'marrying Down' Costs Educated Women $25k A Year

[qchelle]

Oh, you were just throwing an arbitrary $40k number out there. Ohhhh ok. So he does make more. And will continue to.

Ok. I'm gonna go with that



He's cute! He'll fit right in here in the dmv.

 

[Rastafarai]

I may be comparing apples to oranges, though. According to this thread ladies are willing to work with a man making that 40k-60k salary. I was thinking decent salary was at least 100k. In that regard, I guess my friend may just make the cut with his starting 40k-60k salary. In his and my world (black graduate professionals in pursuit of business and law degrees), anything below 100k is considered unacceptable. I thought LHCF held similar standards. I guess not.

 

[silverbuttons]

Does shehave children with him? I feel like THATS when real life starts.

Shed have to go into more detail regarding her definition of good

No babies.
Regular basic definition. "He's working towards something"

 

[Fifty&Fab]

Are you trying to be contrary (no offense), because that is not what people have said. In fact, several people have said evaluate a person based upon their credentials. I'm not sure why this is hard to understand.

He does. He was able to raise well over $13 million for an organization. He does many speech engagements, is asked to be guest speaker at events, and teaches federal income tax in local communities. But according to LHCF....

 

[qchelle]

Well, im 26 and make low 6figs and I know EYE would not date a man making 40-60k. If I made 40-60k I probably would tho. You said starting salary, so he's a recent grad? I mean that's a good starting salary in lots of fields. But you made it seem like he has no intention of ever increasing his salary lol. He will, and then he can get married

 

[MzRhonda]

I think this needs to be unpacked more. If all you ever knew was getting by (struggling), because that's all you witnessed growing up, how do you break out of that paradigm? There's so much that comes into play that I think we don't consider.

I grew up in a working middle class family and one of the things my mom taught me was that she chose my dad because he was loyal to the bone and a hard working man. She had tons of suitors but specifically chose him because she knew he would break his back to give her a better life, which he did. Dad came to the states in 79, set up shop and filed for my mom to get here in late 81. Almost 40 years later, I can honestly say that my mom made an excellent choice. The takeaways from that have been priceless for me because I unapologetically know I'm valuable and what to look for in a man to bring home to my parents, specifically mom. When she met my current boyfriend, she gave me her approval speech and grin.

This is me as well......my mom was college educated my dad dropped out of school (all of his brothers did) so that their sisters could continue and go on to college....the boys worked the farm........my dad was hard working, loyal and we wanted for nothing.....I went to private school and on to college....my mom got into hotel/restaurant management and due to that business there were spurts of unemployment (short spurts) due to new ownership bringing in their own people...we never missed a beat during those times. I in turn looked for someone with my dads traits and qualities, my mom and dad loved my husband when they met him as my boyfriend. I was making more than him and had a college degree...he did not....he now makes more than me and has his masters after 23 years of marriage and I was able to make a career change and I love him for affording me the opportunity to now do what I love no matter the income.

 

[beingofserenity]

He's cute and I'd date him. I think you should take his picture down. I would be so pissed off if someone put my picture on a message board so a bunch of people could disect me.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

I may be comparing apples to oranges, though. According to this thread ladies are willing to work with a man making that 40k-60k salary. I was thinking decent salary was at least 100k. In that regard, I guess my friend may just make the cut with his starting 40k-60k salary. In his and my world (black graduate professionals in pursuit of business and law degrees), anything below 100k is considered unacceptable. I thought LHCF held similar standards. I guess not.

I took nap and woke up to wha...either the man can afford a wife or he can't...40-60k with all those degrees im going to go with he can't.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

He does. He was able to raise well over $13 million for an organization. He does many speech engagements, is asked to be guest speaker at events, and teaches federal income tax in local communities. But according to LHCF....

According to me he can't even afford to date a women 25-29. I'm still curious about his student loan debt, that could be a serious deal breaker.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I took nap and woke up to wha...either the man can afford a wife or he can't...40-60k with all those degrees im going to go with he can't.

yea man.

The most accomplished man I know can't afford a wife and he's a public figure.

He can't even afford me--I don't even have any money and I love him.

 

[DeepBluSea]

This is just my anecdotal humble opinion: but for every woman who doesn't want a blue collar brother there are 10 that do. Of that 10, 7 are pretty good women. The odds are still in their favor.

 

[greight]

This is just my anecdotal humble opinion: but for every woman who doesn't want a blue collar brother there are 10 that do. Of that 10, 7 are pretty good women. The odds are still in their favor.

Like, I'm trying to understand... Considering all the fatalism concerning professional black women never getting married, I'm wondering in what world is this 40-60k brother single? SERIOUSLY. I just don't understand?

There are some guys I know who are "woe-is-me" there are no good black women out there. Um. Negative. In the DMV? In NYC? These men are either picking women who are only 9.9's/10 or are just saying that so they don't have to commit to any women they are dating for now. "I haven't right one yet, but maybe it could be you..." is the new line to get women to lower their guards and panties since they, of course, think they may be the one who wins his heart.

Negative. You are number 5 in the rotation. I seen it with my own eyes.'

Now 40k-60k brotha may not be doing this at all. But I'm positive that black women in the age of BLM and community activism are not rejecting him en masse.

 

[yardyspice]

My opinion on this is evolving because I think it's easier to build wealth in a marriage and I don't want any women to miss out on that opportunity.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

And we're all in different states, so the $40-60k is subjective. Now I'm in rural Illinois....that salary is GOOD for a mid-20's recent graduate. He would be solid middle class.

But the ladies in Houston and DMV, NY, etc. that's not gonna do a THANG for them, honey. He could be working poor to lower class in their area.

 

[yardyspice]

And we're all in different states, so the $40-60k is subjective. Now I'm in rural Illinois....that salary is GOOD for a mid-20's recent graduate. He would be solid middle class.

But the ladies in Houston and DMV, NY, etc. that's not gonna do a THANG for them, honey. He could be working poor to lower class in their area.

I don't think the state matters. I'm still mulling this over b/c I am very classist and egregious and I could see where it would be problematic.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

And we're all in different states, so the $40-60k is subjective. Now I'm in rural Illinois....that salary is GOOD for a mid-20's recent graduate. He would be solid middle class.

But the ladies in Houston and DMV, NY, etc. that's not gonna do a THANG for them, honey. He could be working poor to lower class in their area.

The COL in Houston isn't all that high. A 26 yr old making $50k is doing just fine as long as they don't have too much debt. That's standard entry level BA/BS income.

 

[Fine 4s]

My understanding is that my mom left my dad after he stopped working for a long time. Wall Street, both Harvard educated etc. Did this cause some psychological damage to me, their only daughter, yes.
Point is, SOMETIMES there are consequences to consider that surpass money.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I don't think the state matters. I'm still mulling this over b/c I am very classist and egregious and I could see where it would be problematic.

The state definetly matters.

Women in the DMV should have higher standards than the rest of the country,

DMV:
1. Wealthiest black population
2. MD is the wealthiest and most educated state.
3. There are more millionaires within 50 miles of DC than there are within 500 miles of Houston. I know this because I've checked into it more than once.

 

[Fine 4s]

So many variables, industry, degree, demand for that degree, name of University, COL in the state etc. will determine what is good living wage and what is not. All factor in. My guess is that most in this threaddon't represent the average BW income.

I have an earthy crunchy spirit so I'm OK living in a shack. I've also learned that it's not how much you make, but how much you get to keep.

 

[Enyo]

And we're all in different states, so the $40-60k is subjective. Now I'm in rural Illinois....that salary is GOOD for a mid-20's recent graduate. He would be solid middle class.

But the ladies in Houston and DMV, NY, etc. that's not gonna do a THANG for them, honey. He could be working poor to lower class in their area.

Agreed. On Oahu, you can get public housing if you make under $54k. http://www.hpha.hawaii.gov/faqs/publichousing.html

 

[Seraphina]

Boom!!!!

I was waiting for the bus. and the single mother to be thrown under it. LHCF never disappoints!!

In case this was directed at me...I didn't bring that up to throw them under the bus. I brought it up because I'm so over these fake-deep guys on the internet clearly projecting their anger onto black women while never mentioning the black men that left. And I'm over it. I have yet to meet this type of dude who had a full-time, engaged father in his life who also treated his mother well.

 

[Seraphina]

My understanding is that my mom left my dad after he stopped working for a long time. Wall Street, both Harvard educated etc. Did this cause some psychological damage to me, their only daughter, yes.
Point is, SOMETIMES there are consequences to consider that surpass money.

Of course. But I think this is more about black women choosing future husbands who have similar financial goals and vision and not so much about what to do once you're already married and there are children in the picture.

 

[yaya24]

The state definetly matters.

Women in the DMV should have higher standards than the rest of the country,

DMV:
1. Wealthiest black population
2. MD is the wealthiest and most educated state.
3. There are more millionaires within 50 miles of DC than there are within 500 miles of Houston. I know this because I've checked into it more than once.

Thats interesting and sounds very legit.

I'd rather take a well rounded $80ker than a $200k mess.

Lets grow together.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

The COL in Houston isn't all that high. A 26 yr old making $50k is doing just fine as long as they don't have too much debt. That's standard entry level BA/BS income.

Not bad. It's about ~$35k here.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

I think that would be fine if something happened with the financial situation when you're already married. However, when you're looking for a husband or a life partner, you shouldn't be looking for someone who will force you to downgrade. This is your children's future we're talking about, your old age, your own possibilities to live a good life.

Dollars need to be one criterion for selecting a mate, however cold it sounds. A marriage is built on many pillars, finances is one of them.

Preach.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

This is why marriages go bad IMO. People focus on love so much that the actual component of adulting within a marriage gets neglected.

Love is not now--nor has it ever been--enough to make a marriage work. It is foundational for sure but there are other important elements. We understood that culturally before dating culture began and people starting chasing an emotional high that doesn't last.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Love is not now--nor has it ever been--enough to make a marriage work. It is foundational for sure but there are other important elements. We understood that culturally before dating culture began and people starting chasing an emotional high that doesn't last.

Yep the groundwork needs to be there and you need the shared vision to see a marriage through decades.

 

[Brownie]

This brother, below, is a dear friend of mine. He has a great number of degrees, a Morehouse graduate, but is another Obama in the making. He isn't going to be making the bank and he doesn't care about the money, though, desires to be with a black woman only. According to this thread, marrying this brother will be marrying down on the basis of his salary alone and desire to pursue a career that doesn't pay a six-figure salary, even though he has such options easily. I find that ridiculous.

*

Although I value education, there are some people with alphabets behind their names because they like being professional students....I agree with those who said he could easily marry someone whose pay matches his (teacher, some nurses, etc). A man shouldn't expect a high earner woman to provide for him the lifestyle he's not willing to get for himself.

 

[Starbucks]

Its this kind of thinking that keeps our women getting played. Steve Harvey had a woman to hold him down but look at who reaps the benefits now. Same old story and it rarely ends well for the women who waste their time holding a brother down.

I’m not sure who Tyler Perry or Chris Gardner were romantically linked to when they were broke. But I know that Steve Harvey left his wife when he got money and has now upgraded to the chick he always wanted but couldn’t afford. So yes, it is black and white.

If all of this isn't the truth, I don't know what is. It's very sad to look at it straight and admit it, but sorry that it's exactly what happened.

This reminds me of a very sweet-natured poster practically begging young girls not to fall for it get played. I've never forgotten her post because it was so on-point and sincere:

I wish these young girls out here would listen to this..b/c this is the biggest way we get bamboozled. I don't care what anyone says..men do not want women who have seen them at their lowest. Their egos cannot handle it. The "ride or die mentality" is pure bs..and most men deep down know it as well. This is why they go off and get someone else as soon as soon as they come up. The new woman will only have known him in the image he wants her to see; successful, confident, a winner. But you as the ride or die, are a constant reminder of his shortcomings.

Women we expect our ability to "help" to be rewarded, men just don't operate like that. Matter of fact, the more "help" you offer a man, the more likely he will resent you for it, even while taking the help being offered.

 

[Starbucks]

I have had this conversation IRL and it often goes the same way.

1.Talk about exceptions.
2.Dismiss the rule.
3.Do stupid stuff.
4.Lead a crappy life.
5. Try to boohoo to Kanky and get feelings hurt.

Welp.