Men-free Zone ~ The Non-romantic Relationship Thread

I went on a girl's trip last month. I have traveled with all these folks before. We have a system for ride shares/taxis, everyone takes a turn ordering a car then we start over with the first person until we leave.

I ended up doing my part, no issue from me. I picked up 2 extra rides because I had better service in an area and the taxis were charging 3x the amount of lyft/uber. We then all updated our apps and could split the rides.

I noticed that the next 2 rides were being split by 3 instead of 2 to accommodate my prior rides. Now it isn't a lot of money. Would it have been petty to mention it?
 
BrownBetty said:
I went on a girl's trip last month. I have traveled with all these folks before. We have a system for ride shares/taxis, everyone takes a turn ordering a car then we start over with the first person until we leave.

I ended up doing my part, no issue from me. I picked up 2 extra rides because I had better service in an area and the taxis were charging 3x the amount of lyft/uber. We then all updated our apps and could split the rides.

I noticed that the next 2 rides were being split by 3 instead of 2 to accommodate my prior rides. Now it isn't a lot of money. Would it have been petty to mention it?
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Sorry I’m just seeing this. What did you decide to do?
 
oneastrocurlie said:
A friend asked if I wanted to go an event with her. I wasn't really interested. I had this habit of saying yes to everything she'd invite me to but been a lot better of saying no thank you if I don't want to do things in general, not just with her.

Anywho I said no thank you to that thing but said if she wanted to hang out, grab food, happy hour, etc I was free.

No response. Left on read as they say. Not even a no thank you lol. I'm totally fine not hanging out. We only see each other maybe once every other month or so but I don't know , felt kinda rude to say nothing.
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It is rude to say nothing. Did she ever get back to you? I’m assuming she didn’t like your no. Time will tell.
 
hopeful said:
It is rude to say nothing. Did she ever get back to you? I’m assuming she didn’t like your no. Time will tell.
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I don't think she liked me saying no either or maybe was surprised I did say no.

She actually did respond like 2 weeks ago suggesting we met up. That whole exchange happened almost a couple of months prior, it was just on my mind the day I posted about it. I had an unexpected family situation the day she texted me so I didn't respond at that time and never got around to doing so cause life was doing the most. She hit me up via social media on something unrelated to meeting up more recently. I responded....cause I ain't rude lol.
 
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oneastrocurlie said:
I don't think she liked me saying no either or maybe was surprised I did say no.

She actually did respond like 2 weeks ago suggesting we met up. That whole exchange happened almost a couple of months prior, it was just on my mind the day I posted about it. I had an unexpected family situation the day she texted me so I didn't respond at that time and never got around to doing so cause life was doing the most. She hit me up via social media on something unrelated to meeting up more recently. I responded....cause I ain't rude lol.
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Sounds like things worked out in the end.
 
It's the day of my family's yearly BBQ. It's prolly gonna be our last. Ever. This BBQ has traditionally taken place at my parents house for over 30 yrs. Friends & family come from all corners of the world to catch up on all family branches eat Antiguan food and listen to Antiguan music all day long.

Since covid...it ain't been the same. A few of our treasured elders have passed on. The venue has changed to a National Park. And other family members have taken over the coordination of this event.
Folks don't like any of it.
There is a negative vibe that has permeated this side of my family since the passing of our matriarch. The gloves are off and folks ain't even pretending to be civil. Ish could really pop off today!
My own little family unit wants nothing to do with it. DH & our sons will not be in attendance. They grown and I can't make them go!
I usually cook up a storm! This year I'm taking hot dog buns cause that's what my Mama asked for.
 
discodumpling said:
It's the day of my family's yearly BBQ. It's prolly gonna be our last. Ever. This BBQ has traditionally taken place at my parents house for over 30 yrs. Friends & family come from all corners of the world to catch up on all family branches eat Antiguan food and listen to Antiguan music all day long.

Since covid...it ain't been the same. A few of our treasured elders have passed on. The venue has changed to a National Park. And other family members have taken over the coordination of this event.
Folks don't like any of it.
There is a negative vibe that has permeated this side of my family since the passing of our matriarch. The gloves are off and folks ain't even pretending to be civil. Ish could really pop off today!
My own little family unit wants nothing to do with it. DH & our sons will not be in attendance. They grown and I can't make them go!
I usually cook up a storm! This year I'm taking hot dog buns cause that's what my Mama asked for.
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This happened in my family after my grandmother passed, over 20 years ago. It was really sad...most of our family used to see each other every other Sunday and most holidays.

It's been years since I've seen the majority of my mother's side.
 
"ish" did not pop off! It was a noticeably small affair and there was lots of talk about it being our last family BBQ. They wanna travel to the Caribbean for our next yearly meetup.
I don't think I like them that much anymore. At least some of em.
My younger cuz (in his 30's) commented that "something was off" with the family vibe this year. So I filled him in on all the family fighting that was taking place and he was shocked! I was ROTFL cause we keep our dirt well hidden behind family chat groups and daily prayers.
Anyway enough of them. I don't have to interact until next year if I don't want to.
My Aunties and cousin from my Daddys side are also here visiting I have energy & room in my belly for them today!
 
Me to a friend: I don't use the FB apps, just the mobile browser. It doesn't let you check messages without the apps so best to just text me.

Friend: *keeps sending FB messages anyway*

Me to myself: See this why I don't be hanging out with her like that.

Lol. The messages just sit there. Sometimes for weeks because I'm not downloading apps to check messages from the ONE person who insist on sending them.
 
Please don’t quote. Sometimes I wanna go no contact with my younger brother. He is the most selfish person I know, and I’m so tired of how he gets away with it, especially with my parents. He’s been enabled since he was a kid, and he’s almost 30 now and the pattern is too hard to break, it seems. It may be because I’m pregnant and hormonal, but I don’t wanna deal with him at all.
 
A vent... [please don't quote]

My youngest sister and I got into a fight over the weekend and we're not speaking right now. Truthfully she's been clashing with other family members too and I've been her one consistent defender. She's 24, thinks she's 44 and acts like she's 14 at times. She feels like the black sheep in the family and I've tried to do everything in my power to let her know she's always got me in her corner but she doesn't make it easy and now that I'm pregnant and dealing with morning sickness, I've had to acknowledge my limits. My health and pregnancy come first.

It started over the weekend when she made a snarky comment about my morning sickness and wouldn't let up. Our middle sister even tried to get her to back off and she wouldn't. When I let her know I was upset, she said it was a joke then said I was passive aggressive about telling her because I waited (I waited less than 24 hours) and then kept yelling at me that she was sorry. It wasn't just what she said but the gaslighting and hypocrisy. If the roles were reversed and I said something like that to her, she'd want my head on a platter and I'd never hear the end of it.

I just feel stabbed in the back and not for the first time either. She did something earlier this year that left me feeling the same way.

Yet if she came to me right now and said she needed me I'd be there. No matter how upset I am.
 
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One of my cousins that I’d always been close to has been MIA throughout my pregnancy. She’s a few years older than me, and her husband’s closer to 40. I know they want kids but she’s pretty hush hush about if they’re trying, which is fine.

I haven’t heard from her except from when I told her I was pregnant over 3 months ago. Which she ruined bc she kept telling me she already knew (her mom apparently could tell at a wedding she saw me at), so I felt like I couldn’t even share my own news since she had a smug look on her face the whole time.

Anyway, she missed my shower due to a travel conflict, which is fine. She bought us 3 gifts and tried to financially support my sister planning the shower. I didn’t want her holding that over my head because she’s that type of person, so I found a way to gracefully decline the money and thanked her for the gifts.

I’m due in 2 months. Am I wrong in not wanting her to come see me or the baby because of her not checking in at all during the pregnancy? I realize she may have her own issues going on, especially with fertility. It’s just that knowing this cousin and how she holds onto grudges and talks about how she always goes above and beyond for others while they don’t reciprocate, I feel like if the shoe was on the other foot, she’d expect me to have reached out by now, regardless of whatever I may have had going on.

Maybe I’m overthinking this lol.
 
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If she was around regularly and was a good friend before the pregnancy then I'd assume she was going through something. JMO, but sometimes when people are in some type of mental funk it can be a blessing if they keep themselves (and their energy) away from you a bit until they sort themselves out.

3 months of being pregnant and 3 months of infertility can be similarly intense in different ways. Some are triggered worse than others. Again, if the friendship was good and I hadn't had many previous issues over X amount of years I would try to move past it. Though I'd probably have a heart-to-heart at some point about her absence and hopefully some deeper understanding would come from it.
 
When I was a teen I was living in Jamaica and I wanted to get out so bad. I had lived in the US, was born in the UK and felt like an alien in Jamaica. I was working in a company. I needed to leave Jamaica. So there was this lady who was 24 and to my 18 year old self. We bonded. She had stories to tell. She was a flirt and knew lots of the rich Jamaicans, including the minister for tourism at the time and would share all their tea. I was desperate to leave jamaica and she helped me financially. I never forgot her. So I found an old purse with her card. She was an engineer working for the government when she came to the factory I worked at as a fashion designer. I remember everyone hated her. But I loved her and the love was reciprocated. So I googled her and she died in 2014.


I have been crying all day… May she RIP.
 
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TW: loss; please don't quote.




I am absolutely gutted. My cousin's wife, who I also call my cousin, who was due 2.5 weeks after me, just lost her baby girl last night. I am in disbelief and have just been feeling so horribly guilty, even though I know it's irrational. We got married within months of each other, closed on our homes within months of each other, and were in stitches over being due within weeks of each other. We'd been pregnancy buddies since none of our close friends/family members are pregnant, and we were just catching up a few days ago and talking about how we're so close to the end, so to say this news was shocking is an understatement. I don't know how to support her. The very thing that brought us together is the thing that is separating us now. I know I will be a trigger for her for a long time. I'm just so devastated for them, and I feel guilty for being anxious about my own baby. If any of you ladies have unfortunately gone through this, or know anyone who has, and have some advice about how I can help her, please feel free to PM me.
 
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Some thoughts:

(1) I thought my mom was warming up to MIL. Nope. :nono: We had a combined Thanksgiving at my parents house and MIL was so helpful with preparing food especially knowing I was still recovering from morning sickness and my mom is tired from caring from dad, work and school. My mom was so appreciative. Then I had lunch with my mom a couple weeks ago and she told me she still doesn't like her. Apparently when I wasn't in the room my mom asked MIL how she felt about being a grandmother. My mom didn't like MIL's answer because it contradicted the way she's been with me since DH and I told her we're expecting. :ohwell:

(2) I caught up with my best friend of 20+ years. It was so nice to see her. Even though we live close, we weren't able to see each other during COVID and then she had two children back to back. The last time I saw her was at her baby shower last year. Now she's super excited for me being pregnant. She bought me a wonderful gift. Unfortunately she's having trouble in her marriage. I feel bad for her because she's given everything to this man including taking on his children from a previous marriage as her own. And now both of those children have turned on her as the marriage has soured. Now they're separated. He's already said he wants a divorce but my friend says he's inconsistent about it. I want better for my friend. But she has to want better for herself and right now she's still hoping they can make things work. We'll see.

(3) While I was catching up with my long-time best friend. I get a IG message from a friend from law school that I lost touch with. The reason we lost touch was because I kept trying to hang out with her and she kept declining and then we'd put things on the schedule and she'd back out at the last minute. We've got something on the schedule for just after the new year. We'll see. :look: She started acting weird when I met DH which threw me because I was excited to hang with double date with her and her husband.
 
hopeful said:
@ScorpioBeauty09 any updates re the friend you lost touch with? Did you meet up?
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We were supposed to meet up tomorrow. I was going to text her to confirm and she sent me a text saying she’s sick and asked if we can reschedule for two weeks from now. I agreed. Assuming she’s telling the truth I don’t want to catch whatever she has and risk giving it to my family. I’m not surprised she’s sick she was traveling all during the holidays and when we were in law school she was always fighting off something. So we’ll see two weeks from now lol
 
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