"men Dont Love Women Like You"

giigii613 said:
Granted I haven't read this book yet but he usually does more than give advice or provide steps on how to "catch" a man. He has stated that women inherently attract men, quality or otherwise, whether they want to or not, that is a given, he focuses on what women do once they have a man they want or want to use to really take a step back and ensure they are getting exactly what they want. Just like some people don't know what they want out of their job some don't know what they want out of a man (just b/c you have him doesn't mean you're using him to his fullest potential). IMHO he is like a funny friend who is good at talking about mistakes he's experienced, heard or seen. Taking or not taking his relationship advice isn't the central point of reading the book. To me it gives off the same feeling as reading advice posts on LHCF if you enjoy hearing people talk about your value as a woman you'll enjoy him.
Click to expand...

I could use more advice like this. I'm good with guys once I meet them. My issue is finding them! If I hop online, I can snag a few dates within a few days...with quality dudes. However, something happens. The guys I like the most see me as a homie. I have excellent social skills. Most people in real life like me. I have charm...but i realize those are not the things that snag a dude. So yeah, once they're in orbit, I'm not sure how to lock it down because I make them comfortable. (Another issue is that they are quick to tell me their dirt. I am quite disarming). I know my issues. I'm learning how to become more assertive. My laid back nature is seemingly a turn off. I'm just now getting it.

TopShelf said:
I agree about the need to study people. We study every other aspect of our lives when it comes to getting what we want but when it comes to women reading books about relationships and men people make the statement "it's common sense". If it's so daggone common, why are so many people, MEN AND WOMEN, of all races single and lonely.

I loathe when people come into the relationship threads and say these things. If common sense has worked for you then why are you here?
Click to expand...

I totally get what @*CherryPie* was trying to say. However, when I am tired, like last night, I can come off as "extra" :look:
I am totally biased in terms of Sociology. It is what I studied in school, it is what I am and aspire to be. So I have a natural inclination to know how the sausage is made, be it beneficial or not :lol: However, knowing how things work is not always necessary. For those who have "it", they're fine. It's not necessary for them to know.

Also, I think breaking it all down does mess some of us up. We have intuition and womanly wiles. We really should be relying on that. But for many of us, we rely too much on outside sources (again, seemingly harmless, but shitty advice from "friends") and can't figure out why we're stuck.

**I feel it's necessary to add, that when we don't know the person who's giving their 2 cents, it's really hard to take them seriously. There are only a handful of women on here that I actually believe in terms of how they operate in real life. This is why I side eye most folks and their rlshp advice...esp in this area of the forum.
 
@keyawarren I can relate. I'm more of the homie who learns about all their dirt too even with my little curves.
It's weird. I try to channel my @Lucie to help me NOT be so much of the friend and more of the laaaaaaaaaaady friend lol.
I've been told this as recently as last week from an ex. I was more like a friend, a sister. Not sure what it means. Any translators in the house?[/QUOTE]
 
Fine 4s said:
@keyawarren I can relate. I'm more of the homie who learns about all their dirt too even with my little curves.
It's weird. I try to channel my @Lucie to help me NOT be so much of the friend and more of the laaaaaaaaaaady friend lol.
I've been told this as recently as last week from an ex. I was more like a friend, a sister. Not sure what it means. Any translators in the house?
Click to expand...
[/QUOTE]

I think it means they'd smash but not marry. You don't incite their protective inclinations and you are not assertive.

For example, if a guy calls you up and asks if you're free in 2 hours, you as a "friend" would go along with it because that's what friends do.
A lady, who is to be courted, would tell them no and let the gentleman know that she needs proper notice. You are to make time for her.
 
@keyawarren
Damn, I feel all defensive!
But even if we're not smashing...in one case that was it in college and my ex we were together for a couple of years so yeah we were smashing but you're right we never got to the marriage stage (which he says he never will but hmm...we'll see about that)...I can see me being a placeholder but just a smashbox? My feelings are all hurt. LMAO
You are DEAD WRONG damn it!
Also, even with the men that are strictly my friends though, some of them are the fiercest protectors.
Maybe I'm too in my feelings to get it. I'll circle back later lol
 
Fine 4s said:
@keyawarren I can relate. I'm more of the homie who learns about all their dirt too even with my little curves.
It's weird. I try to channel my @Lucie to help me NOT be so much of the friend and more of the laaaaaaaaaaady friend lol.
I've been told this as recently as last week from an ex. I was more like a friend, a sister. Not sure what it means. Any translators in the house?
Click to expand...

While being friends is important in a relationship, I believe a man needs to see you as his woman first. He needs to be comfortable with you, but not so comfortable that he sees you primarily as his boy or sister.

In French they say, "C'est le ton qui fais le chanson." Translation: it is the music that makes the song. You are the music. As mentioned create mystery. Do not be so available. Let things flow. Of course, as time goes on it can be more spontaneous. And though some feel how you start is how you end, you can start regaining your power in baby steps.

Good luck.
 
keyawarren said:
There's experiential/anecdotal knowledge and then there's sort of knowing the science behind it.
I think the books fall into the latter category. I'm big on knowing how things work and hearing the theories of such.

Another thing I want to add, is that the game has changed. The dating climate has changed dramatically from when I was in my 20's. This change is due to many reasons. I like hearing the pov's of the amateur and expert sociologists alike.
Click to expand...

^^^ This is it exactly! I have to admit that I am battling my "norms" so to speak - the images I saw in my mother and other matriarchal figures in my life > strong black women! To add to that, the male models I had in my life and what a real man looks like. I have to dispel some their myths and learn how to get what I truly want versus embracing somebody else's belief system. We have to be shown what shapes our views and find tools that help us to change. Granted, everyone's experiences vary and effect us differently. We have to allow for variety and promote growth, how ever it comes.

I like the way Lambert changes the tone a bit and focuses on tapping into your true self and how verbal affirmations lead you to your desires. We do have the power to manifest all the things we want in life - men and etc., etc., etc.

@ChasingBliss thanks for bringing this book to my attention. I have enjoyed it. I'm a Spartan snitches!! <insert Caucasian lady smile>
 
Fine 4s said:
@keyawarren
Damn, I feel all defensive!
But even if we're not smashing...in one case that was it in college and my ex we were together for a couple of years so yeah we were smashing but you're right we never got to the marriage stage (which he says he never will but hmm...we'll see about that)...I can see me being a placeholder but just a smashbox? My feelings are all hurt. LMAO
You are DEAD WRONG damn it!
Also, even with the men that are strictly my friends though, some of them are the fiercest protectors.
Maybe I'm too in my feelings to get it. I'll circle back later lol
Click to expand...

Don't be. Just for the record all guys wanna smash (I hate that term but it seems appropriate). Most of them are willing to have sex with us. It's just that some see us as valuable in marriage terms and some don't. The man who values you courts you because he wan't to keep you around for the long term.

It's not a bad thing. We're meant to be sexually attractive.
 
Selflessness and servitude are hustles.............

Selfishness is your savior. Put yourself first!
Be kind, be there to help, be there to listen. Do all the things that a good friend does. But never sacrifice your own well-being for their approval or benefit.

Remember this is your story. If you feel as if your relationship between you and another person is not balanced or isn't benefiting your experience of life, let that ***** go! Don't feel bad, don't feel guilty. They are just a ****ing supporting character like Aunt Viv on the Fresh Prince. Another one will pop up after you fire that one, to take that role in your life.

The universe will bring in people to advance your story and also remove those that no longer grow you.
 
Great thread. I'm not going to buy the book because I have too much reading to do right now but I'll pass it along in my small circle.
Sometimes I wish books and threads like this had been available to me 10-12 years ago, but I've learned how to analyze and read outsiders' relationships and use what I've learned to my own benefit.
 
ChasingBliss said:
@*CherriPie* I have a very similar track record to yours as do many women. But guys do and say anything to hold on to pus....plain and simple. I am not validated by men's unwavoring attention and compliments about how different I am..Or by good guys who want me back in a relationship. They say the same shyt to a lot of women because it feeds the ego of women who feel the need to feel superior to other women. Especially if they peep that there is a deficit in her self esteem. But anyway, this book is deeper than that. Read a bit of it and you'll see what I mean. I am married and I saw something in his readings that spoke to me especially in my past thinking. I'm not saying that you need this book or any woman on here. It's for those who are interested...but I thought it was a great share and it may help someone understand themselves as it relates to their attitudes, thoughts and behaviors in relationships and what they are attracting.
Click to expand...

:toocool::toocool::toocool::toocool:
 
TopShelf said:
Selflessness and servitude are hustles.............

Selfishness is your savior. Put yourself first!
Be kind, be there to help, be there to listen. Do all the things that a good friend does. But never sacrifice your own well-being for their approval or benefit.

Remember this is your story. If you feel as if your relationship between you and another person is not balanced or isn't benefiting your experience of life, let that ***** go! Don't feel bad, don't feel guilty. They are just a ******* supporting character like Aunt Viv on the Fresh Prince. Another one will pop up after you fire that one, to take that role in your life.

The universe will bring in people to advance your story and also remove those that no longer grow you.
Click to expand...
I couldn't agree with THIS anymore...
 
Chocoluxe said:
Did you finish listening yet? I literally finished listening within two days. I think this is the most comprehensive relationships book geared towards women that I have ever read. He introduced a lot of topics I was pleasantly surprised to hear him cover.
Click to expand...
Yes, I made some positive revolutions in my life due to this book. After Chapter 3, I was changing my tactics, or rather my attitudes towards men and got instant gratification. In the past, I just wasn't certain what I wanted out of a relationship so I set a precedence. When I wanted to become more than a homie, lover, friend, I pretty much relegated myself to a placeholder and there wasn't much I could argue against. I thought we grow into deeper meanimgful feelings. I was playing checkers and them chess.

We had connections, so what? I already told them through my actions, that meant shiddd so I could not be mad if they moved on to someone who wasn't wasting time trying to figure things out.

I learned from this book I talk entirely too much lol. Always have a presentation that you are a sure thing, that you are sure of yourself. Even if they are a place holder, treat them like a star, because in the event I figure it out, they will not hold my indecisiveness over me.

The minute I cut that shiddd out and started treating men like THEY were "typical" , I was receiving texts everyday, offers to lock it down, "Maddy let me take you out, let's go shopping, let me go to your grandparents 50th wedding anniversary and meet your family," (yes, that happened yesterday, lol) etc.

I think the whole theme is did you forget you were a prize? Prizes don't need to sell themselves. They are something that shine on their own and must be obtained by the contestant. If the contestant quits or loses, the prize doesn't jump off the shelf to barter. No she continues to do her until someone wins. Not everyone is going to be a winner. Let them move on.

So yeah...lol
 
Last edited:
HappyMadison said:
Yes, I made some positive revolutions in my life due to this book. After Chapter 3, I was changing my tactics, or rather my attitudes towards men and got instant gratification. In the past, I just wasn't certain what I wanted out of a relationship so I set a precedence. When I wanted to become more than a homie, lover, friend, I pretty much relegated myself to a placeholder and there wasn't much I could argue against. I thought we grow into deeper meanimgful feelings. I was playing checkers and them chess.

We had connections, so what? I already told them through my actions, that meant shiddd so I could not be mad if they moved on to someone who wasn't wasting time trying to figure things out.

I learned from this book I talk entirely too much lol. Always have a presentation that you are a sure thing, that you are sure of yourself. Even if they are a place holder, treat them like a star, because in the event I figure it out, they will not hold my indecisiveness over me.

The minute I cut that shiddd out and started treating men like THEY were "typical" , I was receiving texts everyday, offers to lock it down, "Maddy let me take you out, let's go shopping, let me go to your grandparents 50th wedding anniversary and meet your family," (yes, that happened yesterday, lol) etc.

I think the whole theme is did you forget you were a prize? Prizes don't need to sell themselves. They are something that shine on their own and must be obtained by the contestant. If the contestant quits or loses, the prize doesn't jump off the shelf to barter. No she continues to do her until someone wins. Not everyone is going to be a winner. Let them move on.

So yeah...lol
Click to expand...

I find I talk entirely too much too and oftentimes than not find myself in placeholder position. Love the 'prizes don't sell themselves'. Cutting that out stat!
 
I feel like I'm a slow reader. Y'all are almost done! I read it on my phone usually on my way to and from work and sometimes before bed. Here my two favs lines right now:

“You don’t want to be a man-eater like Scarlett O’Hara, you choose to be Aerial The Little Mermaid, a hopelessly romantic dumbass that would sell her own voice for a dick.”

“There is no such thing as the right man at the wrong time or any other basic ***** romantic belief that make men into limited editions.”

Weeeellllll......
 
Fine 4s said:
But Kim, this is the ish we grow up with. Like I'm mad at Disney now lol
I will be very very careful what my child watches particularly if it's a girl. She's going to be the most tomboy girl ever! Lol
Click to expand...

I know just what you mean. It was the brutal truth of it made me laugh. I have a 6 year old girl and just a few days ago we had to have a talk about not giving away the best things even though she wanted it. I had to make sure she understood that she has to think about and give to herself first instead of always thinking about others first.
 
Chocoluxe said:
Did you finish listening yet? I literally finished listening within two days. I think this is the most comprehensive relationships book geared towards women that I have ever read. He introduced a lot of topics I was pleasantly surprised to hear him cover.
Click to expand...
I'm on the last chapter now. Will be done tonight and ready for sunday. Ironically i am going to happy hour at Sobe tomorrow specifically to meet guys but this was before i heard of the book.

I was in costco last Sunday and there were so many men in there that i could've flirted with but i didn't know how.....womp womp
 

Attachments

  • IMG-20160717-WA0006.jpeg
    IMG-20160717-WA0006.jpeg
    226.5 KB · Views: 190
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

ChanelNo5
Why Do Men Love B******
2 3
Replies
63
Views
3K
MJ
MJ
tiara76
Men Like women who Like themselves
Replies
11
Views
755
londontresses
L
Serenity_Peace
"The Raw Truth: What Black Men Really Want." Would you get this book?
2
Replies
42
Views
771
Carrie A
Carrie A
BeautifulFlower
Do Successful Women Intimidate Men? I'd like your thoughts on this article
2
Replies
33
Views
574
Blyss_curls
B
BeautifulFlower
Top Reasons Why Men Lose Interest In Women
2
Replies
39
Views
1K
Curlybeauty
Curlybeauty
Back
Top