"men Dont Love Women Like You"
- Thread starter ChasingBliss
- Start date
caribeandiva
Human being
BGT
Well-Known Member
I'm in three classes with Jacob and I'm in a research project with him. I've actually seen him twice this week in class, which is since I asked him, and will see him Sunday when our group meets.Southernbella.
Well-Known Member
Married lady here. Halfway through the book and thread.
The audio book is pure hilarity. @CrackersPhinn post about GW in a powdered wig had me intrigued and she was so right. When George said something about "mutant p*ssy" I fell out.
Anyway, I love straight talk so I'm loving this book. Someone asked what married women are getting out of it.
First, I've lost a LOT of confidence at work and I have been battling mild bouts of depression. I need to be a Spartan outside of my house because I don't feel like I'm winning in the real world as it relates to my career, connections (or lack thereof) and assertiveness in making moves. I think some of his principles are definitely transferable.
Second, I'm raising a daughter. I think I halfway lucked up/was blessed that dh found me and treated me like a game changer from jump but I would like to be able to really teach dd the real in practical, actionable terms. No fumbling through dating like I did.
Third, dd is having trouble navigating the social realities of middle school. I was so glad he had a section on friendships because I think I can use it to help her have more confidence with her peers.
And finally, he read me for my entire early dating life. Someone mentioned getting closure on early relationships and YES, that is so true for me. With my ex specifically, I know exactly what I did wrong and I'm kicking myself for the mistakes I made. But live and learn, I'm over it, and for the first time, that whole debacle makes sense to me.
Thank you op for starting this thread!
The audio book is pure hilarity. @CrackersPhinn post about GW in a powdered wig had me intrigued and she was so right. When George said something about "mutant p*ssy" I fell out.
Anyway, I love straight talk so I'm loving this book. Someone asked what married women are getting out of it.
First, I've lost a LOT of confidence at work and I have been battling mild bouts of depression. I need to be a Spartan outside of my house because I don't feel like I'm winning in the real world as it relates to my career, connections (or lack thereof) and assertiveness in making moves. I think some of his principles are definitely transferable.
Second, I'm raising a daughter. I think I halfway lucked up/was blessed that dh found me and treated me like a game changer from jump but I would like to be able to really teach dd the real in practical, actionable terms. No fumbling through dating like I did.
Third, dd is having trouble navigating the social realities of middle school. I was so glad he had a section on friendships because I think I can use it to help her have more confidence with her peers.
And finally, he read me for my entire early dating life. Someone mentioned getting closure on early relationships and YES, that is so true for me. With my ex specifically, I know exactly what I did wrong and I'm kicking myself for the mistakes I made. But live and learn, I'm over it, and for the first time, that whole debacle makes sense to me.
Thank you op for starting this thread!
sweetvi
Well-Known Member
Married lady here. Halfway through the book and thread.
The audio book is pure hilarity. @CrackersPhinn post about GW in a powdered wig had me intrigued and she was so right. When George said something about "mutant p*ssy" I fell out.
Anyway, I love straight talk so I'm loving this book. Someone asked what married women are getting out of it.
First, I've lost a LOT of confidence at work and I have been battling mild bouts of depression. I need to be a Spartan outside of my house because I don't feel like I'm winning in the real world as it relates to my career, connections (or lack thereof) and assertiveness in making moves. I think some of his principles are definitely transferable.
Second, I'm raising a daughter. I think I halfway lucked up/was blessed that dh found me and treated me like a game changer from jump but I would like to be able to really teach dd the real in practical, actionable terms. No fumbling through dating like I did.
Third, dd is having trouble navigating the social realities of middle school. I was so glad he had a section on friendships because I think I can use it to help her have more confidence with her peers.
And finally, he read me for my entire early dating life. Someone mentioned getting closure on early relationships and YES, that is so true for me. With my ex specifically, I know exactly what I did wrong and I'm kicking myself for the mistakes I made. But live and learn, I'm over it, and for the first time, that whole debacle makes sense to me.
Thank you op for starting this thread!
Thank you!! You may not know it, but I secretly admire you, hopeful, honeybee and someof the other married girls here. Gives me hop
sweetvi
Well-Known Member
Just me in my thoughts:
What was the longest relationship you single girls have been in?
Have you ever been in love? Like reciprocated..not I did but he didnt?
Are you afraid of opening up? Or
making yourself vulnerable?
Just curious...
My answers:
1. 1.5 yrs in a committed one
2. I thoughy I was but I was too immature or inexperienced to see the unhealthiness of that relationship.
3. Im kinda afraid but Im willing to try again, but I still have my walls built up to the point I run at any signs of uh oh in my head. Lol. I think I might be a little Emotionally Unavailable. I get attached easily, so I avoid it if I can ha!!
What was the longest relationship you single girls have been in?
Have you ever been in love? Like reciprocated..not I did but he didnt?
Are you afraid of opening up? Or
making yourself vulnerable?
Just curious...
My answers:
1. 1.5 yrs in a committed one
2. I thoughy I was but I was too immature or inexperienced to see the unhealthiness of that relationship.
3. Im kinda afraid but Im willing to try again, but I still have my walls built up to the point I run at any signs of uh oh in my head. Lol. I think I might be a little Emotionally Unavailable. I get attached easily, so I avoid it if I can ha!!
yes!!! this book is very much an "a ha...thats what happened moment"
def provides clarity and closure on how something seemingly perfect com-busted and ended...
def provides clarity and closure on how something seemingly perfect com-busted and ended...
Married lady here. Halfway through the book and thread.
The audio book is pure hilarity. @CrackersPhinn post about GW in a powdered wig had me intrigued and she was so right. When George said something about "mutant p*ssy" I fell out.
Anyway, I love straight talk so I'm loving this book. Someone asked what married women are getting out of it.
First, I've lost a LOT of confidence at work and I have been battling mild bouts of depression. I need to be a Spartan outside of my house because I don't feel like I'm winning in the real world as it relates to my career, connections (or lack thereof) and assertiveness in making moves. I think some of his principles are definitely transferable.
Second, I'm raising a daughter. I think I halfway lucked up/was blessed that dh found me and treated me like a game changer from jump but I would like to be able to really teach dd the real in practical, actionable terms. No fumbling through dating like I did.
Third, dd is having trouble navigating the social realities of middle school. I was so glad he had a section on friendships because I think I can use it to help her have more confidence with her peers.
And finally, he read me for my entire early dating life. Someone mentioned getting closure on early relationships and YES, that is so true for me. With my ex specifically, I know exactly what I did wrong and I'm kicking myself for the mistakes I made. But live and learn, I'm over it, and for the first time, that whole debacle makes sense to me.
Thank you op for starting this thread!
movingforward13
I do what I want...
Finally got the book- I was pleased to find out my dating style was what he advises women should do. I was (still sorta am) pretty cut throat with guys when I first meet them, questioning them in the initial stages to figure out their character. I am pretty aggressive with my questioning so it turns a lot of men off. Trying to learn how to talk to them and question them playfully and subtly like he suggested to get the answers I need without them running first.
I think my problem is what to do with them after we been dating a while and they disappoint. Not that I have a hard time letting go - because I do leave men if they f&ck up.
But there is an "idealization" I have when I fall in love so I tend to keep people longer than I should in my life. I noticed I also have some co-dependency issues and have done some work to change that. Gonna use this and some other books/articles I am reading to develop a game plan AFTER I am in a relationship since I think that is where I need the most work.
Definitely have been in love, especially this very last time.
All of the guys I was in love with did love me at some point but they were VERY unemotionally available at times. They avoided trying to make the connection at times during the relationship. They did reciprocate but my love (decision to love) was stronger than theirs.
I am definitely not afraid of opening up and making myself vulnerable, especially if there is a strong connection.
I think my problem is what to do with them after we been dating a while and they disappoint. Not that I have a hard time letting go - because I do leave men if they f&ck up.
But there is an "idealization" I have when I fall in love so I tend to keep people longer than I should in my life. I noticed I also have some co-dependency issues and have done some work to change that. Gonna use this and some other books/articles I am reading to develop a game plan AFTER I am in a relationship since I think that is where I need the most work.
Mine was about 5 years.
Definitely have been in love, especially this very last time.
All of the guys I was in love with did love me at some point but they were VERY unemotionally available at times. They avoided trying to make the connection at times during the relationship. They did reciprocate but my love (decision to love) was stronger than theirs.
I am definitely not afraid of opening up and making myself vulnerable, especially if there is a strong connection.
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
sweetvi
Well-Known Member
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
Nope! Long, un-fun story, but we've been together (no breaks) since college. He wanted to get married, I was too distracted (un-fun stuff) to 'do my job' properly, so I've always declined. He mentions it about once a year. 
I'm getting there, tho. He asked me to look at rings and I (hesitantly) complied.
sweetvi
Well-Known Member
Wow.. what is your hesitation in marriage?
Lmao...
Btw you didnt answer my questions lol
LoveLiLi
Well-Known Member
I'm not married, it just feels like it.
I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. I would've sworn you were married.
In fact, within 24-48 hrs, I will go back to thinking you're married, lol!
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
1. A health issue that greatly interrupts my ability to live everyday life. I'm finally getting a handle on it. Yes, it took forever, because doctors have no help for me. I had to figure it out on my own which, given my non-medical background, was HARD.
2. Him. He's awesome and loves the ground I walk on. That's great. But I didn't feel like he was all the way there yet. We met so young (19) that he never really had a chance to mature on his own. So, for the past few years, I've purposefully not helped him with stuff in his weakest areas. Sink or swim. He swam, so he passed the test.
Oh, I didn't see.
Longest relationship? This one, 16 freakin years! (never woulda thunk
)Ever been in love? Afraid of opening up? These two are related to me, so I combined them. Really thinking about it, I think the only man I've ever been in love with is him. It's not that I'm afraid of opening up, it's just that I'm not that deep.
F*** me, feed me, make sure the lights is on, and leave me alone so I can read. I'm not complicated. He gets that about me because he's similar. (I had to really think about this, lol)
Honey Bee
Well-Known Member
I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. I would've sworn you were married.
In fact, within 24-48 hrs, I will go back to thinking you're married, lol!
But I started the shacking thread! 
hopeful
Well-Known Member
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
I just had an epiphany!
I never thought I had issues in romance because I've been spoiled on beta males. In HS and beyond I hung with the nerds, band geeks, and science freaks and these environments tend to be beta-male central. I've always had a handle on men because beta men are easy to attract and date-- especially if you are a very attractive and nice woman who is easy to talk to. Once they like you, you don't really have to do anything. A woman in this environment gets used to guys swooning and chasing her. These men are usually ready to settle down pretty quickly as well. While it is easy to make a beta commit, the relationships aren't always satisfying in the end. Sure these betas can be very successful and often make dedicated partners, but the beta-ness can soon get old when the man is faced with challenges and needs a lot of support and hand-holding unlike his alpha counterparts. So for me it was always a cycle of date a beta, beta falls in love, and I get bored and bounce.
G.L. Lambert's advice is specifically for women who are trying to attract alpha males and get them to commit. It is an entirely different ballgame that I wasn't prepared for until I moved. My first love interest/friend in my new city was an alpha, and he took me for a ride. I was soon thrust into a world of alpha males in my social circle and crashed and burned a couple of times. It's not enough to just be hot and intelligent for an alpha. In fact, I believe the beta is more caught up in a woman's looks and achievements than the alpha. With alpha men, it really is a mind game. It's a mind game for the beta, too; however, it's easy to be distant and cold with a beta because they don't light the same fire in a woman as an alpha. With a beta you can just ignore a few of his calls/texts and make him jump through a few hoops and he's hooked. With an alpha, the game has to be more strategic with a perfect balance of hot and cold. You have to constantly challenge him and check his ego. Dealing with betas can give an attractive woman a false confidence that an alpha can easily see through and exploit.
I think most of the modern-day, mainstream dating advice given to women only covers how to attract beta males which is why this book and blog is so refreshing. Most women can still be very happy with a beta man (and any other type of non-alpha), but there is a specific type of woman that requires an alpha in order for her to feel compelled to commit.
I never thought I had issues in romance because I've been spoiled on beta males. In HS and beyond I hung with the nerds, band geeks, and science freaks and these environments tend to be beta-male central. I've always had a handle on men because beta men are easy to attract and date-- especially if you are a very attractive and nice woman who is easy to talk to. Once they like you, you don't really have to do anything. A woman in this environment gets used to guys swooning and chasing her. These men are usually ready to settle down pretty quickly as well. While it is easy to make a beta commit, the relationships aren't always satisfying in the end. Sure these betas can be very successful and often make dedicated partners, but the beta-ness can soon get old when the man is faced with challenges and needs a lot of support and hand-holding unlike his alpha counterparts. So for me it was always a cycle of date a beta, beta falls in love, and I get bored and bounce.
G.L. Lambert's advice is specifically for women who are trying to attract alpha males and get them to commit. It is an entirely different ballgame that I wasn't prepared for until I moved. My first love interest/friend in my new city was an alpha, and he took me for a ride. I was soon thrust into a world of alpha males in my social circle and crashed and burned a couple of times. It's not enough to just be hot and intelligent for an alpha. In fact, I believe the beta is more caught up in a woman's looks and achievements than the alpha. With alpha men, it really is a mind game. It's a mind game for the beta, too; however, it's easy to be distant and cold with a beta because they don't light the same fire in a woman as an alpha. With a beta you can just ignore a few of his calls/texts and make him jump through a few hoops and he's hooked. With an alpha, the game has to be more strategic with a perfect balance of hot and cold. You have to constantly challenge him and check his ego. Dealing with betas can give an attractive woman a false confidence that an alpha can easily see through and exploit.
I think most of the modern-day, mainstream dating advice given to women only covers how to attract beta males which is why this book and blog is so refreshing. Most women can still be very happy with a beta man (and any other type of non-alpha), but there is a specific type of woman that requires an alpha in order for her to feel compelled to commit.
C@ssandr@
formerly known as "keyawarren"
Yes! this makes sooo much sense.
I've been there. Rather I'm here now.
I'm attracted to beta men. The nerds, the geeks, yeah, them. They are so easy because they're happy to have you. but man, having to build them up becomes tiresome, like you said.
I'm not sure when alpha's got on the radar for me. It could be when I slimmed down to a size 6 (they started checking for me). Anyway. These men, who know they have "high market value" require a level of tactics i'm not used to. I am in the process of changing my whole mindset and it is work.
For example. An alpha man is typically more confident, so asking you on a date is nothing. In fact he'll know what to say, and how to say it. A beta male, may need a push/encouragement. You can tell he's beating around the bush, and you may have to be the one to make him just come out with it.
I don't mind the nervousness, but ain't nobody got time for scaredy cats alll the frikkin time.
I digress
I see what you mean and I think you're point is valid.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
I loved this entire post and agree with everything esp the bolded. It has been precisely my past experience to a degree that you put into words.
Alphas for the most part trip off of NO woman. And if and he does, it's not the same as a beta. If you make an alpha trip, he's leaving...because 9 out of 10, he feels he is deserving of what he wants and if it aint working for him, he can certainly find another.
caribeandiva
Human being
You nailed it! I never thought of it that way before but you're right. All this time I thought I had no trouble with men because I'm used to beta men chasing me. With my looks and personality they are drawn to me like flies to honey! Only problem is there's no attraction there on my part, no gut level tingles. They wouldn't leave me alone though so I thought I had it all figured out when it comes to attracting men.
My most recent ex was most definitely an alpha. And boy are you right about me not being ready for the level of mind games and tests. I had met my match and I wasn't prepared for what was to come. It was a battle for control and us ego checking the other. Lawwddd... Knowing what I know now thanks to this book, I can clearly see all the mistakes I made. With my personality type, alphas are all I'm attracted to. If I commit to a beta, I can guarantee you that I will run the show (and him) and he'll let me! I'm not about that life.
Last edited:
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
LOL I kid you not, my best friend said these exact words (the bolded) to me years ago when we were having this discussion on alpha and beta men. She is an alpha female by the way.
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
Men live their lives and so should we. We need to just get busy living. And if you want a certain man, position yourself for it. Men like trophies. Broke men like meal tickets. Meal tickets only gives them the jumpstart they need to getting the trophy.
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
I think when it comes to most women, an alpha won't trip. But when it comes to a game changer, which is a rarity for an alpha, it's a different story. He can always find another woman to sleep with or date, but once he finds a woman that bewitches him... it's a wrap. I'm thinking about famous alphas of the past who destroyed themselves and everyone around them over a woman. There is usually at least one woman who can bring down an alpha, and she's rarely the prettiest, smartest, or most successful woman he's come across. Now I agree that a beta will work longer and harder to keep a relationship going. Also, the typical 'ignore him sometimes' trick that works on betas will drive an alpha away if it isn't strategic enough. I have firsthand experience with that. It really is a game of chess with these men.
SurferBabe
Well-Known Member
For example. An alpha man is typically more confident, so asking you on a date is nothing. In fact he'll know what to say, and how to say it. A beta male, may need a push/encouragement. You can tell he's beating around the bush, and you may have to be the one to make him just come out with it.
I don't mind the nervousness, but ain't nobody got time for scaredy cats alll the frikkin time.
I digress
I see what you mean and I think you're point is valid.
And if you're used to betas, all of this attention coming from an alpha makes you assume he's really into you. Before you know it, you're unknowingly walking into a game you're not prepared for.
Many women are used to their looks, smarts, and success giving them the upperhand with betas. Alphas don't give a fug. They've been dating hot, smart, and successful women since 18... and probably even before then. When that alpha passes a woman up for someone not nearly as pretty, fit, smart, and successful... it deals a blow to their ego because it's not the norm. That's why the book checks your ego and tells you to stop comparing yourself to other women because it gets you nowhere with an alpha.
Reminds me of how my super alpha male ex-friend broke the heart of this one young swimsuit model. This woman was gorgeous, fit, had her own money, a fly sports car, a full passport, and a condo with a skyline view. Men worshipped her. Two bands (one local and the other pretty popular worldwide in their genre) wrote songs about her describing her as "electric". She was madly in love with him and he would never give her commitment. She wasn't the same since. This same guy is still caught up over another woman who is average looking in comparison. She still lives at home and works part-time retail. They dated for 8 months and he broke up with her because she wouldn't give HIM commitment and he was becoming obsessed with her
. Since then he's dated plenty of gorgeous, smart, and successful women who want him yet he is still caught up with her. I remember him once saying that he was so crazy about her because he could never have her... and he's not used to that. She didn't give in to his games... instead, she challenged him. I know her and it isn't like she's a seductress or pro when it comes to alphas. It's natural in her. She has commitment and intimacy issues because her father left her mother for another woman and that experience changed how she views men. It created this cold, manipulative persona that I guess some alphas go crazy over. She's popped back up into the picture and he wants to give her another chance. Mind you, he's had women cooking for him, doing his laundry, helping him with his business, sexing him daily (and doing all types of freaky stuff... word gets aro), dog sitting for him, etc... and he's still caught up over her. He's bought groceries for her, given her money, let her use his extra car for months, taken her and her family on trips, etc... She's never cooked a meal for him and she barely answers his calls or texts. That should be a lesson to all women.
michelle81
Well-Known Member
^^^
@ArcticFemme
I know someone close to me going through this same thing right now. It's an interesting dynamic to watch for sure and he's a true alpha. The woman does okay financially, has a degree but he makes close to 10x what she does. She is divorced and busy with her children. The guy has a professional degree and does very well.
She's busy with living her life, kids, going back to school and while he works a lot - he still has more free time than her.
One of their phone convos:
Him: Why don't you ever call? Anyone I've been in a relationship with has always been the one calling me and wanting to see me. Maybe I should stop calling you so much? Maybe you don't like me?
Her: I'm not sure what to say about that.
He seems to be used to women knowing his profession and them doing all the chasing. She's different for him because he has to put in more work and she's not chasing him down. She's interested but busy and waiting for him to show more of his true character before diving in too deep.
@ArcticFemme
I know someone close to me going through this same thing right now. It's an interesting dynamic to watch for sure and he's a true alpha. The woman does okay financially, has a degree but he makes close to 10x what she does. She is divorced and busy with her children. The guy has a professional degree and does very well.
She's busy with living her life, kids, going back to school and while he works a lot - he still has more free time than her.
One of their phone convos:
Him: Why don't you ever call? Anyone I've been in a relationship with has always been the one calling me and wanting to see me. Maybe I should stop calling you so much? Maybe you don't like me?
Her: I'm not sure what to say about that.
He seems to be used to women knowing his profession and them doing all the chasing. She's different for him because he has to put in more work and she's not chasing him down. She's interested but busy and waiting for him to show more of his true character before diving in too deep.
Last edited:
caribeandiva
Human being
Longest relationship? 3 months *sigh* The last one was on and off for a year but we weren't official so...
I've been in love before and it's been reciprocated.
I've also been in one sided loves and those are always painful.I'm scared of opening up, letting myself be seeing fully and being judged for it. Vulnerability is something I'm working at all the time. My instincts are to protect myself and close up. Probably why I haven't been in a long-term relationship yet.
sweetvi
Well-Known Member
And if you're used to betas, all of this attention coming from an alpha makes you assume he's really into you. Before you know it, you're unknowingly walking into a game you're not prepared for.
Many women are used to their looks, smarts, and success giving them the upperhand with betas. Alphas don't give a fug. They've been dating hot, smart, and successful women since 18... and probably even before then. When that alpha passes a woman up for someone not nearly as pretty, fit, smart, and successful... it deals a blow to their ego because it's not the norm. That's why the book checks your ego and tells you to stop comparing yourself to other women because it gets you nowhere with an alpha.
Reminds me of how my super alpha male ex-friend broke the heart of this one young swimsuit model. This woman was gorgeous, fit, had her own money, a fly sports car, a full passport, and a condo with a skyline view. Men worshipped her. Two bands (one local and the other pretty popular worldwide in their genre) wrote songs about her describing her as "electric". She was madly in love with him and he would never give her commitment. She wasn't the same since. This same guy is still caught up over another woman who is average looking in comparison. She still lives at home and works part-time retail. They dated for 8 months and he broke up with her because she wouldn't give HIM commitment and he was becoming obsessed with her
These two women pretty much exhibited Katarina Phang's teaching about the power of leaning back that I discussed with @caribeandiva .
She teaches that with Alpha men... they have to be the hunter because that's how they r programmed. No amount of manipulation, leaning forward, or chasing will woe them..
Lol she basically said lean back as far as you can to IDGAF island and see how hard they fall.
1. Dont call them ever!!!! Many girls (me too) fail at this. He needs to be the one calling you (unless you r in a relationship then you make it make it a 70/30 rule)
2. Let them plan dates, initiate, court you. We r used to inviting them to events, asking to go out, or planning dates basically
3. Embrace your feminity (let your masculine energy go...thats a strong repellant for alpha men but also dont be afraid to hold them accountable) she is not saying to be a doormat either
4.live your life. Dont put yourself on hold for this man ( see friends, travel, manicure,etc)
5. Lure with honey . Ex: if you havent heard from him in 2 or 3 days, you shouldnt notice cuz you're living your life but respond with sweetness anyway .... some men play games to get a reaction from you. If you're too busy in your life to make him a priority, he will wonder why and start stepping up lol
Alpha men r a different breed but still men She also mentions that if they dont make an effort to be in your life, then thats good because he is making room for the one who earns you, not just accepting crumbs
Btw: she has had over 40 engagements since becoming a coach and still counting ( she announced 2 this week alone on facebook)
hopeful
Well-Known Member
sweetvi
Well-Known Member
Exactly! We internalize every rejection but hard to accept that he may be doing us a great service afterall. We as women r fixers...especially in relationships.. im still working on it!
Last edited:
Similar threads
