Locked his butt out

[pattyr5]

Ok so my live in boyfriend and I had a fight today over some chick that he used to mess with. I am not comfortable with that relationship and let him know it's not okay with me. He says he's not gonna interact with her or any of his former sex partners (the harem is what I called them).

This fool goes on Facebook and posts something saying that he can only be friend with them and hang out if I let him then proceeds to changed his user name to Emasculated. So of coarse I look like a controlling insecure ***!! But guess what else he does? At 12:30 AM he just decides to walk out without saying a word. I'm not gonna say anything about it. I'll let the chained up door speak for itself.

 

[nappystorm]

Ok so my live in boyfriend and I had a fight today over some chick that he used to mess with. I am not comfortable with that relationship and let him know it's not okay with me. He says he's not gonna interact with her or any of his former sex partners (the harem is what I called them).

This fool goes on Facebook and posts something saying that he can only be friend with them and hang out if I let him then proceeds to changed his user name to Emasculated. So of coarse I look like a controlling insecure ***!! But guess what else he does? At 12:30 AM he just decides to walk out without saying a word. I'm not gonna say anything about it. I'll let the chained up door speak for itself.

Woooowwww!!!!!

 

[Supervixen]

ummm.

*popcorn*

 

[yardyspice]

I need to be in the relationships section more. Good going OP! Now move home to your parents and wait for the right man to come along.

 

[pattyr5]

I need to be in the relationships section more. Good going OP! Now move home to your parents and wait for the right man to come along.

This is MY apartment, lol. And I am much too grown to be playing games or moving back to my parents. Did I mention that this fool moved in with me only 9 days ago???

 

[Evo-ny]

Good going, girl!

 

[TamedTresses]

He may soon be changing his name from Emasculated to Evicted.

 

[nelcoy]

Are you ready for the drama when he comes back? Him banging on your door. Neighbors in your business. Cops probably getting involved. According to Judge Judy, it is kinda illegal to lock out a tenet without proper notice. (If he is living in your house/apt , then he is legally a tenet.) If the place is in his name or both of yours, then that's still wrong.

 

[carcajada]

This story is all levels of immature - from the interaction with the exes, to facebook, to locking him out. Y'all need to really hash this out in person. His reaction goes to show you how much he doesn't respect your opinion and how clouded his judgement is. Why would he want to have interactions with his former sex partners unless he is leaving a crack of opprotunity open for later use? There's no good reason for that. And with you, locking the door out of retaliation doesn't help. He won't get whatever point you want him to. He'll most likely label you as crazy and controlling. The facebook thing is tacky on his part. Any problems between you two need to stay "in house." it's much easier to resolve conflict in private. That's my 2cents.

 

[Oasis]

@ Emasculated.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Soooo.... Any update? Op are you ok? I'm all for reading about drama and everything but in situations like this things can get ugly and dangerous real quick.

 

[LushLox]

Facebook has a lot to answer for...

 

[libertysince05]

This situation sucks.
Why are both of you behaving with such immaturity?
You:1.asking to stop talking to all his ex's (and calling them 'the harem', WTH?erplexed), a grown up accepts that everyone has a past, so rather than asking him to stop all contact you should ask that he change the manner and tone of communication. They're not together for a reason, and since until now you've been together, its safe to say he chose you above them.
2. locking him out
Him: Not telling you how he truly feels, and posting stuff on facebook for the whole world to see...idiocy!
Try and talk things out, if the relationship is not right so be it, but try and me more mature about it.
I hope the update is more positive than the OP.

 

[nappystorm]

This situation sucks.
Why are both of you behaving with such immaturity?
You:1.asking to stop talking to all his ex's (and calling them 'the harem', WTH?erplexed), a grown up accepts that everyone has a past, so rather than asking him to stop all contact you should ask that he change the manner and tone of communication. They're not together for a reason, and since until now you've been together, its safe to say he chose you above them.
2. locking him out
Him: Not telling you how he truly feels, and posting stuff on facebook for the whole world to see...idiocy!
Try and talk things out, if the relationship is not right so be it, but try and me more mature about it.
I hope the update is more positive than the OP.

libertysince05 Why is it unreasonable to ask him to stop communicating with people he had previously slept with? I don't think this is an unreasonable request (if there are no children involved) especially if the relationship is serious. I would do it in a heartbeat for a S/O I was serious about.

 

[libertysince05]

@libertysince05 Why is it unreasonable to ask him to stop communicating with people he had previously slept with? I don't think this is an unreasonable request (if there are no children involved) especially if the relationship is serious. I would do it in a heartbeat for a S/O I was serious about.

nappystorm I find it unreasonable because if he was in a relationship with these women its possible they developed a friendship, you dont dump your friends everytime you get someone new in your life. OP does not have the right to reorganise the people in his life, should he ask that she doesnt talk to any of her ex's?
I'm friends with most of my ex's, we went through stuff together so that made us close but we are also very aware that we dont work together so there are no feelings, the tone of our relationship is different to what it was but we're friends who occasionally drink together and introduce each others SO.

 

[awhyley]

Facebook has a lot to answer for...

Facebook isn't the issue here. He should have told her how he felt instead of airing their business out on the street like that.

 

[nappystorm]

@nappystorm I find it unreasonable because if he was in a relationship with these women its possible they developed a friendship, you dont dump your friends everytime you get someone new in your life. OP does not have the right to reorganise the people in his life, should he ask that she doesnt talk to any of her ex's?
I'm friends with most of my ex's, we went through stuff together so that made us close but we are also very aware that we dont work together so there are no feelings, the tone of our relationship is different to what it was but we're friends who occasionally drink together and introduce each others SO.

We are not talking about platonic friends, we are talking about exes. There's a difference*IMO* It's one thing if it's your ex from Jr High and all you've every done was converse over the phone but someone you've seen naked? Nah, son.

I'm friends with a few exes too but they know I will dump them in a NY minute if the right man comes along **and requests me to do so** and vice versa. We've actually had these conversations. My relationship with my current mate will always take priority over someone I used to screw and I expect the same.

I'm not trying to be argumentative but I've seen so many people risk or ruin an otherwise decent relationship just to maintain contact with an ex that they claim they no longer have feelings for. I never understood it.

 

[nelcoy]

libertysince05 I personally don't mind my man being cordial with his ex's. But I'll be %@^* if they are out chilling or having long conversations on the phone all the time. I have met my man's ex's also, but we both have limitations on how close we can be with our ex's.
nappystorm I have asked him to not to talk to the ones that I can tell have a hidden agenda.

 

[nappystorm]

@libertysince05 I personally don't mind my man being cordial with his ex's. But I'll be %@^* if they are out chilling or having long conversations on the phone all the time. I have met my man's ex's also, but we both have limitations on how close we can be with our ex's.
@nappystorm I have asked him to not to talk to the ones that I can tell have a hidden agenda.

I don't mind him being cordial, cool, or FB buddies either but I don't do "meet the exes" gatherings (what's the point, really?) and exes will not be allowed at the weddings(Y'all saw the episode of A Different World ). Maybe that's why I stan for Andre's verse on this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awMIbA34MT8

 

[libertysince05]

@libertysince05 I personally don't mind my man being cordial with his ex's. But I'll be %@^* if they are out chilling or having long conversations on the phone all the time. I have met my man's ex's also, but we both have limitations on how close we can be with our ex's.
@nappystorm I have asked him to not to talk to the ones that I can tell have a hidden agenda.

nelcoy i agree with you, which is why i say the tone of friendship/relationship you have with an ex is (has to be) different from when you were together.
nappystorm to me a friend is a friend regardless of how we met and if we ever exchanged bodily fluids or not.
I dont demand that people drop their friends for me, so i dont expect them demand it from me (this kind of stuff just breed resentment anyway).

 

[nelcoy]

I don't mind him being cordial, cool, or FB buddies either but I don't do "meet the exes" gatherings (what's the point, really?) and exes will not be allowed at the weddings(Y'all saw the episode of A Different World ). Maybe that's why I stan for Andre's verse on this song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awMIbA34MT8

Trust me it wasn't a ex meeting gathering!!! Long stories!!

 

[nappystorm]

@nelcoy i agree with you, which is why i say the tone of friendship/relationship you have with an ex is (has to be) different from when you were together.
@nappystorm to me a friend is a friend regardless of how we met and if we ever exchanged bodily fluids or not.
I dont demand that people drop their friends for me, so i dont expect them demand it from me (this kind of stuff just breed resentment anyway).

Wouldn't for me. I seriously can't think of one ex that I would choose over a FH or a DH . They are fun to dish the tea with and I care about them as people and everything but IDK I just I can't see myself being that loyal to an ex.

 

[nappystorm]

Trust me it wasn't a ex meeting gathering!!! Long stories!!

Oh okay.

I have a platonic friend who tells woman from the door that I'm his bestie and to take it or leave it. I told him I would immediately if someone came at me like that. Ironically, he said, "Me too". He eventually cut that mess out though. I guess he realized that while I'm a good friend, there's things that a wife and only a wife can bring. I wish a ninja would go that hard for a chick that's not related to him.

 

[january noir]

Nine days and already having issues? This is why my mother told me never to move in with a man who isn't your husband and never let a man move in with you. Period.

OP, however your relationship continues or not, consider him having his own place unless you are getting married, but considering his behavior, marriage to him would be fraught with DRAMA anyway and not a good idea.

 

[libertysince05]

Wouldn't for me. I seriously can't think of one ex that I would choose over a FH or a DH . They are fun to dish the tea with and I care about them as people and everything but IDK I just I can't see myself being that loyal to an ex.

nappystorm You may not feel resentful, but he might. This is not about choosing one or the other, its about not having a person dictate who you can or cant be friends with.
Its not loyalty to the ex, but loyalty to yourself and what friendship means to you...

 

[nappystorm]

@nappystorm You may not feel resentful, but he might. This is not about choosing one or the other, its about not having a person dictate who you can or cant be friends with.
Its not loyalty to the ex, but loyalty to yourself and what friendship means to you...

We will just have to agree to disagree on this one.

 

[LiftedUp]

How long have you guys been together. OP, you chose to be in a relationship with a man who has a past like that so you have to find a way in which you can trust him. It will be hard to believe that he is going change his personality and friendships overnight.

 

[LovinLocks]

This is MY apartment, lol. And I am much too grown to be playing games or moving back to my parents. Did I mention that this fool moved in with me only 9 days ago???

Ms. Patty . . . ?

You seem a reasonable woman. Have you come to the conclusion that perhaps (perhaps) it would be best for the two of you to have your own abodes in which to live? As humbly as I can I am submitting to you, my hair sister, that living as married without the benefit of marriage is not the way to go . . . especially for YOU, as a woman. I'm not gonna preach here, but I would be remiss to not have at least tried to pull your coat tail to a truth that you "may" have overlooked. You've been given a wake-up, a heads-up . . . ball is in your court. Yaw'll can wind up cool with each other at this point if YOU insist on doing what is universally correct.

Sista love for you,

LL (an older woman)

 

[libertysince05]

We will just have to agree to disagree on this one.

nappystorm fair enough

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

He may soon be changing his name from Emasculated to Evicted.

TamedTresses - lolololol u aint neva lied! You said a mouthful right there.

9 days and yall beefin?