"men Dont Love Women Like You"

ScorpioBeauty09 said:
Say it again for those who can't hear it in the back! I loved that because although I can, I'm not the type to do it everyday or get fancy with it and there's an implication both IRL and on this board that if you don't you'll be single forever.
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Omg yes!! Since the way through a man's heart is his stomach right? My female cousin keeps telling me that I'll lose my future hubby if don't cook for him. I know how to cook but I don't particularly enjoy it so I don't do it. Thank you for saying that. I'm with Sherry Argov on that one. Men love food, no one said YOU had to be the one who cook it.
 
I just read the whole thread and I'm really interested in the book now!

I didn't understand what's a "Spartan" though... And yes I know google is my friend
 
Kimbosheart said:
I took a moment to write down what I want and define my spartan image. Mary Crawly on Downton Abbey is one of the characters who embody some of the qualities I want to highlight in my personality. But she was the female version of this. She waited and waited until she found one who could match her energy, for her "one", but them other men jumped through hoops to be her one and she was completely nonchalant.
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You are so right. After Matthew died :cry: she took her sweet time getting with someone new but had men chasing her like there was no tomorrow. She was quite clear she would rather be alone than settle. We didn't see her true feelings for Henry until right before they got married lol.
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
You are so right. After Matthew died :cry: she took her sweet time getting with someone new but had men chasing her like there was no tomorrow. She was quite clear she would rather be alone than settle. We didn't see her true feelings for Henry until right before they got married lol.
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And now I don't need to watch the last 3 seasons of Downton Abby either after reading your post. :lachen: I quit watching after Matthew's death.
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
You are so right. After Matthew died :cry: she took her sweet time getting with someone new but had men chasing her like there was no tomorrow. She was quite clear she would rather be alone than settle. We didn't see her true feelings for Henry until right before they got married lol.
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She made Matthew work for it too. She went out and had her fun and then was like...."oh, I do love you"
 
caribeandiva said:
And now I don't need to watch the last 3 seasons of Downton Abby either after reading your post. :lachen: I quit watching after Matthew's death.
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Oops!! Sorry for spoiling it for you lol. I figured since the series is over, all things could be mentioned. Not going to derail the thread but there are some other great storylines too. I'm the biggest Mary fan around but I was more interested in the other storylines by mid S5.
 
Kimbosheart said:
She made Matthew work for it too. She went out and had her fun and then was like...."oh, I do love you"
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That was after she messed up majorly. But yeah. It got to the point where Matthew was going to have to step up to the plate or off with his head as Lambert says. Mary was not going to mold him into who she wanted him to be come hell or high water. He had to prove it.
 
hopeful said:
I actually think this book is different from TQC in that it elevates women and our role in the world. IMO TQC requires too much work to gain a man's love and approval and assumes the best of men. Elevates the status of men IMO. TQC is more naive re what men want and what harm they can do to a woman. MDLWLY is more realistic about men and their tactics and more in love with women, their essence, and power.
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I think tqc is more for after you've already spartan filtered a man. Tqc always suggested that being a queen would only cause a king to treat you well. By dating like a spartan you know all dudes on your rotation are quality hence by being a good gf which tqc helps with you avoid frog farming you man.
Kwim

Side note
I also think you look like something blooming by India ameye fits in with the puzzle for me is like a feminine part 1 of this book awakening your inner goddess.
I think these 3 very different yet somehow synergistic books came into my life at this time for a reason. My true self must have been calling for this shift that's coming in me just things I've observed about myself in the post 2 months honestly. Me then wouldn't really recognize me now. And I love the symbolism that this shift is coming right around my turn of quarter century lol

I finally finished. Loved the ending and the roster application
Has anyone listening to the book gotten to how to spartan up in 3 days? I am interested at the content but not willing to pay for the audio book on top of my kindle version

Also the audio only has part 1 and 2 not part 3 according to the website
 
So I went through the book again (thanks to this thread) and looked at the passages I highlighted. I love his emphasis on having mature conversations and putting your ego aside. Love takes vulnerability and ccourage - didn't Brene Brown also say that, lol. It's so true. Not always easy, but true.
 
This is why I don't agree with the belief that men are simple. If men were simple, they'd all commit to the woman who loves them the most and does everything for them. They'd choose compatibility and comfort over "happiness" the way many women have done. Even men don't understand what it is that makes them fall for women who aren't as emotionally invested in them as the women they string along. The male mind doesn't understand itself sometimes. They know that they could have it all with a woman who gives them the world and yet the constant need for a thrill and mental acrobatics will have a man chasing someone else who wouldn't give him half of what his fan club is willing to give. Mastering the male mind can save women a lot of heartache in the end.
 
ArcticFemme said:
This is why I don't agree with the belief that men are simple. If men were simple, they'd all commit to the woman who loves them the most and does everything for them. They'd choose compatibility and comfort over "happiness" the way many women have done. Even men don't understand what it is that makes them fall for women who aren't as emotionally invested in them as the women they string along. The male mind doesn't understand itself sometimes. They know that they could have it all with a woman who gives them the world and yet the constant need for a thrill and mental acrobatics will have a man chasing someone else who wouldn't give him half of what his fan club is willing to give. Mastering the male mind can save women a lot of heartache in the end.
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The decision to look for other qualities IS simple for them. We're wired differently and most of the healthy men I've met do NOT want a woman who does everything for them. That's what women value because we see giving as love, but depending on what the woman is doing, it can be seen as emasculating. We like to give and receive gifts, but I've never seen a man cry or have a meltdown because a woman forgot his birthday or an anniversary. It's a turnoff for them when you're doing everything for them, especially when they know they're not reciprocating (which is usually the case in relationships when the woman is trying to do everything.) They'll take it, but it doesn't make them think "Ah, they really love me, I should commit."

The woman who's not as emotionally invested gives them the mental acrobatics and thrill of the chase that makes them feel like they've accomplished something every time they "conquer" her by keeping her. Men don't necessarily like *****y women, but they love women that keep them on their toes. We want certainty, they like a little bit of chaos.

We think men SHOULD want what we want, but they just plain don't. And if we persist in operating from that vantage point, we will continue to have problems understanding why they do what they do. They might not even be able to understand why, but since we can only control our own actions, if you (general you) see that something is consistently NOT appreciated, then just stop doing it. Accept what is. As Marlo (The Wire) once said "You want things to be one way, but it's the other way."

And as for choosing compatibility and comfort over "happiness" I can't blame anyone for wanting to be happy. I want all three. However, if I can only have one, I'll take happiness without hesitation.
 
I'm at Chapter 15. I'm trying to pace myself and work my way through slowly but this book is so good it's addicting. I'm finally getting how men and women are wired differently. Women consciously look for a man to settle down with. Men wait for a woman to present herself that makes him want to settle down. It's the classic, picking a man while making him think he chose you.

My mom always repeats Oprah's saying that dating is about gathering data. I agree but my new mantra is dating is about exposing him, exposing who he is so I can figure out if he's worthy to be my boyfriend and later husband.:look: For this book to be of good use, you really have to know yourself, your brand--what kind of relationship you want, what things truly excite you, what clothes make you feel good when you wear them. I love the idea of being a Queen and dates being auditions for being a courtier, my favourite, and then a King. Anything less, and it's off with his f****** head.devil::lachen:I can see how Lambert's humor and language might turn some women off but I love it because he's telling the truth and it's funny.

While reading I remembered times when I unintentionally exposed something that would be a deal breaker either pre-date or during the date and it was a wrap but I was told by other women to give him a chance or not cast him off based on that. Like one guy I was set up with left everything up to me for our date, which I hate. I was done then but the Cupid-wannabe wasn't taking no for an answer. So I picked a place. An hour before we were supposed to meet up, he asks questions about the place which put me on guard because it's not hard to find at all. Turns out, he didn't have a car. He bikes everywhere and to get to the place I picked, you either have to drive through the hills or take the freeway. I still met up with him at a different place but I knew nothing would come of it and during the date it was confirmed multiple times. I found out later he is a major flake with a lot of insecurities, even pissing off the woman who set us up.

Chapter 8 was the hardest part to read because I don't want to go through the process of eliminating men. I'd rather already be in a relationship and make that work. Oh well.
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But I get how dating is very important as a screening process and how women I know ended up in bad relationships because they didn't properly screen men before investing, and gave men boyfriend perks before he actually earned them. I like how Lambert breaks this process down with examples, you just have to put your stamp on it and look at dates as missions.

I like the way Lambert describes how to walk away from dates with actual knowledge about a man because he's specific about the things you need to know to take things further, yet there's enough freedom to put your own spin on it. Like for the second date, which is about how he fits into your world. I already know places to take a date to so I can figure these things out.
 
nlamr2013 said:
The book has 27 chapters I believe he said only parts 1 and 2 are on the audio book because he wanted women to focus on spartaning up before jumping ahead.
The ebook has all the chapters but is missing the bonus chapter
The hard copy book has all chapters and bonus chapter.
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Wth?!? That's BS!

I don't have time to sit and read with 2 under 2. Listening is the best I can do.

Do I need to Spartan up and write a dirty email and Amazon review? (After one chapter that's MY definition of Spartaning up :look::spinning:)
 
I think the audible version is fine to start. It takes awhile for this stuff to sink in. And hearing it is really lovely, sinks in differently than when you read. He said that many women rush through the chapters only to return broken hearted and needing to re-read the initial chapters. Those last chapters focus on dating in a very detailed way. But without a good foundation one could run into a lot of trouble.
 
This thread is so interesting (and I'm married too!) but I'm on page 7 and there have been many mentions of how men don't care about all your accomplishments - education/degrees, etc. It reminded me of that scene from Friends where Ross was comparing Rachel to Julie. He came up with a whole list of cons for Rachel including being "just a waitress" vs. Julie being a paleontologist, but the only con he could come up for Julie is that "she's not Rachel." It's just another example of men just wanting the woman they want. It's not the accomplishments he wants; it's the person.


 
Phew... Not gonna lie this book has me going through some thangs! I never wanted to see myself as a placeholder, but damn, I've played myself over and over and sadly over again. It's both painful and funny to see yourself and the dickmatizers that you've dealt with be so frankly described.

I really wish I had this slap in the face about two years ago..

Ready to listen to the Spartan chapters.
 
Oh man!!!!

I got caught up in a quasi-placeholder role. I say quasi because although everything sounded good, **** didnt feel right, so I didn't do anything sexual with him, not even a kiss! After about a year, of daily calls, texts, visits to NYC and a few dates, he fell off the face of the Earth, even unfriended me on FB.

Ladies!!!! He went on and on about his celibacy and everything. It was textbook!

#bustedafcukboi
 
I could just kick myself:badidea: I didn't realize when you "loan" a title via Kindle that you are no longer able to read the title on yours :confused: well I loaned the book and now I have to wait until my friend finishes.

I'm tempted to tell her to release it but that would be rude :look: wouldn't it.
 
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Kalia1 said:
I could just kick myself:badidea: I didn't realize when you "loan" a title via Kindle that you are no longer able to read the title in yours :confused: well I loaned the book and now I have to wait until my friend finishes.

I'm tempted to tell her to release it but that would be rude :look: wouldn't it.
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that sucks
 
Since I won't be reading the book for a few I wanted to pose some viewpoints of what I've read thus far.

I am recognizing that I will have to do some serious de-programming on my outlook on relationships.
It's been embedded into my psyche that the accomplished, submissive, domesticated, beautiful woman earns the prize.

This book is smashing that ideology flat!
All I can say is WOW!!

@Duchesse I too am going through some thangs! I needed this slap in the face too a few years ago.

Welcome to the world of Sparta!!
 
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