hopeful
Well-Known Member
Gotta let that fix it stuff go! Men fix and give. We receive.
"men Dont Love Women Like You"
- Thread starter ChasingBliss
- Start date
Gotta let that fix it stuff go! Men fix and give. We receive.
LostInAdream
Well-Known Member
This! I hate that I'm this way in relationships every single one from bff to DH. I've fell all the way back in all except for my daughter and I can't tell you how light I feel. I will make it my business not to ever pass this trait down to my DD.
LostInAdream
Well-Known Member
I've learned the hard way but am so grateful I did. Life is stress free it's only been a few months since I've let the reigns fall and it's like a whole new world!
hopeful
Well-Known Member
michelle81
Well-Known Member
Most men love to be of service. Good for you!
I so agree and I think life gets easier for us women after we truly realize this. I'm not sure where I learned this aspect from. My parents are still married, but my mom is a martyr and seems to do a lot just to have something to complain about. Maybe my dad did more for us girls because mom wouldn't let him? I gladly let him and any man do things that I perceive to be "manly".
I almost feel lazy at times for it and I definitely look down on men who won't even do the simple things.
It really irritates me when men won't hold the door open when a woman is coming or reach to grab it first. I've just gotten to where I expect a man to open doors for me and I say bad things about them in my head if they don't. Lol. I mean I feel random strangers should hold the door for any woman that's going to the door at the same time.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Yes @michelle81
One of the reasons black women have to open up their options. And you don't have to beg, convince, or teach the guy for you to be of service either.
One of the reasons black women have to open up their options. And you don't have to beg, convince, or teach the guy for you to be of service either.
sweetvi
Well-Known Member
Yayyyy!!! Teach her to embrace her feminity and to allow the men to court her and to believe she is of high value..
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
This is my life. I am in love with alphas but they are so full of ish that I got tired of the mind games. Then I started being on my grind and making moves in my professional/personal life that I feel that I'm too much for the mind games and the constant ego checking that an alpha needs. I'm with a beta now and he lets me run all over him. Plus he needs me to be patient and hold his hand to tell him what to do/ what's expected. But he's heads over heels in love. I'm bored. He can't check me. So I guess now I'm the alpha woman and the tables have just reversed. I'm now the guy that I couldn't stand in my precious relationships. I am wondering how I went wrong in my previous relationships. Hmmm.
caribeandiva
Human being
At the bolded. I can relate. I'm a total Alpha woman. It sucks when the man can't stand up to me. I can't respect someone like that. Then it's not a true partnership.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
Riiiight. It's like too much for him to handle. He really tries to check me at times but just the slightest attitude or retailiation from me and he falls back. But it's like I have him under my spell. I'm thankful for the many things he dies for me but it can get boring
*~*Afrolicious*~*
Well-Known Member
I'm in a better place to receive the book fully as I have eliminated some lingering weak b**** qualities that I use to possess.
Is it worth it to buy Solving Single and Ho Tactics for perspective? Also people have mentioned this book by Theresa Phan(?)? Is that book necessary?
Is it worth it to buy Solving Single and Ho Tactics for perspective? Also people have mentioned this book by Theresa Phan(?)? Is that book necessary?
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
Yes to Ho Tactics! It gives you a glance into the most primitive aspects of the male mind. Plus, I don't think it hurts to have a couple of tricks in the roster
.If you've read MDLWLY and the BGAE blog, you really don't need Solving Single. It's not a bad read, but it doesn't present any new information. I've read it because it is a part of Kindle Unlimited.
I actually think Solving Single is a great read for younger women (HS Senior to College). Explicit language aside (in true Lambert fashion), a lot of the advice is presented in a way that is relevant to the modern dating world for young women. In one chapter, Lambert talks about how young women should choose worthy role models to look up to. He addresses the thirst trapping, social media "basica" culture that has young women using their bodies and material possessions to compete for the attention of men with no payoff in the end. If you have Kindle Unlimited, I'd say check it out. Otherwise, I'd pass.
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
Good advice!
I'm in beast mode right now. I want a new MacBook, a nice watch, and a birthday cruise. Love and long-term romance is secondary. This way I'm not disappointed by these fools. 
caribeandiva
Human being
Please expand on that. LolI haven't been in here in a while but decided to check in. I feel like such a dude these days.. Tis is all.
*~*Afrolicious*~*
Well-Known Member
Yes to Ho Tactics! It gives you a glance into the most primitive aspects of the male mind. Plus, I don't think it hurts to have a couple of tricks in the roster
If you've read MDLWLY and the BGAE blog, you really don't need Solving Single. It's not a bad read, but it doesn't present any new information. I've read it because it is a part of Kindle Unlimited.
I actually think Solving Single is a great read for younger women (HS Senior to College). Explicit language aside (in true Lambert fashion), a lot of the advice is presented in a way that is relevant to the modern dating world for young women. In one chapter, Lambert talks about how young women should choose worthy role models to look up to. He addresses the thirst trapping, social media "basica" culture that has young women using their bodies and material possessions to compete for the attention of men with no payoff in the end. If you have Kindle Unlimited, I'd say check it out. Otherwise, I'd pass.
I never heard of Kindle Unlimited. Just signed up for a my free 30 day trial, thanks!
I do appreciate the in Solving Single where he calls out Basica parents for lowering their daughter's greatness potential. I deal with this all the time smh
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nlamr2013
Well-Known Member
*~*Afrolicious*~*
Well-Known Member
Can I saw that Issa Rae's Insecure lays out EVERYTHING WRITTIEN IN Men Don't Love Women Like You and Solving Single! What great case studies!
*~*Afrolicious*~*
Well-Known Member
I have an issue with this passage from Solving Single: "If the girl he’s with isn’t strong enough to keep a hold on him, then that’s her fault. I’m not talking about adultery; I’m talking about boyfriend/ girlfriend relationships. Those titles are only as strong as a person makes them, and if her man wants to stray then obviously he wasn’t in love. You can’t technically steal someone that goes willingly. You can’t wreck a home that a man was only using as a temporary layover. Everyone has free will, which means you’re not guilty of taking her man; she’s guilty of not doing enough to make him stay. When you meet Mr. Right and it’s revealed that he has a chick, don’t shy away from that, embrace it. The last thing you want to be is a side ho. Side hos are complacent; they play their part and wait on the man to finish with his old girl. Spartans don’t wait they take. Ask about his girlfriend; make him feel comfortable talking about her. Evaluate how he treats his girlfriend, internalize how he talks about her, and pinpoint their true problems. After you gather enough intel, you will be able to see clearly if he’s a scumbag just looking to cheat on his girl, or if he’s a good man who’s searching for something genuine."
"Once you decide that you want him, erase his girlfriend from his life. The first step is to make him give this peasant girl a two-week’s notice. This isn’t a person who works at Burger King trying to get a job at the Post Office; he’s not allowed to keep his old job while applying for his new one. If he’s serious about getting with you, she has to go. A man will not want to leave his sure thing for a girl who he hasn’t even sampled yet. That’s his problem. If he wants to continue the sexting, dates, and eventually get sex down the line, then he has to make that hard decision to end his current relationship. Give him a deadline. Not only does he have to break it off with his wifey, he MUST tell her the reason why. This may sound unnecessarily cruel, but men will **** their ex-girlfriends until those exes close their legs and move on. If you make him tell this peasant, “It’s over because I met someone else,” that’s devastating. Unless she’s the dumbest girl on the planet, she will take huge offense to not being good enough, and never give him the ass again. This deathblow must be landed! You made him look like a jerk but at the same time you made it damn near impossible for him to two-time you with his old girl."
Thoughts?
"Once you decide that you want him, erase his girlfriend from his life. The first step is to make him give this peasant girl a two-week’s notice. This isn’t a person who works at Burger King trying to get a job at the Post Office; he’s not allowed to keep his old job while applying for his new one. If he’s serious about getting with you, she has to go. A man will not want to leave his sure thing for a girl who he hasn’t even sampled yet. That’s his problem. If he wants to continue the sexting, dates, and eventually get sex down the line, then he has to make that hard decision to end his current relationship. Give him a deadline. Not only does he have to break it off with his wifey, he MUST tell her the reason why. This may sound unnecessarily cruel, but men will **** their ex-girlfriends until those exes close their legs and move on. If you make him tell this peasant, “It’s over because I met someone else,” that’s devastating. Unless she’s the dumbest girl on the planet, she will take huge offense to not being good enough, and never give him the ass again. This deathblow must be landed! You made him look like a jerk but at the same time you made it damn near impossible for him to two-time you with his old girl."
Thoughts?
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
I was just thinking about bringing this up.
As taboo as it is, looking at many of the long-term couples I know of-- old and young-- many of those relationships started while one or both were already seeing other people (not married or engaged). It's just something most people don't talk about or admit to. Once I know a guy is in a relationship, I'm completely turned off. But men do not think this way. If a man wants a woman, he will continue to pursue her even if she's in a relationship already. But men aren't called homewreckers for pursuing taken women who aren't married. If they catch her-- they are called winners. This is probably why men have fewer single,dry spells than women.
My father used to tell me and my older sister that no man is ever really single. A true bachelor is rare over a certain age-- a man is always seeing someone on some level. Men date like Tarzan-- they never let go of one vine without having a firm grasp on the next. I didn't believe him until I saw this play out with my own eyes. My male friends would be in a relationship with one woman while pursuing a relationship with the next. Weeks later he'd dump the current girl to focus on the new one-- and the new girl would be none the wiser to any of it.
My father used to also tell us that it's easier to get a man when you already have a man.
I wonder if it could be cultural and generational as well? My South American female friends date like this. This always overlap their men and they have no qualms about entertaining a man who already has a girlfriend. Reading some old school literature reveals the same practice. Nobody took a relationship seriously if it wasn't marriage. I like my men single (to my knowledge) but overlapping isn't as uncommon as many make it seem.
janiebaby
Well-Known Member
@ArcticFemme to your whole post
to your whole post
caribeandiva
Human being
Omg I just realized that I've done exactly that in the recent past. He was in the tail end of his last relationship. He even had her fly in (she was long distance) and break up with her because I refused to take it any further if she was still in the picture. So this is normal? I felt so guilty for doing that.
miss cosmic
Well-Known Member
Please believe that there are plenty of men and women out there to whom not married = single.
Make sure you know your man's female friends, and be wary if he's still making 'new' friends. Nobody's looking to make new OPPOSITE SEX friends after age 30 or so, let's be real ( dont get hung up on the number. The point is that no grown person is walking around trying to 'make friends' of the opposite sex).
It's either he wants her and is being friend-zoned and biding his time, or she wants him and she's getting her hooks into him, as above.
Any woman who believes her man is making new female friends for no reason other than 'to make friends' is an idiot and deserves to have that man taken away.
And before y'all get up in arms talmbout 'platonic' friends - when did you last make a new male friend that wasn't tryna smash and/or that you didn't secretly want to smash?
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
I don't understand how this applies to her comment. Could you explain?
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I have a problem seeing or visualizing what this kind of stuff looks like. I just don't get it. I'm a visual person. Like I was reading the chapter on the disrespect from family on his side. Of course I struggle with that so it hit home for me.
Excerpts from the chapter:
-The moment a man fails to come to your aid in dealing with his people, then there is nothing to be handled because he has proven to lack the true heart of a man you could one day marry. You didn't give up on him, he gave up on you.
-If you can't stand up to a person's family now, you won't do it later.
Aight that's easier said that done. You'd break up with every guy you met if you did the first bullet because it's something wrong with every single one of them: money issues, credit, past relationships, personality differences, growing up trying to find their place in the workplace so money issues, previous children. It's MAJOR flaws in every woman and man. Is this my flaw? That I believe this way?
I agree with the second bullet. And I agree that a "Spartan" would never say either you handle it or I will because it's still putting the focus on you and letting him off easy while it is HIS job...but what does it look like to woman up? What does it look like if you figure some of this stuff out AFTER you're in a long term relationship? What now?
Excerpts from the chapter:
-The moment a man fails to come to your aid in dealing with his people, then there is nothing to be handled because he has proven to lack the true heart of a man you could one day marry. You didn't give up on him, he gave up on you.
-If you can't stand up to a person's family now, you won't do it later.
Aight that's easier said that done. You'd break up with every guy you met if you did the first bullet because it's something wrong with every single one of them: money issues, credit, past relationships, personality differences, growing up trying to find their place in the workplace so money issues, previous children. It's MAJOR flaws in every woman and man. Is this my flaw? That I believe this way?
I agree with the second bullet. And I agree that a "Spartan" would never say either you handle it or I will because it's still putting the focus on you and letting him off easy while it is HIS job...but what does it look like to woman up? What does it look like if you figure some of this stuff out AFTER you're in a long term relationship? What now?
hopeful
Well-Known Member
It means priority #1 is being treated well, feeling safe, and being loved vs. being with a certain "type" or race or whatever. Women waste a lot of time focusing on the wrong thing, trying to make a prince out of a frog because he fits certain specifications that don't include him having the capacity to or interest in treating you well, insuring your safety, and loving you. Saying casting a wider net gives us more options. Options that we deserve and may be missing out on otherwise.
*~*Afrolicious*~*
Well-Known Member
I'm mostly through Solving Single and I think women should read this before Men Don't Love Women Like You. It breaks down things in more detail and actually explains what an eye f*** is lmao. MDLWLY gave examples of women whose Spartan alter egos were sex kittens. I couldn't relate to it AT ALL. Solving Single is helping me find what works for me and be comfortable in my Spartan alter ego.
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