"men Dont Love Women Like You"

[qchelle]

Is it worth it to read solving single after mdlwly?

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

Is it worth it to read solving single after mdlwly?

YES

 

[ladysaraii]

Im loving Solving Single!! I forgot how many gems r in there!!. How r u guys holding up with the book?

I'm almost finished.

I like some parts of it. Some parts I don't. I'm not entirely certain why. I don't know if they are truths I don't want to accept or I just don't agree.

I think sometimes it reads like, men want this, so be this. (But I guess why else would we be reading relationship books lol). some of the things he says to say, I wouldn't say. I get why he's saying to say them, but I wouldn't. Ex. when on a date with a guy saying 'I bet you get a lot of girls telling you their wedding colors on first dates. some girls are so hard up!' Like the purpose is to start sussing out their feelings on marriage and their apst in that area, but it just strikes me as...idk. Like I'd be looking a girl like 'really?' But then again, I'm not a man.

I'm going to finish the book and then let it marinate a bit to see how I feel.

 

[sgold04]

@ladysaraii

I agree, I'm not too impressed with Solving Single yet, but I'm not too deep in it. I'm not even opposed to what he's saying, but there is definitely a "men want this, so be this" vibe that I feel is contrary to the message of MDLWLY (be a Spartan, own who you are, etc). Maybe my feelings will change as I progress through the book.

 

[ladysaraii]

@ladysaraii

I agree, I'm not too impressed with Solving Single yet, but I'm not too deep in it. I'm not even opposed to what he's saying, but there is definitely a "men want this, so be this" vibe that I feel is contrary to the message of MDLWLY (be a Spartan, own who you are, etc). Maybe my feelings will change as I progress through the book.

It started to get better as I got further through it. It even seemed to contradict some things in MDLWLY. Men don't want you for your p-ssy, but you better learn to be good in bed.

Keep me posted as you continue on. I'd like to know how you feel or if I'm just being crusty, lol.

 

[sgold04]

It started to get better as I got further through it. It even seemed to contradict some things in MDLWLY. Men don't want you for your p-ssy, but you better learn to be good in bed.

Keep me posted as you continue on. I'd like to know how you feel or if I'm just being crusty, lol.

Lmao, will do

 

[SpiritJunkie]

He ended this book with these wise words:


Every morning and every night remember to remember:

You deserve the affection that you kept trying to pour into others.
You deserve the same motivation that you tried to inspire in others.
You deserve the high of happy, without the low of sadness.
You deserve the joy of being spoiled, without the catch of having to repay.
You deserve the relaxation of trust, without the paranoia of betrayal.
You deserve to be confident, without the reminder to be humble.
You deserve to look at your reflection with eyes of awe, not judgment.
You deserve to be held forever, not for a night
You deserve to be first, second and third.
You deserve to have everything you want.
You deserve this power. It is who you are and who you will always be.


Men don't love women like you. They worship them.

I just want to repost this nugget.

This book was written for us women to be better & win in our relationships with men but I tell ya it also applies to everyday life. Specifically in navigating the corporate world so you don;t lose.

 

[sharifeh]

I decided to buy the kindle version of Solving single. I'm glad I did because he explains a some things I was a little unclear on. He gives a lot of background information about himself, the term basica, and dating mistakes to avoid. For someone like me who was unfamiliar with his work it would've been a good place to start. I think MDLWLY is the main dish while Solving Single is the appetizer. It's like he took all his blog posts and put them all together to make a book. So if you don't wanna spend the money start there.

yeah you know i started ho tactics out of sheer curiosity, i dont think the ho life is for me but it is entertaining and he does compare spartans and Hos which is interesting, but im also realizing that solving single should have been the first book i read...ill probably order and start that one...

 

[sharifeh]

What!!!!! Its 117?!!! I purchased it way way cheaper. However, I will admit that she has gotten extremely popular this year alone! I would reccommend reading as much free articles as you can and put it into process and then buy the book wheb you are ready. I still go back to her book from time to time.. but keep an eye out on that price in case it gets pricier lol

My two biggest hurdles were leaning back and my sexuality, which she touches on very well. I like how she says that ALL men wants sex, its just how they all go about it differently lol

In addition, she is a big advocate on us embracing our feminine magnetism. Pretty much be a woman and let a man court and initiate. This goes for texting, calling, planning dates,etc. We are to lure with honey( our personality) and build a rotation until that one steps up 100% , which means have more than one suitor so we are not invested in just one guy until one asks for a commitment and his ACTIONS reflects it..

If you havent heard from him in days, weeks, hours, so what!! You are too busy enjoying your life to notice and you choose whether you want to emtertain him or not.

id be willing to split the cost with a few lhcfers lol

 

[Honey Bee]

It means priority #1 is being treated well, feeling safe, and being loved vs. being with a certain "type" or race or whatever. Women waste a lot of time focusing on the wrong thing, trying to make a prince out of a frog because he fits certain specifications that don't include him having the capacity to or interest in treating you well, insuring your safety, and loving you. Saying casting a wider net gives us more options. Options that we deserve and may be missing out on otherwise.

I had a feeling what you meant, but I wanted you to spell it out.

So... a woman makes a post about wanting to be treated well and your response is, 'Well, you'll need to look elsewhere'? That seems like quite a leap, don't you think? The majority of women a, on this board/ in our shared 'LHCF world' and b, treated well are with bm. If the poster to whom you replied had said, 'I've Spartaned up and still can't find a bm who will xyz', your reply would have made more sense. It's just... it seemed almost like a non sequitur.

Second, and I hate to look like I'm 'coming for' the resident relationship expert, but your reply to @PrissiSippi was... interesting. Here's a woman, married to a bm and big and pregnant, and you telling her that, basically, her man will never be who she needs? That her option are, a, to make her peace with it, or b, to bounce? Again, quite a leap. Would you recommend that she make herself a single mom before or after she drops this load?

@PrissiSippi. I myself have seen a man change re: protecting me from the world and his family. It happened several years ago in my relationship and we have been quite happy since. It took time, some strategic tears, and real life examples, but I was able to clearly state my needs with the expectation that they'd be met. If you have a man who loves you and is willing to try, a lot can change with the right pressures.

I think, especially when we're already in relationships and reading these books, we have to be reasonable, have reasonable expectations. Yes, it might have been easier to find The One if you had known this before, but you didn't and here you are. Are you willing to upend your whole life every time you read an inspirational book? This throwaway culture got people all messed up. The same way you changed reading the book, he can change too... if he wants to keep you happy. A man who wants to keep a woman will leap over tall buildings in a single bound and fight a war for you. If you have a man like that, don't throw him away so quick. Give him a chance and a little time to catch up to you. Also, remember that the process of pregnancy itself makes women grow in ways that usually don't happen for men until the baby gets here.

 

[hopeful]

I had a feeling what you meant, but I wanted you to spell it out.

So... a woman makes a post about wanting to be treated well and your response is, 'Well, you'll need to look elsewhere'? That seems like quite a leap, don't you think? The majority of women a, on this board/ in our shared 'LHCF world' and b, treated well are with bm. If the poster to whom you replied had said, 'I've Spartaned up and still can't find a bm who will xyz', your reply would have made more sense. It's just... it seemed almost like a non sequitur.

Second, and I hate to look like I'm 'coming for' the resident relationship expert, but your reply to @PrissiSippi was... interesting. Here's a woman, married to a bm and big and pregnant, and you telling her that, basically, her man will never be who she needs? That her option are, a, to make her peace with it, or b, to bounce? Again, quite a leap. Would you recommend that she make herself a single mom before or after she drops this load?

@PrissiSippi. I myself have seen a man change re: protecting me from the world and his family. It happened several years ago in my relationship and we have been quite happy since. It took time, some strategic tears, and real life examples, but I was able to clearly state my needs with the expectation that they'd be met. If you have a man who loves you and is willing to try, a lot can change with the right pressures.

I think, especially when we're already in relationships and reading these books, we have to be reasonable, have reasonable expectations. Yes, it might have been easier to find The One if you had known this before, but you didn't and here you are. Are you willing to upend your whole life every time you read an inspirational book? This throwaway culture got people all messed up. The same way you changed reading the book, he can change too... if he wants to keep you happy. A man who wants to keep a woman will leap over tall buildings in a single bound and fight a war for you. If you have a man like that, don't throw him away so quick. Give him a chance and a little time to catch up to you. Also, remember that the process of pregnancy itself makes women grow in ways that usually don't happen for men until the baby gets here.

No one said look elsewhere. I said cast a wider net, which I assume would include black men. There is nothing wrong with black women opening themselves up to as many options as possible.

And I will say it here again as I have said it before, my posts most often come from me having additional information that has been shared privately. I often have information others don't have. I will leave it at that. I don't claim to be or want to be a relationship expert. I am far from it and have asked for help myself many times.

You don't have to agree with my opinion. But everything I post on here comes from a deep love for black women first and foremost. I want all of us to win and to be loved.

 

[PrissiSippi]

I had a feeling what you meant, but I wanted you to spell it out.

So... a woman makes a post about wanting to be treated well and your response is, 'Well, you'll need to look elsewhere'? That seems like quite a leap, don't you think? The majority of women a, on this board/ in our shared 'LHCF world' and b, treated well are with bm. If the poster to whom you replied had said, 'I've Spartaned up and still can't find a bm who will xyz', your reply would have made more sense. It's just... it seemed almost like a non sequitur.

Second, and I hate to look like I'm 'coming for' the resident relationship expert, but your reply to @PrissiSippi was... interesting. Here's a woman, married to a bm and big and pregnant, and you telling her that, basically, her man will never be who she needs? That her option are, a, to make her peace with it, or b, to bounce? Again, quite a leap. Would you recommend that she make herself a single mom before or after she drops this load?

@PrissiSippi. I myself have seen a man change re: protecting me from the world and his family. It happened several years ago in my relationship and we have been quite happy since. It took time, some strategic tears, and real life examples, but I was able to clearly state my needs with the expectation that they'd be met. If you have a man who loves you and is willing to try, a lot can change with the right pressures.

I think, especially when we're already in relationships and reading these books, we have to be reasonable, have reasonable expectations. Yes, it might have been easier to find The One if you had known this before, but you didn't and here you are. Are you willing to upend your whole life every time you read an inspirational book? This throwaway culture got people all messed up. The same way you changed reading the book, he can change too... if he wants to keep you happy. A man who wants to keep a woman will leap over tall buildings in a single bound and fight a war for you. If you have a man like that, don't throw him away so quick. Give him a chance and a little time to catch up to you. Also, remember that the process of pregnancy itself makes women grow in ways that usually don't happen for men until the baby gets here.

I hope so @Honey Bee thats all I can say. I pray and hope so. I too believe men can change. But then again I believe some people's personalities are their personalities. For instance it's sad to say but I'm not a Spartan. I probably won't ever be one either. And it's not because I can't read and comprehend but simply because I don't know how to apply it in all situations. I will go back and forth about what's wrong and what's right and essentially not choose the Spartan way.

He probably is the same. I think he wants to spoil me and meet my needs but in some situations he too doesn't "see" it. Doesn't see the importance or how it could work out if he did xyz. I'm smart enough To make my own decisions after reading advice on here. I'm not dumb enough to leave 8 months pregnant especially when at least this man is essentially laying all the major bills and I have a little one that I have to prepare for more bills anyway now.

But because of advice here I do understand now that I'm not crazy for my feelings and some things ain't right and I'm Almost 30. If I still feel like things aren't right in a year instead of posting woe is me...I need to leave.

 

[Honey Bee]

And I will say it here again as I have said it before, my posts most often come from me having additional information that has been shared privately. I often have information others don't have. I will leave it at that. I don't claim to be or want to be a relationship expert. I am far from it and have asked for help myself many times.

In that case, maybe the conversation should remain private? Cuz we all here, just reading along. Without context, others will take your advice as a general rule, not understanding that it's very specific to whatever was shared privately.

 

[Honey Bee]

I hope so @Honey Bee thats all I can say. I pray and hope so. I too believe men can change. But then again I believe some people's personalities are their personalities. For instance it's sad to say but I'm not a Spartan. I probably won't ever be one either. And it's not because I can't read and comprehend but simply because I don't know how to apply it in all situations. I will go back and forth about what's wrong and what's right and essentially not choose the Spartan way.

He probably is the same. I think he wants to spoil me and meet my needs but in some situations he too doesn't "see" it. Doesn't see the importance or how it could work out if he did xyz. I'm smart enough To make my own decisions after reading advice on here. I'm not dumb enough to leave 8 months pregnant especially when at least this man is essentially laying all the major bills and I have a little one that I have to prepare for more bills anyway now.

But because of advice here I do understand now that I'm not crazy for my feelings and some things ain't right and I'm Almost 30. If I still feel like things aren't right in a year instead of posting woe is me...I need to leave.

It takes more than hope. Cleaving a man from his family is hard and sneaky work and you don't want to leave fingerprints that lead back to you. And mind you, you're not trying to harm him or his family. You're trying to strengthen your own.

Give me a basic sketch of his fam, ie, single mom? siblings? etc. There is no one-size-fits-all advice. Mine will depend on those details and his manner toward them. So, like, is he totally unaware there is a problem? Does he think you're the problem? Is he annoyed by them, but unwilling to cause waves? Where's the impasse? Lastly, how strong is your new nuclear family? Is it a 'me and you against the world' kinda thing? Or is it more like yall got married and set up house, but are still more extensions of your birth families than a stand alone unit?

I'd never advise a young family to dissolve their union so soon, within 1-2 years of marriage/ babies. Everything (and everybody) is changing so much at that time. A perfect opportunity to make some long term adjustments.

 

[Jas123]

And I will say it here again as I have said it before, my posts most often come from me having additional information that has been shared privately. I often have information others don't have. I will leave it at that. I don't claim to be or want to be a relationship expert. I am far from it and have asked for help myself many times.

I remember in another thread where you came in kind of hard compared to your usual gentle tone, but then stated you had additional info not shared publicly- So now I always take that into consideration. What is shared publicly may just be the tip of the iceberg (and worse) of what's really going on... Unfortunately.

 

[PrissiSippi]

It takes more than hope. Cleaving a man from his family is hard and sneaky work and you don't want to leave fingerprints that lead back to you. And mind you, you're not trying to harm him or his family. You're trying to strengthen your own.

Give me a basic sketch of his fam, ie, single mom? siblings? etc. There is no one-size-fits-all advice. Mine will depend on those details and his manner toward them. So, like, is he totally unaware there is a problem? Does he think you're the problem? Is he annoyed by them, but unwilling to cause waves? Where's the impasse? Lastly, how strong is your new nuclear family? Is it a 'me and you against the world' kinda thing? Or is it more like yall got married and set up house, but are still more extensions of your birth families than a stand alone unit?

I'd never advise a young family to dissolve their union so soon, within 1-2 years of marriage/ babies. Everything (and everybody) is changing so much at that time. A perfect opportunity to make some long term adjustments.

It's just sooo much. I couldn't even explain it all without writing a book.

Hopeful knows a lot more because I struggled with how I felt. I felt slick crazy for a minute. He will literally worship me in public. He will do anything I tell him to do. But at home behind closed doors...she pointed out key characteristics and every passive aggressive action and one day I started seeing it and looking at what passive aggressive meant.

 

[hopeful]

It's just sooo much. I couldn't even explain it all without writing a book.

Hopeful knows a lot more because I struggled with how I felt. I felt slick crazy for a minute. He will literally worship me in public. He will do anything I tell him to do. But at home behind closed doors...she pointed out key characteristics and every passive aggressive action and one day I started seeing it and looking at what passive aggressive meant.

(((Hugs)))

 

[Honey Bee]

It's just sooo much. I couldn't even explain it all without writing a book.

Hopeful knows a lot more because I struggled with how I felt. I felt slick crazy for a minute. He will literally worship me in public. He will do anything I tell him to do. But at home behind closed doors...she pointed out key characteristics and every passive aggressive action and one day I started seeing it and looking at what passive aggressive meant.

Let me tell you something. Looking around at this modern generation of men raised by women, 3/5 are gonna be passive aggressive. Because they don't know how to be aggressive-aggressive. It's like a muscle they're trained not to flex. And the ones who are aggressive-aggressive would have naturally encountered the criminal justice system and therefore not be in your required income range. Real talk.

But anyway, if you're set on moving along, why waste energy bemoaning the situation? Start lining ish up and getting ready to go. Or, put another way, are you still "hoping" he'll change or are you done? Passive aggressive is not a harbinger of the apocalypse. If you love him for other reasons, weigh those reasons against this 'major sin'.

Additional question for you: Did you realize how much you hated his passive aggressiveness before yall got married? Or are you acting brand new and mad at him for not reading your mind fast enough? (You don't have to tell me, just think about it.)

 

[PrissiSippi]

Let me tell you something. Looking around at this modern generation of men raised by women, 3/5 are gonna be passive aggressive. Because they don't know how to be aggressive-aggressive. It's like a muscle they're trained not to flex. And the ones who are aggressive-aggressive would have naturally encountered the criminal justice system and therefore not be in your required income range. Real talk.

But anyway, if you're set on moving along, why waste energy bemoaning the situation? Start lining ish up and getting ready to go. Or, put another way, are you still "hoping" he'll change or are you done? Passive aggressive is not a harbinger of the apocalypse. If you love him for other reasons, weigh those reasons against this 'major sin'.

Additional question for you: Did you realize how much you hated his passive aggressiveness before yall got married? Or are you acting brand new and mad at him for not reading your mind fast enough? (You don't have to tell me, just think about it.)

I agree with everything you said in that first paragraph.

I dunno how I truly feel. At this point...I'm honestly kinda lining up stuff to go. But I do understand hormones from a biological point of view are an extremely powerful catalyst so I'm giving myself the chance to figure things out through meditation and therapy and time.

I don't think I realized he was passive aggressive until a month or so ago. Everytime @hopeful brought that up...I didn't understand. I think we had two definitions of passive aggressive. Especially when it's masked behind the nice guy. He is a true "nice guy." Through reading....I started understanding a lot more and for whatever reason (I was raised by aggressive aggressive dad and brother) I started loathing it more than before.

I've gotten into this whole I'ma call you out on it lately phase. *shrugs*

 

[caribeandiva]

Now I'm curious. What are the passive aggressive behaviors to watch out for?

 

[Honey Bee]

I've gotten into this whole I'ma call you out on it lately phase. *shrugs*

That's excellent! Good. Does he recognize it and accept that there's a problem? If so, have him read No More Mr Nice Guy and actually do the exercises. If not, try taking the time out to illustrate how his passive aggressiveness is keeping him from reaching career goals and such. Re frame it from 'a problem you have with him' to 'a problem he has within himself', if that makes sense. And then help him find the tools to fix it.

 

[caribeandiva]

id be willing to split the cost with a few lhcfers lol

Well, Katarina Phang posted this free audio seminar on her website yesterday. Thought you might be interested. @sweetvi http://d2dua5flszbfj7.cloudfront.ne...r4sML3MERTc_&Key-Pair-Id=APKAIVWE2H736DO5BB3Q

Everything she says in there is the truth. What it took to get the man is what it'll take to keep him. you must have your own life outside of him. you must be happy with who you are. If not you'll expect him and the relationship to make you happy and that's a recipe for disaster. Happiness is an inside job. Some women get comfortable and stop being that amazing woman he was attracted to. They turn needy, demanding and rely on him way too much. That's when the man starts pulling away again. All in all good stuff!

 

[sweetvi]

Well, Katarina Phang posted this free audio seminar on her website yesterday. Thought you might be interested. @sweetvi http://d2dua5flszbfj7.cloudfront.ne...r4sML3MERTc_&Key-Pair-Id=APKAIVWE2H736DO5BB3Q

Everything she says in there is the truth. What it took to get the man is what it'll take to keep him. you must have your own life outside of him. you must be happy with who you are. If not you'll expect him and the relationship to make you happy and that's a recipe for disaster. Happiness is an inside job. Some women get comfortable and stop being that amazing woman he was attracted to. They turn needy, demanding and rely on him way too much. That's when the man starts pulling away again. All in all good stuff!

Thanks girl!! She just announced 2 more engagements recently from people following her advice lol. Ive read her success stories such as helping divorced women get remarried to the same man, fwb turn into relationships, women with bad luck turn it around etc. What amazes me is her advice basically is common sense lol

Off to listen. Thanx girl

 

[PrissiSippi]

Now I'm curious. What are the passive aggressive behaviors to watch out for?

Some I've seen that didn't really come out at the beginning but over time are:

1. Instead of communicating something you don't like giving the silent treatment.
2. Making you feel bad when you do something by saying "I wish I could do xyz" but no one is keeping them from that.
3. Deliberately doing something badly in hopes that they won't get asked again.
4. Giving last punches and low blows to make them feel powerful
5. Procrastinate on stuff like chores or things you said you would do it consistently "forget" then when u get called on it u blame it on "you just want me to do it on your time"
6. Making up excuses and lies to avoid stuff rather than just voice your opinion
7. Avoid confrontation at all costs

 

[MCMLXXXIV]

Some I've seen that didn't really come out at the beginning but over time are:

1. Instead of communicating something you don't like giving the silent treatment.
2. Making you feel bad when you do something by saying "I wish I could do xyz" but no one is keeping them from that.
3. Deliberately doing something badly in hopes that they won't get asked again.
4. Giving last punches and low blows to make them feel powerful
5. Procrastinate on stuff like chores or things you said you would do it consistently "forget" then when u get called on it u blame it on "you just want me to do it on your time"
6. Making up excuses and lies to avoid stuff rather than just voice your opinion
7. Avoid confrontation at all costs

Wow, this sounds like the last guy I dated and the reason I ended things.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Ladies, I havent been posting but reading daily, for a bit thread took an unexpected turn...

Are there updates with me, heck to the yea... But nothing frutiful as of yet, going to restart book as I just was reading to read at a point and not internalizing material read... Falling back to basica behavior, etc harder than what it seems to stay on track and now I see yall done moved on seemingly to another book, need to get my weight up...

 

[DarkJoy]

Some I've seen that didn't really come out at the beginning but over time are:

1. Instead of communicating something you don't like giving the silent treatment.
2. Making you feel bad when you do something by saying "I wish I could do xyz" but no one is keeping them from that.
3. Deliberately doing something badly in hopes that they won't get asked again.
4. Giving last punches and low blows to make them feel powerful
5. Procrastinate on stuff like chores or things you said you would do it consistently "forget" then when u get called on it u blame it on "you just want me to do it on your time"
6. Making up excuses and lies to avoid stuff rather than just voice your opinion
7. Avoid confrontation at all costs

my exhusband.

 

[PrissiSippi]

That's excellent! Good. Does he recognize it and accept that there's a problem? If so, have him read No More Mr Nice Guy and actually do the exercises. If not, try taking the time out to illustrate how his passive aggressiveness is keeping him from reaching career goals and such. Re frame it from 'a problem you have with him' to 'a problem he has within himself', if that makes sense. And then help him find the tools to fix it.

I learned this is the difference between men and women. We will read books all day on self-improvement and how to become a better person. Men do a better job of accepting themselves for who they are....they don't give a hawk about changing. I think he knows he's a pushover and he's totally fine with that. I've told him that's what separates him from getting a promotion. He's a manager over a lot of people now...but hates confrontation. I think he probably can see that at least a little...but would he change? Naw too much work...that's just him.

 

[Layluh]

I just realized this but my husband called me a gold digger 2 weeks before I left him. I'm literally now dating a guy who used to own gold mines in australia and he still has a huge stash. lol the universe is HILARIOUS.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I played excerpts of Men Dont Love Women Like You to my friend. Throughout the entire time, she sat there either laughing, smirking or defending her position as a woman. The silence of listening only lasted long enough to process for disecting. Her ego was full throttle. This made me realize more than ever how we are so fearful of going inward. This behavior keeps ego comfortably in tact and we live to continue our illusions another day. smh