"men Dont Love Women Like You"

Ok I just had a revelation y'all!! For those of us who read The Queen's code or are familiar with Allison Armstrong's books, you've heard her say repeatedly that: "Men leave women they CAN'T make happy". To tie it to this book, so a placeholder is a woman a man was attracted to at first because of how happy and confident she was. As the relationship progresses, she starts getting needier and needier, loses her confidence, and expects HIM to become the source of her happiness. That's a recipe for disaster because no matter how hard he tries no man can make you happy. Happiness is an inside job. So at that point the man leaves because he knows it's a losing battle. He thinks to himself: "I can never marry someone that needy, so desperate for my approval and who I can't make happy because of the above reasons". So his gamechanger is the woman who DOESN'T lose that confidence in herself ever while she's with him. Confidence = happiness. So he stays with her because he doesn't have to make her happy. She's already happy! So the spark doesn't die like it did with the placeholder. That's when she becomes his Gamechanger.
 
My cousin and I took a stab at answering the question about what makes us special.

My answer:
I can say all these things: I'm curious, always learning and creating and trying new things. I'm decisive which actually makes me very laid back. I've been called aloof or snobbish which I don't mind because it's fun to watch people react to me. I would do anything for my family and true friends. I'm a little different day to day depending on what I need to do or where my interests take me. It's what makes me difficult to define and hard to resist. But I think the better response is to ask you why should I give you a chance to learn what's so special about me?

My cousins answer:
I can't say what makes me special. It depends on what you perceive as special. I think everyone think they are special or unique because of certain traits they say they possess. So I think that is a question another person would have to answer, I can only show you how special I am.

I just thought this was a fun little exercise I'd share.
 
Kimbosheart said:
My cousin and I took a stab at answering the question about what makes us special.

My answer:
I can say all these things: I'm curious, always learning and creating and trying new things. I'm decisive which actually makes me very laid back. I've been called aloof or snobbish which I don't mind because it's fun to watch people react to me. I would do anything for my family and true friends. I'm a little different day to day depending on what I need to do or where my interests take me. It's what makes me difficult to define and hard to resist. But I think the better response is to ask you why should I give you a chance to learn what's so special about me?

My cousins answer:
I can't say what makes me special. It depends on what you perceive as special. I think everyone think they are special or unique because of certain traits they say they possess. So I think that is a question another person would have to answer, I can only show you how special I am.

I just thought this was a fun little exercise I'd share.
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I think yall may have missed the point.
 
caribeandiva said:
Ok I just had a revelation y'all!! For those of us who read The Queen's code or are familiar with Allison Armstrong's books, you've heard her say repeatedly that: "Men leave women they CAN'T make happy". To tie it to this book, so a placeholder is a woman a man was attracted to at first because of how happy and confident she was. As the relationship progresses, she starts getting needier and needier, loses her confidence, and expects HIM to become the source of her happiness. That's a recipe for disaster because no matter how hard he tries no man can make you happy. Happiness is an inside job. So at that point the man leaves because he knows it's a losing battle. He thinks to himself: "I can never marry someone that needy, so desperate for my approval and who I can't make happy because of the above reasons". So his gamechanger is the woman who DOESN'T lose that confidence in herself ever while she's with him. Confidence = happiness. So he stays with her because he doesn't have to make her happy. She's already happy! So the spark doesn't die like it did with the placeholder. That's when she becomes his Gamechanger.
Click to expand...

She often becomes needy because HE stops doing what he did to win her over, spreads himself too thin, and gives his heart and energy to work, other people, other activities and things that have nothing to do with her. It's hard to be happy in a marriage when the other half is not fully present, no where near as committed as he was before, and constantly seeking yet another challenge.
 
hopeful said:
She often becomes needy because HE stops doing what he did to win her over, spreads himself too thin, and gives his heart and energy to work, other people, other activities and things that have nothing to do with her. It's hard to be happy in a marriage when the other half is not fully present, no where near as committed as he was before, and constantly seeking yet another challenge.
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Good point
 
Belle Du Jour said:
Wondering if I should just clutch the pearls and just read it anyway? :look: :lol:
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Gurrrrl....that's what I'm doing lol :look:

A lot of foul language usually turns me off, but this book I must say is definitely WELL worth the read...AND the money!! Girl, just buy it, and we can be reading and clutching our pearls together Rotfl!! :lachen:



ScorpioBeauty09 said:
@Crystalicequeen123 I had a similar revelation. It's about to be a whole new ScorpioQueen09 and the world better get used to it!
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That's right girl!!!! :clap:



sweetvi said:
Dang it LHCF! I just spent money again!! After reading the sample (excellent btw!!), I purchased the hard cover due to the extra chapters
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LOL I know.....I had sworn NEVER to buy another relationship book ever again, but you guys convinced me, and let me say, it was definitely well worth the purchase! :yep: :up:


caribeandiva said:
Ok I just had a revelation y'all!! For those of us who read The Queen's code or are familiar with Allison Armstrong's books, you've heard her say repeatedly that: "Men leave women they CAN'T make happy". To tie it to this book, so a placeholder is a woman a man was attracted to at first because of how happy and confident she was. As the relationship progresses, she starts getting needier and needier, loses her confidence, and expects HIM to become the source of her happiness. That's a recipe for disaster because no matter how hard he tries no man can make you happy. Happiness is an inside job. So at that point the man leaves because he knows it's a losing battle. He thinks to himself: "I can never marry someone that needy, so desperate for my approval and who I can't make happy because of the above reasons". So his gamechanger is the woman who DOESN'T lose that confidence in herself ever while she's with him. Confidence = happiness. So he stays with her because he doesn't have to make her happy. She's already happy! So the spark doesn't die like it did with the placeholder. That's when she becomes his Gamechanger.
Click to expand...
I think that's definitely true!

But I also get the impression from the book that most of the time,a place holder really is basically a woman that a man may be attracted to, but for whatever reason, he just doesn't see HER as his future serious gf or wife.

I think it's his lackadaisical actions towards her that cause a woman to feel needy and anxious in the first place....and so the guy ends up dumping her. If he had been truly viewing her as a game changer,I don't get the impression she would have been feeling insecure about the relationship in first place. Idk if that makes sense.

I get the impression from the book so far, that a man basically puts a woman into a certain category early on. That's why I've never believed that men need years upon years of dating or living together in order to figure out if he wants to marry you or not. I get the feeling though that just because start off as a placeholder, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are doomed to stay in that category forever. It may take the woman putting her foot down early on, or doing something that shows the man that she is different from all the others. I just think it's tough to go from placeholder to game changer if you've been a certain person all this time. I think it's hard for a man to respect you after he knows you've taken so much disrespect in the past.
 
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I think the cursing is necessary. It expresses anger, anger that should be felt and expressed because we have gotten the short end of the stick for too damned long. What some men do to us, cheat, manipulate, lie, is a form of abuse that gets a pass for being a man, a player, etc. It's disgusting and it's wrong. Somebody should be mad enough to curse and then do something about it like writing a book.
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
I get the impression from the book so far, that a man basically puts a woman into a certain category early on. That's why I've never believed that men need years upon years of dating or living together in order to figure out if he wants to marry you or not.
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This and me neither. I'm suspicious of it actually because a man who truly wants a woman will not hesitate to marry her. There's no questions or doubts.
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
That's why I've never believed that men need years upon years of dating or living together in order to figure out if he wants to marry you or not. I get the feeling though that just because start off as a placeholder, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are doomed to stay in that category forever.
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Crystalicequeen123 said:
I think it's hard for a man to respect you after he knows you've taken so much disrespect in the past.
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I completely agree. :yep:
 
Kimbosheart said:
My cousin and I took a stab at answering the question about what makes us special.

My answer:
I can say all these things: I'm curious, always learning and creating and trying new things. I'm decisive which actually makes me very laid back. I've been called aloof or snobbish which I don't mind because it's fun to watch people react to me. I would do anything for my family and true friends. I'm a little different day to day depending on what I need to do or where my interests take me. It's what makes me difficult to define and hard to resist. But I think the better response is to ask you why should I give you a chance to learn what's so special about me?

My cousins answer:
I can't say what makes me special. It depends on what you perceive as special. I think everyone think they are special or unique because of certain traits they say they possess. So I think that is a question another person would have to answer, I can only show you how special I am.

I just thought this was a fun little exercise I'd share.
Click to expand...
nlamr2013 said:
I think yall may have missed the point.
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I agree. The point of answering this question is not about trying to impress him with your deep thinking, fancy word play, unique features or what you think sets you apart from other women. The point Lambert is making is don't bother answer that question in a typical way. Plenty of women would answer the question the same way y'all did. Typical. So what sets you apart then? If he asks what makes you special, you smile, look him dead in the eyes and say in your most confident tone: "Excuse me? I'm the sh*t! What do YOU bring the table that other typical nigg*s haven't tried to impress me with before?" It's not your job to impress him. It's HIS job to impress you!
 
caribeandiva said:
I agree. The point of answering this question is not about trying to impress him with your deep thinking, fancy word play, unique features or what you think sets you apart from other women. The point Lambert is making is don't bother answer that question in a typical way. Plenty of women would answer the question the same way y'all did. Typical. So what sets you apart then? If he asks what makes you special, you smile, look him dead in the eyes and say in your most confident tone: "Excuse me? I'm the sh*t! What do YOU bring the table that other typical nigg*s haven't tried to impress me with before?" It's not your job to impress him. It's HIS job to impress you!
Click to expand...

Right and I agree, but you both missed my point in why I would ask that after reading part 1 and as I progress through the book a second time. A man is still going to ask you the question and you will still be compelled to answer. So how is your answer evolving, or does your confidence ring true?

Plot twist my cousin is a man and definitely a reformed player. He said he always asks and gets the typical answers and saying outright I'm the ish, won't come off well. A woman has to exude it, it has to radiate from her being. There was a bit of the bolded at the end of my reply but it's not quite as challenging as it could be.

The next questions from the book, if anyone cares to take a stab at it: What do you want? What are you looking for? - I feel that one problem that stops a would be Spartan is we aren't clear on what we want so when we do get male attention its easy to get distracted and caught up in the moment since we don't have a true long-term goal in mind. If we did, it'd be a lot easier to stay focused on making him prove to us that he is worthy of our time and attention.
 
Adonia1987 said:
@Kimbosheart @caribeandiva Why not just smile and say something like: "that's for you to find out". I've never been asked that question and even if I was I wouldn't answer it.
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That's a good answer.

My point in the exercise was not to develop a script per se. That's going ring just as false. But I don't believe that any one of us is going to respond "I'm the Ish...what makes you so special?" but even if we did (that's cool) we won't do that right away. This thread blew up at the end of last week, I don't for one second believe that after a quick read or listen a switch was turned on with our confidence and years of weak/typical programming was erased. Well, maybe for some but definitely not for me. I remember a point where I had supreme confidence and I remember exactly when I lost it. I'm not trying to make his teachings complicated but since I find them useful and they feel right, I'm trying to put them into practice.
 
Kimbosheart said:
That's a good answer.

My point in the exercise was not to develop a script per se. That's going ring just as false. But I don't believe that any one of us is going to respond "I'm the Ish...what makes you so special?" but even if we did (that's cool) we won't do that right away. This thread blew up at the end of last week, I don't for one second believe that after a quick read or listen a switch was turned on with our confidence and years of weak/typical programming was erased. Well, maybe for some but definitely not for me. I remember a point where I had supreme confidence and I remember exactly when I lost it. I'm not trying to make his teachings complicated but since I find them useful and they feel right, I'm trying to put them into practice.
Click to expand...

I haven't read the book and I agree with you that it will take a lot more time and work to build confidence.
 
Kimbosheart said:
Right and I agree, but you both missed my point in why I would ask that after reading part 1 and as I progress through the book a second time. A man is still going to ask you the question and you will still be compelled to answer. So how is your answer evolving, or does your confidence ring true?

Plot twist my cousin is a man and definitely a reformed player. He said he always asks and gets the typical answers and saying outright I'm the ish, won't come off well. A woman has to exude it, it has to radiate from her being. There was a bit of the bolded at the end of my reply but it's not quite as challenging as it could be.

The next questions from the book, if anyone cares to take a stab at it: What do you want? What are you looking for? - I feel that one problem that stops a would be Spartan is we aren't clear on what we want so when we do get male attention its easy to get distracted and caught up in the moment since we don't have a true long-term goal in mind. If we did, it'd be a lot easier to stay focused on making him prove to us that he is worthy of our time and attention.
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If a dude I'm dating is asking me what's so special about me he can catch a quick fade. I've never had that happen before though. How disrespectful.

As far as what I want I honestly don't think I've dated enough to articulate
Because my non negotiables be petty more than anything else nothing that would sustain a marriage long term
 
Layluh said:
I've never been asked that question. **** is this a job interview? I'd laugh it off. He can't be serious
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Yup.

"You saw something special, we're here! I dont know about you, but I'm about to have a good time," as I sip a glass of wine.


I'm not about to run my credentials off. LOL that's lame af on a date. I'm only there to have a good time. Show me you can provide one.
 
nlamr2013 said:
If a dude I'm dating is asking me what's so special about me he can catch a quick fade. I've never had that happen before though. How disrespectful.

As far as what I want I honestly don't think I've dated enough to articulate
Because my non negotiables be petty more than anything else nothing that would sustain a marriage long term
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I've never been asked directly to be honest but that is the whole point of the first few dates. It's like you're being asked indirectly. Which is my guess why the author spends time on building your brand as you build your confidence.

Now the men I've been talking to, including my cousin say that's the one thing they are trying to figure out since they are spending money and time on this chase.
 
So has anyone of us here been asked that question before though: "What's so special about you? Or what do you bring to the table?" I honestly haven't. At least not point blank. About 2 months ago this dude was trying to figure out all about me -- through texts of all things! He was asking all about my education, background, personality etc... I told him to go first so he wrote my several paragraphs about his accomplishments etc... I fell for it and told him all about mine but he had more questions. I politely told him I had to go cuz I'm busy and that's when he asked me out (which never panned out btw). Now that I know better, I'll do better. :yep:
 
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Personally, I doubt "we're here" on a first date especially. A smile, pretty face and boobs is a pretty low bar and I may have just been in the mood for a free meal and entertainment.

But if it's possible he's got something in him that matches what I want, I want to make sure I'm exuding my answer. I haven't dated in years but I do think it should be an interview for both parties
 
caribeandiva said:
So has anyone of us here been asked that question before though: "What's so special about you? Or what do you bring to the table?" I honestly haven't.
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You've (universal) been asked and found lacking. If you've ever dated a guy you liked and thought had potential and he faded you.

He's probably smart enough to not say the exact words "what makes you so special?"
 
Kimbosheart said:
I've never been asked directly to be honest but that is the whole point of the first few dates. It's like you're being asked indirectly. Which is my guess why the author spends time on building your brand as you build your confidence.

Now the men I've been talking to, including my cousin say that's the one thing they are trying to figure out since they are spending money and time on this chase.
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*shrugs* OK sis you may definitely be right but what's special about me naturally comes out its not something I have to think about
 
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