"men Dont Love Women Like You"

Kimbosheart said:
Personally, I doubt "we're here" on a first date especially. A smile, pretty face and boobs is a pretty low bar and I may have just been in the mood for a free meal and entertainment.

But if it's possible he's got something in him that matches what I want, I want to make sure I'm exuding my answer. I haven't dated in years but I do think it should be an interview for both parties
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"We're here" is dismissive to a dumb question. We should both be trying to figure out if or if not the other is special--not asking the dude sitting there why he thinks he's special. He'll come up with a reason or a lie and I may not agree that characteristic is special. The reasons he lists why he's special aren't neccessarily special to me. So, why bother asking.

E: grammar
 
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I read the book as as saying that getting to a relationship or serious status requires you to be a game changer.

If you're going to be that then you have to demonstrate i.e. answer the question? Thats being asked through all of the dating the whole encounter. Where he decides to curb you or change his plans and put in effort.

While overall the book can be so much more than a relationship book. At its heart it is exactly that in saying men don't love women like you.

If we are all so amazingly special then to me the book is pointless in describing mens reactions to our typical behavior. We are all game changers and get the relationship we want with the men we want every time.
 
Kimbosheart said:
I read the book as as saying that getting to a relationship or serious status requires you to be a game changer.

If you're going to be that then you have to demonstrate i.e. answer the question? Thats being asked through all of the dating the whole encounter. Where he decides to curb you or change his plans and put in effort.

While overall the book can be so much more than a relationship book. At its heart it is exactly that in saying men don't love women like you.

If we are all so amazingly special then to me the book is pointless in describing mens reactions to our typical behavior. We are all game changers and get the relationship we want with the men we want every time.
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You finished the book?
 
[QUOTE="Kimbosheart, post:

The next questions from the book, if anyone cares to take a stab at it: What do you want? What are you looking for? - I feel that one problem that stops a would be Spartan is we aren't clear on what we want so when we do get male attention its easy to get distracted and caught up in the moment since we don't have a true long-term goal in mind. If we did, it'd be a lot easier to stay focused on making him prove to us that he is worthy of our time and attention.[/QUOTE]

But I'm working on figuring this out these days. I know I want a family...I missed that growing up and enjoy others who have it.
But. does a family mean that I have to be married to him? WHY you want to be married?
Some serious soul searching....
 
Exactly

That's the point
You don't answer that question, not even a little bit
The only feasible response I would give is
You'll find out if I decide your worthy....

I've never had a man ask me some mess like that

***

Adonia1987 said:
@Kimbosheart @caribeandiva Why not just smile and say something like: "that's for you to find out". I've never been asked that question and even if I was I wouldn't answer it.
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caribeandiva said:
So has anyone of us here been asked that question before though: "What's so special about you? Or what do you bring to the table?" I honestly haven't. At least not point blank. About 2 months ago this dude was trying to figure out all about me -- through texts of all things! He was asking all about my education, background, personality etc... I told him to go first so he wrote my several paragraphs about his accomplishments etc... I fell for it and told him all about mine but he had more questions. I politely told him I had to go cuz I'm busy and that's when he asked me out (which never panned out btw). Now that I know better, I'll do better. :yep:
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Do you think men ask this to weed women out?

I was listening to a relationship expert say that when men ask you "what do you do" you shouldn't lead with your job, education and accomplishments. You should tell them what you do for leisure. "I like to play tennis, I like to travel, I go to the movies" etc. It's not that I think men can't handle an accomplished woman but I think it's more feminine to be a little coy about it?
 
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Interesting comment about men wanting the "game changer." Earlier this year, I met an older woman and her husband and she told me the story of how they got together. They married later in life (for that time anyway--in their 30s) and are now in their late 60s. We were talking about relationships and she said "men want the woman who's different. You have to be different than everyone else." There isn't one way to be different and what's a game changer will vary with different men, but to YOUR MAN, you have to be the woman that no one else could measure up to. I think we tend to think it's in looks but I don't think it's that. Allison Armstrong said the same thing in Making Sense of Men. In addition to being different, though, he has to feel that he can actually make you happy.
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
This and me neither. I'm suspicious of it actually because a man who truly wants a woman will not hesitate to marry her. There's no questions or doubts.
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I agree with this. AA said a man will have a strong sense early on and he's observing and gathering data to see if the pieces fit. Women will make the pieces fit. Men don't do that--if it fits it fits. If not, he moves the h*ll on.
 
I hope at the root of all of this we women realize that it is ALL ABOUT YOU. This information is for our reflection on the self, our personal power. We are not trying to impress each other or men. We just have to comfortably be ourselves. We have to love ourselves unconditionally with no strings attached...whether eyes are on us or not. We are not trying to out do ANYONE but the person we were yesterday.
 
ChasingBliss said:
I hope at the root of all of this we women realize that it is ALL ABOUT YOU. This information is for our reflection on the self, our personal power. We are not trying to impress each other or men. We just have to comfortably be ourselves. We have to love ourselves unconditionally with no strings attached...whether eyes are on us or not. We are not trying to out do ANYONE but the person we were yesterday.
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THIS-- every single word:2inlove:
 
Belle Du Jour said:
Do you think men ask this to weed women out?

I was listening to a relationship expert say that when men ask you "what do you do" you shouldn't lead with your job, education and accomplishments. You should tell them what you do for leisure. "I like to play tennis, I like to travel, I go to the movies" etc. It's not that I think men can't handle an accomplished woman but I think it's more feminine to be a little coy about it?
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I used to say, "I'm a socialite." LMAOOOOOO


Going into, "I'm a EURUSD trader at one of the world's largest banks, I'm also the treasurer of my AKA chapter and a memeber of the Junior League of Chicago" while may be true and "special," is trying too hard.
 
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hopeful said:
I think the cursing is necessary. It expresses anger, anger that should be felt and expressed because we have gotten the short end of the stick for too damned long. What some men do to us, cheat, manipulate, lie, is a form of abuse that gets a pass for being a man, a player, etc. It's disgusting and it's wrong. Somebody should be mad enough to curse and then do something about it like writing a book.
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Im going to adopt you as my second mother..
 
Kimbosheart said:
I've never been asked directly to be honest but that is the whole point of the first few dates. It's like you're being asked indirectly. Which is my guess why the author spends time on building your brand as you build your confidence.

Now the men I've been talking to, including my cousin say that's the one thing they are trying to figure out since they are spending money and time on this chase.
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I don't think your cousin is as reformed as you think. Men know what they want. They may never admit it out loud but they know what they are holding out for. When they meet "it" they know to put out their A game even if the object of their desire (universal) is not even checking for them. So your cousin still asking this of his dates is leftover player mess.

You don't walk up to a lion and ask are you really a lion. They just strut in and when they feel like it they roar.

The point of the question is not to answer for others it's for YOU to recognize who you are and why you're worth fighting for.

The point is not to check off various traits you think Boss Spartans exude. It's learn to love yourself as you are right now and roar your behind off. If you are a real lion then don't let the jackals or snakes you've chosen to be around devalue your worth by comparing you to cheetahs or chickens. If a crackhead can find crackhead love there is no reason why "you" an (fill in your blank) woman can't demand a man worthy of your life without the games and nonsense.

Interviewing while dating is to see where you stand on various issues beyond physical and being secure enough in yourself to walk away when you see red flags. If you don't want kids and he wants them cease discussion. Stop thinking you going to change his mind (or if vice versa let some man waste all your good egg years with promises not matched by actions). You may think there's a list of things that make you better than the next but if ole boy decides he wants HER he will get with her whether she comes with a degree or 3 kids with 3 sperm donors. Answering that question for a man not truly checking for you is an exercise in ego that you'll never win.

Who you are and what you do are two different things. No book in the world will help if you can't discern the difference and recognize game.

If there are things you want to do to be the best you then do it but stop thinking men care. They really don't. Lambert has said this time and time again yet so many keep missing it and making what he says more complicated than it is.
 
So I read the book. I'm in a long term relationship already and a lot of things I did to "get" him were Spartan and some things I've done/do may not be. However, I still really enjoyed the book because there are many points that made a lot of sense. I never felt one ounce of offense when he described the basic bih traits. I realized that while "getting" my man, I never once touted my accomplishments (there are many that I am proud of) because I've never let them define me. I am special and the bomb w/out them., but I have accomplished for me and only me, not to impress anyone, especially not a man. Also, he straight up told me he didn't care about all that anyway. He was looking for a woman who displayed certain traits that he was into, none of which had to do with type of career, amount of money being made etc.

I liked the cursing and what not throughout the book. It was funny and helped drive the point. At this point in my relationship though, I know I've landed a real man and throughout the relationship, I've done a good job of not frog farming (from The Queens Code) him, which I'm proud of and why I know we're both very happy. I'm going to use some more gems from the book throughout life, but I didn't think it was mind blowing. If you're confident in yourself and exude that in all you do, how you look, and how you speak, the mens will fall at your feet.
 
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@Kimbosheart your cousin sounds like he's still a scumbag. I've never been asked that. Like if you have to ask...then I just. I dont know.

How slow do you have to be to not have figured that out yet? and if you have figured it out and are insinuating I'm not special. Why are you here wasting my time.

Most likely I'd say that's for you to figure out. Here let me get up and walk away so I can help you figure it out quicker.
 
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Fine 4s said:
[QUOTE="Kimbosheart, post:

The next questions from the book, if anyone cares to take a stab at it: What do you want? What are you looking for? - I feel that one problem that stops a would be Spartan is we aren't clear on what we want so when we do get male attention its easy to get distracted and caught up in the moment since we don't have a true long-term goal in mind. If we did, it'd be a lot easier to stay focused on making him prove to us that he is worthy of our time and attention.
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But I'm working on figuring this out these days. I know I want a family...I missed that growing up and enjoy others who have it.
But. does a family mean that I have to be married to him? WHY you want to be married?
Some serious soul searching....[/QUOTE]

Because when you're old and past retirement age you can take out Social Security on him.
 
I'm at chapter 20 now but I'm re-reading the last few chapters before continuing on.

I can see where I've made mistakes in dating but also where I was Spartan-like lol. What I like is how Lambert gives actual examples and details on how to date and where women go wrong. As I read I ran through date ideas in my head that will help me get to know a man and figure out if he fits into my world without making myself too vulnerable. Again he's not saying anything I didn't already know on some level but the way he's saying it makes it easy to apply it to practice. Unfortunately I know women who went terribly wrong in the dating process and now are in messy, bad relationships. Which brings me one of my favorite things that Lambert says, getting a man to give you the title of girlfriend is worthless. It's who is giving it that matters. Totally true because many of the men I've dated were clearly interested and probably would've asked me to be their girlfriend but I wasn't feeling it so they got dropped before it got to that point.

The cursing in the book helps everything stick. "Off with his f****** head" and "I am a f****** Queen" are now my running themes lol.

But I must say the chapters on the second date had me kinda
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on physical attraction. I've thought it's better to let a physical attraction develop over time, at least on my end, I know for men it's different. Many men I've been physically attracted to at first glance turned out to be all wrong for me. The problem is Lambert's talking about letting a man know you're attracted to him while not giving in easy. I totally get what he's saying but I'm not kissing a man unless I'm physically attracted to him. And even on a second date if things are going well, a desire to kiss him or do almost anything physical still won't be there. So now I'm like, do I only go out with men I'm physically attracted to at first glance? That would certainly make dating more fun with less pressure on my end. It would also require me to be more honest with myself about what turns me on physically.:ohwell::perplexed:
 
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I would never tell a guy I just met straight up what I do for a living. That's just asking for trouble lol. When I was dating multiple folks and guys would ask me what do you do? "Ohh, a little of this a little of that" "I like to read" lmao "ay man, I'm just tryna get by like errbody else" etc :lol: I mean I would tell them eventually, but I would never come right out and say the exact words. Haha no. But I don't like telling anyone what I do anyway, so...

"So what do you do? " And I never thought they cared anyway. It's just an ice breaker/something for them to say. So i make a joke out of it: ice broken, mission accomplished lol.

It reminds me of when you're just walking around and strangers pass by you and say "hey, how's it going?" really quickly. I just be like "hi *smile*" I never answer the question lmao and I damn sure don't reciprocate the question. Please. No one actually cares! :lol: it's just absent minded ramblings lol. My SO answers the question tho "good. And yourself?" Cracks me up. Chiiiiile these people don't care about your life! Smh :lachen:

You know, someone has asked me some version of "what sets you apart?" once. I immediately thought he was a douchebag. This has got to be the bullspit of all bullspits of questions :rofl: biiiiih, this ain't no job interview! I'd rather be watching netflix right now, I'm here cuz you asked me, you think I'm not gonna have a blast by treating this like an interview? Got the wrong one lmao. Ask me something stupid again. I got jokes for daaaays lmao.

Yea, I just don't answer wrong/stupid questions. Like..you've got to be kidding me. You're joking, right? Oh ok, we're joking now? Cool. Let me fire 1 back at you then.

Ot from the above: If a man flat out said to me "I don't care about your accomplishments" I would laugh and walk away from the situation. How rude lmao.
 
The more I think about it the question is a real mind fluck. It sets you up to prove something that really isn't proveable and turns the tables so that women are then pursuing men by validating why the guy should spend time with them. Men know there's no right answer so the only point is finding out the woman's angle or weakness. It's the first move in a chess game.
 
Black Ambrosia said:
The more I think about it the question is a real mind fluck. It sets you up to prove something that really isn't proveable and turns the tables so that women are then pursuing men by validating why the guy should spend time with them. Men know there's no right answer so the only point is finding out the woman's angle or weakness. It's the first move in a chess game.
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I agree with you completely. If someone is interested in getting to know you and intending to put in the time to do so, a question like that is unnecessary.

Also, although the author presents these men's behavior as crappy, he stops short of calling them abusive or mysogynistic etc. I prefer to go all the way and say that if a man can easily manipulate, use, lie to, cheat on, and objectify you, he is a misogynist -- sorry not sorry.
 
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Black Ambrosia said:
The more I think about it the question is a real mind fluck. It sets you up to prove something that really isn't proveable and turns the tables so that women are then pursuing men by validating why the guy should spend time with them. Men know there's no right answer so the only point is finding out the woman's angle or weakness. It's the first move in a chess game.
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EXACTLY.
 
Can anyone summarize the confidence chapter or post the main points? I don't think I can read the book because of the language...
 
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