Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread
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hopeful
Well-Known Member
@ScorpioBeauty09 it will be interesting to see if she follows through in a couple weeks. Keep us updated.
I’m watching Long Lost Family UK. There was a man who went through the foster care system and he said that he felt extreme physical pain being abandoned and alone. I remember feeling that pain in my stomach as a child. My father would travel for months at a time and leave us with family or friends. My mother had left before I could remember her. So whenever my father left it would be excruciating. I totally forgot the intensity of the pain I felt until I heard this man explain his pain.
One of my brothers in Cali- We talked or said hi on FB once per month. But I noticed he stopped talking to me for a year now. I did not think much of it. I assumed he was busy with his business. But I just remembered that he put his partner on video chat to say hi. She just had a baby for him. First time I saw her. I said “what is it with you California black guys and latino women?”
I actually have two brothers in cali. One was born there, grew up there and went to college there. I have never seen him with a black woman. Or man, other than family members. Everything but. Chinese, Indian, white, Hispanic etc. My other brother who stopped talking to me was not born in Cali but lived there on and off since we were kids, and before he moved back to Cali he was an equal opportunity kinda guy but mostly dated dark skin black women. After he moved to Cali I only saw him with white latinos- mostly Mexicans or Puerto Ricans.
Sometimes I have no filter and then wonder why someone is not talking to me. I think it’s due to not interacting with my peers as a child and because of that I lack certain social cues sometimes. I can't say I’m bothered about my brother to be honest. But I am trying to be more tactful as my lack of tact has negatively impacted me in the past…
Sometimes I have no filter and then wonder why someone is not talking to me. I think it’s due to not interacting with my peers as a child and because of that I lack certain social cues sometimes. I can't say I’m bothered about my brother to be honest. But I am trying to be more tactful as my lack of tact has negatively impacted me in the past…
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Lylddlebit
Well-Known Member
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ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
Update: we were supposed to have lunch today. I was just getting ready to confirm with her and she canceled again. This time her husband and daughter are sick. She wants to reschedule for dinner next Friday. I asked what time works and haven't heard back. DH suggested I offer to Zoom with her so I've asked if we can do that so we'll see.
DH was thinking of hanging out with his best friend while I was out but he's going to spend the day with me instead.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Aww your hubby is a sweetheart. Thanks for keeping us updated. You’ve given her a lot of grace. I hope you get to connect with her eventually.Update: we were supposed to have lunch today. I was just getting ready to confirm with her and she canceled again. This time her husband and daughter are sick. She wants to reschedule for dinner next Friday. I asked what time works and haven't heard back. DH suggested I offer to Zoom with her so I've asked if we can do that so we'll see.
DH was thinking of hanging out with his best friend while I was out but he's going to spend the day with me instead.
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
Ugh, another fight between my baby sister and my Mom, this time involving my middle sister too. Good news though, it looks like her health issue might be getting resolved soon. But she's still dealing with it for the moment. I'm staying out of this recent fight despite attempts to drag me into it. DH and I've have a million things to do to get ready for our LO and I'm not having it. 
My energy is finite.
Another thing is my baby's sister's dating someone who is actually decent for a change. Naturally she's not sure if she likes him.
She also works with her ex (I warned her not to date someone she works with) and she's still hoping for the closure she's never going to get. I've encouraged her to keep dating the new guy, the family's met him and we like him so far. But my sister seems to have a glutton for punishment and I'm sick of hearing about it. At this point I'm starting to feel sorry for the new guy.
My energy is finite.Another thing is my baby's sister's dating someone who is actually decent for a change. Naturally she's not sure if she likes him.
She also works with her ex (I warned her not to date someone she works with) and she's still hoping for the closure she's never going to get. I've encouraged her to keep dating the new guy, the family's met him and we like him so far. But my sister seems to have a glutton for punishment and I'm sick of hearing about it. At this point I'm starting to feel sorry for the new guy.
ScorpioBeauty09
Well-Known Member
I forgot to update this:Update: we were supposed to have lunch today. I was just getting ready to confirm with her and she canceled again. This time her husband and daughter are sick. She wants to reschedule for dinner next Friday. I asked what time works and haven't heard back. DH suggested I offer to Zoom with her so I've asked if we can do that so we'll see.
DH was thinking of hanging out with his best friend while I was out but he's going to spend the day with me instead.
We finally did meet up for dinner. It was really nice to see my old classmate again. She was super happy for me being pregnant. We caught each other up on how the COVID-19 lockdown were for us. She was pregnant at that time so I was curious about how it was for her. Other than that our conversation was pretty topical which I expected. Our relationship doesn't go as deep as my other friendships do most of the time. She was eager to get back home to her daughter before bedtime. She kept checking her phone a lot since her husband was watching her daughter alone. I gather he doesn't do that often.
But I hope we can get together again. I'm going to invite her to my baby shower but I won't be surprised nor take it personally if she doesn't make it.
Plushottie
Thicc and fione
I’m in the bed and prob won’t do much as my people meter is at zero. I don’t have connections with anyone but if I did I would love a plate and nap lol.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Plate and a nap sounds good. Are you new to your area?
Plushottie
Thicc and fione
No not really new to my area. It’s just not one that stirs me to be out. I’m looking at new places now as I got to make a change.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Change is good!
discodumpling
Well-Known Member
It is well documented that I haven't spoken to what used to be my favorite Auntie for over 2 yrs. We exchange pleasantries through my Mama and she still sends a text on my bday. But we no longer do favourite niece and Auntie things.
My Mama tricked me into having to spend at least 2 hours with her this coming Saturday. I am the designated driver for a funeral. Why'd I volunteer??? Now imma be stuck listening to my judgemental Auntie & Uncle (mama's bro is also flying in for this funeral) for an extended period of time! #prayforme
My Mama tricked me into having to spend at least 2 hours with her this coming Saturday. I am the designated driver for a funeral. Why'd I volunteer??? Now imma be stuck listening to my judgemental Auntie & Uncle (mama's bro is also flying in for this funeral) for an extended period of time! #prayforme
hopeful
Well-Known Member
@discodumpling how did it go on Saturday? @BonBon thanks for sharing. I’m so happy for your friend. The story is heartwarming.
discodumpling
Well-Known Member
@hopeful
Auntie bowed out at the last minute with some lame excuse. It was me, my Mama & my Uncle ( her brother)
I enjoyed their company for a few hrs. We had an easy, chatty ride up to Harlem for the funeral...i even found street parking which is always exciting in Manhattan!
Mama & I left Uncle and drove to the Bronx for Jamaican food before returning home!
Auntie bowed out at the last minute with some lame excuse. It was me, my Mama & my Uncle ( her brother)
I enjoyed their company for a few hrs. We had an easy, chatty ride up to Harlem for the funeral...i even found street parking which is always exciting in Manhattan!
Mama & I left Uncle and drove to the Bronx for Jamaican food before returning home!
I live in a very small town. One of my patient's husband was killed in a car crash in the last week. He was very elderly. Therefore most assumed he caused the crash due to a heart attack. It was not caused by him. I found out that the crash was caused by my neighbour. His vehicle exploded. My neighbour is devastated. It’s sad for everyone involved.
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Plushottie
Thicc and fione
@Ganjababy I’m going to make a series of assumptions and you let me know if I’m off. You’re not a trained therapist right? If that’s the cause helping him find one and pointing him to the need of such support is optimal. I would also be there for the wife as she will be isolated a bit as he is down bad. If there is any legal things he may need to find counsel so justice can be had.
Thanks for this. I was kinda jumping the gun. I cannot discuss anything with my neighbour because my duty of care is to the victim and protecting his privacy. The family of the victim is pissed. The good thing is they will get a huge payout. The sad thing is my neighbour may get jail time. Sad for everyone involved. Weird for me being so involved due to living in such a small town…
Plushottie
Thicc and fione
Geez that is def not good but justice for the victim.
discodumpling
Well-Known Member
It's family bbq time again...yaaay MY family ain't with it this year. Frankly as they get older I ain't holding em to this. My boys are adults and don't want to play the "do it cause we family" game. Hubby straight up declined cause he doesn't like my Auntie and because the park doesn't allow dogs. So it's just gonna be me and DD representing...she made me promise not to stay too long!
Auntie sent a message for me to bring the buns. What a thing it would be if I didn't show up! That would give em something to chat about until next year!
Anyway DD & I will show up and be pleasant to the people and then quietly disappear. We both have other events we'd rather attend on Saturday anyway. it's Labour Day weekend...lots to do!
Auntie sent a message for me to bring the buns. What a thing it would be if I didn't show up! That would give em something to chat about until next year!
Anyway DD & I will show up and be pleasant to the people and then quietly disappear. We both have other events we'd rather attend on Saturday anyway. it's Labour Day weekend...lots to do!
CoiledOrchids
Well-Known Member
will BBQ for the holiday.
not much to prep. I'll be doing potatoes smothered in onions and maybe the dinner rolls
I'm waiting to hear back from the adult learning center. They have a class I want to take.
I'm still looking for a new job. Current job sucks and I want out
not much to prep. I'll be doing potatoes smothered in onions and maybe the dinner rolls
I'm waiting to hear back from the adult learning center. They have a class I want to take.
I'm still looking for a new job. Current job sucks and I want out
lavaflow99
In search of the next vacation
yaya24
❤️ Libra☼Gemini ☾ Sagittarius ⇗
Long post. Need some advice **
I have a close friend that I love dearly, but every time we are together, she is glued to social media / doom scrolling.
I've brought this up to her (more times than I would like). She apologizes/ snaps out of it and then we move on with our interaction. After she puts down her device, you can tell it's tearing her up to not grab it.
I've decided I will not travel with her anymore (unless there are 2 or more others joining us).. and I hardly enjoy having her at my home or going to dinner/ brunch etc with her if it's just the 2 of us.
She'll totally zonks out and mindlessly watches other people's lives etc instead of enjoying the moment.
I am realizing that although it is RUDE and she is totally in the matrix.... this is clearly a trigger for ME.. and I need to better understand why it bothers me so much and figure out how to navigate those feelings. Is it abandonment? Do I struggle with being ignored? I call her out every single time and remind her that I could totally be in solitude or with people that are present.
Totally understand the concept of only being responsible for self and the energy we bring, wherever we go.
Any tips on how to navigate this? Like on an INNERstanding level..*
She's a very sweet person. Younger tham me..I've known her since 2016 and I know she battles with insecurities/ imposter syndrome...but I'm this close to avoiding her (outside of phone conversations).
I have a close friend that I love dearly, but every time we are together, she is glued to social media / doom scrolling.
I've brought this up to her (more times than I would like). She apologizes/ snaps out of it and then we move on with our interaction. After she puts down her device, you can tell it's tearing her up to not grab it.
I've decided I will not travel with her anymore (unless there are 2 or more others joining us).. and I hardly enjoy having her at my home or going to dinner/ brunch etc with her if it's just the 2 of us.
She'll totally zonks out and mindlessly watches other people's lives etc instead of enjoying the moment.
I am realizing that although it is RUDE and she is totally in the matrix.... this is clearly a trigger for ME.. and I need to better understand why it bothers me so much and figure out how to navigate those feelings. Is it abandonment? Do I struggle with being ignored? I call her out every single time and remind her that I could totally be in solitude or with people that are present.
Totally understand the concept of only being responsible for self and the energy we bring, wherever we go.
Any tips on how to navigate this? Like on an INNERstanding level..*
She's a very sweet person. Younger tham me..I've known her since 2016 and I know she battles with insecurities/ imposter syndrome...but I'm this close to avoiding her (outside of phone conversations).
Plushottie
Thicc and fione
@yaya24 just my two cents. You are def evolved however I have found those that have at times may expect people to match them. The fact you bring it up to her is good but it could also be an energetic mismatch. You trying to keep space for her causes disturbance. Like I don’t know full context but saying I could be in solitude feels prickly. Like yea ppl should respect how they engage but ppl are ppl.
It could be triggering more so as a way to know its time to release for a time. Sometimes ones absence is what sparks inner change in others. She is blessed to know you I feel blessed knowing you here.
It could be triggering more so as a way to know its time to release for a time. Sometimes ones absence is what sparks inner change in others. She is blessed to know you I feel blessed knowing you here.
yaya24
❤️ Libra☼Gemini ☾ Sagittarius ⇗
Thank you for replying. I value your insights.
What I mean by the solitude thing, is this:
If it's just me and you- and all you are doing is looking at your phone, why am I even here?
Now I'm not saying that we have to be talking/ engaging non-stop.. but be present.
I get having to look at your phone periodically, but it's extreme in this case (I promise I'm not exaggerating).
That's a good point- "match them".. but I make a conscious effort to be present with others.. bc they could be doing anything else with their time.
It would be beneficial for me to master the art of how to not take it "some type of way"..bc truthfully in the grand scheme of things it doesn't even really matter. . But it annoys me so much lol.
I believe your friend is battling addiction, and addictions nearly always impact relationships. I assume you link up to connect and spend quality face to face time. It's hard to forge a connection with someone who's constantly thinking about their next "hit", whatever form that takes.
During those moments you are being abandoned and reprioritised - at the same time, it's not purposefully done or personal. Just a symptom. The actions aren't rude in this context (unless this is one of her characteristics generally). I noticed you put that in caps. That look of stress in her face when she has to put her phone away is giving me - pathological issue. Possibly if you reframe the behaviour away from rude to cell phone addiction symptoms you may start to feel less triggered. Depending on how strongly you tend to feel about rude behaviour.
If you were one of those people who cant stand for people to ever divert attention temporarily, I'd say to explore that. Constant diversion though - IDK. I feel that it could even be wired into us as humans. Maybe evolutionary. The way we seek connection, trust and security tends to have eye contact as a critical component.
Has she always been like this with her phone?
During those moments you are being abandoned and reprioritised - at the same time, it's not purposefully done or personal. Just a symptom. The actions aren't rude in this context (unless this is one of her characteristics generally). I noticed you put that in caps. That look of stress in her face when she has to put her phone away is giving me - pathological issue. Possibly if you reframe the behaviour away from rude to cell phone addiction symptoms you may start to feel less triggered. Depending on how strongly you tend to feel about rude behaviour.
If you were one of those people who cant stand for people to ever divert attention temporarily, I'd say to explore that. Constant diversion though - IDK. I feel that it could even be wired into us as humans. Maybe evolutionary. The way we seek connection, trust and security tends to have eye contact as a critical component.
Has she always been like this with her phone?
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