"men Dont Love Women Like You"

I read this this morning on my facebook feed:

@hopeful this might be useful to your group

Do not allow him to consume you. If he does not call, go to sleep. If he does not message, put your phone away and have a fantastic day anyway. If he acts distant when you are with him and refuses to tell you what is wrong, don’t wait for him, go home and do something you love. If he tries to insinuate you do not need your friends now that you have him, spend more time with your friends. If he tries to teach you a lesson through the silent treatment, ignore him completely.

If he plays with your feelings constantly, walk away from him. If he acts like your body is his entitlement when you are not ready, walk away from him. If he says terrible, unforgivable things and threatens to leave you after every argument, walk away from him. If he forbids you from doing anything you love, walk away from him. If he claims ownership of your accomplishments, walk away from him. If he demeans you or disrespects your being a girl and refuses to stop when you tell him it hurts, walk away from him.

I cannot stress this enough, you live for yourself first. He is a secondary character in the story of your life. Do not allow him to turn you into a secondary character in your own book.
- Nikita Gill
 
Although I have this book ive never been pressed to read it due to the subject matter. My girl said it's prob stuff I already know. Being entitled, selfish and btchy is kinda what I'm good at. Lol.


That said,.I flipped through the book and I swear I wish I could gift it to every black woman who desires to be happy in life and marriage but simply has no idea how to get there. Wanting/desire/intention is one thing, skill/ability/doing is another. For me, I know how to do it, just not sure if I want it tho. That said, I think any woman who desires to be the star of her life should be. If she wants the pedestal I believe all women should have it. Point blank. unfortunately there are lot of black women who were never taught firsthand hand how to make it happen.

This book right here is their Bible.

LADIES .

LISTEN TO THIS MAN.

If you dont, you'll regret it. Try to be a unicorn if you want to. Lemme how that works out...

I tried to share this with someone I care about. If she won't listen to me, then maybe shell listen to him.. She hasn't paid the book or site any mind. So you know what. Im going to let her do her. Im going to watch her *** up the best relationship and man this life will ever bring her (or most women) just shaking my head. Shes sabotaging like its an Olympic sport. I don't gaf what she says, if she *** this up it will be all her fault. No chick. Part of getting and knowing your worth is accepting responsibility for such power. How you wield it is ENTIRELY personal choice. Respect your power. The most powerful people in the world are far from the richest. Meanwhile while money naturally comes with power, there a numerous wealthy individuals who simply are not powerful. Think about it.… your life = your fault. Own it. No sympathy here.
 
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This ish cant be real!!!!!

Guess who I just came from Lunch with, WOOOORRRRKKKK CRUSH, I mean we were together getting lunch, not trying to over play situation and not amp off him, but that this attraction ish is seemingly working...

Deets: (Imma make this short!)

The elevator station has 3 elevators, I was getting off mines, and to my right the elevator doors open and guess who steps out. Yes, work crush... Both surprised, like wow hey you. So it is me and him on a floor that is not occupied, like a transitional floor to get to other floors, we have to walk down a flight of stairs to get to exit. Of course, even though he is behind me, he makes sure to grab stairway doors.

We start to talk about going out to lunch and why doesnt he have an umbrella, yadda yadda, it is raining, jokingly I state hey you not trying to get hair wet right, he has a baldie, he laughs like good one. In front of building we are both standing there discussing Lunch options and places we frequent, and he tells me of places not fond of, etc. He talks about all the things he can not eat because of acid reflux issues, yadda yadda, so we agree to walk over to local market mentioned upthread... On the walk we talk about areas we live in and since we are familiar with said area's we discuss happenings/hotspots/etc.

Upon entrance to Market, we go to "hot bar" and it was an okay selection, we get our meals and proceed to checkout, I lagged behind because I stopped to get a drink, and someone got behind him, as I was walking towards WC he gestured that I get in front of him, I did and we checkout. On walk back, I had been telling him something and it turned into this big joke because he was misunderstanding. His response had me looking at him like dude really. I mean we were just looking at each other with the WTF face, until we finally, actually stopped for clarity, we start laughing so freaking HARD, which lead to more conversation.

Back at Elevator station we enter to go back to our floors, he pressed my floor but not his own, so we ride up and once we got to my floor he realized the mistake, I exit and say good bye. He had look in eye that he didnt want it to end, I guess I didnt as well, but I kept it pushing it felt like the right move.

***BTW can I tell you guys how I started this day off not feeling that great, looks wise, I have, yes that 5second ponytail and outfit is a rainy day outfit, but in his presence you couldn't tell me I wasn't pulling this off like a Rihanna outfit...

Wait this was suppose to be short, haha...

*Confession: I stopped reading book, scared, nervous, not ready of whats to come in a sense.
 
@AnjelLuvsUBabe Aw... you're so cute. Thanks for sharing! I can feel your energy and it is beautiful! So I can only imagine Mr. Crush.

Though I have not read this book before I decided I wanted a different relationship, these principles are what changed my relationship to a complete 180-degree turn. When you truly know who you are, and what you have to offer, men do not phase you. I will never in my life settle again, or go along just to get along. My peace of mind is vital to me. I will never compromise it for anyone!
 
@Lucie, yea something new, different results! Going to move beyond work crushes and venture into unfamiliar lands, the world.

Realized after today not that interested in WC anymore. Like who can't eat chicken parmesan, lol.

Like author says, once beyond that, ohhh him ova there feelings and talk, he may not even be what imagined, lmao
 
OK so something just thought about I'm rereading and the author makes a lot of statements about how we were raised z to put others before ourselves so how would one raise a spartan
 
nlamr2013 said:
OK so something just thought about I'm rereading and the author makes a lot of statements about how we were raised z to put others before ourselves so how would one raise a spartan
Click to expand...


Circumstance/coincidence.

Both of my parents are youngest children and I'm the first and oldest child/grandchild. They weren't born into the position of tangible authority and entitlement ---which is why theyre inconsistent and not that good at it lol

I'm the Queen by default. The only person that can trump a queen is a king. Im the first, the beginning, the originator and the precedent. Once upon a time my entire family's lives revolved around me. Im the only girl of brothers. Im the first of have 12 first cousins. Hell my first baby picture is me sitting in my moms lap while my parents sat on two thrones with all my both sets of grandparents and all my aunts and uncles standing behind them. Lmao. Im the boss. Bow down. Cuz its important for everyone to remember and pay respect: I was the first. You come after me. I refuse to ever play second fiddle or come second without naturally taking offense or interpreting it as a personal attack. That's matter of not choice, its matter of fact. I've never had follow, take orders, receive leftovers or handdowns because i never had to. the opportunity to put others before myself is something I simply never learned since it wasn't my real life experience. I don't know any better .

That said, my daughter will likely be a baby beta spartan of me because I'll always struggle with not being the center of attention. Fortunately I'm prob so extreme that her spartan ***** is prob still 10 times worse than the average woman lol
 
nlamr2013 said:
OK so something just thought about I'm rereading and the author makes a lot of statements about how we were raised z to put others before ourselves so how would one raise a spartan
Click to expand...

This is something I'm now trying to figure out as I spartan up myself. My daughter is 6 and I realize it starts with the little everyday things. For example if she makes comments about not liking herself we tackle that. I put her in front of the mirror and we talk about the things she loves about herself while I remind her that she is made by God and that means she is perfect! It is now a regular thing for me to now ask her who she is and she'll respond with her full name followed by an affirmation of 'I am the best!'
2 weeks ago it was talking about giving to herself first because she's most important before giving to others. For us it's catching the little things and correcting and reenforcing that she should be number one for her. I told her that while I know she wants to be kind to others the first person she needs to be kind to is herself.
I'm sure many more will come up especially with the new school year and all. I look forward to teaching her the things I wish I was taught as a little girl.
 
sweetvi said:
I read this this morning on my facebook feed:

@hopeful this might be useful to your group

Do not allow him to consume you. If he does not call, go to sleep. If he does not message, put your phone away and have a fantastic day anyway. If he acts distant when you are with him and refuses to tell you what is wrong, don’t wait for him, go home and do something you love. If he tries to insinuate you do not need your friends now that you have him, spend more time with your friends. If he tries to teach you a lesson through the silent treatment, ignore him completely.

If he plays with your feelings constantly, walk away from him. If he acts like your body is his entitlement when you are not ready, walk away from him. If he says terrible, unforgivable things and threatens to leave you after every argument, walk away from him. If he forbids you from doing anything you love, walk away from him. If he claims ownership of your accomplishments, walk away from him. If he demeans you or disrespects your being a girl and refuses to stop when you tell him it hurts, walk away from him.

I cannot stress this enough, you live for yourself first. He is a secondary character in the story of your life. Do not allow him to turn you into a secondary character in your own book.
- Nikita Gill
Click to expand...
Great message. Love it.
 
I have mixed feelings when I reread the book as well as his blog posts. I understand he's trying to obliterate Basica thought processes that keep women in undesirable situations, but I feel like I'm getting jaded to some extent. I feel like everyone is trying to throw game my way. I'm not understand how I can deeply love someone now if everything is a freaking game.

I use to feel positive about relationships, knowing that the right one will come. I now see where I've dealt with dudes who just gamed me in the past and see where it's happening now. If men can be such great actors, crying on the phone wanting you back but don't give a fluck about you in reality, then what can I trust?! Emotionally it seems I can't be invested at all, or maybe I don't understand the balance in emotions.

Sometimes this book and his blog posts seem more like a burden because my trust has changed for people in general and I don't like that.

Rant over.
 
*~*Afrolicious*~* said:
I have mixed feelings when I reread the book as well as his blog posts. I understand he's trying to obliterate Basica thought processes that keep women in undesirable situations, but I feel like I'm getting jaded to some extent. I feel like everyone is trying to throw game my way. I'm not understand how I can deeply love someone now if everything is a freaking game.

I use to feel positive about relationships, knowing that the right one will come. I now see where I've dealt with dudes who just gamed me in the past and see where it's happening now. If men can be such great actors, crying on the phone wanting you back but don't give a fluck about you in reality, then what can I trust?! Emotionally it seems I can't be invested at all, or maybe I don't understand the balance in emotions.

Sometimes this book and his blog posts seem more like a burden because my trust has changed for people in general and I don't like that.

Rant over.
Click to expand...
.

Become very selfish and figure out what you want. Use men to your advantage to help you get it..it's not about them, it's about you and your goals. Play the game. Cause you damb sure they trying to play you. Ain't no fairytales bih, only personal responsibility and results.
 
Layluh said:
.

Become very selfish and figure out what you want. Use men to your advantage to help you get it..it's not about them, it's about you and your goals. Play the game. Cause you damb sure they trying to play you. Ain't no fairytales bih, only personal responsibility and results.
Click to expand...

It's hard when you care about folks. I've noticed a few friends, two I've considered ride-or-die, are distant/ have not communicated with me it hurts my feelings. I didn't do anything to them, it just bothers me that I feel like some folks, both romantic and friendly, seem to act inconsistent. It's hard for me to say f them and not care when I care and love them smh.
 
*~*Afrolicious*~* said:
It's hard when you care about folks. I've noticed a few friends, two I've considered ride-or-die, are distant/ have not communicated with me it hurts my feelings. I didn't do anything to them, it just bothers me that I feel like some folks, both romantic and friendly, seem to act inconsistent. It's hard for me to say f them and not care when I care and love them smh.
Click to expand...
You can care and love them from afar. It doesn't make it any less real. Just don't let it turn you into a doormat, trying to twist yourself into a pretzel to "fix" everything and please everyone. Try to find out what happened. If it was something you did, it's your job to go to them and apologize. If you're innocent then all you can do is respect their wishes and move on. No resentment. If you can't find out what happened for whatever reason then move on.
 
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*~*Afrolicious*~* said:
It's hard when you care about folks. I've noticed a few friends, two I've considered ride-or-die, are distant/ have not communicated with me it hurts my feelings. I didn't do anything to them, it just bothers me that I feel like some folks, both romantic and friendly, seem to act inconsistent. It's hard for me to say f them and not care when I care and love them smh.
Click to expand...

Too often we judge people based on their actions BUT we judge ourselves based on only our intentions. That said, I suspect there is more to your friendship than you are communicating to us. Maybe more than you even realize up until this point. Have you been there for them? Maybe being there for them also involves reaching out to them during what could be hard times in their lives??? Either way, people gravitate towards people who make them feel good.
 
I learned that once a person gets married, has a new boo or baby then they cant give as much as themselves to relationships with friends anymore. Ive learned that you kind of get dropped until they need you or gets lonely. I can count on my hands on how many close friends I still have after all these years.

Its as if you have an expectation for them to reciprocate because youve done so much for them. In actuality, they really dont owe you. So ive learned to invest in myself and gravitate towards those with similar lifestyles..

Not talking about you afrolicious per say, but in general. However, you cant help but feelimg hurt because you treat people a certain way and expect the same..
 
I agree with @sweetvi.

Once your friend gets married or boo'd up, it's not realistic to expect them to relate to you in the same way all the time. She may very well need time to figure out how to deal with her new man/husband, his family, and her family accepting him as well. That doesn't mean you give up on them, it means adjusting your expectations while extending occasional invitations to meet up for girl time and calling from time to time. You have to work on your loyalty because if they are ride or die friends, I don't see their behavior as negating that.
 
I gave my younger cousin my kindle login so she could read this book but she decided to read Ho Tactics first lol. Before she could even finish the book she tested his techniques on the guys she currently has in rotation. She was so excited at how easy it was to hustle up some money for the weekend. It's funny how applying his techniques quickly revealed that the guy she was digging the most is really full of ish .
She just texted me that she met two new "marks" last night. Lordt.. what have I done lol
 
JunMom2Be said:
I gave my younger cousin my kindle login so she could read this book but she decided to read Ho Tactics first lol. Before she could even finish the book she tested his techniques on the guys she currently has in rotation. She was so excited at how easy it was to hustle up some money for the weekend. It's funny how applying his techniques quickly revealed that the guy she was digging the most is really full of ish .
She just texted me that she met two new "marks" last night. Lordt.. what have I done lol
Click to expand...
Team Ho Tactics lol
 
JunMom2Be said:
I gave my younger cousin my kindle login so she could read this book but she decided to read Ho Tactics first lol. Before she could even finish the book she tested his techniques on the guys she currently has in rotation. She was so excited at how easy it was to hustle up some money for the weekend. It's funny how applying his techniques quickly revealed that the guy she was digging the most is really full of ish .
She just texted me that she met two new "marks" last night. Lordt.. what have I done lol
Click to expand...


Lol how old is she? I eould like to know how she specifically went about getting the dough??lol
 
sweetvi said:
Lol how old is she? I eould like to know how she specifically went about getting the dough??lol
Click to expand...

She is 26. She made up some lie about not having money to celebrate her daughters bday and texted it to multiple men. One guy texted her back suggesting she make a box cake and boil some hotdogs #struggledick rofl

Its just great seeing her regain her power and having zero tolerance for the bs.
 
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