, don't want to continue the friendship and just cut them off anyway. Still makes me sad :(
 
I'm actually surprised you did her hair
You set out to accomplish your chores but instead put someone's needs before Your needs!!!

As a result she continued to operate in my needs come before Browndilocks

Ole girl is dead wrong and I probably would've asked her to leave but

Next time put yourself first. It's not ppl it's how your operating with said ppl
Set your boundaries and stick to them, much happier camper in the end.:)



Browndilocks said:
I have a demanding job and I often work late. I developed this weird habit since I started my job. As soon as I get home, I beeline it to the shower and on the way there, take my clothes off and throw them on my loveseat. Somehow, I’ve allowed my clothes to accumulate on my love seat for 2 straight weeks. This past weekend the first this month that I did not have a work related event to go to.

On Saturday I ran some errands then went out on a date in the evening. No cleaning done. Sunday came and first item of business was to tackle my clothing pile and just do my usual house cleaning. I also had plans to bbq for dinner. Friend calls and asks if I want to go to brunch. I say no because I have too much house work to do but she’s welcome to come over later when I bbq.

She gets to my house and I’m still hanging clothes etc. While I’m fixing her a drink, she asks if I could blow, flat iron and cut her hair (I’m also a cosmetologist and have a station at home). She came with freshly washed hair. I said ok sure.

I stopped what I was doing so she could get her hair done. I finish and then start to fire up the grill. I’m now going back and forth between my chores and the grill. Homegirl is posted on my couch watching Netflix, eating chips, drinking. I ask her how’s work going and she snaps at me" FINE! " So I say damn what’s the matter? And she says “I’m hungry, I mean how long is shrimp supposed to take?”

At this point I’m taken waaaaaaaay aback. So I say “don’t act like that, don’t get an attitude”. Then she says” well I have an attitude because I’m hungry, you asked what was the matter”. So I say how could you sit up and act like that when I just stopped what I was doing to do your effin hair? She says “well you asked what was wrong and I told you”.

Yall…
Click to expand...
 
I think I need to reevaluate the vibe I am giving off. Lately people at work have been bad mouthing each other to me. I usually try to get away as quickly as possible but there is one woman that all she wants to do is complain about her "haters" in the office. This morning I let her go on and on about another girl in the office. I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what came over me or why I stood there and listened to it. I think I was more shocked that she would feel so inclined to talk this way about another co-worker to me of all people. Like what made her even broach the subject with me?

Later this morning she sees the girl standing at my desk talking to me (about her mom who had a fall down the stairs :() While this girl is standing at my desk the other woman goes back to her desk and calls me on the phone. When I pick up she says "I hope you aren't discussing anything I just told you" ??? I couldn't care less so I was like "umm what?" And she just hung up. I immediately went to her desk and said listen I was not talking about what you told me because I don't really care but I will tell you if you feel the need to call me and ask me something like that I suppose it is best you don't tell me things anymore. If you are so worried about it getting back to her perhaps you should keep it to yourself? I wasn't rude but I let her know not me, not today and not ever. She said "you're absolutely right" and we left it at that. Except now she is sitting there sulking and going out of her way to ignore me. When I walk by she literally turns her back to face the opposite direction from me. *Sigh* Like I said maybe it is time I reevaluate the vibe I am giving people before I really have to hurt some feelings.
 
boudoir said:
I'm actually surprised you did her hair
You set out to accomplish your chores but instead put someone's needs before Your needs!!!

As a result she continued to operate in my needs come before Browndilocks

Ole girl is dead wrong and I probably would've asked her to leave but

Next time put yourself first. It's not ppl it's how your operating with said ppl
Set your boundaries and stick to them, much happier camper in the end.:)
Click to expand...

I agree :yep:.
 
KammyGirl said:
I think I need to reevaluate the vibe I am giving off. Lately people at work have been bad mouthing each other to me. I usually try to get away as quickly as possible but there is one woman that all she wants to do is complain about her "haters" in the office. This morning I let her go on and on about another girl in the office. I shouldn't have done that. I don't know what came over me or why I stood there and listened to it. I think I was more shocked that she would feel so inclined to talk this way about another co-worker to me of all people. Like what made her even broach the subject with me?

Later this morning she sees the girl standing at my desk talking to me (about her mom who had a fall down the stairs :() While this girl is standing at my desk the other woman goes back to her desk and calls me on the phone. When I pick up she says "I hope you aren't discussing anything I just told you" ??? I couldn't care less so I was like "umm what?" And she just hung up. I immediately went to her desk and said listen I was not talking about what you told me because I don't really care but I will tell you if you feel the need to call me and ask me something like that I suppose it is best you don't tell me things anymore. If you are so worried about it getting back to her perhaps you should keep it to yourself? I wasn't rude but I let her know not me, not today and not ever. She said "you're absolutely right" and we left it at that. Except now she is sitting there sulking and going out of her way to ignore me. When I walk by she literally turns her back to face the opposite direction from me. *Sigh* Like I said maybe it is time I reevaluate the vibe I am giving people before I really have to hurt some feelings.
Click to expand...
I totally get what you are say, and now she dragged you into some office mess. I had two people dump on me this morning. Their energy has infiltrated mine.. but I'm going to dismiss it and stay focused on the positive energy I'm creating.
 
@KammyGirl is she like that with everyone or just you and your mom? Have you noticed other strange behavior like staying up for odd hours, talking fast, spending money?

How old is she? She could be having a hard time adjusting to the new family dynamics or she could be suffering from mental illness. It sounds crazy but sometimes people with bipolar or borderline personality disorder or other mental states start off like that. What really has me concerned is her feelings that everyone is conspiring against her.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

SurferBabe
Life Lessons Learned The Hard Way: Dating & Relationship Edition
2
Replies
57
Views
2K
julzinha
julzinha
mischka
The Five Un-Romantic Keys to a Happy Relationship
Replies
24
Views
817
SerenavanderWoodsen
SerenavanderWoodsen
SurferBabe
  • Sticky
Thread for the heartbroken
40 41 42
Replies
1K
Views
51K
PatDM'T
PatDM'T
LadyBlu
Playing The Game
Replies
9
Views
297
amara11
A
Cincysweetie
Someone Please Explain the Whole "Friends First" Thing to Me
Replies
20
Views
672
erokawa
erokawa
Back
Top