"men Dont Love Women Like You"

Whooo lawwwwd........ (This is going to be lengthy lol....But I just HAVE to let this out!)

Ladies, I got into Chapter 6 last night, and even though I haven't finished the chapter yet, I feel like I have been "reborn". I went and strutted into work this morning you hear me??? LOL! :lachen:


I'm like: "Ladies and Gentlemen.....The Queen Has Arrived...." :yep:


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This chapter is SO on point it's not even funny. Of course I already knew from "The Secret" and LOA that your THOUGHTS create your reality, but he went into that a little deeper on a RELATIONSHIP scale and it really hit home for me.

I haven't even finished reading this chapter, but already I'm kicking myself for all of the "weak-minded" thoughts I have had in the past, and I haven't even finished the chapter yet! :kick: It's like, I finally see so CLEARLY just how self-defeatists my thoughts were....and oddly enough, I never really noticed it until now! :eek:

Thoughts like:
  • "Hmm...I wonder if he likes me?"
  • "what can I do to make him like/notice me?"
  • "well if he's not interested then it's HIS loss..." :look:
  • "why am I still single?"
  • "how can I compete with other women?"
  • "of course black women aren't touted as the 'standard of beauty'....":blah: :blah:
Yea well...... NO MORE!!!

No more playing second fiddle. No more being just the "co-star" or doubting myself. I should be the leading lady in my own freakin' life for goodness sakes! :pyro:

I also loved the part where he talks about not worrying about what you see in the mirror....the men in "YOUR world" love you just the way you are. I LOVE it! :grin: :grin:

Now days, people in my life will either be for my entertainment or will be peasants there to please me lol. If someone doesn't measure up, well then I have no use for them. WOW.....it's like I'm coming in with a completely DIFFERENT mind-set! I can see how if you were to just read Chapter 6 every single morning, and really imbed that thinking inside ("Goddess Consciousness"), a woman would be UNstoppable!

Omg...I feel like I'm having the epiphany of the century lol. :lachen: NOW I feel like I finally know what they mean by a man loves a woman with CONFIDENCE. These other books only merely state the term, and give some fluff advice on how to be "confident", but it's simply just touching the precipice. I never felt 100% satisfied with the descriptions they would give about a confident woman. And at times I would be bordering arrogance. But now I see, it's not about arrogance. Or conceit. NOW I realize that it's a totally different mindset. And when you put on the mindset of a QUEEN, it's so easy to project that confidence, self-assured-ness, and "it factor". :yep: :up: I can easily see now how if I walked into a room/a date/a party/down the street with THIS mentality?? I would project a definite different type of energy and vibe. :yep:


All those times when I would wonder if a guy was interested in me, or try to make sure I didn't "offend" in order to keep him interested and not running away....HA!!!! Gone are those days lol. :lol: When you're a "Queen" or a "Spartan", you don't worry whether or not a man stays. And if a man isn't interested in you, then you don't have any use for him in "your world". He was just a measly peasant anyway.....take him away! :lachen:


Boy.... This chapter also makes me so sad in a way because I can see so clearly now how all of the negative statistics and imagery about black women has basically kept a lot of us single, doubting ourselves, feeling unworthy, etc. This also led me to another epiphany (if you will).... Since this is "MY life", and "MY world", and I am the ruler of my world and kingdom :giggle: , I don't feel the need to give any attention to, acknowledgment, or thought to any of the negative statistics about bw being "always single", nor the negative imagery about bw being "unfeminine", "the least desired on OKcupid", "too dark", "too nappy", "too [insert whatever here :rolleyes:]". Yea well....NO MORE. I won't even give those negative articles or statistics any thought or care in the world...not in MY Kingdom. :nono2: "OFF with their heads!!!"


Am I the only one who also came to that epiphany????
 
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Kalia1 said:
I could just kick myself:badidea: I didn't realize when you "loan" a title via Kindle that you are no longer able to read the title on yours :confused: well I loaned the book and now I have to wait until my friend finishes.

I'm tempted to tell her to release it but that would be rude :look: wouldn't it.
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No. It's your book. Yall not getting this spartan up thing I see. Your friend should be fine giving your book back until you finish. Cause it's yours.

Yall I'm getting better at not letting my weak bih thoughts cloud my mind lol the other day I almost didn't do something cause I didn't want the other women at my work to judge my motives. But then I was like wayment I don't care about them bops. Lol
 
Supeervixen said:
Wth?!? That's BS!

I don't have time to sit and read with 2 under 2. Listening is the best I can do.

Do I need to Spartan up and write a dirty email and Amazon review? (After one chapter that's MY definition of Spartaning up :look::spinning:)
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Lol he said he wanted women to focus on building themselves and dating properly before jumping into relationships or trying to use spartan tips on their basica relationship then complaining to him that it doesn't work.

Black Ambrosia said:
How long are the bonus chapters? Can someone summarize them?
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There is only 1 bonus chapter. It's on the audio version. It's called how to spartan up in 3 days or something like that OK I found a pic there's 2 bonus chapters
Spartan-Audio-Package.JPG

The first one about mixed signals was on his website long ago but he may have removed it now the second is on the audio book. You can get both with a package lol he hustling I see
 
I went thru the Audible book and I'm going thru it again. I'm back on chapter 4. I need a swift kick in the but! This man knows his stuff. He describes a man I dated. This 'boyfriend' played the waiting game and said he was taking his time with me. He took me on dates spending money, attended b-day parties, sporting events, comedy clubs, dinner, and long hours at my house talking and watching tv, etc. After 2 months I was ready to jump his bones because I felt I needed to lock him down. I was playing checkers, but he was playing chess! Geesh! After about 5 months of dating, he slowly stopped communicating without a reason that I saw. It was all about sex afterall. You see, Lambert says this is a game men play to get 'boyfriend' benefits and for you to happily give up the box, but you are just a Placeholder. You are not the Game Changer for them.

Men with substance don't like easy women or bottom of the barrel even for dating. You are a cute, nice, loving, respectful, career-oriented woman but they don't see you as long-term. You are no different from all the other women they date, and they will move on after a few months or even a few years. You are basic!! Ouch!!!!
 
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Y'all I am in Spain and spent the day devouring this book by the pool. Omg! I swore off relationship books years ago but this book is a life changer. I'm going to have to give it a re-read when I go home, but generally it has been validating so many things that I started doing lately, purely out of the desire to increase my self love. I am loving it! Great thread!!
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
Boy.... This chapter also makes me so sad in a way because I can see so clearly now how all of the negative statistics and imagery about black women has basically kept a lot of us single, doubting ourselves, feeling unworthy, etc. This also led me to another epiphany (if you will).... Since this is "MY life", and "MY world", and I am the ruler of my world and kingdom :giggle: , I don't feel the need to give any attention to, acknowledgment, or thought to any of the negative statistics about bw being "always single", nor the negative imagery about bw being "unfeminine", "the least desired on OKcupid", "too dark", "too nappy", "too [insert whatever here :rolleyes:]". Yea well....NO MORE. I won't even give those negative articles or statistics any thought or care in the world...not in MY Kingdom. :nono2: "OFF with their heads!!!"


Am I the only one who also came to that epiphany????
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highlighted is why I hate that in the entertainment forum they are always posting those articles. Who cares what these people have to say!!!!
 
Kalia1 said:
I could just kick myself:badidea: I didn't realize when you "loan" a title via Kindle that you are no longer able to read the title on yours :confused: well I loaned the book and now I have to wait until my friend finishes.

I'm tempted to tell her to release it but that would be rude :look: wouldn't it.
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Spartan up babay! Get your book back and loan it later or not. Not your problem or issue:). That's not being mean. That's taking care of you and letting a grown woman take care of herself.
 
I'm enjoying the book and taking it slow so I can really absorb the info.

It is really lighting a fire under me to take some accountability and not act like a game piece in life that other people (man, fam, coworker) move forward and back, put down or dust off at will. I'm rolling my own dice and making the moves I want to make.
 
caribeandiva said:
Men simply don't care about accomplishments. They care about personality.
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I've been lurking in this thread but I wanted to say that I met a man a while back that told me this flat out. He said I'm successful. I don't need a woman as successful or accomplished as me. It's fine if she is but I don't need that. I don't need mental foreplay and all that other stuff. I want a woman I like and that I like being around. It sounded too simple to me and I was like :rolleyes: you say that now but... So I guess it's true.
 
KammyGirl said:
I've been lurking in this thread but I wanted to say that I met a man a while back that told me this flat out. He said I'm successful. I don't need a woman as successful or accomplished as me. It's fine if she is but I don't need that. I don't need mental foreplay and all that other stuff. I want a woman I like and that I like being around. It sounded too simple to me and I was like :rolleyes: you say that now but... So I guess it's true.
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I believe it...... :look:


We as women are the ones usually looking for all of that stuff (good job, intelligence, stability, success, etc), because those signify to us what WE desire most....protection, support, and certainty/reliability. Men don't seem to crave those things...no offense. If anything, they crave more spontaneity and UNpredictability more than they crave stability and "certainty". To them that's "boring". Think of what entices little boys. All the "adventures" they like to go on and the danger they like to experience. :yep:

That's why women who can "keep them on their toes" are so attractive to them. They are unpredictable. They're not the "common basica chick". Those women are different. The man doesn't know what to expect w/her. But when he can figure you out???? It's like....womp womp.... :ohwell:
 
BK Bombshell said:
The decision to look for other qualities IS simple for them. We're wired differently and most of the healthy men I've met do NOT want a woman who does everything for them. That's what women value because we see giving as love, but depending on what the woman is doing, it can be seen as emasculating. We like to give and receive gifts, but I've never seen a man cry or have a meltdown because a woman forgot his birthday or an anniversary. It's a turnoff for them when you're doing everything for them, especially when they know they're not reciprocating (which is usually the case in relationships when the woman is trying to do everything.) They'll take it, but it doesn't make them think "Ah, they really love me, I should commit."

The woman who's not as emotionally invested gives them the mental acrobatics and thrill of the chase that makes them feel like they've accomplished something every time they "conquer" her by keeping her. Men don't necessarily like *****y women, but they love women that keep them on their toes. We want certainty, they like a little bit of chaos.

We think men SHOULD want what we want, but they just plain don't. And if we persist in operating from that vantage point, we will continue to have problems understanding why they do what they do. They might not even be able to understand why, but since we can only control our own actions, if you (general you) see that something is consistently NOT appreciated, then just stop doing it. Accept what is. As Marlo (The Wire) once said "You want things to be one way, but it's the other way."

And as for choosing compatibility and comfort over "happiness" I can't blame anyone for wanting to be happy. I want all three. However, if I can only have one, I'll take happiness without hesitation.
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BOOM!

You hit the nail on the head girl....
 
BK Bombshell said:
...
We think men SHOULD want what we want, but they just plain don't. And if we persist in operating from that vantage point, we will continue to have problems understanding why they do what they do. They might not even be able to understand why, but since we can only control our own actions, if you (general you) see that something is consistently NOT appreciated, then just stop doing it. Accept what is. As Marlo (The Wire) once said "You want things to be one way, but it's the other way."..
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Men are NOT hairy women. That's a Allison Armstrong teaching. #TheQueensCode
 
Belle Du Jour said:
I started skimming the sample of this book on Amazon but the language was turning me off...But many of the ladies from the femininity and TQC thread are here posting rave reviews. Wondering if I should just clutch the pearls and just read it anyway? :look: :lol:
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Consider this book the precursor of TQC. After you get your mindset right THEN you can work on understanding the man who's lucky enough to be chosen by you.
 
KiSseS03 said:
Y'all I am in Spain and spent the day devouring this book by the pool. Omg! I swore off relationship books years ago but this book is a life changer. I'm going to have to give it a re-read when I go home, but generally it has been validating so many things that I started doing lately, purely out of the desire to increase my self love. I am loving it! Great thread!!
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I'm in Hawaii right now doing the same on the beach when I'm not in the water LOL. When I get back home, it's ON!!!

caribeandiva said:
My supervisor at work said something slick to me. Old me would let it go. Spartan me gave it right back to her! No if, and or buts about it! That's what Lambert meant about this book not being about how to find love. It's a life makeover! Spartan up babee!!
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OMG me too! This book is inspiring to pursue my career with the same Spartan attitude as I am my love life. Perfect timing because I've made a big career decision which will be my focus when I get home.

@Crystalicequeen123 I had a similar revelation. It's about to be a whole new ScorpioQueen09 and the world better get used to it!

If anyone has a synopsis of the 5 signs a man is giving mixed signals, please post. I got the book on kindle but I'm curious what the bonus chapters say.:look:
 
ScorpioBeauty09 said:
I'm in Hawaii right now doing the same on the beach when I'm not in the water LOL. When I get back home, it's ON!!!


OMG me too! This book is inspiring to pursue my career with the same Spartan attitude as I am my love life. Perfect timing because I've made a big career decision which will be my focus when I get home.

@Crystalicequeen123 I had a similar revelation. It's about to be a whole new ScorpioQueen09 and the world better get used to it!

If anyone has a synopsis of the 5 signs a man is giving mixed signals, please post. I got the book on kindle but I'm curious what the bonus chapters say.:look:
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The 5 signs is in the hardcopy
 
"Ask not what you can do for a man, but what a man can do for you. That should be a motto to live by for progressive women, but how many of you actually practice that?"


Dang it LHCF! I just spent money again!! After reading the sample (excellent btw!!), I purchased the hard cover due to the extra chapters
 
So I couldn't resist and downloaded the sample. He's hilarious. I'll download the book :)

Some parts of the first chapter didn't resonate with me as much because I never felt special simply because I had degrees *shrugs*. If anything, I've been told that having advanced degrees was more likely to scare men off. So I started to keep my PhD grind to myself. Perhaps it's those ***hole LA dudes, or parents who focused too much on humility, but the message my whole life was essentially "you ain't special" (because of looks, or intelligence, etc). But I loooove everything else in this book. I wish I read it came out years ago.
 
Only thing I dont like about Audible is that I cant find my way back to the chapter I want. I go into the chapter section pick the one I want and it will say another one.
 
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