"men Dont Love Women Like You"

[Honey Bee]

So you're secret were no expectations, no attachments?

Pretty much.

We were young and I didn't need nothing from nobody so I sorted more for potential (real potential, ie, stellar credentials, etc). I dealt with bm almost exclusively during this period. From my understanding, this would be the same pool of men we currently claim 'won't commit'. Welp. When you play they @ss loose, they get reaaaal clingy and thirsty for committment. You'd be amazed.

 

[C@ssandr@]

Pretty much.

We were young and I didn't need nothing from nobody so I sorted more for potential (real potential, ie, stellar credentials, etc). I dealt with bm almost exclusively during this period. From my understanding, this would be the same pool of men we currently claim 'won't commit'. Welp. When you play they @ss loose, they get reaaaal clingy and thirsty for committment. You'd be amazed.

how were you able to assess this? This part seems intuitive.

I guess at our age (30 somethings) I don't need to sort for potential success because he should already be about something with a hobby on the side. Hell, we should be saving for retirement right now.

 

[Honey Bee]

how were you able to assess this? This part seems intuitive.

I guess at our age (30 somethings) I don't need to sort for potential success because he should already be about something with a hobby on the side. Hell, we should be saving for retirement right now.

My mother just asked me this. I told her, 'Extreme vetting'. Meaning, I never met anybody 'in the wild', always through a group or org where they had already been vetted. I met people through school, work, or associated groups. That way I knew for sure, he worked there, had graduated from here, etc.

Once the particulars were pinned down, that's when intuition comes into play, to gauge his seriousness re: his career, me, etc. My general rule was never to date, touch, or sleep with anyone who didn't have a good (85%+) chance of being able to support me and/ or offspring. Not that I needed it or was planning to have any babies with them, it was just a useful bench mark.

 

[Jas123]

My general rule was never to date, touch, or sleep with anyone who didn't have a good (85%+) chance of being able to support me and/ or offspring

Great rule/benchmark to have.

 

[sweetvi]

My mother just asked me this. I told her, 'Extreme vetting'. Meaning, I never met anybody 'in the wild', always through a group or org where they had already been vetted. I met people through school, work, or associated groups. That way I knew for sure, he worked there, had graduated from here, etc.

Once the particulars were pinned down, that's when intuition comes into play, to gauge his seriousness re: his career, me, etc. My general rule was never to date, touch, or sleep with anyone who didn't have a good (85%+) chance of being able to support me and/ or offspring. Not that I needed it or was planning to have any babies with them, it was just a useful bench mark.

Thank you! I think my mistake was not being eager to find someone in college. I was more encouraged to focus on school only and to find someone after.....ugggh lol. You live and you learn..

 

[sweetvi]

My mother just asked me this. I told her, 'Extreme vetting'. Meaning, I never met anybody 'in the wild', always through a group or org where they had already been vetted. I met people through school, work, or associated groups. That way I knew for sure, he worked there, had graduated from here, etc.

Once the particulars were pinned down, that's when intuition comes into play, to gauge his seriousness re: his career, me, etc. My general rule was never to date, touch, or sleep with anyone who didn't have a good (85%+) chance of being able to support me and/ or offspring. Not that I needed it or was planning to have any babies with them, it was just a useful bench mark.

Thank you! I think my mistake was not being eager to find someone in college. I was more encouraged to focus on school only and to find someone after.....ugggh lol. You live and you learn..

 

[Honey Bee]

Thank you! I think my mistake was not being eager to find someone in college. I was more encouraged to focus on school only and to find someone after.....ugggh lol. You live and you learn..

Girl, don't cry over spilled milk (but do share this info with the young women you know. Evangelize! ). All you can do is tell yourself, 'Do better tomorrow'.

Besides, you can still apply whatever you found useful to adult life. Join professional org's and alumni groups. Get your friends to do the same and now yall got a nice lil pool of pre-screened men of differing professions and interests to choose from.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

Thank you! I think my mistake was not being eager to find someone in college. I was more encouraged to focus on school only and to find someone after.....ugggh lol. You live and you learn..

There is a negative side to being "eager." I've been eager since high school. That mindset made me extra hard on myself when things didn't work out. After I had a long term relationship end at 28 I was negative self speaking every second! I felt less than a woman for always wanting something real and not having that happy marriage. I had no clue about dating or the male mindset and it took a lot of work on myself (including this book) to let go of the husband eagerness my mother programmed in my head since I was 14 years old. I agree with Honey Bee, all of that is in the past.

 

[nlamr2013]

So score one for spartan nlamr. This morning I was speaking to a potential and dude was not answering me like I like to be spoken to, he wasn't rude but just didn't sound as excited to speak to me as I like for people especially dudes to be.
So the basica in me caught the mean attitude face all screwed up and in a mood. Plotting how I was gonna be petty to him when he tried to speak to me later. I had to check the mess out of myself like wait one minute why you being so weak, get up out them feelings. And mind your business. This man is not your man. Move along.




Side note: I am struggling with rejecting a couple dudes that keep trying to get on. They're really nice like genuinely and I don't want to hurt their feelings. Do yall feel like every dude needs to be handled by a spartan?

 

[Layluh]

@nlamr2013

Girl. Don't delay, do it today! Lolol

 

[nlamr2013]

@nlamr2013

Girl. Don't delay, do it today! LololView attachment 373619

I actually see him during the day so blocking would be useless. But I have been generally ignoring him. It's eating him up. I don't care. Should have known better.
Wake up, snatched souls.

 

[SurferBabe]

So... I think I'm moving on to H* Tactics . It fits where I am mentally with men right now. I have the book but never finished. I'm going to start reading it again tonight.

 

[sharifeh]

My mother just asked me this. I told her, 'Extreme vetting'. Meaning, I never met anybody 'in the wild', always through a group or org where they had already been vetted. I met people through school, work, or associated groups. That way I knew for sure, he worked there, had graduated from here, etc.

Once the particulars were pinned down, that's when intuition comes into play, to gauge his seriousness re: his career, me, etc. My general rule was never to date, touch, or sleep with anyone who didn't have a good (85%+) chance of being able to support me and/ or offspring. Not that I needed it or was planning to have any babies with them, it was just a useful bench mark.

Girl, don't cry over spilled milk (but do share this info with the young women you know. Evangelize! ). All you can do is tell yourself, 'Do better tomorrow'.

Besides, you can still apply whatever you found useful to adult life. Join professional org's and alumni groups. Get your friends to do the same and now yall got a nice lil pool of pre-screened men of differing professions and interests to choose from.

since you're also in NYC- do you have any group recommendations?

 

[HappyMadison]

So... I think I'm moving on to H* Tactics . It fits where I am mentally with men right now. I have the book but never finished. I'm going to start reading it again tonight.

Yassss bih...come join the dark side lol.

I will post inserts. So far, so good.

Comprehension is the only path to real discipline.
Real Discipline: Wanting something, understanding why you want it, and then making a conscious and unwavering decision to abstain because you don’t need it.
Fake Discipline: Wanting something, not fully understanding why you want it so bad, and trying to hold out using willpower to fight the part of you that must have it.
Willpower alone can’t save you because it often conflicts with the logic of the mind’s Pleasure Principle.
Bringing it back to relationships, girls know they shouldn’t have sex too fast or commit themselves to one man too early in the game. However, their minds think, “it won’t make a difference. If he likes me he likes me”and they break their diet, aka ruin their standards and go for the pleasure. Before you can apply any Ho Tactic, you must strengthen your sexual discipline. Not in the repressive way you’ve been doing with willpower alone, but in a way that you fully understand why you want that man, and why you shouldn’t give in until you get what you want first.

Playing it safe is the DNA of losers.

Right is a direction, not a state of living,

Knowledge without the courage to apply it is worthless.

That tingling feeling isn’t proof that he’s special; it’s proof that you ’re not gay.

Hosheet
Get Comfortable Talking About Sex:
Don’t Just Watch Porn, Study Porn:
An Orgasm A Day Keeps Thirst Away:
Learn To Take A Compliment:
Don’t Let Pride F* You:
“We’ ll see” Is Better Than “No”:

 

[Jas123]

That tingling feeling isn’t proof that he’s special; it’s proof that you ’re not gay.

Love this.
eta: this statement could save a lot of ladies from heartache.

 

[Honey Bee]

since you're also in NYC- do you have any group recommendations?

Nope! I been with this man too long to keep up.

But if I turn up single tomorrow , first thing I'm doing is joining NY-based alumni clubs for my middle school, hs, and college. (Utilize all resources.) Next up, going to events that interest the kinda men I want (remember, sort for material security first, bare minimum). I also have some high brow interests that I'd like to get back into (riding, art, etc). I might also volunteer someplace where they be at, in my case, the museums since that's my field and where I shine. I'm not playing out here. SO knows this.

 

[Honey Bee]

Hosheet
Get Comfortable Talking About Sex:
Don’t Just Watch Porn, Study Porn:
An Orgasm A Day Keeps Thirst Away:
Learn To Take A Compliment:
Don’t Let Pride F* You:
“We’ ll see” Is Better Than “No”:

Every. single. one.

This man is doing God's work.

 

[sweetvi]

Every. single. one.

This man is doing God's work.

You're funny lol

 

[Layluh]

Every. single. one.

This man is doing God's work.

I like that "we'll see" one. You kno men are forward as hell. Lately I been telling them "when/if I wanna **** you. I'll tell you." lol

 

[HappyMadison]

Every. single. one.

This man is doing God's work.

I just had a conversation or two about sex and I was so unfazed, but the men were coming undone. I was like uh kneegrow, Really? I promptly thanked them for their service and, afterwards, I was getting phone calls like crazy.
"Uhhh, whatcha doing?"
"Reading, I will talk to you tomorrow."

I have been copying and pasting sections and using them in active exercises.

This is the sex talk exercise from the book:

This week I want you to have a conversation with a male about sex . It doesn’t matter who the guy is, so long as it forces you to step out of your comfort zone.

Ask this male about his favorite positions and then tell yours.

Ask this male about oral sex, and how getting head makes you feel.

I want you to openly express yourself in a way that takes away all the giggles and discomfort.

 

[Layluh]

I just had a conversation or two about sex and I was so unfazed, but the men were coming undone. I was like uh kneegrow, Really? I promptly thanked them for their service and, afterwards, I was getting phone calls like crazy.
"Uhhh, whatcha doing?"
"Reading, I will talk to you tomorrow."

I have been copying and pasting sections and using them in active exercises.

This is the sex talk exercise from the book:

This week I want you to have a conversation with a male about sex . It doesn’t matter who the guy is, so long as it forces you to step out of your comfort zone.

Ask this male about his favorite positions and then tell yours.

Ask this male about oral sex, and how getting head makes you feel.

I want you to openly express yourself in a way that takes away all the giggles and discomfort.

Lol I've been doing that too. I asked one guy his dick size and he showed it to me. Not that I wanted to do anything. But, I've always been curious about size but felt like I had to **** them to find out and would be disappointed if it was too small or big. Now I just ask and most are cool with pulling it out.

 

[HappyMadison]

Ho nugget:
Hip Hop has promoted this, “You can’t save a Ho,”or the “Captain Save-A-Ho”rhetoric, but the truth is most of the guys rapping about not loving Hos are obsessed with them.

 

[HappyMadison]

Ho nugget:

You can be his girlfriend, be there to hold him down through bad times and party with him during good times, but what you have with your boyfriend is a partnership. You aren’t indebted to him, or owe him ****; you both do for each other in your own little ways.

Ladies tend to fall into two categories, either an independent woman who does for herself or a woman that spoils a man because that’s how you were raised to love. Men do appreciate those women, they wife them, they love them, but they rarely trick on them.

Many of you reading this have boyfriends or husbands that don’t buy you ****, but you know they have it to spend. Your man is more likely to trick on a Ho or his “sister”before he tricks on you, a loyal woman that gives him endless love.

This happened because you have established that you don’t need him to take care of you. A man gets comfortable in that role to the point that he forgets that you are still a woman that has a need to be spoiled like a princess every now and then.

Trophy wives and Hos usually have one big thing in common, they need that man, they are dependent on that man, and they stroke his ego in a way that plays to his fraternal caring side as well as his savage sexual desire.

Barbie started a thread about this...hmmm....

 

[ChasingBliss]

Nope! I been with this man too long to keep up.

But if I turn up single tomorrow , first thing I'm doing is joining NY-based alumni clubs for my middle school, hs, and college. (Utilize all resources.) Next up, going to events that interest the kinda men I want (remember, sort for material security first, bare minimum). I also have some high brow interests that I'd like to get back into (riding, art, etc). I might also volunteer someplace where they be at, in my case, the museums since that's my field and where I shine. I'm not playing out here. SO knows this.

Your SO knows you'd be looking for someone else if you turned up single tomorrow???? LOL I love it. I think all women should keep their men on their toes like this.

Sometimes when having conversations with dh we talk about what ifs....I am never comfortable with admitting that I am willing to go out there and find somebody else if we break. He always says, "I'll never get married again....but I wont die alone".

 

[LostInAdream]

Ho nugget:
Hip Hop has promoted this, “You can’t save a Ho,”or the “Captain Save-A-Ho”rhetoric, but the truth is most of the guys rapping about not loving Hos are obsessed with them.

I've always wondered why they contradicted themselves. I know why they love them but why put them down is my question.

 

[Honey Bee]

Your SO knows you'd be looking for someone else if you turned up single tomorrow???? LOL I love it. I think all women should keep their men on their toes like this.

Sometimes when having conversations with dh we talk about what ifs....I am never comfortable with admitting that I am willing to go out there and find somebody else if we break. He always says, "I'll never get married again....but I wont die alone".

Yep. I literally read him that post.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Seems like we are so busy trying to figure out what men want when we should be trying to find out what we want.
I constantly feel like I am misdirecting energy. Putting too much energy out when it should be directed inward.

Feels like I have read this before. I agree with the ego about women.
But the same is true for men. Men are nothing special. They are just men.
They know this, they are all alike. They tell us this, we don't listen and we don't ask questions.

It's like there are 3 type of men, Batman, Robin and The Joker.
Batman is chasing The Joker, Robin wants to be Batman.
And The Joker is wreaking havoc and having all the fun.

I am really at a point in my life where I don't care what men want.
My concerns are what do I want? Who do I want? What kind of man suits MY needs?
Thinking from the inside out, not looking from the outside in.

Right now I am open to books that teach women how to channel feminine energy and how to discover who we are and recognizing what kind of guy meets our needs.

I wonder if it's really that simple. Focus on what makes me happy and the universe will send it.

 

[Honey Bee]

n.

I am really at a point in my life where I don't care what men want.
My concerns are what do I want? Who do I want? What kind of man suits MY needs?

Wait, what? People aren't doing that already?

 

[caribeandiva]

I wonder if it's really that simple. Focus on what makes me happy and the universe will send it.

Pretty much.

 

[CurlyMoo]

Wait, what? People aren't doing that already?

They need to be!